And just like that, I was free. Of my handcuffs. Now I just needed to sneak my ass through two levels of castle, find what I needed, and get my ass through the city and back home.
I needed a tank.
Dar, you still with my buddy?
Yes.
How goes it in the city?
Now that I can use my front paws again, quite well. What did you do?
I had totally forgotten they could feel my pain through our bonds. If she felt even an inkling of what endured, even across the realms, Yuki was going to be quite vexed with me upon my return home. To put it mildly. She was going to bite my ankles off.
Sorry. Blew my hands off getting the shackles off.
Idiot.
It's not dumb if it works. Hello.
If you have to regrow appendages, it's still stupid.
I'm just glad they grew back. Stumpy is not an attractive nickname.
Shut up and get out of there or I'm coming in to get you before you blow something else off.
Geez. Grumpy.
Grumpy is better than Stumpy. You passed out. I did not. That is twice in the past two hours that you have been unconscious. A record, even for you.
It's still early. Okay. I'm melting the lock. Let me concentrate.
I touched my finger to the door, right on the keyhole. A quick word and a push of power and my finger went through the door, the metal glowing around it. I hooked my finger on the other side and pulled it open.
At least elves kept their hinges oiled. The door didn't even squeak.
The hallway was empty. At least they didn't think I was a big enough threat to post guards outside my door. I wasn't a fan of combat magics.
I padded as silently as I could toward the stairs and stopped cold at the sight of a guard standing just outside the grated iron door to the dungeon.
Shit.
I probably looked like an idiot tiptoeing toward his back, but I had little choice. I was three-feet away when my foot scuffed the stone beneath me.
Shit.
He turned around slowly. I leapt at the door but couldn't reach him through the bars. He cocked an eyebrow at me.
"Uh. Hi."
"How did you get out of your cell?"
He drew his sword and pulled out the key, unlocking the door with one hand and pulling it open while leveling the sword at me. I backed away slowly.
"If you do not go back to your cell, willingly… Let us just say it shall not end well for you."
An image of Bill caught in the middle of Jason's trailer floor sprang to mind. "Poll oscailte," I said with a smile.
He disappeared through the hole in the stone. I'd only meant to drop him a short way, but peering over the edge, there was no end in sight. The castle had been built over the edge of a large underground cavern. I waited for the sound of him hitting the ground, like when you toss a coin in a well. Fortunately, he either silently splatted or landed in something soft.
Oops. At least he left the door open.
I slipped up the stairs and peeked around the corner into the servants' floor. It was nearly empty save for a couple of brownies cleaning the floors. I quickly stepped across the open entrance and stopped.
Servants could go anywhere in the castle. Nobody paid attention to them…
I'm a motherfucking genius!
Peering around the corner again, I waited and prayed nobody came down the stairs behind me. The room was gigantic, held quarters, storage, and had several other staircases leading up to the back. If I could judge by the smell, even the kitchens were on this level. It easily took up the entire base of the castle.
I caught the first break I'd found since coming to Faerie when the brownies finished the floors and headed away from me. Slipping inside, I padded to the closest set of quarters to the entrance.
I opened the trunk at the foot of the bed and grimaced. The quarters belonged to a maid. I wanted something a little less prestigious. Like a scullery captain, or silverware polisher. There was no way I could pass myself off as a maid.
I closed the lid and headed further back, hoping their rooms were based upon rank. I found what I was looking for about halfway-down. A simple green knee-length tunic, apron, and kerchief for my head. Perfection. I could even use the kerchief to cover my ears.
Dressing as quickly as possible, I stuffed my clothes under the straw-filled mattress and slipped out of the room. I just needed to find something to dust with. Or maybe a nice broom. Then, I could really start my search.
Lady, I just wish I knew what the hell I was looking for.
You will know it when you see it, Daughter.
It was the first time she had ever answered me in my head. Not going to lie, it freaked me out…a lot. I needed to be a little more careful in invoking her name in the future. Especially during sexy times.
Keeping my head down, I went in the direction the brownies had gone. I'd find a broom, someplace. There had to be a broom closet, somewhere in the servant's area.
I decided to check the storage rooms first. Mostly they were supplies of the kitchen kind. Finally, in the fourth one, I found a pile of new brooms just waiting to be swept off their feet by Cinderella.
Heading the way I'd come in, I marched up the stairs like I belonged there, still keeping my head down to avoid anybody getting a good look at my face. I might have been a witch, but I looked human enough and illusions weren't my forte.
The entryway was empty, and I swept my way around, trying to get my bearings and a feel for the layout. Twin staircases lead up. They were probably the private rooms of the castle. Straight ahead from the entrance was the throne room and dining halls. I doubted I would find what I was looking for there and decided to head to the private quarters. It just felt…right.
I swept my way slowly up the stairs, not being an actual housekeeper, I didn't know enough to start at the top. A brownie started cursing at me in Irish. Thankfully slow enough for me to understand she was telling me I was sweeping in the wrong direction, and I was a moron for not having a dust bin with me. She stomped off and retuned with a flat, lidded can and shoved it at me before stomping off again.
I did it. I passed myself off as a slightly stupid housekeeper!
I was so proud.
Marching up the stairs, I started again at the top of the steps, glancing around while I did the hallway at the top.
The second floor wasn't nearly as open as the servants' floor. Two hallways went off in different directions, doors lining both corridors. Suddenly my task seemed much more overwhelming. It wasn't like I could check each room. Sooner or later I was going to get busted and end up back in a cell, or dead.
Which way?
Trust your instinct.
I sighed. I hadn't even said her name this time.
Lowering my head, grabbing my trusty broom and dustbin, I headed slowly down the hall leading toward the back of the castle. There was another housekeeper ahead of me. She lifted her bin off the floor and turned around, nearly squawking in surprise. She prostrated herself on the floor and I immediately saw why.
King Renlynn and another elven soldier were imperiously walking down the hallway. Fearing discovery, I prostrated myself much the way the other servant did but glanced up at him from under my eyebrows.
Please turn…please turn.
They didn't and were walking straight toward me. I kept looking up at his shoes, praying they would turn before they got to me. Luckily, they didn't. As I stole one last glance, I found what I was looking for. It wasn't Renlynn, it was the chained jewel around his neck. If he hadn't been covered in crimson armor the first time I saw him, my journey to Faerie would have been much, much shorter.
The bastard was wearing what I was looking for the whole time. I should have figured that one out much sooner.
Dumb, Dot.
The closer he got, the more I started to cringe and shake. It wasn't from him, either. It was the power emanating from the jewel. It was almost pure magic. It wasn't black magic or evil on its
own, but it was driving him insane with its power, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. His own paranoia, and thirst for more power, had burned all of his redeeming qualities away, leaving an insane villain in its wake.
The necklace itself felt like the goddess. The warm, powerful feeling she wore like a cloak.
I'm proud of you.
The king passed by me without so much as a look. I chose my disguise well. Now I just needed to figure out how to get the necklace off him and get the hell out of there.
The housekeeper down the hall had already righted herself and was busy working now the king had passed. I got to one knee and slowly stood. Pain blossomed across my back as an arm draped in finery swept around my shoulders, pulling me tightly against the blade. The dagger's tip ripped through the front of my uniform and blood quickly poured from the wound, staining my green tunic brown.
"Did you not think I wouldn't notice you in that ridiculous outfit? Did you not think I couldn't smell your human stench as I walked past you? Did you not think I could feel your power? Those were the mistakes you will pay for with your life. Look at the bright side, I give you release. I had planned on letting you rot away in my dungeon. You're welcome."
He twisted the blade in my chest, and I screamed as my ribs spread, the metal grinding against the bone. Searing blackness that even my vampiric eyes couldn't see through, filled my vision as he shredded what was left of my heart. My last sight was falling forward, crashing into the floor, and Renlynn saying, "Clean up this mess," to the housekeeper at the end of the hall. He hadn't even had the decency to pull the dagger from my back.
Chapter 19
I came to in a pile of garbage. Not the first thing you want to see when you come back from the dead. Gagging and retching from the smell, I left the remnants of my last meal on my chin. It blended well with the other liquids I had woken up covered in.
Rolling over on my back, I scrambled away as another body slid closer to me, her dead eyes staring, and mouth locked in a silent scream. At least I had been dumped wearing clothes, the faerie hadn't been so lucky. Whoever killed her had done it after using her.
"May the Lady's blessings find you in the next life." I reached over and closed her eyes, touching her body preferable to being stared at in death.
Dar?
Welcome back.
Yeah. Good to be back, but the situation sucks.
Where are you?
I looked around. I was in a cavern much like the one I had dropped the guard into. They had built the castle on a mountain, which was apparently riddled with caves. Garbage dump.
I shall refrain from making jokes. Can you move?
I twisted my back, testing my wounds. I'd been worse, but I'd also been much, much better. I can. Slowly.
Can you get out?
Not unless I can grow some wings. I can see a trap door, but it's like fifty-feet above me.
I'll try to get into the castle.
No! Too dangerous. I'll figure something out.
Dot… I have sat here and felt every time you were injured, stabbed, and exploded… I am coming. You can order me not to, but I shall be very angry. Let me be by your side.
Fine. Chances are I'm below the servant's floor. Probably below the kitchen judging from the amount of animal carcasses around me.
That was the last I heard from him. If I closed my eyes, I could feel him getting closer to the castle and feel his relief at finally being able to do something.
My plan sucked.
I should have just blasted my way through the castle and killed the evil little, pointy-eared fuck-nugget. The world, this one, would be better off without him. I know I would have, too.
I sat up, balancing on the back of something I didn't want to know and hugged my knees to my chest. The smell wasn't getting any easier to deal with, either.
Looking around, I could barely make out a patch of ground at the base of the pile and the mouth of another cave. Wherever it led, had to be better than the king of the hill-of-shit position I was in.
I slowly crawled to the edge and slid down the side, hanging on to goddess knows what as I stopped myself from shooting down a slip-and-slide of decay. When I got home, I was going to take a long hot shower. Fifty of them. And twelve baths in rubbing alcohol.
When my feet finally touched solid ground, I lurched forward and gave it a quick pat as I got to my feet and headed for the cave.
I found a cave out of this dump. Going to see where it leads.
Be careful. That much refuse is bound to attract things that would love a free meal.
I could use a free meal right about now, too.
I'm in the castle.
Nobody is questioning a stray German Shepherd? I found that a little hard to believe.
I did not say I was in my canine form.
Oh, so nobody is going to notice a hellhound or horny, naked blue-demon?
Recall our past conversations. Not once, did I ever state that those were my only forms.
Dar?
Yes?
Please tell me one of them is an extension ladder.
I could feel him roll his eyes.
A really long rope?
You are disrupting my concentration.
And the conversation is keeping me from losing my mind and throwing up from the smell. What are you?
I will not say, but I can show you when you are free.
Okay. Long talk after I get out of the pit of misery.
I rounded the corner of the cave and stopped. Dead in my tracks. The entire cave was blocked by some sort of worm. As I backed up slowly, it lurched forward, its mouth splitting into three sections, displaying row after row of wickedly curved teeth that disappeared all the way down its gullet.
Found one of those things.
What things?
Things that like to eat garbage. It's looking at me like it hasn't eaten in a while.
I would suggest running.
I was already doing so. Worms should not be able to move that fast, but it was. I barely made it from the mouth of the cave when it sailed past me, diving head first into the mountain of trash. Ideally, I would have run into the cave as it came out, but its body was still inside. The thing was huge.
It pulled back and started waving its bulk from side to side. I was safe but stuck. Roaring in frustration, it brought more of its bulk into the cavern, giving itself enough leeway to curl around. It might eat trash, but it knew a fresh meal when it smelled one.
The part of it sticking out of the cave was starting to taper. I needed to get more of it into the cavern. It was the only way I would be able to squeeze by it.
Taking a chance, I ignited the air beside it.
In a cavern. With decomposing corpses. Releasing methane gas…
I started a fire.
Genius.
The worm monster screamed, I screamed, and the entire cavern went poof.
In an instant, the giant worm-beast was curled up on itself in the middle of the flaming garbage pile, writhing in circles to extinguish the flames burning it. I stopped, dropped, and rolled, rubbing my hair to put out where I was burning. Luckily, most of me was covered in decomposing corpse goop. It kept most of the flash fire from burning me too badly.
Getting back to my feet, I ran for the cave.
What the hell just happened?
Don't ask.
I'm to assume whatever it was caused the kitchen to explode?
Oops. Maybe.
Are you all right?
Peachy fucking keen. I'm heading through the cave. I'll let you know where I end up.
I ended up at a lake. An underground lake, glowing softly in the cavern it completely filled. It was beautiful and offered me a place to wash the muck off. Heedless of the danger, I jumped in, scrubbed, and crawled back out. I felt a thousand times better, but still smelled like ass.
Standing on the edge, I took in my new situation. Cavern full of glowing water, check. Cave on the other side, check. It was sink or swim
time.
Or get eaten.
I was in a crouch, ready to spring when I finally noticed the ledge. The glow from the water had almost completely camouflaged it. Only by putting myself lower did I see its reflection.
I went with plan B.
The going was slow, but I only almost fell into the water twice. Thankfully the cavern wasn't that large. When I reached the other side, I dropped to my knees in exhaustion.
How are you doing, Dot?
Made it past the monster and around the lake. About to go through another cave.
Lake?
Yeah, a blue-glowy lake. Pretty, but not something I needed right now. I just want to get the hell out of here.
It's blue…and glowing?
Yes?
There is a fountain in the courtyard, between the kitchen and the dining hall. It is glowing blue as well. The lake must be the water source.
I fail to see how that is relevant.
Is there a hole in the cavern above the lake?
Maaaybe. I don't know. Let me look.
Turning around, I walked back and glanced at the roof. This lake cavern wasn't fifty-feet high like the garbage pit. Maybe a little less than half of that. There was a hole, a little off center.
Yep. There's a hole. How did you know?
Because, right next to the kitchen is a well.
Oh. Cool.
You have no idea where I am going with this, do you?
Nope.
A well, Dot. With a bucket. I know you humans with your modern plumbing take things like this for granted, but surely, you've seen a well on television.
Like a bucket and cranky thing?
Yes! With a very long…rope.
Dar?
Yes?
I fucking love you, man.
I heard the crank of the winch before I saw the bucket. Finally, it came into view and I resisted the urge to shout and pump my fist into the air.
Looks like I'm going swimming after all.
I'd only gotten halfway there when the bucket finally dipped into the water, sending ripples toward me. A very large shadow passed beneath the bucket.
Fourth Rite: A Reverse Harem Tale (Lovin' the Coven Book 4) Page 19
