“Give me a minute and I will be out of here.” I slid out from beneath the covers and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I turned the water on and ran my hands under the faucet, taking a handful and splashing my face with it. I was trying hard not to panic about Logan’s demeanor. Maybe he was quiet because of the shock of what had happened between us or perhaps he was like this the morning after with everyone he had been with. How would I know? I swallowed hard as I studied myself in the mirror. I could see it in my eyes that something was different even with me. I looked different. I heard his phone ring, his muffled voice coming through the wall. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail, I needed to get my shit and get out of there.
As I stepped back out into the room Logan looked up from the chair, he held his phone in his hands. I went directly to my purse pulling out two pain relievers, ignoring the fact that he was staring at me. “You do know that what happened last night can’t go beyond these walls, right?”
I swallowed hard at his words. I felt the tears building at his words, so I turned my back to him and wiped them away. “What do you mean?” I slipped my shoes on and grabbed my purse while waiting for his answer.
“I mean this, us, it was just a fling, because it can’t be anything permanent, Leah.”
“Just a fling?” I questioned, not quite believing what I was hearing.
“Well, yes, we’re practically related. There can’t be anything more between us than last night.”
I didn’t know what to say, and as I blinked, the tears ran freely down my cheeks. After all that had happened between us last night, he had the nerve to say this now.
I pulled my keys out of my purse, grabbed my coat and walked to the door.
“I hope you understand.”
I silently laughed to myself. “Oh, I understand, Logan. I understand that you really are just a bastard with no concept of how to treat someone appropriately.”
I slammed the door behind me and left him standing in the middle of the room alone.
FIFTEEN
Logan
I spent the rest of Friday getting together with some of my old friends. It was great to catch up, and it was even better to drown my feelings in cold beers, food and laughter.
The day of the party, I sat in the driveway and looked at the house; I had come early to see if I could help with anything. I climbed out of the car, there was no more avoiding her, I would have to see her today whether I wanted to or not. I knocked on the front door and waited.
“Leah, Logan is here,” Mom called from the hallway as I stepped inside.
“That’s nice.” I heard her voice call from the kitchen. She didn’t sound too pleased to know I was there.
“Honey, why don’t you go help her, I think she is a little overwhelmed. She refuses to let us help her.”
I knew I was taking my life in my hands as I entered that kitchen. Before I said anything to her, I checked to make sure my mother wasn’t following me. Leah stood with her back to me, working on a tray of food. I noticed she didn’t have a knife in her hands, so I walked up and placed both my hands on either side of her small body, leaning onto the counter. “What do you need help with?” I whispered in her ear, practically grazing her neck with my lips I was so close to her.
“I don’t need help, especially from you.” She pushed my arm out of the way, moving to another part of the kitchen. She said nothing else, she didn’t look at me, she continued preparing the food as if I weren’t even there.
What did I expect? I knew I had hurt her but was else was I supposed to do. A girl like Leah, she deserved a relationship, but there couldn’t be anything between us no matter how badly we wanted it.
I ran to the stove as a pot boiled over and went to turn the burner down when her hand reached out and collided with mine, forcing her hand into the way of the hot liquid. She pulled her hand toward her as the hot liquid splashed on her skin. She grabbed a towel, quickly wiping the hot water off.
“Let me see that,” I said grabbing her arm.
“I told you to go,” she said glaring at me. “I’m fine.”
“Let me look at your hand,” I said through clenched teeth.
“Why? You aren’t a fucking doctor, Logan.” Her eyes shot daggers at me as she stood there looking at me, the towel wrapped around her hand. The doorbell rang, breaking the silence.
“You want to be helpful, answer the damn door,” she barked and turned to run her hand under cold water. I could already see a blister forming on her skin.
She had never been this harsh with me. Normally she was sucking up looking for approval not shoving me away. Although I had never fucked her and told her the next morning there couldn’t be anything between us either. The doorbell rang again. “Never mind, Logan, I will get the damn door.”
She threw the towel down and took a step but instead of letting her go I gripped her shoulders, turning her toward me. “I got the door,” I whispered, looking into her eyes. She looked exhausted and hurt, a look I had never wanted to see in her, especially because of me.
After the confrontation in the kitchen, I kept out of her way by answering the door and mingling with the guests. Occasionally, Leah would wander into the living room carrying trays of sandwiches and desserts. She would smile and greet everyone, stopping to talk about one thing or another, but she never held an extensive conversation. Every time I got into her line of sight or was addressed in a conversation that she was having; her whole demeanor would change, and she found a reason to excuse herself to go back to the kitchen.
I offered to help her once again, figuring there was no way she would turn down the help or be mean to me in front of a houseful of people. But instead of making it public, she leaned into me and whispered a threat into my ear that involved the knife she held and my male member, that I took as a serious warning.
So, I kept my distance, and she kept hers. She made sure people had lots to eat and that their drinks were filled. Meanwhile, I spent the afternoon mingling with people I hadn’t seen in years and watching her from across the room. The white dress she wore hugged all her curves I loved and had my hands all over only a few hours ago.
I watched as she brought out another plate of finger food and sat it on the table. She was just about to head back into the kitchen when Joe asked for people’s attention. She stopped beside me and turned to face her father.
“First, I want to thank every one of you for being here to help celebrate ten years married to this beautiful woman. Anna has filled my life with happiness and love. I would also like to thank our children. Leah, you did a fantastic job of putting this all together and we want to wish you all the best in your new venture.”
I frowned. Her new venture, where was she going? I raised my glass as Joe raised his to his daughter. She had said nothing to me, but then why would she. She owed me nothing.
“. . . and to Logan, it’s an absolute blessing to have you back here to celebrate this anniversary with us. We are both hoping you will come home a little more often to spend time with your mother and me. You have grown into a wonderful young man and we couldn’t be prouder of you.”
Yeah, you wouldn’t think that if you knew what I did with your daughter a couple nights ago or how I broke her heart yesterday morning, I thought to myself as I nodded and raised the glass in my hand to them.
As the day went on more people came and went. By seven that night, there were only a couple people left. Joe and my mother were in the living room, the music played low while she rested her head against his shoulder as they danced together.
Leah came into the room, grabbed a few more plates and carried them into the kitchen. Her sad, tear-filled eyes finally met mine before she turned and walked away. Instead of just standing there, I grabbed a few dishes as well and carried them into the kitchen after her.
As I came around the corner, she stood against the counter gazing down into the sink looking like she was in pain. “Where do you want these?” I asked quietly.
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“Just leave them on the counter, Logan. I told you, there’s no need to help.” She pushed herself away from the counter and got busy wrapping up the rest of the food. She put some of it in the fridge and then took the plates and loaded them one by one in the dishwasher.
“They seem really happy.” I looked out into the living room where our parents were still dancing, there was no doubt about it, they were meant for one another. It had taken me this long to realize just how in love they were.
“Yes, they are. They are lucky to have found one another.” She turned and looked at them, smiling. It was the first smile I had seen on her face since Thursday night.
“You organized a great party, Leah.”
“Yeah, well, I figured they deserved it. I’m happy they are happy.” She watched them longingly as they danced together. My mother’s head still resting on Joe’s shoulder. “It was the least I could do for them. They’ve both done so much for me, your mother has been so supportive of all my dreams,” she said wiping a tear from her cheek as she smiled and continued watching them.
Joe held my mother close whispering something in her ear and then kissing her gently. I couldn’t help but glance over at Leah, the look on her face said everything she failed to say verbally—she was lost in her thoughts watching them, a soft smile on her lips. But the longer she watched the more her smile disappeared, and tears built in her eyes. She blinked hard and swallowed and I knew what she was thinking—she wanted what they had—but there was no way I was the man to give it to her.
“Leah, I’m sorry about what I said yesterday.”
She cleared her throat, wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand and went back to cleaning up the plates on the table. “It’s fine, Logan.”
Who did she think she was fooling, her eyes lacked that glow she always had around me. I reached out and placed my hand on her shoulder. “It’s not fine, please talk to me.”
“I have nothing to say to you. You’ve made it crystal clear what this is, or I should say was. I can’t do this right now.” She shrugged out of my touch and walked across the kitchen to get away from me. I glanced over my shoulder at our parents who still danced in their own little world.
I walked over to where she stood, she wasn’t about to get away from me that easy. I walked up behind her, placing both my hands on her waist. “Meet me tonight, at the hotel,” I whispered in her ear. “Please. Let me fix this.”
“Why so you can fuck me all over again and watch as I run away from you in tears? Do you even know how to fix this?”
“No, but I will try.”
“I don’t know.”
“Please, Leah, don’t make me beg. Just meet me.”
She still didn’t answer me and continued with what she was doing as if I hadn’t said a word. “Leah, for fuck’s sake, talk to me.”
“I’ll think about it, Logan. That’s it.” She wasn’t playing, she was serious. I would have to wait and see if she showed up. She moved around the kitchen, cleaning, avoiding me completely even when I tried to help her. I didn’t want to fight with her anymore, so I walked into the living room to say goodnight to my mother and Joe. They walked me to the front door.
“You are coming to brunch tomorrow, right?” my mother asked smiling.
I turned around and looked past them into the kitchen, Leah stood there leaning up against the door frame watching the three of us.
“Yes, I will be there,” I said looking Leah directly in the eyes. I was hoping she could read what I was saying to her.
“Great, we will be there at eleven, don’t be late.” My mother leaned in and kissed my cheek. I hugged her goodnight and when I looked up, Leah had already left the doorway and a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach told me she would not show up tonight. I walked out the door praying that my gut was wrong, and she would once again be laying in my arms.
SIXTEEN
Leah
I allowed myself to watch him as he walked out the front door. I had wanted him for so many years it was almost too much for me to take. When I heard those words come from his mouth after spending the night in his arms, I finally realized exactly where he stood. He wanted me too, just not in the same way I had wanted him.
This was all too much for me to process, it wasn’t every day you had sex with the stepbrother you had fallen in love with. Obviously, I couldn’t share this with my father or Anna, which made the whole situation worse. I even debated if I could share this with Jenna. But I had no choice, I didn’t have a therapist which is technically what I really needed, and I had no one else I felt close enough to, so, Jenna was the lucky winner.
As I was putting more things away, I grabbed my phone and sent a message to her. She had moved and was now working in a different state. The time zones were different too, so timing may be tricky. I was hoping she would be finished work by now. Just as I hit send, both Dad and Anna walked into the kitchen. “Leah, honey, are you sure you don’t want any help finishing up tonight?”
“No, Anna, I’m good. Please, go relax with Dad.”
Anna gazed at me, a funny look coming over her face as she took two steps toward me. “Leah, are you sure you’re all right, you’re flushed, and you look upset. Joe, doesn’t she?”
“Yes, she does, are you coming down with something?” Dad asked while Anna placed her hand on my forehead to check for fever.
I smiled. “I’m just tired, so I will finish up here, then make a nice cup of spearmint tea and go relax with a good book. After all, you’re always telling me how I need to do more of that.”
My father let out a yawn and turned toward the living room. “I’m heading to bed,” he said stretching and heading toward the stairway.
“Night, Dad.”
Anna squinted her eyes at me, trying to figure out if I was okay or not. “If something is bothering you, you know you can talk to me,” she said pushing away a couple strands of hair that had fallen into my face.
“I know.” I swallowed hard. “Really I’m fine.” At first, I wasn’t sure she would believe me, I was sure it was written all over my face that something was wrong, but I was doing my best to pretend it wasn’t. “Goodnight,” she said finally.
“Goodnight,” I said and watched as she followed my father up the stairs. I stopped what I was doing and rested both my hands on the counter in front of me and closed my eyes. Why did I go to his hotel? It had been hard enough before but having had that one taste of him to find out he didn’t want me back ruined me.
I checked my phone and saw Jenna still hadn’t responded. As always, when I needed her, she was nowhere to be found. I continued cleaning up, putting the last few dishes into the dishwasher. Then I washed down the counters, while thoughts of Logan ran through my mind. I could still feel the way he touched me, kissed me. It all still so fresh in my mind.
I wiped the counters again until there was nothing left to wipe and switched the kettle on, grabbing a mug from the cupboard. My phone vibrated on the counter while I was waiting for the kettle to boil. Jenna had finally gotten back to me, with two little words practically screaming at me on my screen. CALL ME.
I grinned at Jenna’s response. It wasn’t every day your best friend sent you a distress signal. I waited to call her until after I poured the boiling water into my mug and went down to the basement. I didn’t want anyone to overhear our conversation. I sat in my dad’s lazy boy, covered my legs with the blanket that rested there and flipped the TV on to help drown out the noise. Then, with my hands shaking, I dialed her number.
“Hey, buttercup, what’s up?” Jenna’s bubbly voice rang into my ear.
“Hey. I did it.” My voice was void of all emotion it normally held. She would be able to tell something was wrong, I was sure.
“What did you do? What are you talking about?” she asked as I sat staring at the floor in front of me. I didn’t know how to tell her and debated just hanging up before making a fool of myself more so than I already had. “Leah, are you all right?”
“Remember how I sent you a text and told you Logan came home.”
“Yes, you told me you were going to poison him,” she said laughing. “Oh my god, you didn’t?” Her voice taking on a more serious tone.
“Worse.” I could barely spit the words out of my mouth. “I slept with him.” No sooner had the words fallen from my lips, the tears poured down my face.
I heard the screeching of brakes in the background, which pulled me out of my reverie. “Are you okay, Jenna?”
“I literally had to pull over, so I didn’t crash my car. I think the signal cut out, who did you say you slept with?”
“Logan,” I whispered.
“My god! What happened? How did it happen?”
“It just . . . happened. I went over to his hotel the other night and, like always, we argued and then the next thing I knew I was pushed up against the wall, his lips on mine. Then we moved to the bed, he was on top of me and well, one thing led to another.”
“Just once, right?”
“Why does that matter?” I blurted into the phone.
“Maybe we can erase it from your mind. In case you forgot, I took that seminar on how to clear negative thoughts and events from your mind.”
I rolled my eyes; this was so like Jenna and her gypsy ways. She had sat through a two-hour seminar on clearing your aura, karma, whatever you call it and she thought she could make everyone’s pain go away.
“It was three times . . . still think you can work your guru magic?”
“Leah, what in the ever-loving fuck are you doing? Do you need to be reminded that he’s your stepbrother? I mean I know you have crushed on him for years, but this is . . .”
“Don’t tell me something I don’t already know, Jenna, he already firmly reminded me of that.”
“Of what?”
“What do you think? About three hours after he had finished completely blowing my fucking mind, he was very quick to remind me of who we were to one another and that it couldn’t go any further than it already had,” I said starting to panic all over again.
Bad Company Page 8
