Malcolm shook his head. “In the future perhaps.”
“We are not welcome at Fraser Keep. Why would ye go?” Ruari stood and stretched out the tightness in his back.
“I think ye should come. Bring Esme. Tis best to get the situation controlled. If he stands with the decision that ye are not welcome, then I will break the alliance.”
Ruari’s eyebrows shot up. His cousin…brother’s support touched him. “Ye do not need to do it…”
“Ye are like a brother to me. I will not relent on this.” Malcolm walked toward the kitchen. “We leave shortly.”
“Esme.” Ruari stood next to the bed. His wife was fast asleep, her hair, having escaped the braid, forming a halo of brown waves. She was a beautiful sight.
“Esme,” he repeated, this time touching her shoulder. “Wake.”
Her eyes opened slowly. And then startled, her eyes widened. “Is something wrong?”
So many things.
“Malcolm is traveling to see yer father. We are going, as well.”
When she rubbed her eyes and yawned, the enticing picture was not lost on him. Ruari stepped back and went to a chest to pull out a change of clothing.
“Ruari? Why are we going?” She’d slipped from the bed and came to stand next to him. “Talk to me.”
“Malcolm wishes to discuss our clans’ alliance with yer father.”
“Oh.” In silence, she padded across the room to a wardrobe where her clothes hung. “Why are we going?” she repeated in a soft voice.
He’d not asked Malcolm what he considered doing if the alliance was broken. There were several options. The marriage could be dissolved if both lairds decided, or they could remain married and Esme would have to break her ties with Clan Fraser.
Unsure if she knew, he decided to be honest. “If the alliance continues, then everything remains as is. Although I am not sure how Malcolm will react if I am still not welcome. He vows to break the alliance if so.”
Esme stopped in the middle of fastening her dress. “If the alliance ends, then what will happen to us?”
“The lairds can decide to dissolve our marriage or ye will have the choice to break away from Clan Fraser.”
When she gasped, Ruari fought to offer comfort. If his mother had taught him anything, it was that no matter how long and how often one tried to gain affection through actions, it rarely had the desired effect.
“We leave momentarily. I will wait for ye downstairs in the kitchens.” Ruari grabbed the bundle of clothes and looked at her. “Bring a change of clothes. I will get some food for us.”
Esme took a step toward him, but he turned and walked out of the room.
*
The ride to her family’s lands was at a good pace. They stopped often to allow the horses to rest. It was almost pleasant, as Malcolm’s wife, Elspeth, as well as Ceilidh and her husband, Ian, traveled in the group.
There was a large contingent of warriors, Esme guessed it to be almost a hundred. The Ross banner, currently staked into the ground, waved in the breeze.
Esme had joined the other women earlier to relieve themselves. So this time, when everyone sat on blankets that had been spread on the grass and ate, she remained at Ruari’s side.
He’d been silent most of the trip, guiding the horses that pulled their wagon with calm precision. In the back of the wagon were thick blankets, clothing and food.
Esme noted that Elspeth and Ceilidh rode in a carriage, since they traveled with children.
When Ruari lay back, hands beneath his head and stared up at the sky, Esme moved closer. “Ye remain angry with me. I understand. Can ye not see why I wished to go and ensure my brother was not in peril?”
Ruari closed his eyes. “This is not the time to discuss what happened.”
Unable to keep from it, Esme pushed his shoulder. “If not now, then when? Ye have kept from me for days, avoiding me. I made a mistake. Have ye never…”
He sat up abruptly and glanced around. “Get up.” He stood and stalked away from a nearby group to an area where no one could overhear them.
Esme couldn’t help but fear the worst. Was he about to tell her that he wished to end the marriage? Her chest constricted and her eyes watered, but she blinked it away and forced herself to remain strong.
Ruari stood straight, arms to his sides in a proud pose that made him seem larger than life. His gaze was flat when meeting hers. “If the Mackenzie would have taken yer appearance as a threat, he could have decided to declare war on either Clan Ross or Clan Fraser. If ye would have been injured or killed by the men who found ye, war would have followed. By honor, Clan Ross would have declared war. Yer little escapade could have cost countless lives.”
Esme remained silent, unsure how to reply.
Her husband continued. “I had promised to meet with important visitors that day since Malcolm had to go to the village for an urgent matter. I had to leave my duties to chase after ye, and all this only so ye could visit yer family.”
When she started to say something, he gave her a pointed look. “There was little ye could have done if Keithen was in danger. Ye are lucky the Mackenzie did not keep ye as a prisoner, a bargaining tool to take yer clan over.” His chest lifted and fell with each word. Although he kept the tone even, the undercurrent of restrained fury was terrifying.
It was the first time someone had been so furious with her and Esme wasn’t quite sure what to say or do. He thought her a self-absorbed simpleton. Perhaps she was.
“I apologized. I admit that I did not consider any of the things as ye explain them. There is little I can do now, other than be thankful the outcome was not worse.”
Ruari blew out an annoyed breath and attempted to return to where the others were, but Esme blocked him. “What about us?”
There was a flash of uncertainty in his eyes, but he quickly looked away and shrugged. “I do not know. It is as I explained it to ye this morning.”
“Do ye wish to end our marriage?” Esme touched his arm. “I do not.”
When his gaze jerked to hers, he studied her face and his brow fell. “Why do ye say that? Do ye really wish to remain? Even if it means turning yer back on Clan Fraser?”
“I would never do that, Ruari. Understand me…”
This time, he rounded her and stalked away.
It was enough, Esme lost control and raced after him. She yanked at his arm. “Do not walk away. I listened to ye, will ye not do the same?”
After he let out a breath, Ruari crossed his arms and looked down at her. “I know where yer loyalties lay. There is nothing else to be said.”
Esme opened her mouth, but no words came. Could she turn her back on her clan if the lairds decided against an alliance? She was now a Ross by marriage, and she was a proud Fraser by birth.
Arriving at her home was strange. Entering through the gates, Esme felt like a visitor looking from the cart to where her father, mother and brother stood at the entrance in welcome.
Malcolm and Elspeth were first to be greeted and then Ruari’s uncle, Gregor, who’d insisted on attending the negotiations. Being cousin to the laird meant Ruari and she would be greeted after them.
When they approached, her mother hugged her. As happy as she was to see her mother, Esme was more focused on how her father reacted to Ruari being there. The men exchanged cordial greetings, which made it hard to tell what, exactly, was transpiring internally. She then looked to Keithen who gave her a warm smile. Her heart leaped with joy at seeing he was, indeed, alive and well.
As a group, everyone walked into the great room. The entire time, her mother talked about inconsequential things. “Mother, are ye aware we are here to discuss whether the clans will continue in an alliance?”
Her mother nodded. “I heard something about it. Of course, it is nothing for us to concern ourselves with.”
For a long beat, Esme considered telling her mother how much of it concern it was. In that moment, she noticed the pasted smile and worried look her mot
her directed toward her father. For an instant, the truth was revealed. Her mother feared facing reality. Sadness engulfed Esme at the knowledge.
With an overly bright smile, her mother took her hand. “Come along. Let the men do whatever it is they plan. Ye must see Catriona. She is so much better.”
“Does she leave the bedchamber now?”
“If she wished to, I am sure she would,” her mother replied with a chuckle. “I think she enjoys spending time alone.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Laird Fraser waited until they were served and then sent everyone except for Keithen, Malcolm, Uncle Gregor and Ruari away. Once the door closed, he leaned forward and met Ruari’s gaze. “Accept my apologies for how I treated ye. I should not have reacted as I did. There is no excuse for my treatment of ye, as my daughter’s husband and an allied clan member.”
Ruari bent his head and then lifted it to look at the laird. “I accept yer apology.”
“Good,” Laird Fraser replied. “It gives me ease to hear it. I do mean it genuinely.”
Ruari believed the apology was heartfelt. He’d not allowed Esme as much consideration. Ruari frowned at the realization. Why had he not believed it when she’d said words that made sense?
Malcolm spoke next, outlining an agreement that would give Laird Fraser a right to call upon them if the need arose. Again, it was reiterated that Clan Ross would act as reinforcements only until the larger Clan Fraser’s warriors arrived.
The agreement was made, and a scribe was sent for. While they waited, Gregor, Malcolm and Laird Fraser continued the conversation regarding logistics and such.
“Can I speak to ye in private?” Keithen said to Ruari motioning to the doorway.
“Aye. Of course.”
They walked to a small courtyard. Keithen then glanced around to ensure not to be overheard. “Do ye know what I was doing on Mackenzie lands?”
“I believe I do,” Ruari replied. “Ye are treading dangerously. It could cause a clan war if ye are discovered.”
Keithen Fraser was built for war, with the build of a predator. Sleek and muscular, the air of restrained power surrounded him. Unlike Esme, who had dark brown hair, her brother’s hair was sun streaked, the color of sunsets.
“They took my mother and almost killed Catriona. I must make them pay.”
“Yer father is not aware then.” Ruari didn’t state it as a question.
Keithen shook his head.
“Ye should not continue. It is rash and will not change what has happened.”
The man’s lips curled into a snarl. “What if they had harmed my sister in the way they did Catriona?”
Ruari inhaled sharply. He’d been ready to go to war to save her. That his life could have been in danger had not mattered.
“I see ye understand then.” Keithen pulled the door open and went back inside. When Ruari returned to the laird’s study, Malcolm looked to him in question.
“I would like to ask something,” Ruari told the laird and everyone looked to him. “I plan to give my wife a choice to remain or return with me. Either way, she will remain my wife. I ask that ye allow her to live here if she chooses to stay.”
Laird Fraser’s confused look mirrored Keithen’s. “Women are not to be given such liberties.”
“Yer daughter slipped away and was captured by the Mackenzie,” Malcolm said. “Her actions put our clan in peril of war.”
The laird got to his feet. “I must speak to her immediately. Why was I not informed?”
“It is something that I wished to tell ye in person. She claims to have left because of a letter she received,” Ruari said. “I would rather she stay here than have another incident occurring with the potential for dire consequences.”
A short time later, Esme appeared. Gregor and Keithen left the room so only Ruari and the two lairds remained.
Ruari’s heart thudded when Esme looked to them with obvious confusion. She swallowed visibly and then walked to where he was and sat next to him.
“I must tell ye how disappointed I am to hear of yer escapade.” The laird’s voice shook with fury. “Do ye have any idea how frail the truce with the Mackenzie is?”
Esme nodded but remained silent. Her face, however, turned red and her eyes became glossy.
Malcolm looked into Ruari’s eyes before speaking next. “We have decided to give ye a choice in this matter. We cannot risk ye deciding to escape again, so if ye prefer to remain here, Ruari agrees to remain married to ye.”
Wide-eyed, she turned to him.
Ruari met her gaze. “It is yer choice, Esme.”
“I have already told my husband I wish to remain with him.” Esme glared around the room. “I am aware of my mistake and do not need to be treated like a child, punished over and over for it.”
“Ye are not being punished,” Malcolm stated.
Her father shook his head. “Ye have an understanding husband. Most would end the marriage.”
Esme turned to Ruari. “If ye wish to end the marriage, just say so, Husband. I have already repeated over and over again that I wish to remain with ye. I want to stay married because I love ye. But if ye do not feel the same and wish me to stay here, I will. Oh, to hell with all of ye.” She pushed from the table so hard, it moved. Then after one more glare, she raced away.
The men remained silent. Malcolm and Laird Fraser looking everywhere but directly at Ruari.
“Mayhap ye should go speak to her,” Malcolm finally said.
He found her pacing in the same courtyard in which he’d just spoken with Keithen. When seeing him, she turned away, but not before he saw she was crying. “Go away, Ruari. Just leave. I will remain here.”
“Ye can return with me.” He reached for her and she shrugged away. “The offer was so that ye can be safe.”
There was fire in her eyes. “Twice, I have told ye how I feel.” She wiped at tears that continued to spill. “And both times, ye dismiss it. I was forced on ye and now ye have found a way to rid yerself of me.”
“Esme,” he started. “I have hope that we are able to remain as husband and wife.”
“That is not how I see it,” she snapped. “Ye keep repeating that I can stay here, and I have told ye each time that I do not wish it. It is almost as if ye do not want to hear it.”
Ruari was at a loss. As if he were being pulled under water, he struggled to find the adequate words. Why would Esme want to remain with him? The idea was foreign. Nothing formed in his mind other than the thought to get away and return to the simple life of living in the stables back at Ross Keep where he didn’t have to fear anymore loss.
“Yer silence makes my decision easier,” Esme said. Her eyes filled with sorrow and she shook her head. “I will stay.”
For a long moment, after his wife walked away, Ruari remained still. He felt if he took one step, he’d falter and collapse. He remembered sensations that he’d not felt since being left at Ross Keep, both his parents leaving. He struggled to take breaths before he stumbled to a nearby wall and leaned against it.
No longer a lad, but a grown man, a strong fighter, he refused to allow sensations of rejection to take purchase. He struck the wall with his fist, the pain helping bring a semblance of control.
*
The entire trip back to Ross Keep, Ruari refused to speak to anyone. After growing tired of the glares from Malcolm and Ian’s wives, he urged his mount to a gallop and left the party. Several guards, thinking it a race, followed suit. Upon arriving, he ensured his horse was brushed down, watered and fed and then he went to the rooms just behind the stable.
Had those rooms always been so sparse? A bed, tiny table and a dusty trunk were the only items in one. In the other, there were two chairs and a slender table on one side with the rest of the space empty. The window had no covering and a spider had decided to use its skills to provide one.
“I thought I’d find ye here.” Ewan stood at the doorway, making the already small space shrink.
“I p
refer to be alone.”
His cousin shrugged. “I prefer to be naked with a buxom woman atop me but, yet, here we are.”
“What is it?” Ruari gave him what he hoped was an obvious look to leave him be.
Oblivious, Ewan pulled a chair out, turned it around and straddled it. “Ye’re running scared.”
What Ruari wanted right now was to hit his cousin. “Says the man who has yet to be honest about why he is really here.”
The barb hit, because Ewan physically flinched. But he was not dissuaded from the conversation. “Ye are in love with yer wife and are running scared from it. Do not sit there and pretend ye are content to return to this.” Ewan swept his hand across the air in the meager room. “She did not wish to stay behind, but ye forced her because ye’re a coward.”
Ruari shoved the table aside with so much force, it crashed against the wall and flopped onto its side.
When he threw himself at Ewan, his cousin was prepared and fled out the door, laughing. Enraged, Ruari gave chase.
The surroundings turned red and he growled in frustration, unable to catch up with Ewan who was lithe and fast. Finally, when Ewan turned to avoid crashing with a maid hauling a bucket, Ruari was able to tackle him to the ground.
Ewan hit first, the fist to Ruari’s face sending his head sideways. Ruari then hit the man with force, satisfied when blood sprouted from Ewan’s nose.
“Augh!” Ewan yelled. “Get off of me.” He covered his face with both hands.
Ruari was hauled off of Ewan and he swung blindly, not caring who it was. His first punch landed on Tristan’s jaw. The second hit sent Malcolm backward.
Guards rushed forward, but Malcolm told them to remain back.
“This is between Ewan and me,” Ruari yelled, rushing Ewan who was holding his nose with two fingers.
His cousin was quick, punching him twice, but he barely felt it. They rolled around the ground and when he lifted a fist to hit Ewan, once again he was pulled away.
Chest heaving, Ruari shrugged them off and trudged back toward the stables. He would not fight the three of them. It was obvious they’d put Ewan up to goading him and why they’d interfered.
A Flawed Scotsman (Clan Ross Book 4) Page 22
