by Lisa Carter
“It isn’t Daddy’s fault. It’s Victoria. She never—”
“Victoria might not have been the mother you wanted, AnnaBeth.” Deirdre raised her chin. “But Victoria was the mother you got. The mother God knew you needed. God doesn’t make mistakes.”
AnnaBeth shook her head.
“Her mothering may have sometimes been misguided over the years, but Victoria loves you, AnnaBeth. Yes, she made mistakes. But she did the best for you that she knew how.” Deirdre’s eyes flashed. “As do most mothers for their children. As one day, you’ll discover for yourself. You’re very like her. Did you know that?”
AnnaBeth recoiled. “I’m nothing like her.”
“You have her elegance. Her incredible sense of style and grace.” Deirdre gestured. “You view the world through the same lens. Like it or not, for better or worse, good and bad, we are more like our mothers than perhaps we care to admit.”
AnnaBeth blinked rapidly.
“But most of all, what I see of her in you, AnnaBeth, is the overwhelming sweetness my son could no more resist than a bee to honey.”
AnnaBeth squeezed her eyes shut. “I—I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Deirdre.”
Getting off the sofa, Deirdre wrapped her arms around AnnaBeth. “I don’t say these things because I want to hurt you. I love you, honeybun.”
AnnaBeth’s throat clogged with unshed tears.
“But no ranch, no child, no spouse, no human being will ever be able to fill the hole that’s inside you. Only God can fill that kind of emptiness. And He will, if you ask Him to.”
There was truth in her words that resonated deep within AnnaBeth.
She hugged this dear woman of God. “It’s not only Hunter and Jonas that I thank God for bringing into my life.”
* * *
AnnaBeth didn’t sleep much that night. When she finally did fall asleep, she dreamed she was a little girl again. At her mother’s funeral.
Lost and alone, she seemed to be chasing something or someone, always just out of her reach.
She awoke crying, confused and unsure about what had been real memories and what hadn’t been.
A nagging uncertainty plagued her—the sense that she’d overlooked a vital piece of information. Something Victoria said...
Yet, unable to puzzle it out, she spent the morning wrapping her Christmas presents for the family. Deirdre was busy in the kitchen. With Hunter at preschool, Jonas was out and about somewhere on the ranch.
She was arranging the gifts under the tree when she realized she’d misplaced her phone.
AnnaBeth wandered into the kitchen. “By any chance, did I leave my phone in here?”
Perched on an island stool, Deirdre pored over her grocery list. “’Fraid I haven’t seen it, honeybun.”
“Huh...” Chewing the inside of her cheek, she cast her mind about for the last place she’d set it down.
“Maybe you left it in Jonas’s truck earlier. When you two carried Hunt to preschool?”
AnnaBeth snapped her fingers. “That’s it. You’re a genius.”
Deirdre laughed.
AnnaBeth tied a scarf around her neck and ventured outside. But there she discovered Jonas standing by the open door of his truck. Her cell phone sat in his hand.
She hurried over. “You found it.”
When he looked up, he wasn’t smiling. “I heard ringing. When I picked it up, I couldn’t help but see the name of the caller.”
AnnaBeth held out her hand. “No problem. I’ll ring them back. I hope it wasn’t something important.”
Eyes narrowed, he handed her the phone. “You tell me.”
She frowned. “What’s wrong, Jonas?”
He looked away. “I wasn’t aware you and your ex-fiancé were still in contact.”
“Oh, that.”
His gaze returned to hers. “Yeah, that.” His face shadowed. “Do you still have feelings for him, AnnaBeth?”
“No, Jonas.” Without meaning to, she’d hurt him. “It’s not that at all.”
“Then what?”
She was shaken by the raw vulnerability in his eyes. Loving someone was a privilege. A sacred responsibility.
In that moment, she realized she loved Jonas. Deeply. With all her heart.
But secrets didn’t make for happily-ever-afters.
AnnaBeth moistened her lips. “There are still issues Scott and I need to resolve, Jonas.”
Setting his jaw, he stuck his hands in his pockets.
AnnaBeth caught his arm. “I promise it’s not what you think.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I don’t know what to think.”
She needed to come clean with him about her wedding. But it was almost time to pick up Hunter.
“This afternoon, maybe you and I could go for a drive. Alone. Can you wait ’til then? I promise I’ll tell you everything, Jonas. Please?”
He probed her features. Trust was his biggest issue. She held her breath. She’d do anything not to lose his trust in her.
Jonas kissed her forehead. “’Til then.”
She let the breath she’d been holding trickle through her lips. “Thank you, Jonas.”
“You want to ride to town with me to pick up Hunter?” Jonas rubbed his chin. “He’d rather see your pretty face than this old cowboy mug of mine. Not that I blame him.”
She smiled. “Let me grab my coat.”
They walked into the house together. She was about to take her coat off the peg when her cell phone rang in her hand.
Without checking caller ID, she clicked on. “Hello?”
“AnnaBeth.”
“Daddy?” Her mouth went dry. “Is that you?”
Her father had finally called. She’d been so worried. She held up her finger for Jonas to give her a minute.
“We’ve got time,” he whispered as he detoured to pour himself a cup of coffee. Deirdre gave her a thumbs-up.
She turned back to the phone. “Daddy, it’s so good to hear your voice.”
“Hello, sweetheart. I’m so sorry I haven’t returned your calls sooner.”
Sweetheart... She gulped.
AnnaBeth could count the number of times he’d called her sweetheart and still not use all the fingers of her hand. She went limp with relief. Did this mean he’d forgiven her? That he wasn’t going to shut her out of his life forever?
In the background on the other end, she heard someone paging a doctor.
“Daddy?” She gripped the phone. “Where are you?”
Her eyes flitted toward Deirdre and Jonas. Jonas made a motion as if to leave and give her some privacy. But she gestured for him and his mother to stay. She had a feeling when she got off the phone, she might need their support.
“Daddy, what’s wrong?”
“I’ve done something I should’ve done a long time ago. I’ve checked into a treatment center, AnnaBeth.”
Victoria had been after him so long to make changes in his life. To get help. Counseling. But he’d always refused.
And when the stress of life got to be too much, he fell off the wagon. Time and time again.
She sank into a chair at the kitchen table. “Are you okay, Daddy?”
Her father took a shuddering breath. “Not yet, but I will be. I’ve made such a mess of everything. Now I’ve lost her. Lost my family. Lost you.”
Lost her who? Victoria?
“You haven’t lost me, Daddy,” she whispered into the phone. “I’m glad you’re getting help.”
“When Victoria got home yesterday, we had a long talk. A long-overdue conversation. She told me I had to get help or—” His voice hitched. “I’ve hurt all of you so m-much.”
Had Victoria left her father?
“I’m so ashamed. I let my anger toward your mother overshadow our relations
hip.”
She rubbed her forehead. “I don’t know what you mean, Daddy.”
“Victoria’s convinced she’ll never see you again. It’s breaking her heart, AnnaBeth.”
She closed her eyes. “Daddy—”
“That’s the reason I’m calling. You deserve the truth about that day. A truth that does me no credit, but its time for me to make amends before our family completely fractures.”
Her heart pounded. “What are you talking about, Daddy? What day?” She quivered.
Suddenly, she was afraid. Afraid to hear what he had to say. She had a bad feeling the next few minutes would irrevocably alter her life.
“Daddy, it’s okay. I love you. You don’t have to tell me any—”
“Sh-she wouldn’t l-leave you. I told her that l-life was a m-mistake. B-better left in the past.”
Wait. He was talking about her. Had AnnaBeth been the mistake he’d wanted to leave behind?
“Please f-forgive m-me, AnnaBeth. I’m so sorry for not being there when your mother died. I’m so sorry for not being there for you since,” he sobbed.
Tears flooded her eyes. She’d never heard her father cry before. Hearing the brokenness in him, she felt helpless.
And responsible.
Running away had set a chain of events in motion. With far-reaching consequences she’d never intended. Despite the picture-perfect image, theirs was a family only one slight breeze away from falling apart.
“Despite everything, I do love you. I’m sorry I’ve done such a poor job showing you how much.”
Not a man to offer affection, he’d never told her he loved her before. Hearing the words was like a balm to a wound that had long festered, but never fully healed.
Yet the moment was bittersweet. She had to fix this. Fix everything.
“This is my fault, Daddy.” Her breath came in short, painful gasps. “I should’ve never walked away from Scott. If I’d stayed—”
“The blame lies with me. But I’ve realized only God can fix this. Fix me.”
She closed her eyes. “Daddy, you don’t need to say anything else.”
Please, please, don’t say anything else.
“I wouldn’t go to your mother’s funeral. But Victoria went. And afterward, she refused to release you to Social Services.”
The memories from that terrible, lonely day crystallized. Stabbing her heart like shards of glass. Her father hadn’t been there. He hadn’t come.
And her world, as she’d known it, rocked. Including everything she’d believed about herself.
“But I promise you, sweetheart, whatever it takes, I’m going to become the father you and MaryDru deserve. The man I should’ve been.” His voice became strangled. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But please don’t blame Victoria. None of this was ever her fault.”
Unable to continue, he broke the connection, leaving her stunned. Floundering. Grappling with something she’d never suspected.
She recalled Victoria’s words yesterday. About how she’d come looking for AnnaBeth before... The pieces of the puzzle fell into place as the day of her mother’s funeral took on a new clarity.
Like a lens shifting into focus, everything clicked into place. It wasn’t her father who’d brought her home to live with him. Dropping the cell onto the table, she slumped forward.
“AnnaBeth, what’s wrong?” Deirdre’s voice sharpened.
“The shoes... Why didn’t I realize?” Tears sprang into her eyes. “The shoes with the beautiful velvet bows.”
Deirdre wrapped her arms around AnnaBeth’s shaking shoulders. She’d been unwanted by her own father. Unloved.
“It wasn’t Daddy who insisted Victoria take me into their home and raise me.” She bit back a sob. “It was Victoria who refused to leave me in foster care.”
Deirdre sighed. “I’m so sorry you had to learn the truth this way, honeybun.”
“How could I have forgotten something so important?” She shook her head. “How did I so completely block my memories of that day at the cemetery?”
Unable to fully comprehend her mother’s death, had this been how her childish mind coped with unexplainable loss?
Deirdre hugged her. “It’s going to be all right. You’re not alone. You’re no longer that lost little girl.”
“How could I have been so blind?” Her eyelids stung. “It was Victoria who came for me. Victoria who loved me. Who held me when I cried for my mother.”
Victoria who’d always been there for her. Despite AnnaBeth’s determined efforts to push her away.
“All these years,” AnnaBeth choked, “I blamed her for the distance in my relationship with my father, but it was my dad who never wanted a relationship with me in the first place.”
Taking the blame, Victoria had covered for him so AnnaBeth wouldn’t be hurt.
“I need to call her,” she whispered. “Ask her to forgive me for how I treated her. Ask God to forgive me, too.”
“You’ll need time to come to terms with what you’ve discovered.” Deirdre smoothed AnnaBeth’s hair out of her face. “But there’s no better place to find comfort than at the feet of the One who loves you so much.” She glanced across the kitchen at her son. “Jonas?”
AnnaBeth lifted her gaze. He’d gone still, his face unreadable. She became aware, unlike his mother, he’d made no attempt to come to her. To soothe the blow she’d received.
Then what she’d said on the phone to her father registered. What Jonas had overheard. That it was AnnaBeth who walked out on Scott. Not the other way around.
Pushing back the chair, she shot to her feet. “Jonas.”
But his dark eyes had grown opaque. Anger licked the broad outline of his face.
Deirdre’s brow furrowed. “What’s going on?” She glanced from her son to AnnaBeth. “What is it?”
“Mom, I think it would be best if you picked up Hunter from school today.” Jonas’s mouth flattened. “AnnaBeth and I need to talk. Now.”
And she realized she’d made a terrible—perhaps unforgivable—mistake in not telling him the truth when she had the chance.
Chapter Fourteen
Lips pressed tightly together, Jonas’s mother threw AnnaBeth a troubled glance, but left the lodge to retrieve Hunter from school. The door clicked shut behind her.
Jonas raised his chin. “You lied to me, AnnaBeth.”
“No.” She took a step across the kitchen toward him. “Not really.”
“Your fiancé didn’t jilt you at the altar. You jilted him.”
Reddening, she tucked her hair behind her ear. “It was more complicated than that.”
“What’s so hard to understand? You ran away from him.” Jonas glared at her. “But that’s what you do, isn’t it?” Hurt and anger simmered in his dark eyes. “When life gets tough, you run. How soon, I wonder, before you’d have turned tail on us?”
She threw out her hands. “It wasn’t like that. If you’d only let me explain.”
“I think we’ve both said about everything that needs to be said.” His mouth flattened. “This only proves what a chump I was to ever believe anything that came out of your mouth.”
She reached for him. “That’s not true.”
He shook off her hand. “We’re from different worlds. We’ve been fooling ourselves.”
She crossed her arms over her vest. “I don’t believe that. You can’t believe that, either. What we’ve felt... It was real. Every bit of it.”
His lip curled. “What I believe is that you’re just like Kasey.”
She reared back. “Don’t say that. You don’t mean that.”
“This holiday ranch vacation you’ve been on is nothing but a short break from reality.” He grimaced. “For both of us.”
How could she make him understand how she truly felt about him?
&n
bsp; Jonas widened his stance, his boots a hip’s width apart. “You and I would never work. Different worlds. Different dreams. Different goals.”
“Please, Jonas...” How could she convince him they belonged together? “I should’ve told you about what happened from the beginning. I’m sorry. So sorry.”
Everything she’d ever wanted was slipping through her fingers. Suffocating fear almost consumed her. She wasn’t too proud to beg him, to plead with him not to shut her out of his life. Because life without Jonas and Hunter meant not living at all.
And if she’d learned anything from her holiday sojourn in Truelove, it was that she had to fight for the love she wanted most.
“Jonas, if you could find it in your heart... Give me one more chance to show you—” The words she’d longed to say but feared to give voice to bubbled out. “I love you, Jonas. And I love Hunter so much.”
She would do anything, sacrifice anything, if it meant they could have a future together.
“You don’t know the meaning of the word love. You were supposed to love the man you left humiliated in Charlotte.” He sneered. “Or is crushing hearts something you do for fun?”
“It wasn’t like that.” She wrung her hands. “Please let me explain...”
His face hardened. “I think you need to leave. Now.”
The look in his eyes...
She sucked in a breath. “Jonas...”
But he’d stopped listening to her. Worse, he’d stopped believing in her.
Defaulting to self-protective mode, he turned away. “You need to be gone before Hunter gets back from town with Mom.”
How had everything gotten so out of control? She could see how he’d feel blindsided and betrayed, but this?
“B-but...” She couldn’t seem to stop shaking. She clenched and unclenched her fists. “Hunter won’t understand if I leave without saying goodbye.”
His gaze raked her. “It’s what people do. They leave.” A muscle beat in his jaw. “Like the rest of us, he’ll get used to it. We’ll forget we ever met you.”
Chest heaving, she stared at him. “Because I’m so forgettable?”
