Pregnant with the Paramedic's Baby

by Amy Ruttan

  She got dressed in her room and then quietly made her way out into her living room. She had her tea all made and some dry toast, the sun was coming up and it was quiet. It was the perfect time to go through her old notes and see what she could find.

  When she was a resident and learning under her attending, when she first decided to become a trauma surgeon, she was really interested in the way that army surgeons set up portable emergency rooms in the harshest environments. A hospital was a great place to practice emergency medicine, but she always felt that doctors in this field didn’t get the real hands-on experience that surgeons in the armed forces did.

  It was a pipe dream of hers to start a course at the hospital that would teach residents the importance of fieldwork medicine. It was important to also extend this knowledge for the paramedics and other first responders.

  Rolling Creek didn’t have a simulation lab. They ran simulations, but they didn’t have the state-of-the-art lab that her hospital in San Diego had had. And that was a shame, since Rolling Creek was a great hospital in a burgeoning city.

  And then Sandra knew what she wanted to work on.

  She wanted to develop a course to teach residents, surgeons and first responders about large-scale disasters and how to practice medicine in less than ideal situations.

  Her brain lit up and she began typing up her proposal as fast as her fingers would let her. It was the first time in a long time that she’d felt so energized and excited.

  “Sandra?” Kody called her name and she glanced over her shoulder to see him walking into the living room. He was holding his side, but he was dressed.

  “Oh, sorry. Did I wake you?”

  “No, it’s almost noon. I’m sorry that I slept in.”

  “It’s almost noon?” She checked the time on her computer, and he was right. She’d been working for four hours nonstop.

  “What’re you doing?” he asked and came and sat down on the couch.

  “Well, Jocelyn suggested that I work on a proposal for a research grant. That way I can still work and keep my mind focused on the medicine, but not be risking my health or the baby’s health by being on my feet all day on the trauma floor.”

  “I think you told me this, but I really can’t remember. It seems familiar.” He yawned.

  She laughed. “You weren’t remembering much yesterday, my friend.”

  “So, what’s your proposal about?” he asked.

  “A new course and a proposal for an upgraded simulation lab. I want to be able to teach the first responders as well as the doctors how to set up a mobile emergency room. One that can be used in large-scale disasters, especially in times when it isn’t feasible to get the patients to the hospital, but time is of the essence to save their life.”

  “That sounds great and it sounds like something I would love to take.”

  She smiled, pleased that Kody was into it. “How did you sleep last night?”

  “Terribly. I couldn’t get comfortable. I sleep on my side and not my back.”

  “I’m the opposite. I sleep on my stomach and back, not my side, but I can’t sleep on my back. When I do, I feel this pressure, probably from the baby.”

  “Then we’re both a bit skunked, aren’t we?” he teased.

  “How is your head?”

  “Good. Other than the stitches hurting, I don’t think that I have a concussion.”

  “Well, that’s lucky.” She saved her work. “I’ll get you something to eat. You just stay there.”

  The moment she’d been told that it was noon, her stomach had growled. She knew it was better to eat small meals more frequently when you were pregnant, but she had been completely absorbed in her work and excited for it.

  She made up a couple of sandwiches and brought them out for Kody on a tray with some sweet tea for him and his medications.

  “Thanks,” he said, wincing and setting down his phone. “That was Sally. Robbie is doing well and his leg was moving. So hopefully no paralysis. I told her my head was as fine as it could be.”

  “I’m sure she had something interesting to say when you told her that.”

  Kody chuckled. “Yeah, Sweet Pea always did have a scathing retort or two.”

  “She cares about you a lot, though, scathing retorts aside. You’re lucky.”

  He nodded. “I know and I care about her too. And you.”

  His admission caught her off guard. “What?”

  “I care about you, Sandra. How could I not? You’re carrying my baby.”

  “You’ve been avoiding me since that moment in the park with your in-laws.”

  He sighed. “I know. I was feeling guilty.”

  “For what?”

  “I don’t know.”

  It was a lie. Sandra could see right through that. She was good at reading people working in the emergency room, but she wasn’t going to push him. She just hoped in time that he would tell his in-laws about their baby, because she hoped that Kody would be in her baby’s life.

  “I want to thank you again for the picture of the baby,” he said. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

  “There was an accident. I understand.”

  “I know, but I still wanted to be there.”

  “We should tell people now. Your daughter and your in-laws should be the next to know...since Sally already knows.”

  “Right. Yeah, we should.”

  He’s lying again.

  And that made her hurt.

  What did you expect?

  And she didn’t know how to answer that. She didn’t know what to expect.

  * * *

  The week went by smoothly.

  Kody was healing nicely and didn’t have a concussion. By day three he was moving around easily, and Sandra had checked his ribs. There was a lot of bruising, but for the most part he was doing well.

  Sandra continued to work on her grant proposal and Kody provided excellent insight on his time as a paramedic, which helped enormously.

  It was nice living with him. It was nice to talk to someone in the morning and have meals with him. It was nice to sit out on her porch with sweet tea and watch the sunrise or sunset.

  It was nice knowing that she wasn’t alone. And she realized that when she’d been married to Alex, even though they’d been sleeping in the same bed and living together, she’d felt alone. Being here with Kody during this week he’d stayed with her was completely different than anything she’d ever experienced before.

  It made her dread the end of the week, when he would have to return to his place because his daughter would be coming home.

  Sandra wished things were different between the two of them and she wished Lucy and Kody could come and live with her and the new baby, but that was just a fantasy, and Sandra knew it was also all the hormones that were making her feel like this.

  Which was so out of character for her.

  It would be best when Kody went home so that she could get back to some semblance of normality.

  At the end of the week Sally was coming to pick him up and take him home because Lucy was returning from her trip with her grandparents.

  She found him packing his bag and she was sad watching him pack up to leave, but she understood. This was not his home.

  “You got everything?” she asked, hoping that her voice remained steady and didn’t betray her actual feelings.

  “I think so.” He picked up the sonogram of their baby. “Almost forgot this.”

  “Are you going to tell Lucy about the baby?”

  “No. Not yet.”

  “Why?” She tried to hide her disappointment that he didn’t seem to want anyone to know about the baby. He said he did, but she knew it was a lie. Why was he so ashamed of it? Was it her?

  “We’ll both tell Lucy, together,” he said, smiling.

  “Sure
.” Only she didn’t really believe him. Even if he was happy about the baby, and she knew that he would love the baby, she knew that he wished it’d never happened. It was another child, with a woman who was not his wife.

  It was just one more thing holding him back. She knew that.

  And she felt guilty about it.

  There was a knock at the door and Sandra let Kody finish packing so that she could let Sally in.

  Sally smiled brightly at her. “Is he ready?”

  “Almost. Can I get you something to drink?” Sandra asked.

  “No. I’m good.” Sally worried her bottom lip. “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m feeling good. I’m just over eleven weeks now, but we haven’t told Lucy. We wanted to wait until after the first trimester, given my history.”

  “That’s understandable. Well, I’m glad you’re feeling okay and I’m really very excited.” Sally smiled at her. “I can’t wait to meet him or her.”

  “Thanks. That means a lot.” And it did, because Sandra had no one on her side that was excited for her. No family who cared.

  She was alone.

  “Hey, Sweet Pea. Is Lucy home yet?”

  “Nope, their flight lands in an hour. So we can get you home and break the news about the accident to them then.” Sally took Kody’s bag and waved goodbye to her.

  Sandra sighed. “Good luck with telling your in-laws about your accident. At least Lucy will be happy to have you home for a few more weeks.”

  “That she will. Thank you for taking care of me. I appreciate it.” He leaned forward and kissed her on the top of her head. “I’ll let you know how it goes and we’ll talk soon about telling Lucy.”

  “Sure. Okay.”

  Kody left her house and Sandra stood at the door, watching Sally help him into her car and then drive away, leaving her alone again. The house was so quiet.

  She hadn’t realized how much she would miss him, but she knew it was for the best.

  Was it?

  Still, she was surprised by how much she missed him.

  * * *

  Kody was glad to be home. Sally got him all settled, and Kody just wandered around his tiny house in the city limits. When he looked outside his window, all he could see was a row of houses, cookie-cutter and similar to his. All lined up. There was no meadow, no foothills he could look at.

  The backyards were tiny and there was no room to grow.

  He was envious of Sandra’s home. He’d enjoyed his week there. He’d enjoyed being with Sandra. Even though his house was smaller, coming back after a week with her, his house felt empty.

  He really missed being with her. He missed their talks, he missed discussing her grant proposal and he missed being able to see her every day. To watch his child growing. Even though there was only a slight swell to her stomach, his baby was in there.

  And he was excited for the day he could feel the baby move.

  He was excited to tell Lucy about it.

  As he was standing there a car pulled in the driveway behind his car.

  “They’re back, Sally!” Kody called out. His sister was puttering around in the kitchen.

  Lucy came bounding up the steps. “Daddy!”

  She made as if she wanted to jump up in his arms, but he took a step back and Lucy frowned, noticing his head was still bandaged. “Daddy, what’s wrong? What happened?”

  Myrtle and Ted came in and saw the bandage too.

  “What happened?” Ted asked.

  “My rig was in an accident.” Kody took a seat on the couch and Lucy climbed up beside him, curling herself under his arm.

  Myrtle gasped. “Oh, my gosh. Why didn’t you tell us?”

  “I was fine. I have some broken ribs and a head wound that’s healed. But that’s it. I’m off work for about six weeks.”

  “When did this happen?” Ted asked.

  “The day after you left.”

  “You should have told us!” Myrtle chastised. “We would’ve come back.”

  “I was fine,” Kody said. “I didn’t want to ruin your vacation. I was well looked after. My doctor friend took care of me.”

  “Sandra?” Lucy piped up and instantly Kody regretted saying that his doctor friend had looked after him.

  “Who is Sandra?” Myrtle asked.

  “My doctor friend. She’s new to Austin and, yes, she helped take care of me. Sally as well.” He was hoping that was enough of an excuse, because he didn’t want to have to explain Sandra to Myrtle and Ted right now.

  “Well, we have something for you. Maybe on your six weeks off you can study for it,” Ted said as he pulled out a flyer.

  “What’s this?” Kody asked.

  “Flying lessons,” Myrtle said. “We know that you and Jenny had plans and we know a lot of that was put on hold for so long, so we decided to start you off with some flying lessons. There’s some bookwork you have to do, but you can start that now while you’re off work.”

  Kody stared at the brochure. Stunned. He didn’t know what to say; all he could feel was a gnawing sense of guilt.

  Myrtle and Ted did so much for him, and how did he repay them? By moving on from their daughter.

  “Thank you both.” That was all he could say.

  He couldn’t tell them anything else, but he knew one thing.

  He didn’t deserve it.

  He didn’t deserve any of it.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Eight weeks later

  SANDRA WALKED OUT of her second meeting with the board of directors since she had first submitted her proposal to them. She was feeling cautiously optimistic that the board was going to approve the work to add to their simulation lab and start the process of teaching residents and first responders the course she’d meticulously outlined.

  The last eight weeks had flown by and even though she hadn’t seen much of Kody, other than the occasional phone call to check how she was, she had really been able to hunker down and focus on her work.

  She was hoping they would’ve told Lucy about the baby by now, but Lucy had been so distressed by Kody’s accident they’d decided to wait. And then she didn’t hear anything more.

  She just hoped they decided to tell her soon because mostly everyone knew she was pregnant now. They could tell by the round swell of her belly. She had been slim to begin with and it was harder to hide the fact that she was pregnant, but the baby was still doing well. Still strong and, at nineteen weeks, her morning sickness had all but disappeared.

  And she wanted Lucy to know, but she wasn’t going to worry about it because there was nothing she could do.

  Kody knew what was best for his daughter and she had to stop worrying about it.

  The last thing she needed was stress and, after this board meeting, she was feeling like her old self again. She was feeling confident and ready to really get to work on the project. It might not be surgery, but it was still something she was passionate about.

  “Sandra!”

  Sandra turned to see Dr. Ohe coming toward her with an envelope.

  “Jocelyn, it’s good to see you. I didn’t miss an appointment, did I?”

  “No, no. I just knew that you were here today meeting the board of directors for a second time. How did it go?”

  “Well, I think. I hope that it did.”

  “I’m sure that it did.” Jocelyn took a deep breath and held out the envelope for Sandra to take. “Your DNA results.”

  Sandra’s heart skipped a beat and she took the envelope from Jocelyn. “I don’t know if I can open it. I got a letter from the state about my adoption record, but I haven’t been able to open that one either.”

  “Well, this one won’t have names, but you’ll be able to see what is in your DNA. I had a glance. There’s nothing too worrying that your baby might inherit.”

  Sandra le
t out a sigh of relief. “Well, that’s at least something.”

  Jocelyn smiled. “Still, for your own sake you should read it and let me know if you have any questions.”

  “Thanks, Jocelyn.” Sandra’s hands trembled as she held the envelope.

  Jocelyn left and Sandra wandered over to a quiet spot in the atrium of the hospital. She was staring at the envelope and didn’t know what to make of it. She was glad that she had it, but she was terrified to open it.

  You’ve been wondering about it for so long.

  Only she couldn’t do it. Not here. She jammed the envelope into her briefcase and glanced up in time to see Kody coming toward her. He was back in his paramedic’s uniform. He looked happy to see her.

  Don’t be fooled. It’s an act.

  And she had to remind herself of that. Even if she wanted more, it was clear that he didn’t, and she wasn’t going to risk her heart again. No matter how much she wanted to.

  “I thought that was you over there. What’re you doing here, Sandra?” he asked.

  “I could ask the same of you, but it’s obvious you’ve been cleared to return to work.”

  “Light duties, but yeah. I’m on dispatch at the fire station, but I was just here after my shift to harass Robbie during his physiotherapy session. I didn’t have time to change.”

  She smiled. “How is Robbie?”

  “He’s doing well.” His gaze landed on her small round belly. “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m good. I was here for my grant proposal. Second meeting, so it’s looking good.”

  “That’s great. We’re really rooting for you at the fire station. It would be good for all of us.”

  “It would.” She smiled; it was so easy to talk to him. She’d forgotten how easy. “I’ve missed you.”

  He reached out and took her hand. “I’ve missed you too.”

  “Why haven’t you called?” she asked. “I thought we were going to tell Lucy.”

  “Lucy’s been sick with tonsillitis and chicken pox. I didn’t want you or the baby exposed to that.”

  “Oh! Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I did. Of course, the night we briefly chatted you were very distracted...something about a research grant?” He smiled at her and her cheeks bloomed with heat.