by Amy Ruttan
She loved San Diego and the ocean, it was where she’d grown up, but Austin had something else and she really was beginning to feel as if she belonged here.
She took a deep breath and felt a bit nervous suddenly. She was hoping that it wasn’t Kody. She hadn’t seen him in two months. She hadn’t seen him since they were in the hospital after the flood when she’d seen him with his family. They had promised each other after their night together that things wouldn’t be awkward, but they were.
For her anyway, because thinking about seeing him made her feel anxious.
And she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him. Ever since she’d seen him with his daughter, she was longing for that kind of connection. That kind of love.
A family.
Focus.
She could hear the sirens wailing and she steeled herself for the arrival of the patient. The ambulance came down the ramp toward the ER and pulled up in front of her. The doors opened and her heart skipped a beat when Kody’s back came into view. Her stomach did another flip and she took another deep breath, hoping she didn’t throw up.
Anxiety and a queasy stomach didn’t pair well together.
“Male, thirty, complaining of stomach pain of McBurney’s point. Fever of a hundred and two, vomiting and unable to pass gas...” He trailed off as he saw her.
“Thank you.” Sandra hoped that the heat she felt in her cheeks wasn’t turning into a full-on blush. She didn’t want this to be awkward, even though she knew that it was going to be. She’d been dreading this moment.
“I feel awful,” the patient groaned.
“Does it hurt here?” Sandra asked, examining the telltale sign of an appendix about to rupture. The man screamed in pain when she released.
“Yes!” The patient groaned. “It’s awful.”
“Okay, we’re going to get you in and do an exam.” Sandra began to push the gurney.
Kody helped her wheel the patient into a trauma pod. Another one of her residents came to assist.
“Dr. McKay, set up a line with the standard protocol of antibiotics and prep an OR for an emergency appendectomy.” She went to grab the ultrasound machine that they kept in the trauma room, but the motion of wheeling the ultrasound over made her head spin.
Dammit. Not now.
At least her stomach seemed a bit more settled, but she wasn’t impressed with this vertigo.
“Dr. Fraser, are you okay?” Kody asked, his hand steadying her causing a trail of goose bumps to spread across her skin.
“Fine,” she said quickly and moved out of his grasp. Only that was a lie. She was far from fine. The room was spinning, and it was all she could do to keep her vertigo in check. “You’re released, Mr. Davis, we got it from here.”
Kody nodded and stepped out of the trauma pod. At least she’d had the sense to release him this time, unlike the last time they had shared a trauma pod with a patient he’d brought in. And look how that had turned out.
Focus.
“Mr. Smythe?” Sandra said, glancing at the man’s file to get his name. “The gel for the ultrasound might be cold, but I have to check.”
Mr. Smythe just groaned and nodded.
Sandra squeezed the jelly onto his lower right abdomen and moved the wand carefully over McBurney’s point. She could see a very swollen appendix. She snapped off the machine.
“Mr. Smythe, we’re going to have to take you for surgery. Can my staff call anyone?”
“My wife...her contact is in my phone in my jacket.”
A nurse grabbed his jacket and took the information down.
“We’ll get you to the operating room shortly.” Sandra checked his pupils. “Dr. McKay, please prep the patient for surgery. I’ll meet you up there shortly.”
“Yes, Dr. Fraser.” Dr. McKay went to work.
The room began to spin and she knew she had to get out of there. She turned around and saw that Kody was lingering in the hall.
Why was he still here?
Mr. Smythe began to throw up and the smell hit her, making her reel, and before she knew what was happening or before she could reach Kody, the room tilted violently and her knees gave out from under her, the world around her going black before she hit the floor.
* * *
Kody was glad to see her.
He wanted to talk to her again and explain that he wasn’t trying to avoid her, it was just a shift change that he had been due to do. He had been pleasantly surprised to see her on the night shift, even if she looked a little worse for wear.
She was pale and looked as if she was sick.
She’d dismissed him from the trauma pod, but his shift was over, and his partner was in no rush to leave as he was dating a nurse here, so he thought it was the perfect moment to loiter and see if he could talk to her. To tell her where he’d been and that he wasn’t avoiding her.
Then she collapsed.
It happened so fast, he saw her knees give out from under her and it was all he could do to dash in there and catch her before she hit her head.
“Sandra?” He touched her face. “Sandra, speak to me.”
Her eyes were fluttering, but she wasn’t stirring.
“Get me a stretcher,” he called out to a couple of passing orderlies. “And get an attending here—Dr. Fraser has collapsed.”
The orderlies ran off and a nurse called another doctor.
“Dr. McKay, you can handle the patient, yeah?” Kody asked.
Dr. McKay nodded. “Of course. Take care of Dr. Fraser and I’ll page the on-call general surgeon.”
The orderlies came with a stretcher and Kody scooped Sandra up and laid her down on the stretcher. Her blood pressure was a little slow and her skin was clammy. If she was this sick, she shouldn’t be working. Why were doctors so stubborn?
Dr. Murdoch came rushing down the hall. “Kody, do you know what happened?”
“She collapsed. She seemed to have a touch of vertigo when she was examining the patient, but as she was leaving she just collapsed.” Kody had noticed the way she’d moved slowly. She’d closed her eyes and tried to brace herself. That was definitely vertigo.
Dr. Coombs came out of an adjacent trauma pod. Dr. Coombs had been a nurse five years ago and had been Jenny’s palliative care nurse and friend.
Megan smiled when she saw him. “Kody, I didn’t know you were on night-shift duty again.”
“Every so often I have to.”
Megan noticed Dr. Fraser. “What happened?”
“I don’t know. She fainted,” he said.
“She’s been feeling ill all night. She’s been throwing up, but I don’t think it’s a virus. She’s been feeling this way for a couple of weeks.”
“Obviously she’s not over it.”
Dr. Murdoch listened to her heart as Sandra came to.
“What happened?” she asked groggily and then her eyes widened when she saw him, Dr. Murdoch and Dr. Coombs hovering over her. “Where’s my patient?”
“You fainted. Dr. McKay has your appendectomy and is calling in the on-call general surgeon,” Dr. Murdoch stated.
She tried to sit up, but Kody made her lie back down.
“You fainted,” he said gently.
“What?” she asked.
“Dr. Fraser, is there any chance you could be pregnant?” Dr. Murdoch asked.
Kody’s blood froze and all the memories of Jenny and her awful morning sickness came rushing back. The vertigo, the fainting, and Megan had said Sandra had been sick the last couple of weeks.
“No,” Sandra said, laughing. “No. Not a chance.”
Dr. Murdoch cocked his thick gray brows. “Nonetheless, I think we’re going to run a blood panel and check for HCG levels. Until then, you’re not working. I want you resting. Dr. Coombs, will you wheel Dr. Fraser into one of our exam rooms, please?”
“Yes, Dr. Murdoch.”
Sandra looked frustrated and Kody followed Dr. Coombs, who was wheeling Sandra into an exam room. Once the door was shut Sandra sat upright.
“This is silly. I’m not pregnant. I’m infertile. I can’t have children.”
Dr. Coombs said nothing as she prepared the test.
“You’re going to humor Dr. Murdoch and get a blood test. You might not be pregnant, but maybe he can figure out why you’ve been sick for the last couple of weeks,” Kody said.
“How did you know?” Then she shot Megan a look.
“I’m sorry, Dr. Fraser. Dr. Murdoch requested it.” Megan bit her lip as she tied the tourniquet around Sandra’s arm.
“Fine.” Sandra lay back and closed her eyes.
He had this strange feeling that the test was going to be positive and he didn’t know quite what to think about that. Of course, if she was, he’d love the child, there was no question about that, but he wasn’t sure that he could marry her.
How would they raise this kid together?
And, this set back a lot of his plans. Again.
It’s your child.
Yeah, he could do anything for his child. The only thing that upset him was the thought he wouldn’t see this child every day as he saw Lucy.
He watched as Dr. Coombs did the blood work and when she left, when they were finally alone in the room, he let out the breath he had been holding.
“I can’t believe I fainted,” Sandra murmured. “And I can’t believe half the hospital will now be whispering and speculating that I’m pregnant.”
“I don’t think Dr. Coombs or Dr. Murdoch will say anything,” Kody said. “Any time that I’ve dealt with them they’ve been professional.”
Sandra sat up. “It’s not them, but the orderlies.”
“Ah,” Kody said. “Well, you can’t be pregnant, can you? I mean, we didn’t use anything...but you said you couldn’t have kids.”
“I can’t be.” Sandra sighed. “I couldn’t get pregnant naturally. My fertility doctor said I had unexplained infertility. He didn’t know why I couldn’t get pregnant and if I did through IVF, he didn’t know why I miscarried the baby before I even knew I was pregnant. I tried everything with my ex-husband. I can’t get pregnant. Not the traditional way.”
His heart sank as he thought about the cancer that Jenny had. How they didn’t even know until it was too late. When she got sick and they sat in a doctor’s office, thinking they were going to have another baby and finding out that Jenny had advanced ovarian cancer instead.
He’d made his peace that there wasn’t going to be any other child but Lucy, but that anxious thought about cancer, the horror of what happened to Jenny came rushing back. The thoughts of Sandra having cancer made him sick.
“Does cancer run in your family?” he asked quietly.
“I don’t know.” She sighed. “I was adopted, as you know, and I haven’t had the guts to find out who my birth parents were and find out my genetic makeup.”
“I thought all doctors did that?” he asked.
“I had great adoptive parents who loved me and, with all the infertility stuff, I never thought to look. I should. Perhaps that would explain why I couldn’t have a child, but I wasn’t really thinking about that back then.
“Why are you asking about cancer?”
“Jenny thought she was pregnant again and it was ovarian cancer.”
“Way to think positive.” She sighed. “I’m sorry. I understand your worry.”
“I’m sorry too.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I doubt it is that. Sorry for projecting my worry onto you.”
She buried her head in her hands. “I just hope they find out what it is so I can get back to work. Ever since the flash flood, nothing has been the same.”
“I wanted to talk to you about that,” he said.
“Oh?”
“I haven’t been purposely avoiding you, if that’s what you were thinking. I’m on a different rotation. I’m on night shifts now. I started that rotation a couple days after the flood and I knew that was my rotation before...” He trailed off. “Before the cabin.”
“Thanks. I haven’t been avoiding you either. I’ve just been so sick during the day and a bit better at night, but tonight I started my shift with a junkie who smelled like garbage and cannabis, which made me retch. Then the appendectomy patient, when he started throwing up and I just lost all of my control.” She swallowed hard. “Ugh, just thinking about it.”
“Don’t make yourself sick again,” he said gently.
“Right.” She chuckled. “I can’t believe I fainted.”
“Neither can I. You scared me.”
“I’m glad you were there.” She reached out and held his hand. “You don’t have to stay.”
“Yeah, I do. It’s no problem. We’re friends, right?” Even though he wanted to be more than friends. He wanted to tell her that he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her since that night in the cabin.
He wanted more from her; he just wasn’t sure he could give her what she deserved.
He wasn’t sure he could open his heart for her.
Sandra deserved so much better than only half his heart.
“Of course we’re friends.” She leaned against him and he sat down next to her.
“Don’t puke on me, though, okay?” he teased.
Sandra laughed. “No promises.”
“You really have a wonderful laugh. I like this side of you.”
“What side is that? Vomiting, fainting, vertigo doctor?”
“Relaxed. Yourself.” Just as she’d been that night in the cabin. She wasn’t holding herself back. She wasn’t hiding who she was to keep people at a distance, as she usually did.
She smiled at him weakly. “I haven’t been myself in a long time.”
There was a knock at the door and Dr. Murdoch came in, his expression serious. “I have your results, Dr. Fraser.”
Kody stood up and held Sandra’s hand. He hoped it wasn’t cancer and he had a moment of panic, standing there waiting for the results.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Davis, but you have stage four ovarian cancer, with metastases to the liver, lungs and pancreas. I’m so very sorry.”
Kody shook that thought away. Well, whatever it was he was here for her. She was alone and needed him.
“What is it, Dr. Murdoch?” Sandra asked.
“Congratulations, Dr. Fraser, but you are indeed pregnant. About eight weeks along, I’d say, but we’ll do an ultrasound to be sure.”
And Kody suddenly felt as if he was going to faint.
CHAPTER FIVE
PREGNANT?
Sandra wasn’t quite sure she heard what Dr. Murdoch was saying. She blinked a couple of times, because she felt as if suddenly she were in some kind of alternative reality. She’d been told countless times she would never get pregnant unassisted.
And the couple of times she had got pregnant with IVF she’d lost the baby before she’d even known she was pregnant.
She’d never carried a baby past six weeks. Ever. She’d only ever conceived via IVF and now Dr. Murdoch was saying she was eight weeks pregnant!
“Pardon? What did you say?” she asked him again.
“You’re pregnant. Your blood test confirmed elevated levels of the hormone HCG, which corresponds with a gestational age of about eight weeks. I’m going to get the ultrasound ready and we’ll see what we can find.” Dr. Murdoch left the room.
“Did he just say...?” Kody let go of her hand and ran his hands through his hair, making his usually neat black hair stand up on end. “Did he just say you’re pregnant?”
“I think I’m going to be sick.” Her stomach was turning, and she began to panic. It was all too much to take in and she couldn’t quite believe it.
; It was like a dream come true, but not in the way she expected at all.
Kody grabbed a kidney bowl and Sandra threw up in it, while Kody held back her hair. Once she was done, he took it away and then handed her a paper towel. She lay back down and tears stung her eyes.
“How can I be pregnant?” she whispered.
“Well...” Kody teased.
She sat up and slapped his arm. “This is no time for jokes!”
“Who’s joking?” Kody said, astonished.
“What am I going to do?” She’d spent so long trying to get pregnant, she’d lost pregnancies she hadn’t even known about and had been through some painful procedures and nothing had taken. And if it had, it had never lasted long. She’d been so disappointed and heartbroken so many times. And there was no reason for her unexplained infertility. She had a bit of post-traumatic stress from it all.
She’d resigned herself to never having a baby and now, after one night with Kody, she was pregnant.
It almost seemed unbelievable. She didn’t believe it. It was probably a phantom pregnancy or something. There was no way she could be pregnant.
Dr. Murdoch returned with the ultrasound. He dimmed the lights and wheeled it over to Sandra.
“Lift up your scrub shirt—you know the jelly will be cold?” Dr. Murdoch stated in his matter-of-fact way.
“I know, Burt.” Sandra tucked the towel into the waist of her pants and pulled up her shirt. She was hoping that Dr. Murdoch would find something with the ultrasound, because otherwise she would have to make an appointment for a vaginal ultrasound with her OB/GYN because there was no way she was having Burt Murdoch perform that test on her tonight.
She watched the screen intently.
“Ah, there it is.” Dr. Murdoch smiled at her. “That little dot, with the flickering. Do you see it?”
Sandra peered closely and could make out what looked like a little bean or something and the subtle flicker of a heart, fluttering away. It was a fully formed, tiny fetus. She knew by eight weeks that toes and fingers were being formed. She began to cry, covering her mouth. She could hardly believe it. It was true: there was a baby in there.
