On days Tony stayed home exploring wasn’t an option. He required her to stay near in the event her services were needed. She was often told to stay in his office, where she would read, sitting on the soft leather sofa until he summoned her. There were days when he never requested her services, yet she wasted the entire day in his office. Claire knew it was more of the continued power play. He controlled her time, her body, and her life.
To continue her busy days, after lunch Claire sunbathed by the pool or read on the sunporch. She also had the library that could captivate her for hours at a time. If it rained she might opt for a movie in the theater. There were so many things to do.
The addition of an occasional evening out with Tony was the biggest change to Claire’s busy schedule. It started with the symphony. Since that time she accompanied him to a few other events. None as formal as the symphony, and all charity related, different foundations having dinners or cocktail parties or benefits. Each time Tony would tell Catherine that Claire needed to be ready for a specific event. She liked getting out away from the estate, but an invitation instead of a mandate would be nice. Apparently, companionship to events had now been added to her job description. Claire believed she did well at each turn and felt confident as long as Tony was near her. He would handle any situation that came her way.
At an event to honor donors of the University of Iowa’s Children’s Hospital, Claire stood dutifully at Anthony’s side while he spoke with a gentleman, to whom she’d been introduced. Another man began to speak to her. It started innocently enough, “Hello, Ms. Nichols, I am not sure if you remember me? We met a few weeks ago at the Quad City Symphony.” His volume was low, to either lure her away from Tony or not be heard by him. Claire believed she remembered him. She tried to remember names as well as Tony but she could only recall his face. He then introduced himself, “Charles Jackson,” and made small talk about the symphony. He started asking her about her place of residence, did she live in the Quad City region? Chicago? What brought her to this area? The entire time Claire stayed steady to Tony. She didn’t want to interrupt Tony’s conversation, but her instincts told her this wasn’t good. She successfully avoided direct answers but he persisted beyond political correctness. She decided she needed to get Tony involved before this man dragged something out of her she didn’t want to divulge. She lightly placed her hand on Tony’s arm. At first, he didn’t respond, so she squeezed it a little. When he excused himself from his conversation, he turned to Claire. She hated that she interrupted him, but she wore her mask and politely motioned toward the gentleman.
“Anthony, this is Charles Jackson.” Anthony turned to Charles and shook his hand. Charles appeared uncomfortable, but not Tony. “Mr. Jackson has been incredibly inquisitive. I thought you might be able to be of assistance to him.”
Claire stood back a half a step, still holding Anthony’s arm, and turned back to Mr. Jackson, who looked increasingly pale. “Mr. Jackson, I am very good with names and faces. I remember seeing you at the symphony. I do not believe we were introduced. It is not my practice to converse with members of the press. It is my policy to allow my publicist to discuss such matters. I recommend that you speak to her, not my companion.”
Anthony’s voice was one Claire recognized immediately, not his chatty social voice. Mr. Jackson didn’t have any difficulty distinguishing the tone or the meaning. He apologized profusely to Anthony and then to Claire and made his way out of the event. Claire felt ill. She honestly didn’t know how she would have handled it without his help. Tony placed his hand on top of Claire’s as Mr. Jackson walked away.
“Tony, I am sorry I interrupted your conversation. I just felt uncomfortable.”
Leaning down to her ear and squeezing her hand, he whispered, “It is fine. You made the right decision.” She exhaled with relief.
Her current job passed its third-month anniversary. She still felt trapped and hated that she was there, but she didn’t hate every day. She thought of each day as a new possibility, and like everyone else in the world, some days were better than others. She knew the difference with her life was that her barometer was not her. It summed up her dependence on Anthony Rawlings. The tone of her life depended totally and completely upon his frame of mind.
He traveled a few days a week every couple of weeks. While she was secluded to her suite, he’d been in Europe, which apparently happened with some regularity. These momentary freedoms upset her. Instead of relishing them, she felt lonely. There would be some evenings that he had business obligations and wouldn’t dine with her or even come to her suite. Some of his ideas for her job requirements didn’t settle well, but she came to prefer that to being alone.
June came and went. Since Claire chose to not watch television, she didn’t know that the entire country was enduring a heat wave. She just knew that the outside air was heavy and within minutes could feel the perspiration dripping between her breasts and down her back. If a breeze blew it felt sticky and oppressive, not refreshing. Even being at the pool was uncomfortable unless early or late.
One evening, Catherine told Claire that Mr. Rawlings wouldn’t be home until late. Claire didn’t like vague terms like late. Normally she would wait in her suite to see if he came to her, but the day was scorching and she knew late could mean not at all. With the sunset, she decided to take a swim.
Walking to the pool Claire realized that she rarely ventured out of her suite at night. The house seemed eerily quiet, like a museum after closing. The staff was mostly retired to their rooms and the lights were low. Her flip-flops echoed as she stepped onto the marble floor at the base of the staircase. After four months, Claire didn’t need lights, she knew her way through the arches and into the sitting room. She paused at the windows and looked out to the pool. The water changed from pink to green to yellow to purple to blue to clear and back to pink. The deck lights were off, creating the illusion of a colorful abyss surrounded by complete darkness. She considered turning on the deck lights and decided against it.
Stepping into the summer night the air sat heavy and still. The contrast from the air conditioning reminded her why she stayed indoors all day. Looking toward heaven she knew she made the right decision about the lights. The velvety sky glistened with a million stars. The water enveloped her body as she walked down the steps, its temperature barely varied from the air and she quickly submerged herself. After swimming a few laps she floated on her back, watching the sky and thinking about constellations. Suddenly, Claire froze.
Deep in thought and enjoying the stars, she realized Tony stood at the edge of the pool. He’d been speaking, but her ears were submerged and she couldn’t hear him. Seeing his silhouette from the lights of the fountain startled her. She lifted her head out of the water to clear her ears and began to tread water.
“Tony, you startled me. Catherine said you wouldn’t be home until late.” She couldn’t see his eyes. She waited for him to respond. He stood in silence for a moment, she thought about talking. While she debated, he walked to a chair hidden in darkness. When he returned she could only see his silhouette but knew he was now nude.
Still not speaking, Tony dove into the pool. He swam up to Claire and wrapped his arms around her. Within seconds, Claire’s bathing suit disappeared. His actions were fast and rough. Their mouths united as their tongues wildly searched for one another. He moved from her lips to the nape of her neck and all places in between.
The pool depth allowed Tony to touch but not Claire. She wrapped her legs around his torso, allowing him to support her. He continued to nuzzle her neck, lifting her body so that her round supple breasts found his lips. His kisses became nips and he gently bit the tips of her hard nipples. Claire groaned with pleasure.
His hurried movements caused his bristled face to scratch her soft skin. However, the pain of his beard was quickly forgotten as the pleasure from his touch filled her consciousness. His mouth tantalized and his hands explored. Claire’s back arched as she pressed her breasts toward his
mouth and wrapped her fingers in his wet hair. In the silence of the country night her moans echoed as her body convulsed. Though the night was hot, Claire’s arms and legs were cloaked in goose bumps.
Tony eventually led Claire out of the pool, onto a chaise lounge. He resumed his exploration, but not with his hands. They still hadn’t spoken. Claire’s mind teetered between the cognizant he doesn’t seem upset and the unconscious ecstasy. His actions slowed, becoming more deliberate and sensual, causing sensations deep inside of her. She held on to his massive shoulders and accepted everything he offered.
The carnal heat was intensified by the night’s humidity which instigated perspiration. Claire could taste it as her lips and tongue seduced his neck. The salty sweat mixed with chlorine creating an amazing potion. When he finished they were both moist, more from one another than the pool.
Panting, they lay still, listening to the cicadas and crickets. Finally, with a grin, Tony spoke, “Good evening, Claire.” His eyes were soft as milk chocolate. “I wasn’t happy when you weren’t in your suite.” Claire started to speak but Tony put his finger lightly on her lips. “But your idea of a swim on this hot evening was much better than what I had planned.”
Claire smiled. They moved back into the water to cool off but found that even in the water they had problems staying cool.
Later that night in Claire’s suite, Tony brought up the situation at the University of Iowa Children’s Hospital Event. He told her that it hadn’t been a planned test. However, had it been she would have passed. He believed that she could be trusted with more responsibilities and independence. Therefore, on her table was a wallet that contained her ID—a driver’s license and a new credit card. The card was on his account and was for her use when he wasn’t around.
“What do you mean when you are not around?” her voice didn’t hide her fear. Tony smiled at her trepidation.
“You will only leave the grounds without me with Eric and my permission. But I will need to travel to Europe for at least a week next month. You have behaved well,” he smiled and ran his hand over her bare thigh and buttocks, “very well. And you have followed instructions much better than I would have given you credit for a few months ago.” His hands now roamed and Claire’s eyes closed as her body responded. Tony’s voice was both masterful and playful, “As a matter of fact, I believe that right now you would do as I say.”
Opening her eyes, she gazed into his and answered, “I would.” Her voice yearned as her body mindlessly obeyed, responding to his touch.
“I think we should continue to test that theory.” He said with a devilish grin. “But first I believe you have earned the ability to do some shopping for yourself.”
Claire’s first thought was that she didn’t want to be by herself. What if someone like Mr. Jackson approached? But then again, isn’t that what she had wanted since she arrived, to be out, away, alone forever? She would need to file these thoughts. Compartmentalize and think about them tomorrow.
Tony was testing his theory. She needed to hear every word he said. The directives for this test were proving playful and exciting. Claire knew she could pass.
Life is not what it’s supposed to be. It’s what it is.
The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.
—Virginia Satir
Chapter 10
Standing at the rail of her balcony, Claire stared at the scene in front of her. The rays of moonlight illuminated the yard and tops of the trees, changing the familiar objects to unfamiliar colors. Under its brilliance, the trees appeared black and the grass silver. The multitude of stars glistened as she listened to the sounds of coyotes in the distance. This noise worried her. She thought about the smaller animals in the woods and hoped for their safety.
The humid air caused her to perspire even though she wasn’t outside long. She could feel her hair stick to her neck and droplets roll down her back. Claire had received word that Mr. Rawlings wouldn’t be home until after ten, and she would dine alone. This was the third night in a row. Last night, he hadn’t come to her suite at all. The night before, it’d only been for a few minutes to touch base. Apparently, things have been extremely busy.
The clock said 11:00 when she retreated to the balcony. She hadn’t seen him or received a message and wanted to do something—anything. Patience wasn’t a virtue she possessed in her old life. Now as she gazed at the countryside, she knew she was losing what little she had recently been forced to acquire. She was thinking about how even the air smelled warm when the door behind her opened. “Oh, hi, Tony, you startled me.”
“I thought perhaps I would need to search for you again. Then I noticed the drapes.”
“I didn’t know if you were coming tonight.”
He indicated for her to come back inside. She complied. And he shut the door. “You didn’t get my message?”
“I did. It is just later than normal.” Seeing him in the light, she realized he looked tired and thought how he rarely appeared anything but ideal. Things must really be rough with work. She wanted to talk to him about it, but in the past, he didn’t or wouldn’t try to explain things.
“I came to let you know I need to fly to New York tomorrow. I have a business deal that apparently is going to fall apart if I don’t get personally involved.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“Damn it, Claire, I don’t know for sure.” He told her to come to him, and she did. He held her so close that she needed to look up to see his eyes. He lowered his face to her hair. With her head against his chest, she heard him sigh. “This has been a pain-in-the-ass deal. It has been in the pipeline for years. The time alone has cost me millions, what with research and analysis. Now it seems like everything is going to fall through.”
Claire didn’t know anything about the deal. She did know that this was more than he’d disclosed to her at one time. She wanted to help, to make him feel better. She didn’t want to do anything because he owned her, but because she wanted to. As terrifying as Anthony Rawlings can be when he is strong and controlling, she didn’t like seeing him meek and worn down either. “Tony, is there anything I can do?”
He moved her away to see her face. “Are you asking me? I don’t think that has happened before.”
She leaned back into his chest. “I want to help you relax before this big meeting.” She stood on her toes and kissed his cheek and neck as her hands unfastened his belt and slacks. She pulled his hand and led him to the bed, and he sat. Claire knelt in front of him, and his hands held her face as she moved toward him.
The entire night, Claire was in control. She did what she wanted, what she believed would help him. Her pace was slow and more thorough. Tony tended to move fast, rough, and hard. Claire moved steadily, softly, and completely. He’d told her exactly what he wanted and how he wanted it for over three months. She knew what he liked. The most surprising part to Claire was that he allowed it. He would sometimes grab her and push, deeper and harder. Then he would allow Claire to take over again.
Lying together in Claire’s bed, Tony surprised her again. “Thank you.” He rolled to face her. “Thank you for giving yourself. You keep me totally amazed.”
They were both almost a sleep when Tony announced, “You are coming with me to New York tomorrow. You can use that new credit card again while I have my meetings. And after tonight, I may need more of this, depending on how the meetings go.” Claire had a million questions, but stayed silent while Tony continued, “No, I will need more of this no matter how the meetings go.” They fell asleep.
By seven in the morning, they boarded Tony’s private jet. Catherine woke Claire about five. Since she and Tony fell asleep after midnight, five came very early. Tony was no longer in her suite. She showered as Catherine packed her luggage. There would’ve been a time when Claire would’ve been horrified to have someone else pack her belongings for a trip, but today it reassured her. Catherine seemed to know exactly what Claire needed and when she needed it. Allowing
Catherine to take care of her needs had become second nature.
Claire’s light yellow slacks and a flowing white blouse were laid out. She obediently put them on. Her luggage was packed. She had a new Prada purse containing her wallet, ID, and credit card, as well as cosmetics, tissues, and other needed items. Carlos came to her suite to take her belongings down to the waiting car.
Before they left Claire’s suite Catherine informed her that she would be staying with Mr. Rawlings at his Manhattan apartment. And although she may be tired this morning, do not let it show, she must maintain appearances. Mr. Rawlings would be off to his work as soon as they arrived in the city, she would then be able to rest at the apartment. Claire nodded her understanding.
While Eric drove them to the local private airport, Tony spoke more directly and less compassionately than the night before. “You will be at my apartment while I am working today. Eric will drive you there after he takes my associates and me to our meeting.” Claire smiled and said that was fine. She didn’t have a choice. She knew that, and so did he. “Upon reaching the airport, we will be met by Brent Simmons, the head of my legal team; Sharon Michaels, his associate; and David Field, one of my lead negotiators. They will join us on the flight to New York. I will introduce you. Brent is already aware of you. Once we board my jet, you will sit away from us while we begin our preparations.”
Claire said she understood. “Tony, I don’t want to get in the way. I am here because you want me to be.”
“Yes.” He was looking at his iPhone, which had just buzzed. “That is true. It is my choice, and I do want you here. I believe your presence will benefit me.” He became engrossed in his texting.
Benefit him? Why couldn’t he just say “I want you here”? Her stomach was tied in knots as she wondered what Brent Simmons knew about her. Did he know what she did? Does he think she is a companion or an employee or worse? As they rode in the backseat of the Mercedes Benz, Claire decided this was time for a mask. Finding it through all the apprehension that surged through her mind was difficult, but she did and put it on.
Consequences Page 10
