Mr. Sponge's Sporting Tour

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by Robert Smith Surtees


  CHAPTER XXVII

  THE FINEST RUN THAT EVER WAS SEEN

  'Hoo-ray, Jack! Hoo-ray!' exclaimed Lord Scamperdale, bursting into hissanctum where Mr. Spraggon sat in his hunting coat and slippers, spellingaway at a second-hand copy of _Bell's Life_ by the light of a melancholymould candle. 'Hooray, Jack! hooray!' repeated he, waving that proudtrophy, a splendid fox's brush, over his grizzly head.

  His lordship was the picture of delight. He had had a tremendous run--thefinest run that ever was seen! His hounds had behaved to perfection; hishorse--though he had downed him three times--had carried him well, and hislordship stood with his crownless flat hat in his hand, and one coat lap inthe pocket of the other--a grinning, exulting, self-satisfied specimen of ahappy Englishman.

  'Lor! what a sight you are!' observed Jack, turning the light of the candleupon his lordship's dirty person. 'Why, I declare you're an inch thick withmud,' he added, 'mud from head to foot,' he continued, working the light upand down.

  'Never mind the mud, you old badger!' roared his lordship, still waving thebrush over his head: 'never mind the mud, you old badger; the mud'll comeoff, or may stay on; but such a run as we've had does not come off everyday.'

  'Well, I'm glad you have had a run,' replied Jack. 'I'm glad you have had arun,' adding, 'I was afraid at one time that your day's sport was spoiled.'

  'Well, do you know,' replied his lordship, 'when I saw that unrighteoussnob, I was near sick. If it were possible for a man to faint, I shouldhave thought I was going to do so. At first I thought of going home, takingthe hounds away too; then I thought of going myself and leaving the hounds;then I thought if I left the hounds it would only make the sinfulscaramouch more outrageous, and I should be sitting on pins and needlestill they came home, thinking how he was crashing among them. Next Ithought of drawing all the unlikely places in the country, and making ablank day of it. Then I thought that would only be like cutting off my noseto spite my face. Then I didn't know what on earth to do. At last, when Isaw the critter's great pecker steadily down in his plate, I thought Iwould try and steal a march upon him, and get away with my fox while he wasfeeding; and, oh! how thankful I was when I looked back from BramblebrakeHill, and saw no signs of him in the distance.'

  'It wasn't likely you'd see him,' interrupted Jack, 'for he never got awayfrom the front door. I twigged what you were after, and kept him up in talkabout his horses and his ridin' till I saw you were fairly away.'

  'You did well,' exclaimed Lord Scamperdale, patting Jack on the back; 'youdid well, my old buck-o'-wax; and, by Jove! we'll have a bottle of port--abottle of port, as I live,' repeated his lordship, as if he had made up hismind to do a most magnificent act.

  'But what's happened you behind?--what's happened you behind?' asked Jack,as his lordship turned to the fire, and exhibited his docked tail.

  'Oh, hang the coat!--it's neither here nor there,' replied his lordship;'hat neither,' he added, exhibiting its crushed proportions. 'OldBlossomnose did the coat; and as to the hat, I did it myself--at least, oldDaddy Longlegs and I did it between us. We got into a grass-field, ofwhich they had cut a few roods of fence, just enough to tempt a man out ofa very deep lane, and away we sailed, in the enjoyment of fine sound sward,with the rest of the field plunging and floundering, and holding andgrinning, and thinking what fools they were for not following myexample--when, lo and behold! I got to the bottom of the field, and foundthere was no way out--no chance of a bore through the great thick, highhedge, except at a branchy willow, where there was just enough room tosqueeze a horse through, provided he didn't rise at the ditch on the farside. At first I was for getting off; indeed, had my right foot out of thestirrup, when the hounds dashed forrard with such energy--looking likerunning--and remembering the tremendous climb I should have to get on toold Daddy's back again, and seeing some of the nasty jealous chaps in thelane eyeing me through the fence, thinking how I was floored, I determinedto stay where I was; and gathering the horse together, tried to squeezethrough the hole. Well, he went shuffling and sliding down to it, as thoughhe were conscious of the difficulty, and poked his head quietly past thetree, when, getting a sight of the ditch on the far side, he rose, andbanged my head against the branch above, crushing my hat right over myeyes, and in that position he carried me through blindfold.'

  'Indeed!' exclaimed Jack, turning his spectacles full upon his lordship,and adding, 'it's lucky he didn't crack your crown.'

  'It is,' assented his lordship, feeling his head to satisfy himself that hehad not done so.

  'And how did you lose your tail?' asked Jack, having got the informationabout the hat.

  'The tail! ah, the tail!' replied his lordship, feeling behind, where itwasn't;' I'll tell you how that was: you see we went away like blazes fromSpringwheat's gorse--nice gorse it is, and nice woman he has for awife--but, however, that's neither here nor there; what I was going to tellyou about was the run, and how I lost my tail. Well, we got away likewinking; no sooner were the hounds in on one side than away went the foxon the other. Not a soul shouted till he was clean gone; hats in the airwas all that told his departure. The fox thus had time to run mattersthrough his mind--think whether he should go to Ravenscar Craigs, or makefor the main earths at Painscastle Grove. He chose the latter, doubtlessfeeling himself strong and full of running; and if we had chosen his groundfor him he could not have taken us a finer line. He went as straight as anarrow through Bramblebrake Wood, and then away down the hill over thosegreat enormous pastures to Haselbury Park, which he skirted, leavingEvercreech Green on the left, pointing as if for Dormston Dean. Here he waschased by a cur, and the hounds were brought to a momentary check. Frosty,however, was well up, and a hat being held up on Hothersell Hill, heclapped forrard and laid the hounds on beyond. We then viewed the foxsailing away over Eddlethorp Downs, still pointing for Painscastle Grove,with the Hamerton Brook lighting up here and there in the distance.

  'The field, I should tell you, were fairly taken by surprise. There wasn'ta man ready for a start; my horse had only just come down. Fossick was onfoot, drawing his girths; Fyle was striking a light to smoke a cigar on hishack; Blossomnose and Capon's grooms were fistling and wisping theirhorses; Dribble, as usual, was all behind; and altogether there was such ascene of hurry and confusion as never was seen.

  'As they came to the brook they got somewhat into line, and one saw who wasthere. Five or six of us charged it together, and two went under. One wasSpringwheat on his bay, who was somewhat pumped out; the other was said tobe Hook. Old Daddy Longlegs skimmed it like a swallow, and, getting hishind-legs well under him, shot over the pastures beyond, as if he was goingupon turf. The hounds all this time had been running, or rather racing,nearly mute. They now, however, began to feel for the scent; and, as theygot upon the cold, bleak grounds above Somerton Quarries, they were fairlybrought to their noses. Uncommon glad I was to see them; for ten minutesmore, at the pace they had been going, would have shaken off every manJack of us. As it was, it was bellows to mend; and Calcott's roarer roaredas surely roarer never roared before. You could hear him half a mile off.We had barely time, however, to turn our horses to the wind, and ease themfor a few moments, before the pace began to mend, and from a catching to aholding scent they again poured across Wallingburn pastures, and away toRoughacres Court. It was between these places that I got my head duntledinto my hat,' continued his lordship, knocking the crownless hat againsthis mud-stained knee. 'However, I didn't care a button, though I'd not wornit above two years, and it might have lasted me a long time about home; butmisfortunes seldom come singly, and I was soon to have another. The few ofus that were left were all for the lanes, and very accommodating the onebetween Newton Bushell and the Forty-foot Bank was, the hounds runningparallel within a hundred yards on the left for nearly a mile. When,however, we got to the old water-mill in the fields below, the fox made abend to the left, as if changing his mind, and making for NewtonbroomeWoods, and we were obliged to try the fortunes of war in the fields. Thefirst fence w
e came to looked like nothing, and there was a weak placeright in my line that I rode at, expecting the horse would easily borethrough a few twigs that crossed the upper part of it. These, however,happened to be twisted, to stop the gap, and not having put on enoughsteam, they checked him as he rose, and brought him right down on his headin the broad ditch, on the far side. Old Blossomnose, who was followingclose behind, not making any allowance for falls, was in the air before Iwas well down, and his horse came with a forefoot, into my pocket, and torethe lap clean off by the skirt'; his lordship exhibiting the lap as hespoke.

  'It's your new coat, too,' observed Jack, examining it with concern as hespoke.

  ''Deed, is it!' replied his lordship, with a shake of the head. ''Deed, isit! That's the consequence of having gone out to breakfast. If it had beento-morrow, for instance, I should have had number two on, or maybe numberthree,' his lordship having coats of every shade and grade, from stainlessscarlet down to tattered mulberry colour.

  'It'll mend, however,' observed his lordship, taking it back from Jack;'it'll mend, however,' he said, fitting it round to the skirt as he spoke.

  'Oh, nicely!' replied Jack; 'it's come off clean by the skirt. But whatsaid Old Blossom?' inquired Jack.

  'Oh, he was full of apologies and couldn't helps it as usual,' replied hislordship; 'he was down, too, I should tell you, with his horse on his leftleg; but there wasn't much time for apologies or explanation, for thehounds were running pretty sharp, considering how long they had been atwork, and there was the chance of others jumping upon us if we didn't getout of the way, so we both scrambled up as quick as we could and got intoour places again.'

  'Which way did you go, then?' asked Jack, who had listened with theattention of a man who knows every yard of the country.

  'Well,' continued his lordship, casting back to where he got his fall, 'thefox crossed the Coatenburn township, picking all the plough andbad-scenting ground as he went, but it was of no use, his fate was sealed;and though he began to run short, and dodge and thread the hedge-rows, theyhunted him yard by yard till he again made an effort for his life, and tookover Mossingburn Moor, pointing for Penrose Tower on the hill. HereFrosty's horse, Little Jumper, declined, and we left him standing in themiddle of the moor with a stiff neck, kicking and staring and lookingmournfully at his flanks. Daddy Longlegs, too, had begun to sob, and invain I looked back in hopes of seeing Jack-a-Dandy coming up. "Well," saidI to myself, "I've got a pair of good strong boots on, and I'll finish therun on foot but I'll see it"; when, just at the moment, the pack broke fromscent to view and rolled the fox up like a hedgehog amongst them.'

  'Well done!' exclaimed Jack, adding, 'that was a run with a vengeance!''Wasn't it?' replied his lordship, rubbing his hands and stamping; 'thefinest run that ever was seen--the finest run that ever was seen!'

  'Why, it couldn't be less than twelve miles from point to point,' observedJack, thinking it over.

  'Not a yard,' replied his lordship, 'not a yard, and from fourteen tofifteen as the hounds ran.'

  'It would be all that,' assented Jack. 'How long were you in doing it?' heasked.

  'An hour and forty minutes,' replied his lordship; 'an hour and fortyminutes from the find to the finish'; adding, 'I'll stick the brush andpresent it to Mrs. Springwheat.'

  'It's to be hoped Springy's out of the brook,' observed Jack.

  'To be hoped so,' replied his lordship, thinking, if he wasn't whether heshould marry Mrs. Springwheat or not.

  Well now, after all that, we fancy we hear our fair friends exclaim, 'Thankgoodness, there's an end of Lord Scamperdale and his hunting; he has had agood run, and will rest quiet for a time; we shall now hear something ofAmelia and Emily, and the doings at Jawleyford Court.' Mistaken lady! Ifyou are lucky enough to marry an out-and-out fox-hunter, you will find thata good run is only adding fuel to the fire, only making him anxious formore. Lord Scamperdale's sporting fire was in full blaze. His bumps and histhumps, his rolls, and his scrambles, only brought out the beauties andperfections of the thing. He cared nothing for his hat-crown, no; nor forhis coat-lap either. Nay, he wouldn't have cared if it had been made into aspencer.

  'What's to-day? Monday,' said his lordship, answering himself. 'Monday,' herepeated; 'Monday--bubble-and-squeak, I guess--sooner it's ready thebetter, for I'm half-famished--didn't do half-justice to that nicebreakfast at Springy's. That nasty brown-booted buffer completely threw meoff my feed. By the way, what became of the chestnut-booted animal?'

  'Went home,' replied Jack; 'fittest place for him.'

  'Hope he'll stay there,' rejoined his lordship. 'No fear of his being atthe roads to-morrow, is there?' 'None,' replied Jack. 'I told him it wasquite an impossible distance from him, twenty miles at least.'

  'That's grand!' exclaimed his lordship; 'that's grand! Then we'll have arare, ding-dong hey--away pop. There'll be no end of those nasty, jealous,Puffington dogs out; and if we have half such a scent as we had to-day,we'll sew some of them up, we'll show 'em what hunting is. Now,' he added,'if you'll go and get the bottle of port, I'll clean myself, and then we'llhave dinner as quick as we can.'

 

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