by Kay Lyons
He reminded himself that Shelby had not only lost the baby, but crashed her car, had a medical procedure performed, a slight concussion and was probably still medicated. She wasn’t thinking straight. It didn’t make her words any less painful, though. “We can talk about this in the morning.”
“What’s to talk about? There’s no reason to be married now.”
No reason? He’d told her he loved her. Maybe not in so many words but he’d definitely implied it with that whole trust thing, lame though it was. “I love you.” The words came out gruff because his chest was so tight, but he cleared his throat and tried again. “There is a reason to stay married, Shelby. I love you.”
She wouldn’t look at him. “I’m sorry. The baby’s gone, Luke.”
“Our vows haven’t changed.”
She grabbed the muffin pan and yanked the stove door open, sliding it onto the racks with a clatter.
“Shelby, it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to cry. We lost something precious tonight.”
Her gaze lifted to his, completely dry. “We lost something that wasn’t meant to be. Haven’t you figured that out yet? I didn’t want to be pregnant in the first place. Why would I cry?”
Despite the sight of her obvious pain, the words sent shock waves through him. It was one thing to be cold, another to be cruel. “Don’t say things like that. You’ll regret them later.”
“Just stating a fact.”
“A fact? You said you liked the name Gabriella for a girl or Gabe for a boy.”
She set the timer on the stove, her hands quaking. “And now it doesn’t matter. The reason why we got married is gone. It’s over, Luke. How many times and ways do I have to say it? The pregnancy was a fluke and the odds are it’ll never happen again. The night I slept with you? The only reason I did it was because I’d been told I needed a hysterectomy. You know that and yet you’re still trying to twist the truth into some romantic fantasy when it was sex, simple as that.”
Shelby had gone into detail about her health problems over their time together. He’d also spoken with Dr. Clyde before coming to the house. He knew the odds, the risks. Knew they didn’t matter to him. Shelby did. “You got pregnant once. If you want a baby, who’s to say it won’t happen again?”
Shelby washed the mixing bowl in the sink, her whole body moving because she scrubbed it so hard.
“Sweetheart, miracles do happen.”
She stilled, her hands in the sudsy water, her body tense and tight, her eyes clear but bleak. “And everything happens for a reason.” Shelby pulled her hands from the sink and dried them with a towel. “We kidded ourselves into thinking we could make it work, but this is proof that it was never meant to be.”
“You’re wrong.”
“I’m right. You know I’m right.”
He moved toward her, wished she’d let him hold her. They could get through this together if she’d just let him try. “Just because things are tough right now—just because the baby didn’t make it—that doesn’t mean we have to give up on each other.”
“What are we giving up on? How does a person give up on something they never believed in in the first place?”
“I believed in it, in us.”
Shelby laughed. Laughed. And it was her laughter that finally got through to him. Luke stared at her and grew angrier with the sound, the grating edge transporting him back to the days when he’d been the butt of wimp jokes and cheerleader ridicule. After the day he’d had, after what Anne-Marie had done and said to him about not being the guy with the pretty girl, he felt like a fool. Was it all a fantasy in his head? A game he couldn’t win?
“Luke, you need to know something about me. When the going gets tough? I get going. I have a lot more of Jerry Brookes in me than good old Zacharias. That’s the truth. Whenever the guys I dated wanted more? I dropped them, just like that. A few dinners, some nights out, some fun,” she said suggestively, her tone sending Luke’s blood pressure soaring because of the images it evoked, “and I was done. The moment they so much as started describing their family, I ended things, no matter how nice they might have been, no matter how much I might have liked them.”
“Alex always said you didn’t want to be tied down, but she thought it was the guys you dated.”
A bittersweet smile touched her mouth. “Alex thought that…or you? Did you hope you were special?”
A hot flush rose in him. She was striking out, hurting. He was hurting, too.
“What we had was a few fun weeks that life just shattered all to pieces. We were playing at marriage, playing at being a family but…it wasn’t real.” She made her way to the door, slow but with measured, decisive steps. “Go home to California, file for divorce and sign the papers as soon as you get them.” She held his gaze, not so much as a flicker of regret in her eyes. “Goodbye, Luke.”
SHELBY LEANED her full weight against the door the moment she heard Luke start his car. That had to be the hardest thing she’d ever done in her life. But he’d survive—better off for not having her to deal with.
“I never realized what it must have been like for you.”
Shelby froze at the sound of her mother’s voice. Luke’s vehicle raced away with a roar of the engine and she felt dizzy from not being able to breathe. Why wouldn’t they all leave her alone?
“No matter how quiet we tried to be, you heard, didn’t you? How many times did you sit in your room listening to me and Jerry fight?”
Too, too many times.
“I know what happened between you and Luke. I heard it and I still can’t believe it. But you…you were a child.” Her mother lifted her hand and wiped her nose. “You heard us, but you didn’t understand because you didn’t know the truth. Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.”
“I survived.” Her hand hurt where it grasped the knob but she couldn’t let go. She’d fall if she did. “If you taught me nothing else, it was how to survive.”
“Is that why you’re doing this? Is that why you’re shoving a good man away?”
Luke was better off without her. “It’s for the best.”
“The best thing to do would be to call him up and ask him to come back. Shelby, don’t do what I did, don’t lose someone you care about because you’re focusing on things that aren’t important.”
Aren’t important? Shelby released the knob and walked across the floor, pausing by the entry. “Why did you stay quiet?” She shifted her gaze to her mother. “Tonight when you saw me, why did you help me leave the hospital without making a fuss?”
Pat wiped her eyes, frowning at the sight of the black streak on her fingers. “Because I’ve felt that emptiness inside,” she whispered. “I guess I figured you’d had enough drama for the night. It’s also about time I try to make you proud of me instead of embarrassed.”
Shelby’s heart constricted. She retraced her steps and stood in front of her mom, letting her mother pull her into a hug. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, baby.”
She inhaled the scent of her mother’s perfume, tired and achy and hurting in places that time couldn’t fix. “Remember when it would storm really badly and you would climb into bed and sleep with me?”
Her mother’s arms tightened. Without a word, Shelby found herself ushered into the bedroom, into bed. But after turning off the light, her mother climbed in beside her.
“I love you, Mom.”
“Oh, baby.” Pat stroked Shelby’s hair. “I love you, too.”
“YOU LEFT? Are you serious?”
His little sister’s anger traveled the miles separating them. Still at the bed-and-breakfast, Alex’s cell hadn’t worked, but Jenn had gotten a text message through. “Shelby wants a divorce.”
“She’s reeling from a miscarriage. Hello? She wouldn’t be Shelby if she collapsed into your arms and begged you never to leave, now would she?”
“She told me to go back to California.”
“And what did you say?”
“Nothing. I left. I didn’t
even tell her I quit my job.”
Silence. “You quit? Seriously?”
“Yeah.”
“Because you love Shelby? Wanted to be with her?”
“Yeah.”
“Then go to her. I know it sounds messed up and juvenile and maybe it is, but everybody has their hang-ups, including Shelby. This is one of hers, okay? I can’t spell it out more clearly to you. You have to prove to her she can count on you.”
“I’ve told her that.”
“And then you walked out. You can’t tell someone they can trust you, you have to show them. By leaving, you did what Jerry did every time he and Pat had a fight.”
He closed his eyes and cursed.
“Oh, Luke. You just wiped out any progress you made with Shelby by not sticking around and fighting to prove you’re not like her parents.” Alexandra released a soul-deep sigh. “Think about it. Shelby’s Shelby. Do you think, really think, if she didn’t want you there, she’d have ever agreed to marry you? She might not have had much experience with kids but, come on, she kicks butt at everything she does. She always has because she’s such a perfectionist. It’s all or nothing with her, but she could’ve hired a lawyer and fought to raise the baby on her own.”
Luke pulled to the side of the road and stopped, shoving the rented vehicle into Park and letting the motor idle. “Alex, she only slept with me that first time because she’d received bad news.”
“I know. But I’ll tell you what I told her that day. She chose you. Do you really think that doesn’t mean something? In the time you’ve been together, haven’t you connected at all? I got the impression you had from the way Shelby talked.”
He thought of the way Shelby had come to California to see him. The way she’d curled her arms around him and let him love her.
Her protective walls had started to come down, meaning she was starting to trust him. Love him?
And was running scared, afraid to believe that without the baby he could love her anyway.
Because he’d proved her right by leaving.
Luke hit the steering wheel with his palm. Why did women have to make things so complicated? Why not say what they meant? “What do I do?”
How embarrassing was it to have to ask his younger sister for advice? But if anyone had any gems of hope, Alex was it.
“Well…things happened kind of fast, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So since the baby is gone…” Her voice cracked saying the words. “Maybe you should start over?”
Start over? He stared out the windshield. He had already started over by quitting his job. But how could he go about convincing Shelby he wanted more than a part-time marriage?
Chapter 19
GLARING AT LUKE hasn’t made him go away yet. Come eat some of this soup your mother made.”
A week after the accident, Shelby turned her back to the window and tried to get the sight of Luke sitting on the porch of the mill house, looking tired and sad and lonely, out of her mind and off her conscience. She had nothing to feel guilty about.
Except for making it clear he isn’t welcome to eat lunch with you.
Sighing, Shelby made her way to the fridge. “I’m not hungry, Dad.”
“You’re losing weight and looking scrawny. And if you don’t take something for those hives, you’re going to turn into a great big one.”
“I’m fine.”
“She keeps saying that like we’re going to believe her.”
Alex simply raised an eyebrow when Shelby turned her glare on her so-called friend. “Shouldn’t you be packing up to go somewhere?”
“Be nice. I worried myself sick about you while I was in Canada. Now I’m home for one whole day and I’m spending it with you.”
Lucky me. Is the rest of Luke’s family going to show up, too?
“Think I’ll go get the rest of the supplies we talked about if Luke’s here to help unload them. Might as well put that boy to work if he’s going to be hanging around all the time,” Jerry said.
“I don’t want him hanging around. I want him gone.” Shelby’s head throbbed. “It’s been a week and every time I turn around, he’s here. He mowed my lawn, used the Weed-whacker on everything—including my late-blooming daisies—took the car you loaned me and had Nick check it out and gave Biggun a bath.”
Alex wrinkled her nose. “Biggun?”
Shelby waved toward the back door. “A stray pup showed up. His paws are almost as big as my fist but he’s keeping the deer out of my garden. The point is,” she continued, “I went back to work three days afterward. Why doesn’t he make up with his boss and go back to California? He’ll never be happy here.”
Jerry frowned and turned to Alexandra. “Didn’t you say Luke quit his job to stay here with Shelby?”
Alex nodded, hurt apparent on her features. “Why wouldn’t Luke be happy here? It’s home.”
Arms across her chest, Shelby clenched her teeth so tight pain shot up the side of her jaw. “Is that why you never stay around for more than a weekend?”
“Now, don’t be a witch. I’m home between assignments. And maybe Luke would be happy if you’d talk to him.”
“He left.”
“But he came back.”
That he had. But why? “Which one of you gave him your key?” she asked, knowing they were arguing in circles.
“I did,” Alex confessed. “He’s your husband and you wouldn’t give him one.” She fiddled with the strap of her purse. “You’re being unfair, Shel. You’re upset about losing the baby and no one blames you for that. But you shouldn’t be taking it out on Luke.”
Shelby was. She knew she was but she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t handle Luke’s sudden return on top of everything else. “I’ve asked for a divorce. Why sleep on the couch when he can stay at Nick’s old apartment above the gym?”
“Why stay there and drive out here every day to putter around?” her father countered gruffly. “Gas is expensive. Besides, he’s building that wine rack you wanted. You should be thanking him.”
Her wine rack? “But…I didn’t have enough in my budget for that.”
Jerry set his coffee cup down on the table. “Luke saw it on the plans and asked where it was. I told him and then he went and bought the materials. He said that wall wouldn’t look as good without it.”
“You let him do that? Why didn’t he take that money and file the divorce papers?”
“I guess because the boy doesn’t want one.” Her father pointed a finger at her as he stood. “Maybe you should pay attention to that. I’m heading back out. Too much tension in here.”
“Tell him I’ll repay him. And ask him to leave!”
“You want to talk to him, you do it yourself. But if I were you,” Jerry continued, pulling his hat on his head, “I wouldn’t be too hard on the boy. It was his baby, too, Shelby Lynn.”
Guilt stirred. Luke had been much more excited at the pregnancy. Was he handling the miscarriage okay?
“Besides, I happen to relate to his side of things.”
“Dad.”
“It’s true. Women might carry the babies, but how helpless do you think a man feels when something’s happening and he can’t do anything about it? Then you try to kick him out and divorce him. You’re takin’ after your mother there.”
Just what she wanted to hear. Shelby moaned and turned toward the cabinets, pulling out her pots and mixing bowls.
“And there you go again.” Her father cursed. “At least Luke is being productive in his grief instead of moping around starving himself to death. For all those muffins you bake, you sure ain’t eatin’ them.”
“I’m fine.”
“And I’m the president. Alex, see if you can talk some sense into her.”
After her dad walked out, Shelby stalked to the table to grab up his soup bowl, carrying it to the sink.
“He’s right, you know.”
“Don’t you start, too.”
“How can I not be concerned? Shel, th
e doctor told you to take at least a week off to recover from your injuries, but did you? No, you went to work days after even though you were so sore you could barely walk. And look at you. Your clothes are hanging on you. You’re trying to work yourself senseless to keep from thinking about the baby and Luke and everything that happened.”
Shelby flipped the handle of the faucet and grabbed the dish detergent, squirting enough for five sink loads. “What good is dwelling on it? Especially when it’s probably the best thing that could’ve happened for everyone concerned?”
Alex scooted back her chair with a screech. “I hope you don’t mean that. I hope it’s your upset talking because if not, you don’t deserve to be married to Luke.”
She didn’t turn to look at Alex, couldn’t after her shameful remark. “Stop saying his name like he’s a saint. Luke has his own problems.”
Alex shoved the chair in with a bang. “Yes, he does—with his wife, not that you’re acting like one.”
Her whole body ached. “This is exactly why I refused Luke in the first place, why I didn’t want to get married. Alex, what do you want me to do?”
Alex stomped to the door. “I want you to see what you’re doing by being this way. You think you can protect yourself from being hurt, but you can’t. Shel, love hurts. It sucks, it’s messy, it’s painful and—” she yanked her purse strap over her shoulder “—when you care for someone you give them power over you and it’s scary. I get that. But I’ve been watching you and I don’t think you feel anything. Your baby died. Have you cried?”
Shelby flinched. “That’s cruel.”
“Is it? I can’t tell by the stony look on your face. My brother lost his baby, too. Have you comforted him? Given him an ounce of compassion? I never thought I’d say this to you of all people, but you’re being completely selfish.”
The door slammed shut behind Alex, leaving a deafening silence.
