The N Word (Redefining Me Book 2)

by Michelle MacQueen

  Peyton was quiet for a moment before she spoke again, her voice low. “Did he force you to kiss him?”

  “No! It wasn’t like that.” Nari buried her face in her hands even though Peyton couldn’t see her. “It was…” Should she tell her? Show her just how pathetic her friend really was? If anyone else at school found out…

  “It was what, Nari?”

  Nari sighed. “A mistake. It was a mistake. He doesn’t see me that way.”

  Peyton made a sound in the back of her throat. “Well, I always knew he was an idiot.” She paused. “You didn’t say you don’t see him like that.”

  “I don’t.” The words came too quickly. Nari didn’t think she liked Avery. He was arrogant and could be downright cruel. And he knew just how to push her buttons. But that kiss… She’d never forget that. The second one was clinical and dry, but the first was something else entirely. She touched her lips. Had that really happened, or was she imagining the heat between them?

  “Nari, did I lose you?” Peyton sounded amused.

  “No, I’m here.” Meghan’s caption came back to her. A charity case. That was what the entire school would think of her. “I don’t think I can go to school today.”

  “Perfect. I’m coming over. We can do a girls’ day.”

  “Peyton, you never skip.”

  Peyton’s voice was chipper. “Exactly. It’s almost Christmas break of our senior year. I’m going to miss my best friend when I’m at MIT next year. We need a day.”

  Nari smiled. She didn’t know where she’d be after graduation, but she did know she’d miss Peyton. A lot. And right now, she needed her friend to make her forget about the boy messing with her mind. “Yeah, Pey. Today is just us.”

  Peyton squealed, hanging up without another word.

  Nari relaxed back against her pillows, eyeing her computer as if it was the enemy. All she had to do was avoid Facebook and school for the day. It would all blow over, and people would forget the nerdy girl who’d let herself be used as a pawn to make a prettier, more popular girl jealous.

  Easy, right?

  10

  Avery

  Avery has always loved community service. #BeautyAndTheNerd #WashYourMouthOut

  Avery sat on the edge of his bed, staring at his phone, horrified. “What did I do?” The picture he took with Nari was supposed to be for Meghan and a few of their friends. He just wanted them off his back. It never occurred to him the whole school might see it, or that Meghan was hateful enough to turn it back on Nari.

  “What did I just tell you?” Nicky barged into his room. “Fix it. Fix it now, Avery. She doesn’t deserve this.”

  “I know, I know.” Avery groaned. “You don’t think Nari will see it, do you? I doubt she follows Meghan’s social media.”

  “That rampaging evil…pom pom…jerkface tagged the school so everyone has seen it by now.”

  “Have you been taking anti-cursing lessons from Nari?”

  “You can’t joke your way out of this. Fix it.”

  “How?” Avery threw his hands up. “I never meant for this to happen. I just wanted everyone to shut up about Meghan and Drew.”

  “I don’t know, but you need to think of something quick.” Nicky sank down into Avery’s armchair by the window. “Why Nari? If you wanted to make Meghan jealous, you should have hooked up with Addison or Ashley.”

  “They’re all the same.”

  “Except she’s going to turn Nari into the year’s biggest joke by the end of the day.”

  “How did I never see this side of her?” He couldn’t imagine that the girl he’d once cared for could be this conniving, hateful bitch.

  “I think you were blinded by the boobs. You and every straight guy in our school.”

  “I’m more of an ass man, myself,” Avery said, thinking of the way Nari’s tiny waist flared her hips. She hid her body behind her modest clothes, and he found that far more intriguing than the skintight, too short kind of clothes Meghan always wore.

  “Where’d you go, man?” Nicky snapped his fingers. “Focus, we have a problem here. How are we going to fix it?”

  “We?” Avery asked.

  “She’s my friend. You’re my idiot brother who would never hurt a girl like Nari on purpose, so let’s find a way to turn this back on Meghan.”

  “Right. Get ready for school,” Avery finally said, rubbing his face in frustration. “I’ll talk to Nari first and do damage control there. Then we’ll figure out what to do about everyone else later.”

  As Nicky left the room, Avery grabbed his phone, launching the No BS app. He scrolled until he found what he was looking for.

  “I am such an ass.” He clicked on the user name —@KeyboardingIsLife. It was such a violation, even worse than what he’d already done, but he’d seen Nari’s post on her computer yesterday, and he wanted to see if she’d posted again.

  I’m talking to the pretty people today. You know who you are. You’re the golden boys and girls of Twin Rivers High. What must it be like to be one of you? You fall on your face and you get up, taking a sweeping bow with that brilliant smile and by the next day, no one remembers you were ever not perfect. But the rest of us, way down in the caste system? We fall on our faces, and you NEVER let us forget it. You never fail to shove our faces in the dirt, standing on our backs to remind us of our place. That must be how you stay way up there among the clouds with all the sunshine, rainbows, and fresh air.

  Now I’m talking to the rest of us. The plebs and lowly untouchables. Why do we let them do it? Why do we care so much what they think? Oh right, the only way we survive unscathed is to let them have the spotlight while we do our best to remain in the shadows.

  —@KeyboardingIsLife #AlwaysHiding #SaferAmongTheFacelessMasses

  Avery stared at her words, finally understanding her reluctance to kiss him. Taking a photo of it was just brutal on his part. Nari knew this would happen. So why did she do it? He’d dragged her into the spotlight with him, never realizing that was the last place she ever wanted to be.

  Avery: Take the pic down. Now.

  Meghan: No

  Avery: I’m not kidding, Meghan. Now.

  Meghan: You made sure I got that pic from Addie. Don’t act like you didn’t want me to post it.

  “Damn it.” Avery tossed his phone onto his dresser, grabbing a pair of jeans from the floor. He had some groveling to do and a bitter ex-girlfriend to deal with.

  “Meghan really is a bitch,” Avery said, joining his brother in their living room.

  “See why I like boys now? Not nearly as much drama,” Nicky said as they headed down to the first floor.

  “Little man, you may have stumbled on to the most perfect reason to be gay. No girls.”

  “Unfortunately, boys have drama too.” Nicky sighed. “But at least yours is entertaining. For me, anyway.”

  “Glad my pain amuses you.” Avery grabbed his keys, glancing across the yard to Nari’s house, hoping to catch a glimpse of her on her way to school.

  By second period, Avery realized Nari had skipped, and the whole school had lost their minds over that stupid kiss.

  Shouts of “where’s your charity case, Avery?” and “what were you thinking?” followed him everywhere he went. Even the nerds seemed appalled that he would step out of his lane with one of their own.

  Did these people not see the real Nari? She was beautiful and kind in such a genuine way—a way someone like Meghan would never be. He could not understand how their peers could react so aggressively about something that was none of their business.

  Except you made it their business when you took that photo and sent it to Addison to send it to Meghan.

  Meghan had evaded him all day, but by lunch, he was ready to kill her.

  “Take it down, Meghan.” Avery sent the girl sitting next to Meghan running for another chair. Fuming, he sat beside his ex-girlfriend.

  “Not going happen, Ave.” She sipped her Diet Coke through a straw, giving him that innocent
wide-eyed stare that used to get her anything she wanted from him.

  Avery slammed his fist down on the table, making her flinch and the rest of the cafeteria fall silent. “You’re just pissed I broke up with you!”

  “And you’re just pissed I moved on without a backward glance.”

  “I don’t care who you’re screwing now. So why do you care so much about who I kiss?”

  “Oh, please, she’s nothing. You just picked a random nobody to make me jealous so I’d come crawling back to you.”

  That was how all of this started. Avery had wanted to make her jealous, and he knew Nari would be the one to get Meghan’s back up. But that was when he’d wanted her back. Looking at Meghan now, he couldn’t find an attractive quality beyond her pretty face, but even that was a mask of makeup she hid behind.

  “Right, because I was the one to break up with you, I wanted you to come crawling back?” Avery stood, looking down on her. “I am not interested in being your boyfriend ever again. I don’t care if you make your way through all of my friends. I’ll even tell you who has the money and means to support your lazy ass. But take your vicious claws out of my girlfriend’s back, and take the damn photo down. Now.” He shoved her phone into her hands.

  “Oh my God, you’re so ridiculous right now.” Meghan rolled her eyes, forcing a laugh to cover her humiliation. “I’ll take it down, but it’s all over the internet now. People have shared it a million times. It’s even up on that No BS app thing.” she tapped a few times and deleted the photo from her Facebook timeline.

  “Yeah, because you put it there.” He shoved her phone back into her hands. “You’re not done yet. Take it off No BS, Instagram, Twitter and wherever else you posted it.”

  “Ugh, you know I don’t use Twitter.” She tapped her phone, her face flushing as the whole school watched. “There, it’s done.” She threw her hands up. “Happy?”

  Avery took her phone and searched through her photos, deleting the one of his kiss with Nari. “We’re done.” Avery tossed her phone back on the table. “Leave me and my girlfriend alone.”

  “You can’t be serious?” She shrieked. “You expect me to believe you’re dating that little string bean after you’ve had this?” She gestured at her perfect body. “Come on, Avery, no one’s going to believe that.”

  “What can I say, I recently developed a taste for nice girls with killer asses.” Avery turned to leave. And I just made it worse. Avery walked out of the cafeteria, wondering what Nari would do when she found out he’d told the entire school she was his new girlfriend. He didn’t even do it on purpose. It just slipped out. Yep, she’s going to scratch my face off.

  “That was brutal, man,” Nicky said, thumbing through his social media at all the replays of Avery’s tirade in the lunchroom.

  They sat in their joint living room, something they hadn’t done in a long time.

  “I was too harsh.” Avery felt bad about the comments that were now focused on Meghan after her public freak-out. Nari was safely back in the shadows where she was more comfortable, but he still hadn’t talked to her yet.

  “No way. Meghan deserves it. She’s tortured countless kids at our school. It’s time she learns what it’s like to be the focus of attention for all the wrong reasons.”

  “Nari is going to kill me.”

  “Probably,” Nicky agreed. “But if you want my honest opinion, Nari would be good for you. You like her. It’s obvious.”

  “I don’t think she likes me like that. She hates the ‘golden people,’ and she thinks I’m one of them.”

  “You are.”

  “I don’t feel like it. And after today, I don’t want to be one of those assholes.”

  “So, show Nari you can be real. She needs to know that being with you doesn’t mean she’s going to have to be the next Meghan. The next ‘it girl’ in the spotlight. That’s what she doesn’t want.”

  “I have to do something. And fast.”

  “No time like the present.” Nicky gave him a shove. “Just rip the Band-Aid off and tell her how you feel.”

  “Boys?” their mother called. “Can you come down here? I need to talk to you.” She sounded like she’d been crying.

  “Uh-oh. You think this is it?” Nicky asked.

  “What?” Avery frowned at his brother.

  “You know, the talk.”

  “What talk?” Avery stepped into the hallway with Nicky right behind him.

  “The ‘I’m divorcing your drunk-ass father’ talk,” Nicky whispered.

  “Maybe,” Avery sighed, not in the mood for any more drama.

  “Where’s Pop?” Nicky asked as they filed into the study.

  “Asleep.” She cast her eyes down at the desk.

  “What’s this about, Mom?” Avery sat on the couch opposite the desk.

  “I have some difficult news to share with you boys.”

  Avery studied her face. She looked tired and stressed.

  “If it’s about leaving Pop, we understand,” Nicky said.

  “No, this isn’t about your father and me. Pop has problems, but I still love him, and I hope you boys do too.”

  “He makes it hard,” Avery said.

  “Listen, boys.” She moved to lean against the front of the desk. “We’ve tried to keep things from you. To protect you so you wouldn’t worry. Your father was in the NFL for years. He suffered so many physical injuries over his long career. He’s had surgeries and physical therapy. It’s hard on the body. Harder than most people even realize. But the concussions your father experienced did the most damage. Pop has something called CTE, Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy. It’s a progressive degenerative disease of the brain that happens to a lot of retired athletes. The drinking is a result of the CTE—among other things—and I’m trying to be patient with him. Though, Lord knows, he does make it hard.”

  “So this CTE is what makes Pop an asshole?” Nicky asked.

  Their mother nodded her head sadly. “Some of the symptoms of the disease are confusion, depression, impaired judgment, impulse control problems, memory loss, and addictive behaviors. CTE can lead to dementia if not treated properly.”

  “So there’s a reason he’s turned into this person we don’t recognize?” Avery asked. His mom listed some scary symptoms, but if it could be treated… If it wasn’t his fault, Avery couldn’t help the surge of hope he felt at the idea his Pop might get better.

  “But he’s not following treatment, is he?” Nicky asked.

  “No, but he’s trying. He needs to quit drinking, and he knows it. Your father just has a hard time controlling the impulse to drink because of the CTE. But that’s not why I asked you in here—at least not the only reason.” She dropped her gaze.

  “Is Pop… Is he going to be okay?” Nicky asked.

  “I don’t know, kiddo. He has to want to get better. I just… I know you boys have every reason to be angry with him, but I’m asking you to please understand, it’s the disease. It’s not your father.”

  “Go ahead and drop the other shoe, Mom,” Avery said.

  She took a deep breath. “The addictive behaviors are the most significant of your father’s symptoms, and it doesn’t stop at drinking. He has a gambling problem too. I didn’t know about it until recently, but it’s bad.” Her eyes filled with tears. “The money is gone, boys. We have to sell the house.”

  Avery took a deep breath, trying to control his urge to blame his father for things that were out of his control.

  “I never cared about the money,” Nicky said.

  “I’m afraid we will have to sell your cars too.”

  “We all know I hate that yellow eyesore, so knock yourself out.”

  “I’m almost eighteen,” Avery said. “Can I take the money out of my trust fund from Grandma and buy the car from you?” Avery could learn to live without the money they once had, but he loved that car.

  “It’s all gone, Avery. Even Grandma’s money. I’m so sorry. Your father managed the trust, and I just d
idn’t know what was happening right under my nose until it was too late.”

  “What about our college funds?” Nicky asked. “There’s more than enough in there to let Avery keep his car. He’s got scholarship offers for more than a few college football programs.

  Their mother just shook her head. “I’m so sorry, boys.” Her cheeks flamed red with embarrassment, and her shoulders shook with sobs. “I’m so sorry.”

  Neither son could stand the sight of their mother’s tears. “It’s okay, Mom.” Nicky and Avery went to her and wrapped their arms around her.

  “We’ll figure it out,” Avery said, resting his head on top of his mother’s. “I have scholarships. I’ll be okay. And Nicky is smart as hell, he’ll get a scholarship too.

  “Avery.” His mom was sobbing now as she grabbed his hands. “I know it’s asking a lot. But you have to give up football. I’ve seen the damage it’s done to your father and his NFL friends. It’s not worth your health. We’ll find a way to send you to any school you want, but please, can we take football off the table?”

  “I don’t know, Mom.” Avery was stunned by this revelation more than any of the other hard truths he just learned. “Let’s talk about it some more when we’ve had time to think.”

  She nodded. “I’m dead serious about this, Avery. I can’t watch my son willingly hurt himself for a sport.”

  Avery would have promised his mother anything in that moment. Truth be told, he never really wanted to pursue college football like his father had. But if Avery didn’t have football, what did he have?

  11

  Nari

  Nari had never once been nervous going to the Callahan’s house, but this time, it wasn’t to see Peyton. Julian promised no one would be home, that the band could practice uninterrupted. The thought of anyone finding out Nari spent her weekends clipping pink extensions into her hair and standing under the hot lights of a stage shouldn’t have freaked her out so much. It shouldn’t have made her palms sweat. What was it she’d posted on No BS after their last show?