The N Word (Redefining Me Book 2)

by Michelle MacQueen

  No, she couldn’t think like that. Avery St. Germaine was an ass. He was not sexy. Not adorable with his little half smile thing he had going on. There were enough girls in their school to fawn over their football star whether he made ridiculously bad plays in major games or not.

  “I wasn’t staring.” She focused on her feet. “I’m just waiting for you to get out of my way so I can go to chem. I’m already late.”

  “Then being more late doesn’t matter, does it?”

  She tried to push past him, but he was a brick wall. Her eyes darted around the hall, realizing no help was there. Their classmates now sat inside classrooms preparing to learn more boring crap. Nari had never skipped a class in her life, but after her talk with Mr. Nadine, she couldn’t stomach the idea of sitting through another day of preparing for exams that scared the crap out of her.

  Her shoulders dropped and tears pricked her eyes. She would not, could not, cry. Not in front of Mr. Golden Boy himself.

  “Hey.” Avery dipped his head, forcing her to look at him. “I heard.”

  She almost asked him what he’d heard, but the sympathy in his expression told her everything she needed to know. Perfect. Avery St. Freaking Germaine knew the one thing she hadn’t even told Peyton.

  Nari Won Song was a fraud. A nerd in name only. A whiz kid in reputation only.

  “Come here.” He wrapped his fingers around her upper arm and guided her into a bathroom.

  “Avery,” she protested. “This is the girls’ bathroom.”

  He shrugged. “And your point is…” He kicked in each of the stall doors. “Good, we’re alone.”

  Nari moved to the sink and set her glasses beside it. Turning the water on, she cupped it with her hands and splashed it over her face.

  “Aren’t you going to mess up your makeup?” Avery’s tone only sounded curious.

  Nari shot him a scowl before pulling the lever on the paper towel dispenser and drying her face. “Not all of us come to school with so much gunk on our faces that you can’t even tell what we really look like.”

  Avery held his hands in front of his chest in surrender. “It was just a question. You’re a touchy one, aren’t you?” There was no judgment in his voice. He tilted his head to the side. “I don’t think I’ve seen you without your glasses since we were kids.”

  Nari’s hand darted toward where she’d left the frames and slid them on her face as she mumbled under her breath, “I’m surprised you’d admit you were friends with us once.”

  “What was that?” His smile widened.

  “Nothing.” She stepped toward the door. “Are we done here?”

  “Not even close.” He pulled her back until she was molded against him, her back to his front. Her skin tingled as he ran his hand down to hold her wrist, keeping her in place.

  “Avery.” She tried to sound more annoyed than flustered.

  He lowered his lips to her ear. “I have a solution.”

  “A solution to what?” She swallowed.

  “You’re dying, baby, and I’m your cure.”

  She twisted out of his grasp and turned to glare at him. “Turning my words against me now?” She snorted. “I don’t know if I even want to know what you’re talking about.”

  “Oh, you do.” He stepped forward, and she stepped back.

  “Don’t use your flirty stare on me, Avery St. Germaine. It won’t work. The only reason you’re even talking to me is because you need something. Just spit it out.”

  A look of bewilderment crossed his features for a moment before the confidence was back. “Flirty stare?” he chuckled. “You’re funny.”

  “I know what funny means to your crowd. Weird. Yes, Avery, I’m weird. We done now, or you going to tell me what you think you need from me?”

  “Fine.” He blew out a breath. “I wasn’t lying about the cure thing. I heard everything Mr. Nadine said to you. Let me tutor you.”

  A laugh burst out of Nari and then another. She couldn’t stop it as she gripped her stomach. “You?” she wheezed, trying to catch her breath.

  Avery clenched his jaw. “What? You think the only things I can learn are football plays?”

  Her laughter stopped abruptly, guilt working its way in. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply you were stupid or anything. I just—”

  “Just because someone doesn’t do well in class doesn’t make them stupid.”

  She knew he was talking about her, and a part of her appreciated the statement. She never thought of anyone else as stupid, but when it came to herself…

  She crossed her arms over her chest, shrinking in on herself.

  “Nari.” He put a finger under her chin and tilted her head up. His free hand brushed the dark hair from her face. He froze like he’d realized what he’d done and jerked both hands back. “I’m good at this stuff. Calc. Chem. All of it. I’m acing all of my classes.”

  She stared at him, struggling to believe a word he said.

  He held up two fingers. “Scouts honor.”

  “So, you want to…tutor me? Is this before or after you tell everyone that the only way a college would ever accept me is if my dad pulls strings?”

  “I won’t tell anyone, I swear. Honestly, I don’t think they’d care.”

  She snorted. “Must be nice to live at the top of the food chain where even screwing up during the final playoff game is forgotten after a few days. The rest of us down here on earth have to live with our flaws being picked apart every time we walk into this school.”

  She uncrossed her arms and clenched her fists at her sides. “Why do you want to do this, anyway? Since…that night…”

  Avery closed his eyes, his throat bulging as he swallowed. When he opened them again, they blazed with the pain they both carried.

  She tried again. “It’s been almost two years since the accident, and you barely talk to me or to Cam and Peyton for that matter. For a while there, you were a complete dick to us.”

  His nostrils flared. “I know.” As he rubbed the back of his neck, the confidence he’d perfected over the years began to slip. For just a moment, he was the little boy next door who’d run across the lawn, climb through her window, and play dolls with her. What would people like Meghan do if they saw those pictures?

  “Avery, what’s the cost? You’re not just offering to do this out of pity. That isn’t your style.”

  His cheeks reddened in a way she rarely saw anymore. Was Avery embarrassed? “One tutoring session…for one kiss.”

  She stood stock-still, staring at him, knowing she must have heard him wrong. “Kiss?” she squeaked.

  When he spoke again, his words came rapidly. “Meghan is dating Drew now and doing everything she can to parade him in front of me. My own friend. I can’t even think when she’s around, let alone when everyone from school sends me pictures of them making out at parties. I broke up with her in anger, not realizing how much I’d miss her when she was gone. And you, Nari, she hates you.”

  “I take pride in that fact, but I still don’t get it.”

  He sighed. “I want to…uh…take a picture of us kissing and have it get back to her.”

  “Wait.” She stopped him, ignoring the kiss part for the moment. “You actually want that girl back?”

  He nodded, but there was something in his eyes she couldn’t decipher. It surely wasn’t a guy in love with a girl.

  Nari took another step away from him. She couldn’t kiss Avery. If she did, she was pretty sure she’d only end up hurt.

  “I can’t,” she whispered.

  “Why not? It’s just one kiss. I promise you’ll learn more in a tutoring session with me than any class.”

  She eyed her bag she’d left on the counter, wondering if she could snatch it and make a quick escape before admitting to him her real reason.

  She didn’t want her first kiss to be fake.

  Something in her face must have given her away because Avery’s eyes widened. “Nari, have you ever kissed anyone before?”r />
  “Of course, I have,” she scoffed.

  “No. You haven’t. How is that even possible? We’re seniors in high school, and you’re—”

  “I’m what? Nerdy? Uncool? I know that, Avery, but thanks for the reminder.” She turned toward the door again, pausing at the counter to gather her things before shoving the door open and practically running into the hall.

  Avery followed her, and she’d never wished for anything more than for him to leave her alone. “Wait.”

  “Stop following me.”

  “No.”

  She twisted on her heel, and he stopped to avoid running into her. “What is wrong with you? Do you enjoy hurting others?”

  “What? No! I asked you to kiss me. How does that hurt you?”

  “I’m not a prostitute, Avery. You can’t pay me to kiss you. That’s not how it should work. Besides, Meghan would never believe you wanted to kiss a girl like me.”

  “She would.” His voice dropped, and Nari barely heard his next words. “Because it’s true. I do want to kiss you.”

  Nari couldn’t handle it anymore. She left him standing there, and he didn’t follow this time as she rounded the corner, not bothering to stop at her locker for her chem book. She wouldn’t let Avery use her to make some other girl jealous. No, she’d find another way to pass her exams. She didn’t need him.

  The only problem was once he’d put the idea of kissing him into her head, she couldn’t think of anything else the rest of the day.

  Nari managed to make it through her afternoon classes without any of the teachers trying to talk to her until the stupid poetry class that capped a crappy day. Mrs. Locke didn’t wait until the end of class. She set everyone working on new sonnets and wandered toward Nari’s desk.

  Nari sensed her before she spoke. Poetry wasn’t quite as bad as pre-calc. She understood it, she used it to write her lyrics, but the teacher bored her to tears, and she always found herself unable to pay attention.

  “Ms. Song.” Mrs. Locke clasped her hands behind her back and leaned forward to get a look at Nari’s work. A single line was scrawled across the top of the page. The teacher lowered her voice, but Nari knew the classmates on either side of her could hear. “Your grade is depending on the midterm exam. Would you like me to find someone to work with you over break?” What was it with these teachers and tutors?

  Nari looked up at her through her glasses. “I think I can handle it.”

  Mrs. Locke pursed her lips. “I’m not sure you understand the importance of this test.”

  Yeah, Nari thought. Because one test was going to be the end of the world.

  But she pasted on a smile. “I understand it perfectly.”

  Mrs. Locke clucked her tongue. “We want you to succeed, dear.”

  Of course, she did. They all wanted her to succeed. Her parents. Her teachers. They just didn’t care what she saw as success. A familiar anger curled in her gut, but, as always, she held it back. It wouldn’t do for the small, quiet girl to unleash everything she thought of them, of this town.

  Peyton glanced at her through a curtain of hair as she bent over her work. Worry lit in her gaze.

  The final bell rang, and Nari didn’t wait for Mrs. Locke to say anything else as she grabbed her books and bolted from the room. She needed it to end. Their worry. Their looks. They all said the right things, trying to make her think they believed she could be better than she was. But they didn’t. Not really. School had never been her thing. The book was written. The movie was done.

  They thought they saw the ending coming.

  But they didn’t know her. She’d give them a twist to the story. She’d ace every last one of their stupid tests if she had to study the entire break.

  She passed her locker without stopping. Avery stood a few rows down, his back to her, as he laughed at something one of the cheerleaders said.

  Nari stopped and cleared her throat. Avery didn’t notice.

  “Avery.” She clenched her jaw in determination.

  He turned slowly, the smile he’d had for the cheerleader dropping. She tapped her foot, showing her displeasure at losing his attention. “Bye, Lyndz.” He didn’t even look at her as he dismissed her.

  Lyndzey let out a huff and turned on her heel, practically stomping away.

  “Time’s a-ticking, Song.” Avery glanced at his nonexistent watch. “I can see biting words just bursting to get out. Please tell me what I’ve done wrong now.”

  She breathed in deeply. “I’ll do it.”

  His entire body stilled except for the slow smile spreading across his lips. He shut his locker and leaned his shoulder against it, crossing his legs at the ankle. “Do what?”

  He was going to make her say it. She couldn’t. “Never mind. This was dumb.” She turned, but he gripped her wrist to make her face him again. This time, there was no humor in his dark eyes.

  “Nari,” he growled.

  Her voice dropped to an almost inaudible whisper. “I’ll kiss you.” Her first kiss. She scrubbed a hand across her face. What was she doing?

  Avery grasped her chin and tilted her face up. It seemed he had a habit of doing that. Feeling the eyes of their classmates on her, Nari stepped back, widening the space between them.

  “One kiss,” she whispered, not wanting anyone to know how pathetic she was. “You can take a picture. But I want two tutoring sessions.”

  He crossed his arms. “And here I was thinking my winter break was going to be boring without the ski trip.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “I want this over this week before school is out. Then everyone can forget about me and our”—she swallowed—“kiss while they’re on vacation.”

  “Okay.” He reached forward and took the books from her arms.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Being nice?”

  “I thought you said you weren’t a good guy,” she blurted as he walked toward her locker. How did he know which one was hers?

  He stopped, waiting for her to open it. “Maybe I want to be.” He shrugged.

  Nari didn’t believe him. She didn’t know what game he was playing, but she’d figure it out. Maybe he wanted to show Meghan he wasn’t the tool who dumped her. Maybe… Ugh, she didn’t know. What she did know was she couldn’t trust this side of him, the side she’d searched for in the two years since Cooper’s death.

  This version of Avery was not the same boy who’d begged his mom to make her cookies when she was sick at eight years old or the one who chased Cooper through the yard because Coop made fun of her glasses.

  Now, she didn’t know who he was. The boy next door was more a stranger than he’d ever been.

  A stranger she now had to kiss.

  She closed her locker and turned to him. “Um…so…when…”

  “Tonight.”

  “Tonight,” she repeated. Yippee.

  8

  Avery

  Nicky: Catching a ride home with a friend.

  Avery rolled his eyes at his brother’s text.

  Avery: K, let me know these things before I wait on your ass for a half hour.

  Nicky: Sorry. Distracted. TTYL.

  Now that Avery didn’t have football or Meghan as an excuse not to go home, he found himself racking his brain for something to do after school. He’d told Nari he wanted to get Meghan back, and part of him did, just so he wouldn’t be alone. But that wasn’t what he really wanted. Avery had no idea what he wanted anymore.

  His mind kept drifting to thoughts of his upcoming tutoring session with Nari. For some reason, he was nervous about their deal.

  “Get it together, man. It’s just a kiss.” Just a way to get everyone off his back about Meghan moving on so quickly after the breakup. But it was going to be Nari’s first kiss ever, and he was making a complete mockery of it. Why was he even doing this fake kiss thing? He could get just about any girl to make out with him and take pics. Why was he so insistent that it should be Nari?

  Because you want to ki
ss her, you idiot. There was nothing fake about it. Avery wanted Nari’s first kiss to be with him. And he wanted to make it special. But it was never going to happen naturally. Nari hated his guts… And he needed that photo. It would piss Meghan off more than anything else would. It would tell his friends he wasn’t sitting at home licking his wounds.

  Avery drove aimlessly around town wondering what people without social lives did with their time. He thought about going to the Main, but it brought back painful memories of hanging out with Coop and all their friends there. And Nari would almost certainly be there waiting with Cam for Peyton to get off work.

  Avery ended up back home well before he wanted to be there. As he pulled down the long drive, he heard shouts from the garage. “Great. More drama with Pop.”

  “Come on, kid, give your old man a ride into town. It’ll be fun.”

  Avery shook his head, watching Nicky try to get their father out of his car. It wasn’t even four o’clock, and he was already drinking. And driving. Nicky never drove his flashy yellow sports car unless he had to. He’d left it at the party neither of them spoke about, but he must have gotten a ride from someone else to pick it up. The car stayed in the garage most of the time, but it looked like Grayson had tried to take the car out for a spin. It sat parked half on the paved driveway and half in the shrubs planted along the edge of the house. Another few feet and he’d have plowed right into the brick house.

  “Let’s take this chick magnet out for a spin, Nicky. Let your ol’ pop show you how to pick up girls. You just need a little tutoring.”

  “Jeez, Pop, leave him alone.” Avery slammed his car door.

  “What? He’s a handsome kid. He should be beating them off with a stick..”

  “One, that statement is just gross and archaic. And two, you know Nicky is gay. Why are you such a disgusting homophobe?”

  “What? I love my little Nick-Nick.” Grayson’s shoulders fell. “I just want him to be happy. We just need to toughen him up a little.”

  Oh great, we’ve got emotional-drunk Pop today.