“A spark,” she pointed out with a laugh. “Seems we have chemistry after all, or at least electricity.”
He laughed and hugged her a little tighter as they step-step-swayed their way around a tiny corner of the dance floor. Eventually the song changed to something more up-tempo, but neither Heidi nor Sam made any move to break apart.
His eyes fixed on hers as if to confirm that this was all still okay, and she noticed that his hazel eyes sported tiny flecks of gold around the edges.
“You dance very well,” she said, so that at least one of them was saying something.
“Thank you.” He smiled, and for a moment it seemed as if he would lean forward to kiss her.
As a woman of God, Heidi didn’t go around kissing strangers, but at the same time…this man didn’t feel like a stranger.
Had their souls met each other before?
Had God crafted each specifically for the other?
For all the talks she gave about love, she’d never actually felt a romantic connection like this one. She’d understood many other kinds of love, though. God’s love, family love, the love of friendship…but this new feeling forming here and now out-measured them all.
Just as soon as she found herself wishing the night would never end, it did. Because there was her mother tugging on her arm, and there was Louise’s husband leading Sam off to meet so-and-so. And there was each of their hearts yearning to be rejoined with the other.
“Pastor Sam, you made it!” Brady clapped Sam on the back, then came in for a hug. Of course, the whole reason he had come was to support this young faithful couple on their big day. Since then, though, things had kind of changed. Now all Sam wanted was to get back to his enigmatic dance partner, the beautiful Heidi, and to do so as quickly as possible.
Guilt overtook him in that instant. This night wasn’t about him, yet here he was thinking of his needs above the groom’s.
He swallowed down his selfish guilt and tightened the hug with his long-time friend and flock member. “Congratulations, Brady! I’m so happy for you both.”
“Tonight I feel like the luckiest man alive.” Brady’s broad smile proved he meant every word, though Sam couldn’t help but feel it was he—the hapless pastor, the romancer of mysterious redheaded wedding guests—who was actually the luckiest. For the clouds had parted and he had seen Heaven that night, or at least the closest thing to it that this world had to offer.
Again a rush of guilt flooded Sam’s heart. It wasn’t like him to compare, to boast—even if only in his own mind. And yet…
He looked toward Heidi. She stood across the room with an older woman—unmistakably her mother—who shared the same soft strawberry waves, the same angular jaw and high cheeks. Heidi nodded, shrugged, gave short one- or two-word answers here and there, but mostly seemed to be on the receiving end of whatever conversation the two were having.
“Can I say a prayer with you?” Sam asked, turning his focus back to Brady, and remembering once again that the groom was the reason he had come. How many times would he need to remind himself of this before the evening was through?
“Yes, please do,” Brady answered, immediately bowing his head to wait for Sam’s words to God.
Sam forced himself to focus and poured his heart into that three-way conversation with the Lord. By the time he had finished thanking the Maker for joining Brady and Louise in Holy Matrimony and asking for His continued blessing over their marriage, a couple stray tears glistened on his friend’s cheek.
“I didn’t think I could feel any happier, but your prayer reminded me that Louise and I get to be together not just for today or tomorrow or even just the rest of our lives, but forever.”
At that simple truth, Sam’s eyes once again drifted toward Heidi on the other side of the room, and this time she noticed his longing gaze and smiled back at him.
Forever.
What must that be like? He’d asked himself this question many times before, but suddenly eternity seemed to take on a new meaning altogether. Forever, as in how long he wished he could have remained dancing with Heidi. As in how long it felt like since the two had been parted. Forever.
Brady caught him making eyes at Heidi and gave him a knowing smile. “Louise and I saw you two dancing together earlier. We were worried that maybe you would feel put off by the fact that we asked Heidi to perform the ceremony instead of you, but we did everything we could to honor both of our religious upbringings, and Heidi has been one of Louise’s best friends since they were little girls. You understand, right?”
It took a moment too long for the revelation behind these words to hit Sam, but when they did, he felt as if all the wind had been knocked out of his sails.
“Is Heidi…?” Sam let the question linger, unsure of how he wanted to finish it.
“Louise’s rabbi, yes. I thought you knew. Isn’t that why you asked her to dance? Some understanding between fellow people of the cloth at weddings?” He laughed and put a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “Now that I say it aloud, that’s totally ridiculous.”
Sam laughed, too, to avoid having to say anything more.
So Heidi was a rabbi. Which meant she was, of course, Jewish. Just as much as Sam had never truly pictured himself getting married before this night, he also had definitely not thought of marrying outside his faith.
For Louise and Brady maybe, an interfaith marriage made sense, but for not just one, but two people who had given their lives to preach His word, each according to their own doctrines? Such a match could never, would never work.
Just as sure as his heart had filled with love upon meeting Heidi, it now burst into pieces knowing the two of them could never be together.
But one nagging question remained. If this was the case, then why had God sent them to each other? Why had He provided such a strong attraction between the two and even a literal spark?
Had Sam’s Job moment come? Was this all a test? If so, Sam knew he needed to do everything in his power to respond correctly. Which meant he needed to place as much distance between himself and Heidi—sweet, beautiful Heidi—as possible.
How quickly his heart had deflated. One moment he’d been full of hope for a new relationship, and now he felt completely devoid of any such dreams. And, oh, how that transition stung.
Chapter 3
Heidi’s mother had a lot to say that evening. No big surprise there, of course. Heidi had thought Judith would see how well she was getting on with bachelor number four and leave her be, but no. She’d come and pulled her daughter away in order to discuss the dwindling supply of eligible Jewish boys with whom she could set Heidi up. Never mind that Heidi had just met four such men.
“You’re getting older every year, you know. Most of the good ones are getting snapped up, if not by our girls, then by gentiles.” Her mother shuddered here. “Oh, I mean no disrespect to Louise or Brady, of course. It’s just that marriage is hard enough as it is without creating extra work for yourself. Am I right?”
She didn’t wait for Heidi to answer.
“Of course I’m right! And you know I only want what’s best for my little girl, but, Heidi, have you stopped to consider that maybe your standards are too high? I set you up with three nice young men tonight, but none of them were good enough for my daughter?”
Judith never really needed anyone to answer the questions she posed, but if Heidi didn’t at least try to get in on the conversation now, she’d be stuck listening to Q and A with Judith Gold on the NJBN—Nice Jewish Boys Network—all evening. “Actually, I really liked—”
“What was so wrong with Gregory, huh? Sure, his mother hardly speaks a word of English, but you’ve always been so smart. You could learn Russian.”
“Mom, I—”
“And that Jacob sure is a looker. If I were a few years younger and your father—God rest his soul—wasn’t…”
“Mom! Please let me speak!”
Judith clutched the arm of a random passerby and briefly pulled her into their conve
rsation. “Oy vey, can you believe how she speaks to her mother?”
The clearly uncomfortable stranger muttered, “Sure, I guess,” then stumbled off toward the bar.
“Must be from the groom’s side.” Judith lowered her voice slightly as she joked but still remained one of the loudest speakers in the room. “You were saying something?”
“I was trying to, but—”
“Then speak already.”
Heidi took a deep breath to steady herself. Now that she had her mother’s attention, she needed to get as many words out as quickly as she could before she lost it again. “I didn’t like Gregory or Jacob, and did you know you actually already set me up with Matt before?” She raised her hand to cut her mother off before she could answer the question Heidi had meant to be rhetorical. “I didn’t like any of them, but I did like Sam.”
Judith bit at a fingernail, which she often did when deep in thought. After a brief moment’s reflection and a joyously silent twenty-some seconds, she spoke again. “Who is this Sam?”
“Ma, Sam is the fourth guy you sent over. Have you really forgotten already?”
“I didn’t send a fourth boy over. Do you want me to go find some more boys? I can find more.” Judith turned to leave, clearly experiencing a sudden burst of energy at the prospect of getting to play matchmaker yet again that evening.
Heidi let out an exasperated groan and grabbed Judith before she could disappear into the crowd. “Mother, stop! I told you, I like Sam. Can I get back to him now please, or do you want to complain some more about how I never like any of the guys you set me up with when, in fact, I like this one very much.”
Judith clasped her hands together for a moment, then pulled her daughter in for a giant hug. “You like him? Really? That’s wonderful news! But you know… I’m not getting any younger and my memory isn’t either. I meet so many nice boys. Which one is Sam?”
Heidi glanced across the room to the place she had last seen Sam, and there he still stood speaking with the groom. As they watched, he bowed his head in prayer.
Ahh, so he’s a pious man, too! What a catch!
She turned her mother’s petite frame around to look and pointed in Sam’s direction. “There. See?”
“Where? I don’t see my future son-in-law over there. Only Brady Rockwell, and I hate to break it to you but he’s already taken.” She laughed at her own joke, but Heidi frowned. Why did her mother always have to be such a chore? She knew that Judith only wanted what was best for her, but why was patience a virtue she must constantly practice?
“Mama, he’s standing right there. Next to Brady.”
“What? The pastor?”
“No, Sam. Right there. See?”
Judith spoke while keeping her eyes fixed on the man across the room. “Oh my poor, poor shayna punim. That is Pastor Sam. He’s not Jewish, ergo, he’s not for you.”
Not Jewish? Well, as far as her mother was concerned, that was that. But for Heidi? The fact that her mother hadn’t sent Sam her way kind of made her like him even more. They had experienced an authentic connection, one that had drawn them to each other without any meddling mother’s help.
But then again…he was a pastor? A Christian pastor? Heidi knew interfaith relationships could work—just look at Louise and Brady—but she also knew her mother’s thoughts on the matter very well. Again just look at her reaction to Louise and Brady.
Did Heidi like Sam enough to invite a lifetime of her mother’s bitter harangues? Maybe it would be easier to go for pretty boy Jacob or boring-as-sin Gregory. If she’d felt a spark with the pastor, then surely she could feel such a thing again with someone more appropriate. Couldn’t she?
Just as she was struggling with what she should do next, and whether or not she should listen to her mother, Sam made the decision very simple for her.
He left, without giving any added glances her way. And without saying goodbye.
Had she completely misread his interest? Had her mother now set her up on so many forced dates that she could no longer tell when a man was actually interested in her? Whatever the case, he was gone and so were any hopes she had of speaking with him further.
Well, that settled things all right.
Sam felt as though he were stuck in a whirlwind of emotions—love, hope, guilt, fear, even regret—all swirled around his heart and contributing to an overwhelming storm inside him. The only thing he could do in that moment was flee to safer harbors, to his literal sanctuary.
So he left the wedding, forcing himself not to look back at the woman who had stolen his heart with a single smile. He needed to go to the place that had all the answers. Maybe then he would understand what God meant by sending him a woman who clearly wasn’t intended for him.
Normally, Sam would count on Pastor Dan whenever he felt troubled. The two men had been friends for practically as long as Sam could remember. In fact, Dan had been the one to convince Sam to move to this town and to apply for a position within the same church he served. But there would be no turning to Dan this time, for the other young pastor had left for Africa a few weeks back for a summer-long mission trip. While the time difference wasn’t staggering, Dan being able to find a phone in the tiny, remote village he now inhabited would be.
No, Sam would have to figure this one out on his own—and with the help of the ultimate Counselor, of course.
Although he’d spent many a late night working in his cozy church office, it still felt strange to see the parking lot so empty, the windows devoid of any light—especially after leaving the merry bustle of the wedding reception just moments before. The church only closed for a brief time each night and late Saturday evenings just so happened to be one of them. Fortunately, Sam had a key.
He let himself in and went directly to the main sanctuary. For as modern as his congregation attempted to be—chairs instead of pews, a band instead of an organ, large projector screens instead of hymnals—they still held on to an old wooden statue of Jesus hugging a small child. The child had tears in her eyes, but still managed a smile. One of the earliest church members had carved it as a gift, and it had become something of a mascot ever since.
Sam felt like that child made of pine now. His emotions tore him away from Heidi one instant and then pushed him back toward her the next, back and forth, and back again. Could love be wrong? Would it really be a disgrace to God if he allowed himself to at least get to know her better, to open himself up to the possibility of courting her?
He bowed his head in silence and waited for God to speak to him. In the meantime, he had some questions to ask…
Why would You give me these feelings of such love? Is this a test of the flesh? Or did You choose to send me a partner to share in this life? We worship the same God, so would allowing myself to love Heidi mean I were unequally yoked, or no? Should I ask her for a date, or are these feelings only a sign that I am ready to find love? Will loving a woman take away from my relationship with You, my commitment to the Church?
Please send a sign, and thank You for trusting me with this challenge. Amen.
Chapter 4
No sooner had Heidi decided that she could actually make her mother happy by finally having a real relationship, then it had all fallen to pieces. First, she found out that the very object of this newfound affection was someone of whom her mother would never approve. Then, he flat out left, putting the kibosh on any further dancing or other flirtations for the evening.
Heidi’s mother, for her part, let the shock roll right off her. “So we all make mistakes, eh? That’s all right. You liked that one. I can find others like him. Wait here!” And Judith skittered off into the crowd, emerging moments later with bachelor number five.
Heidi crossed her arms, hoping the man would understand what her mother couldn’t.
“Matt, this is my gorgeous daughter, Rabbi Heidi Gold. Cute, right? I know you’re going to hit it off. I’ll go mingle. Ta!” And just as soon as she’d come and gone the first time, Judith Gold disappeared b
ack into the crowd once more.
Matt flushed beneath Heidi’s quizzical gaze. “Am I really that forgettable?”
“She means well, really she does. And she must really like you to have set me up with you a second time the same evening.”
“And fourth time overall.” Matt chuckled to dispel some of the nervous energy that hung between them. Heidi only remembered two other times in which her mother had fixed her up with Matt, but she decided not to point that out. The poor man felt bad enough as it was.
“Look, Matt, I’m sure both our mothers are hovering nearby waiting to see if we hit it off. Maybe we could share a quick dance to get them both off our backs. What do you say?”
Matt nodded and held out his arm to escort Heidi back to the dance floor. When the music ended, she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and apologized yet again for her mother’s behavior.
“Mine is just as much to blame as yours. Anyway, thanks for the dance, Heidi. I hope you find what you’re looking for.” He really was a kind man, but there just wasn’t any spark—not like with Sam.
But Sam had left. That was over. Right?
Of course it was over. And, speaking of which, so was her patience with this evening.
Needing to get while the getting was good, Heidi hurried across the reception hall and found Louise sitting with an elderly relative who was too fragile to get up to enjoy the party.
“Louise, you’re a vision,” she whispered, bending down to kiss her friend on each of her rouged cheeks. “But I really must go before Mom tries setting me up with yet another nice young man.”
Both women laughed at Heidi’s impression of her mother’s loud, nasally voice. When the laughter came to its natural end, Louise put her hand on Heidi’s arm and said, “Please. Not yet.”
“What’s wrong?”
The Alaska Sunrise Romances: A 9-Book Sweet Romance Collection Page 51
