by Amy Brent
I turned to go, the intense stare between us proving to be too much, but before I could leave Rafael caught my hand and pulled me to him.
“Yes?” I asked, laughing lightly like I didn’t have a million and one things on my mind.
“I don’t think it’s safe for you to live here,” he said, surprising me with the sudden topic shift. I had expected him to say something funny, or romantic, not an insult for my place of living.
“But Bradley is in custody, and I’m going to renew that retraining order on him and be faithful about calling in violations.” I retorted. I didn’t really want to get into finances with Rafael. Although I was finally back o my feet, that didn’t mean that I could afford moving costs plus a security deposit and everything else that came along with that.
“I know. But I just-” he stopped and took a deep breath, as if he was trying to more carefully compose what he was trying to say. “It’s not just Bradley. It’s the mold, and the lighting, and the commute, and for God’s sake, McKenna, your bed is a mattress on the floor!” I opened my mouth to object, but before I could, he was standing, both of my small hands clasped within his large ones. “McKenna, you deserve to live so much better than this, so please, move in with Dom and I.”
Someone could have told me that Martians had landed and were going to wipe out all of Washington DC and I would have believed that before I believed what was happening in front of my face. I stared up at Rafael, my eyes so wide that I was sure I was straining something. Noises were coming out of my mouth, but none of them were discernable speech.
Finally, I swallowed and managed to say a real, word in actual English.
“What?!”
To his credit, Rafael persisted. “I want you to move in. I want you to share my bed every day. I want to wake up with you beside me. I want to go to work knowing that you’re sleeping somewhere safe and sound. I want you to have a bed in a bedframe.” His words were so passionate, so kind, that I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed. How could this man care so much for me? We had known each other for less than a year and I hadn’t exactly started out on the best foot.
“I-I-” But the kindness only brought more guilt. How could I not tell him what was going on with me? He deserved the truth, even if it ruined the best thing that I ever had.
But the way he was looking at me, with such kindness and desire, how could I give that up? I finally had peace. Did I really deserve to lose my happily ever after because of a stupid, stupid mistake?!
“You don’t have to make the decision today, and I’m sorry for springing this on you, it’s probably not fair, but I need you to know that you don’t have to be here. There are other options.” He paused and took another deep breath. I had to admire that he was putting himself so far out there. “And if you decide not to, that’s fine. This is not a relationship make or break. But I am ready to take our relationship to the next level, so to speak.
“I’ve never felt this way about anyone else, and Dominic absolutely loves you. He talks about you all the time and always looks forward to when you come over. He would be absolutely beside himself if you decided to move in.”
It was too much, it was all too much. His generosity overwhelmed me and before I knew it, teams were rushing down my cheeks.
Obviously, Rafael hadn’t been expecting that kind of response and tried to pull me to him for a comforting hug, but I had to step away. I was taking such advantage of his kindness, and the guilt was making me sob outright.
“Whoa, whoa there, McKenna, are you okay?” His was looking at me like I was crazy and honestly, I felt that way My brain was going a hundred miles a minute. “It’s fine, you don’t have to move in. It’s alright, really.”
“I-it’s not that,” I hiccupped, trying to catch my breath. But it was so hard. Between the tears and the wheezing and my throat burning, I hardly felt like I could breathe, let alone respond in a comprehensible way. “I just, I just-”
“You what?” Rafael asked, his voice low and gentle. He tried to hold me once again, and this time I didn’t pull away. Instead I collapsed against his chest, crying my heart out.
I felt so embarrassed, but I couldn’t stop. The stress of everything that had happened was all too much and the straw had finally broken the camels back. But Rafael just held me, waiting for me to collect myself, until finally I was able to speak.
“Rafael…” I murmured, mustering my strength. I had been through much worse than this. Why was I acting like such a baby?
I knew why though. I was afraid of losing him. Afraid of losing the best thing that happened to me.
“What, babe?”
“Check the bag I brought in. From the corner store. The one that my ex threw on the ground.”
He sent me a confused look, but did as I asked, leaving the bathroom to walk to my tiny kitchen. I listened to him without turning, able to pick up his footsteps as he crossed my studio floor.
I heard everything, all layered on top of each other in an auditory story. The rustle of the bag, the thud as he picked up one item after another then set it to the side. Until finally, the noises stopped and there was only him breathing.
He found it.
I couldn’t say how long that silence lasted, but to me it seemed like an eon. I was sure that he would just leave, or maybe even start yelling, but instead, he just quietly walked back until he was standing in the bathroom doorway.
“Is this what you mean?”
I turned slowly, drawing out the action much longer than could ever be necessary. Sure enough, he was holding the pink, square package that I was easily able to identify as the pregnancy test.
“Yes,” I whispered, using all of my strength to look him in the face.
“You’re expecting?” He seemed completely shocked, as if I had given him such an emotional whiplash that he was still recovering from the surprise.
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “That’s why I need the test. But I think I could be.”
“You’re late?”
I nodded. “Yeah. And nauseous. And… emotional, frankly. So, I thought it would be prudent to be certain. Who would have thought that today out of all days, Bradley would be here and see it.”
“That’s why he flipped out?” Rafael asked.
“Yeah. Although I imagined he would have found something else to freak out about if it weren’t for that. He came looking for conflict.”
Rafael looked from me to the test again before handing it to me. “Will you take this now, please?”
Well… so far, he was taking this better than I thought he would. He didn’t seem angry, but he wasn’t exactly thrilled either.
“Oh, of course, I guess.” I reached out for it and he gently placed it in my hand. I tried to read his emotion in his face, but all I could see was the shock still stark across his features.
He took a step back and shut the door, leaving me standing in the middle of my bathroom feeling absolutely trapped by my situation.
I supposed there was only one way to move out of it, and that was to take the test.
“Do you need anything?” Rafael asked outside of the door.
I took several moments to just breathe before answering. Like usual, Rafael was patient and waited for me to answer rather than prodding me relentlessly. “I…I think I left my phone out there. Can you set the timer for me once I’m ready?”
“Sure. Just give me the word.”
Right. The word. Guessed I better get to peeing.
I opened the package and slid out one of the little plastic baggies. Pulling the tab out of that, the whole little device popped out and I barely caught it before it hit the ground. Even though I was pretty sure how to use the simple things, I grabbed the directions and read those too.
They were surprisingly lengthy considering the summation of them was pretty much “pee on this stick and wait three minutes. Discuss with your doctor to be absolute sure”. But I read it all dutifully.
“You okay in there?” Rafael ca
lled, no doubt wondering why he wasn’t hearing anything.
“Yeah, just making sure I don’t mess this up,” I called back.
I supposed I should stop procrastinating and get it over with. I had survived worst and no matter what happened, I would get through this.
I sat down on the toilet -after liftin the seat of course- and got down to business. I finished up without making too much of a mess and placed the test on the side of the sink.
“Start the timer,” I said to Rafael, who I assumed was still waiting on the other side.
Then I sat and waited. And waited. And waited.
It seemed like an eternity before Rafael cleared his throat and spoke again.
“It’s time.”
Hand shaking, I reached for the stick, which of course had rolled just enough so that I couldn’t see the results window on the stupid little thing. I picked it up, trying to suck in a breath before I finally turned it so I could see whether there was a little line or a fateful cross.
How strange that my whole life came down to just a couple of lines. Smirking wryly to myself, I forced myself to flip it, and looked right at the results.
Then promptly burst into tears again.
Chapter Thirty-Two
~McKenna~
“McKenna? Are you alright?”
I couldn’t answer yet again, my throat squeezing too painfully to speak. The sobs just forced themselves out one right after the other.
“McKenna, I’m coming in, alright?”
I didn’t stop him, and I heard the door creak open, then he knelt down in front of me. As gentle as he could be, he pulled the test from my hands and looked at it himself.
“It’s positive,” he murmured, voice quiet.
“Yeah,” I gasped, holding my head. “What do I do? I’m not ready for this! I’m not mother material!”
Suddenly I was pulled into a hug, my frame pressed against a strong, warm chest. “Take a breath for me. Nice and slow. Just one after the other.”
I did as he asked, and I felt my sobs start to still. He didn’t seem to be angry or accusing me of trying to trap him. Could… could we still have a chance at happiness? Had I not ruined everything for myself like I always did?
“This test doesn’t mean you have to do anything. Whatever you want to do, I will respect it. But know that I will love and take care of this child for their entire life, no matter what happened between us.”
“W-what?” I looked up at his face, trying to process his words but my brain felt like mush. Just like that, he would accept us? No paternity tests or contracts or custody agreements? That… that wasn’t possible, right? He couldn’t just trust me out of nowhere.
“Look, I love you. And I don’t mean it in the light, flippant way you tell your friends, or even in the ways you tell your parents. I mean that I love you with every part of my heart, that I would happily go to one end of the Earth to the other for you. I love you, and if your happiness means having this beautiful child together, then that’s what I want to do. And if you are absolutely not ready… then that’s fine too. I only want whatever is best for you.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. After everything we had gone through, after all of the literal hell I had put him through and all of the stress I had brought into his life, he was welcoming me in further.
“But now, more than ever, I hope that you’ll move in with us. If we’re going to raise a child, I don’t want to miss a moment of the time that we could spend together.”
I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, crushing him to me with shaking arms. “Are you sure?” I asked, voice barely a whisper.
“Absolutely. Every word of it.”
Tears were starting up again, but they were happy ones, ones that filled me with an untampered sort of joy. I clung to him, holding on with all of my might, until my arms ached, and my body began to overheat.
Rafael pulled away just slightly and we looked at each other, eyes saying so many things that our mouths couldn’t. Then, after our expressions said all that we could, his lips crashed to mine and we were kissing with completely unhinged passion.
All of the stress and pain of the day melted away, leaving only the raw, undiluted desire between us. In all my years, I had never met someone who would do so much for me and act like it was such a matter of fact. I had never met someone who would protect me with everything they had and forgive me when I messed up so terribly.
I wanted to make it up to him. I wanted to show him that my love for him didn’t depend on his money and what he could do for me. And although it was going to take me plenty of time to figure out just how to do that, our lips against each other could suffice for now.
But, as much as I intensely wanted to show him how I felt, the bathroom didn’t really seem like the best place to do it.
“Come on,” I said, standing and taking Rafael’s hand. He rose as well and allowed me to pull him into my living room/bedroom. I took him over to my mattress sitting on the floor and flopped down, pulling him with me.
He was far too strong to yank him down with me, but he still laughed and dropped to his knees, his legs landing on either side of mine. He bent down, and his lips captured mine once again, stoking the fire of my desire.
It was only then, with our mouths moving urgently against each other, that I realized that all of the things I was worried about were now moot. Bradley had been taken away, I wasn’t going to have to go to this pregnancy alone, in fact, I wasn’t ever going to have to do anything alone ever again.
“I love you, Rafael,” I breathed, barely believing I could speak the words. “I’ve never loved anyone like I have you.”
He pulled away, looking down on me with that bone-melting expression that made my entire body lite on fire. It was in that moment that I knew that we had a long, winding road together, one that I was sure would be full of twists, turns and all sorts of surprises, both good and bad.
There would be the long, drawn out trial I would have to go through with my ex, now there was a whole pregnancy, and there was no telling how his ex would deal with all of this. I was sure that she would try to make the situation all about her. She seemed like the type.
But despite all that, I could envision so much happiness. Late nights with Dom, watching some cheesy monster movie that was debuting on a sci-fi channel, to brunches at his favorite Greek place. I could see picnics in the summer and sledding in the winter. I saw laughs and joy and so many smiles.
And I couldn’t wait.
Chapter Thirty-Three
~Rafael~
I was kissing the most beautiful woman in the world, the one I now knew I loved with all my heart, but my mind was still reeling from her revelation.
What a day, huh? Confronting her ex again, nearly beating him into a pulp, McKenna finding the strength to talk to the police and now we both knew that she was expecting our child.
And I knew it was mine. I had zero belief in my mind that she would ever try to trick me or sleep with another person while we were in a relationship. That bundle of cells inside of her was mine, for better or for worse.
“You’re so beautiful,” I whispered down to her, appreciating the red flush that crossed her cheeks as I did. Even after six months together, she still blushed like the beginning.
While I had certainly been shocked, the idea was already growing on me. Dom could use a sibling, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss looking down at his crib and imagining all the different ways he would grow up and take over my legacy but make it even better. The thought of another baby was certainly daunting, but also full of hope.
Perhaps it was a bit ironic that it took a bit of a crisis for me to have the epiphany that I wanted a family. That I had been longing for one ever since my separation from my ex and all of the pain that she put both me and Dom though, but had been too scared of going through that hell again to do anything about it.
It was decidedly strange to stare my own denial in the face and know how unequivo
cally wrong I had been. But what a way to be wrong, and what a way to find my truth.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” McKenna murmured back, her full lips curled into a coy smile.
God, I loved it when she smiles. That sexy mouth of her always seemed to promise so many things, sending pleasure rushing through my system at the thought. I couldn’t resist any longer and crashed my lips to hers once more. It was all fire and passion and dominance, with her responding in kind.
I settled down onto her meager mattress, held up by one of my elbows so that my muscled frame wouldn’t crush her soft, womanly form. Even though all I wanted to do was sink into her and feel her warm, inviting curves envelop me.
But all in good time. Soon her future would be full of morning sickness, swollen feet and an aching spine, so I wanted to give her all the worship and pleasure that she deserved while we still could. Not that I wouldn’t make sure that her every need was tended to while she was expecting, but I knew from my ex that sexual desire was a complicated one when another human was growing inside a woman.
But we would have plenty of time to figure everything out, from pillow positions to sore nipples. For now, I wanted to make her toes curl until she forgot her name and all of her troubles along with it.
