Two days? God. “I don’t remember that—the waking up.”
“The healer has kept you on some pretty good pain medication. You were a little…out of it, but able to walk to the bathroom.”
Well, that explained why it didn’t feel like my bladder was about to burst. Wait. “Did you help me to the…bathroom?”
Seriously, if he confirmed it, God hating me would be official.
“No.” He shook his head. “Ivy and Faye helped. They also changed the bandages on your arm and your legs.”
“My legs?” The corners of my lips turned down, tugging at the flesh of my lower lip in a way that told me it was still healing.
“There were some cuts there that were deeper but did not require stitches.” He tucked a strand of hair back from his face.
“Oh.” I shifted my gaze to my hands, finally looking at them. Both bore signs of fading bruises. I blinked slowly. “You…you’ve seen what it…what it all looks like?”
Caden seemed to know what I was asking because he tipped forward even farther. “I’ve seen most of it, Brighton. I’ve seen enough.”
I closed my eyes. A prickly heat crept over me, a flush of shame that I knew I should have no ownership of. What I looked like now shouldn’t matter. For the most part, it didn’t because I was alive, and that mattered. But where my body had been a faint sketch of what had happened to me before, I knew without even seeing it that it was now a roadmap of all the horrors. I’d already known that some of what I’d seen would scar, and I guessed I just hadn’t been all that concerned about it while in the tomb, given that I had more important things to worry about.
I still did.
But knowing that Caden had seen what was left of me still cut as deep as that edge of the dagger.
“It’ll get better.” His voice was quiet, so much so that I had to look at him. “You will heal. All of this will fade. Remember that.”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
His gaze searched mine. “Do you think you can drink something? I think food is off the table until the healer sees you.”
I nodded, thinking that water would be lovely. Caden rose from the chair, walking into the adjoining living area. He returned quickly, a small glass in hand. I started to sit up but stopped when pain flared along my ribs. I took a deeper breath as I reached down.
“Your ribs are bandaged. Some of them were broken.” He set the drink aside. “Let me help you.”
Tension poured into me as Caden neared. It’s okay. It’s okay. I kept repeating that as I stared at his chest while he carefully slid an arm under my shoulders, lifting me as he shoved extra pillows behind me. It’s okay. It’s okay.
“This okay?” he asked.
I nodded.
Caden slipped away, picking up the glass. I looked up as he turned to me, offering the drink. I reached for it, and without warning, terror exploded inside my chest. The logical, functioning part of my brain knew that the reaction was unnecessary, but it was a reflex I could no longer control. I jerked back my hand, closing it in a fist against my chest.
“Are you okay?” Concern filled his tone. “Is it your ribs?”
I opened my mouth but couldn’t find the words. A logical part of my brain knew that Caden wasn’t Aric. He wasn’t going to hurt me, but I…
Tremors coursed through me as I stared at the glass, incredibly thirsty, but my throat choked with dread.
“What’s wrong? Tell me, Brighton. I can go find the healer.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him reach for me.
“Don’t!” I jerked sideways, flinching. Understanding dawned, quickly followed by a pained expression that settled into his striking features. I averted my gaze, feeling the swampy heat of embarrassment. “I’m okay. I just… I need a minute.”
Caden fell silent, and I took a minute to calm my racing heart. Then I took more than a minute to reassure myself that no blow was coming.
It’s okay.
Drawing in a deep breath, I held onto it as I lifted my hand and reached for the water. I flinched as my fingers brushed the cool glass and when nothing happened, I curled my fingers around it. Caden immediately pulled back, returning to his chair.
I couldn’t look at him as I stared down at the drink, finally exhaling. Tears pricked the backs of my eyes as I felt heat invade my neck. Lifting the glass, I caught a slight fruity scent. “What…what is in it?”
“A type of elderberry found in the Otherworld,” he answered, his voice rough like sandpaper. “It helps with inflammation and is good for an upset stomach. Many of my kind claim it can help with anxiety, too. It’s perfectly safe for humans.”
Anxiety?
I was going to need some man-made pharmaceuticals for that. “Upset stomach?” I took a tiny sip and almost moaned at the blissful coolness and the light taste of berry that eased the scratchiness of my throat.
“You were sick one of the times you woke up. You were already in the bathroom, and Ivy was with you.”
“Oh,” I murmured, taking a longer drink. When I swallowed again, it was easier. “Sorry, um, about how I freaked out. I’m just… I don’t know.”
“Don’t apologize. There’s absolutely nothing you need to apologize for.”
Peeking over at him, I found him watching me. I took another drink, wishing it would remove the flush staining my skin. When I was finished, I wanted more but figured I should probably see how my stomach handled it.
“How did you all find me?” I kept the glass between my hands because it felt normal to do so.
“I’d been looking for you. All of us were.”
Surprise rose, and then so did guilt.
“You didn’t think we were looking for you? I can’t blame you for that. Not after what happened before…before you disappeared, and with how long Aric had you. But we were. Every day, we were. Every night. I knew in my bones that he had you, but we couldn’t find him or Neal.” Caden’s voice hardened. “We captured and questioned every Winter fae we came across. Either they knew nothing, or they refused to talk. We never gave up. I never gave up hope that we’d find you, but…”
“But you didn’t expect to find me alive,” I finished for him.
Caden tilted his head away from me, his lips pressed into a firm line. “The more time that passed, the more I knew the chances were unlikely or that if you were still alive…” He tipped his head back, his throat working on a swallow. “I feel I need to be honest. After a certain point, I was no longer sure what would be worse. That you were alive and with him, or that you were gone.”
My grip tightened on the glass.
“You being…you being gone would be far worse. It would be like losing the sun.”
Chapter 15
I opened my mouth, but I had no words. That was incredibly—well, it was just an incredible thing to say.
“I haven’t thought of anything else but finding you. I don’t think any of us has,” Caden continued, facing me once more. “But I know that no matter what we felt or feared, it’s nothing compared to what you’ve gone through.”
Yet again, I had no idea how to respond to any of that or what to think. So I pretty much ignored it. “And the Order? Miles? Did they…look for me?”
“They did in the beginning.”
I knew what was left unsaid. “But they stopped? Assumed I was dead and cut their losses.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” I smiled, and it felt weird and wrong. Probably because I hadn’t done so in…well, a long time. “It’s the way it is, and I was not an essential member of the Order.”
Caden’s gaze flew to mine. “That was their mistake. And ours.”
I looked away as conversations from the past resurfaced. Caden. Ivy. Ren. Both of whom I now remembered. All of them telling me that I needed to stay out of it.
“Aric sent a message. He wanted a meeting with me, said he had something that I was looking for. I knew immediately that it was you. He was right.” Caden exhaled heavily, and something st
irred on the fringes of my memory. “I had no idea if you were going to be alive or not, but I went. He never showed. Two of his Knights did. Both claimed that they assumed Aric would meet them there.”
Dumb and Dumber, I thought. The ones who’d carried the copper tub.
“One of them didn’t crack. The other did, told us where you were being held. Unfortunately, it took a while to get that information from them.”
I had a feeling I should know this. “How long did it take?”
“Four days,” Caden said.
Flashes of those days danced in front of me. The hunger. The exhaustion. The hallucinations. “Are they dead? The two Knights?”
“Yes.”
“Good,” I murmured.
“How did you kill him?” Caden asked after a moment.
“He left a…dagger behind. I can’t remember why he forgot it.” I frowned. “I think he was surprised by something and left it, but I remembered when I…. When I woke up.” I glanced over at him. “I remembered it, and I knew to wait until it was only him. Those two Knights carried the tub into the chamber so I could bathe. There was also a female fae.”
Caden’s head tilted slightly. “He made you bathe in that chamber?”
Returning to staring at the glass, I nodded. “Yeah. Anyway, I used the dagger the first time he was alone. I cut off his head with it.” I thought of the dress. He’d called it a gift. “I think he was coming down to take me…” Holy crap, something occurred to me, and my chin jerked up. “I think he was coming down to take me to you. That’s why he put me in that dress.”
Caden’s jaw tightened.
“He was going to release me and take me out of the chamber. I could’ve killed him then, and I would’ve had a chance to escape.” My eyes widened. “Then I…I wouldn’t have been in there.”
“You had no idea what he was planning. You did what you thought was best at the time,” Caden told me. “You did nothing wrong.”
I’m not glad she did.
The King had said that in response to Ivy saying that she was glad I’d killed Aric. “You said you weren’t happy that I killed him.”
“You heard that?” When I nodded, a faint smile appeared and then disappeared. “Besides the fact that I wanted the absolute pleasure of tearing him apart myself, I rather you had never been in the position to do that. That’s why I am not glad that you did.”
“Oh,” I repeated for the umpteenth time. “Well, he suffered. A lot.” A real smile graced my lips then, the kind that probably would concern therapists across the nation. “Cutting off someone’s head isn’t exactly easy.”
One corner of his lips curved up. “But you did it.”
“I did. I had to.” The smile faded from my lips, and the next breath I took felt harsh. “It’s the only thing I had to do. He is—he was…” Trailing off, I shook my head. “He was evil.”
“I know he was.”
The way he said that tugged a memory loose, an image of Aric’s taunting smile and something about… Whatever was there slipped outside my reach. Exhaling loudly, I looked over at Caden.
He had sat back, his hands resting on the arms of the chair. He made the simple seat look like a throne. “What did he do to you?”
The question was a loaded one—one I wasn’t sure I could even answer. My brow knotted.
“You don’t have to answer that. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
“He did whatever he could,” I whispered, the glass trembling as more memories wiggled free. “When I didn’t cave or when I…I didn’t scream, he made sure I did. He took his time. The cuts…he did it for hours. I don’t know. He…wanted to make sure I knew he was…in control—when I slept, when I was awake, when I…when I ate or drank.”
“He did something with the food and drink?” Caden asked.
Looking over at him, I saw that his hands had curled around the arms of the chair. “He didn’t…” I twisted, ignoring the dull flare of pain along my ribs as I placed the glass on the nightstand. “He didn’t make eating easy. I’d be…”
“What?” His voice had softened. His knuckles had started to bleach white.
“I never knew how you could desire something so much and dread it at the same time.” Without realizing what I was doing until I did it, I lifted my fingers to my lip, feeling the swollen skin there for the first time. “I’d be so hungry because I didn’t get a lot of…food, but I…I hated eating.”
“Brighton.” His voice was still so soft, but it had a rough quality to it that I didn’t want to hear.
I worked my neck to the side, lowering my hand to my lap. “He just did a lot.
“Did he…?” Caden’s shoulders tensed as if he were bracing himself. “The healer said you had bruising in areas that concerned her. That there may have been other assaults that happened. Ones that she could not see.”
I knew what he was asking, and my breath hitched in my throat. Our gazes connected for the briefest of seconds, and I couldn’t hold his stare. Instead, I found myself inspecting the bandage on my arm. “I don’t… I don’t think so,” I said, picking at the edge. “I mean, I don’t remember him doing something like that. Not even when I bathed or—”
Cold lips against mine. Frigid hands. An image flashed in my mind of Aric kneeling in front of me while I was in the tub. His hand under the water, his icy fingers—
Squeezing my eyes shut, I held myself perfectly still. I remembered that. I’d been glamoured, and he’d touched me as he talked, as he told me—
“You don’t have to think about it,” Caden said, drawing me from the disjointed images. “You don’t have to remember right now.”
“What if I remember later?” I whispered.
“Then we’ll deal with it then.”
We? My gaze darted to him. His expression was stark and…violent. A shiver danced over my skin. He’d let go of the chair and had scooted forward on the seat. The arms of the chair looked strange. Was the wood…dented? For some reason, the dress appeared in my mind, the one Aric had me wear. There was a distinct feeling that there was something incredibly important about it—something I needed to tell Caden, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t figure it out.
Thinking was hard.
Leaning back against the cushions, I closed my eyes. What if I didn’t remember? What if I did? I wasn’t sure which was worse, to be honest.
I realized in the silence that I hadn’t thanked Caden, and I had no idea if I’d thanked Ivy when she was up here. “Thank you,” I said.
“For what?” He sounded genuinely confused.
“For…for looking for me. For finding me,” I said, fighting the hollowness that was building in my chest. The grief of thinking that no one was coming for me still lingered. “I would’ve died there if you hadn’t found me.”
“You never have to thank me for that, Brighton. Ever.”
“Well, I just did.”
A sound of frustration rose from him, and for some reason, it made my lips twitch. “I wish you never had to doubt that I would come for you.”
“Caden—”
“I wish for you that you never had to spend a moment thinking that no one was coming for you.” His voice was low, urgent. “That you were never put in the position to feel as if you were not wanted or cherished or loved enough that people would not come for you.”
In the back of my throat, a burning knot formed. I couldn’t hear this now. I didn’t think I could hear it at all. It made me want to cry. It made me want to ask why he was saying these things. It made me want to believe that it wasn’t the guilt and regret I saw in his expression that made him say them.
“Before I forget to tell you, I think you have a new fan club among the Summer Court,” he said, shifting the conversation. It was obvious that he’d picked up on my discomfort with his super special fae senses, but at that moment, I appreciated it. “Perhaps even rivaling Tink.”
That sounded unlikely and surprising because I faintly recalled being treated like I
carried a contagious disease. “Why?”
“They learned that you killed Aric. In their eyes, that makes you a bit of a savior.”
“Ah.” I opened my eyes. “It’s not over, though. Right? Neal’s still out there. Younglings could still be taken.”
“He is, but he’s not as powerful, dedicated, or smart as Aric. He gets word that Aric is gone—which I will make sure happens—he’ll most likely tuck tail and run.”
I exhaled a long breath of relief, but just as I inhaled, unease filled my lungs. I didn’t understand why. If Caden were right, then it was over. No more worrying about the Queen returning or younglings being taken. The Summer fae were safe, and so was our world.
But I couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t over. It was only getting started.
Chapter 16
“Hey,” Caden called out, drawing me out of my rather foreboding thoughts. “What are you thinking? Don’t say ‘nothing.’ I can tell you went somewhere.”
I didn’t know how to tell him what I was thinking because I had no idea. As his gaze searched mine intently, it occurred to me that he wasn’t so much questioning what I was thinking, but more if my mind had taken a vacay and left the building. I returned to staring at the bandage. “I’m still here.”
“Bri—”
“Anyway, this is good news for you, right? The threat with the Queen basically being over?” I asked. “You can get to doing whatever a King of fae does. You can get married to your Queen.” The words tasted like ash on my tongue, but they also brought forth an odd sense of deja vu. Like there was something more to that. “I’m sure Tatiana is ready to be Queen. Or maybe you’ve already done that.”
“I haven’t.”
The flash of relief couldn’t be stopped, and I didn’t even want to acknowledge that. Accepting that I still loved Caden was one thing. Being happy to hear that he hadn’t gotten married was a whole other level of WTFery. “Then you should probably get on that. ‘The Court wants their King and Queen united,’” I parroted back what I knew he’d said to me. Bizarre how I could remember that but still not remember Ren’s last name.
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