As they drew away from the house, he seemed tense beside her, staring straight ahead.
“I would have said yes.” She wasn’t sure why she’d blurt her thoughts out like that, but he’d been nothing but honest with her.
His glance was questioning.
“I would have allowed you to court me.” Of course, she would have.
“But Arthur had already—”
“He didn’t ask me until the day after the Garden Party. He lied to you.”
She hated that word: lied. Because it had her wondering if he’d lied about other things. Had he broken other promises as well? “I’m so damn mad at him, Luke.” Luke had been Gil’s friend. He would understand. He was perhaps one of the only people she knew who wouldn’t judge her for this truth.
She almost felt a sense of relief to make such an admission. Because she’d been angry with Arthur for weeks now, months. When they first married, he’d made all sorts of promises. And then he’d always had some sort of excuse to break them—or delay them. Yes, he’d usually delayed them. And she’d made excuse upon excuse for him, convincing herself she was being too demanding—too picky. They’d been in love and she was his wife! She wasn’t supposed to find fault with him so quickly.
Luke pulled the cart to a halt and turned to face her. “It doesn’t change who he is—that you loved him.”
She shook her head. “I married him. I’m supposed to be loyal to his memory but now I don’t even know if that memory was real. I don’t even know what to feel anymore.” Had she been so blinded by her physical passion that she’d chosen not to see her husband’s flaws? Tears burned at the back of her eyes. Tears of betrayal and guilt and confusion.
Luke lifted his hand, rough from the labor he’d finished over the past two weeks, and cradled the side of her face. “You’re allowed to feel whatever you want.”
She swallowed hard, a tumult of emotions clogging her throat at the look in his eyes. What if Arthur hadn’t lied to Luke and Luke had courted her first? “I’m not sure if I can trust my feelings.”
Which feelings was she talking about? The ones she had had for Arthur or the ones threatening to overflow now? Longings that had her staring into eyes the color of a brilliant sapphire, feeling lost but also very, very much at home.
His thumb moved in slow circles on her chin, and then just below her lips.
This close, she could make out each individual whisker on his jaw and noticed for the first time a white scar trailing from just below his lip to the edge of his chin.
This close, she recognized desire and affection in his steady gaze.
For what seemed like forever, neither of them moved. Time stood still as the world came to a halt except for a bird singing nearby and the breeze rustling the leaves in a distant grove of trees. She held her breath, afraid to move. Afraid to do anything that would break this moment and send her spiraling back into her reality.
“Naomi,” he whispered before his face moved closer. “Stop me.”
But she didn’t want to stop him. Because this madness made sense. As uncertain as she was about everything else, right now she wanted nothing more than for Luke to kiss her.
His gaze flicked to her mouth and then back to her eyes, and she recognized that he was possibly as confused as she was.
Was this fate or was this a very bad decision? She’d wrestle with those questions later. As would he.
Of its own accord, her hand slid up his arm and reached around the back of his head. Beneath her fingers, his skin was rough along his throat and jaw, and then smooth and hot at the back of his neck.
“I don’t want to stop you,” she whispered.
Her words were enough.
He leaned forward and kissed her.
The kiss was soft, tentative almost, and yet he might as well have set a flint to dry tinder. The feelings she’d been fighting at night and sometimes when she watched him work surged from her core to her breasts and between her legs.
His kiss was exactly as she’d expected it to be but also so much more. Tender at first, gentle. His lips were firm though, and although his tongue slid along the seam of her mouth, he waited until hers parted in invitation before deepening the kiss.
Luke had inexplicably become her anchor but they were caught in forbidden waters.
She was newly widowed, swollen with another man’s baby.
And yet she could not deny the completion of his embrace, the authenticity of his affection.
A rumble hummed in his chest as he adjusted his head, drawing them closer, heightening the intimacy between them.
She yearned for these feelings to go on forever. This connection. This… rightness.
Because once it was over, they would have to face the impossibility of it ever happening again. They’d have to acknowledge the kiss as nothing more than a mistake. Because where could they go from here?
Is it a mistake?
Or was it the best thing that could happen to her? She’d made so many mistakes in the past year. Mistakes that had cost her her family, her reputation.
Luke sighed and their lips separated with a soft kiss. The loss made her feel like crying.
He didn’t release her right away but instead tucked her head beneath his chin. “It doesn’t need to make sense for now. Nothing does.”
He was so sweet—too good to be true. Naomi trailed her hand down his arm and a tremor ran through his solid frame. And then she pressed her face into his neck and inhaled. Leathery, spicy, and masculine. Raw.
Real.
What was happening?
Chapter Eight
Luke kept one hand on the ribbons but rested his other on the bench, lost in the fabric of her skirts, cradling her much smaller hand between them. He’d told her that none of this needed to make sense right now, and he’d meant it. Because although he understood exactly what was happening and knew exactly what he wanted, it wasn’t fair to think she did the same.
Luke had been attracted to her in London but he hadn’t expected he would feel the same seeing her again. And God help him, this wasn’t the same. This was more powerful, far more compelling than what he’d felt for her before.
He’d come to Milton Cottage as a gesture to honor Gil’s memory. If he’d done so for any other reason, he wasn’t sure he could live with himself. He’d wanted to kiss her last spring but then she’d gone and fallen in love with his oldest friend.
Luke rubbed his thumb along the back of her hand.
Gil was dead, gone forever, and yet not for the first time, Luke was having misgivings as to what kind of man his friend had really been.
Luke was not mistaken in that he had informed Gil of his intentions to court Naomi immediately after the garden party. Because after spending those few moments alone with her, rowing her around the picturesque little pond, Luke had already believed himself halfway in love with Miss Naomi Augustine. He’d wanted to shout it from the rooftops. Instead, he’d gone to his friend.
He dared not admit even to himself the feelings he had for her now, after spending the last two weeks seeing her every day. And he dared not hope that he hadn’t ruined everything by kissing her.
“Am I a horrible person?” Her voice sounded small beside him. “Are we?”
“We haven’t done anything wrong.” He cleared his throat, wondering what he could do to keep her from berating herself. He didn’t want her considering the affection between them wicked or sinful in any way.
Gil was gone and God willing, he and Naomi had long lives ahead of them. But Luke needed to exercise patience. Rushing into something now could cast a shadow on the future they might share.
Her reputation mattered to him. Far more than his own. He would do whatever he could to protect it, even if that meant denying himself now.
“You’ve suffered a great loss, not just recently, but with the rejection of your family last spring. It’s only natural that you needed comforting.” He tried not to stumble over his words.
She nodded be
side him. “Is that what that was between the two of us? Comforting?”
He’d already burdened her with too much today. She must take the time to mourn Gil before giving her affection to another. “It cannot be easy for you. Any of this.”
If he was going to win her love, he must exercise patience. She’d suffered a scandal, the loss of her family’s support, and now Gil’s death. Now was not the time to saddle her with his own selfish desires.
Indeed, a simple kiss did not need to make sense right now. She’d needed comforting, and he’d been there to hold her.
If only his heart would accept such an explanation. That kiss had surpassed all his expectations.
“You are a good friend, Lucas Cockfield. I don’t know what I would have done without you these past few weeks.” She touched swollen belly. “I don’t know what we would have done without you.”
Ah, yes. She would require a good deal of time. In less than half a year, she had become a wife, then a widow, and soon she would be a mother.
He would wait. He could be patient.
He relinquished her hand as they drove into the small village of Hull Crossings and parked at the end of the small cluster of buildings lined up along the single road through town. Before he could even jump down to come around and assist Naomi, a boy of about eleven or twelve was offering to watch the horse. Luke wasn’t concerned anyone would steal Naomi’s old pony in this sleepy little hamlet, but Luke tossed the boy a coin, nonetheless.
It was the most natural thing in the world to place his hand on her back as they approached the various storefronts. His desire to protect her and the baby she carried had become powerful. How would he feel if the child was his? He shoved the question away without answering it.
“I’ve only come to town a few times,” Naomi offered. “It’s quiet compared to the village near Somerhill House, my father’s home.”
If he remembered correctly, she’d grown up not far from Suffolk.
This particular village was inordinately sleepy. Almost as though it had been forgotten by the rest of the world.
A bell rang when Luke pushed open the door to Mr. Clapwell’s mercantile and echoed as he held it wide for Naomi to enter.
“Once you’re finished, meet me in front with your selections.” He’d allow her time to look around while he located the supplies he would need for the next few days. She might appreciate time to simply browse. His sisters seemed to enjoy doing just that in London far more than making actual purchases.
Why hadn’t she ventured to town more often?
Although the tavern at the posting inn could become raucous late at night, the establishment boasted a few private dining rooms where Gil could have brought her out to share a meal. A person couldn’t spend all of their time hiding away in the country, could they?
Hearing the bell ring again, Luke glanced up in time to see another young woman enter and look around. He could just make out ebony hair tucked beneath her bonnet and she seemed oddly familiar.
The exaggerated sway to her hips jolted his memory. She was the barmaid who’d attempted to… provide him with… entertainment of a sensual nature several times since his stay. Bridget, if he recalled correctly.
When the young woman caught sight of Naomi, who was perusing fabrics near the front window, the woman froze. Naomi glanced up and offered a tentative smile.
Naomi must miss the company of other ladies. In London, she’d not only attracted the gentlemen, but she’d been popular with several of the other young women in society.
The barmaid’s demeanor transformed, and Luke tensed before she even spoke.
“You!” She spoke loud enough that any other customers would have easily overheard. “You’ve ruined everything.”
“Pardon me?” Naomi’s expression fell.
“He was mine before he ever met you. Mine! He was going to come back to me. He was going to marry me. But he left because of you. And now he’s gone!”
“You are mistaken.” Naomi reached out a hand to reassure the woman, but her gesture only caused the woman to recoil.
“Arthur. He loved me.”
Luke rushed around the aisles to Naomi’s side, an insidious foreboding causing the hair on the back of his neck to stand up.
What in the hell have you done, Gil?
Luke saw the exact moment Naomi realized what the young woman was saying. The color drained out of her face and she moved her arms in front of her as though to protect her baby.
“Whatever you believe of my husband is a mistake. He married me last spring because he wanted to marry me. I’m sorry if you think—”
“But that’s not precisely true, now is it? He married you because he had no choice. Do you think he didn’t tell me everything? Do you think he didn’t come to my bed this summer whenever he could? He said goodbye to you and then spent his final night in my bed. My bed! He was mine.” Tears rolled down her cheeks, and her complexion had turned a ruddy pink. “He was supposed to be mine.”
For all Gil’s mistakes, Luke would have done anything to protect Naomi from this one.
You fucking bastard.
Because Luke didn’t doubt the chit was telling the truth. Of course, Gil hadn’t given up his ways simply because he’d married. This was why he hadn’t wanted Naomi to come into town.
It had likely been easier for the scoundrel to return to the front than face the tangle he’d made of his life in England. If the lying codpiece was here now, Luke would plow a fist through his cheating face.
Luke placed one hand on Naomi’s arm and the other on the small of her back and steered her toward the front of the store. She walked as though in a daze while Bridget’s claims molested the memories Naomi had of her brief marriage.
She was carrying Gil’s child, for God’s sake.
Her feet shuffling along, Naomi lifted a trembling hand to cover her mouth. But she was no longer shaking her head in denial. It was as though pieces were falling into place.
Had she suspected any of this?
Bridget refused to move out of their path, pinning her gaze on Luke. “You are more than welcome to ask anyone at the inn, Major Cockfield. Arthur knew me long before she trapped him. He loved me.”
Naomi jerked her head, and her eyes begged him to deny the claims. “Luke?” Tears swam in her eyes.
Luke refused to have this discussion here. If Naomi would take a moment to consider that they were in public, she’d realize that she didn’t want to either.
“Let’s go.” They would make their purchases another time. Already the clerk was watching them with interest, and a few other customers had entered and were watching them curiously.
Aside from going to the back of the store and returning to the front up another aisle, Luke had no choice but to maneuver Naomi around Bridget.
“He was taking care of me, sending me funds. He would have eventually married me. He was never really yours,” Bridget hissed her vile words before they could pass. “And Major Cockfield won’t be either. They’re all the same.”
Naomi tensed beneath his hands, and her steps faltered but she kept moving.
Good girl.
Not until they were out the door and halfway to the cart did her shoulders slump. And not until they were driving away did she speak again.
“Is it true? What she said?”
Was it true that Gil might have kept a woman on the side? Yes.
“It’s possible.” Because he could not know for certain.
Was it true that Luke would never be hers? Hell, no.
“You know her?” Her voice wasn’t as shaky as he’d thought it would be. She asked the question in a straightforward manner. Ah, yes, Naomi was stronger than she gave herself credit for.
“She works in the tavern at the inn.” Not knowing exactly what Gil had done, he only told Naomi what he knew to be certain.
“How did she know so much about me? About… our marriage?” Naomi’s question was a damning one indeed. Damning for Gil, that was. “Ar
thur frequented the tavern. Did he frequent her as well?” Her voice rose as she absorbed the truth—the truth that Gil may not have been faithful.
“He was thinking of you in the end, Naomi. He insisted I promise I’d look out for you if anything happened.” It was almost as though he’d expected the attack. Luke stared straight ahead as he drove. Defending Gil left a bitter taste in his mouth but he didn’t want her to panic. He didn’t want her to suddenly believe her entire marriage to Gil had been a sham.
Because if Gil had been unfaithful, he couldn’t have entered his marriage with the intention of doing so. Yes, he could be irresponsible, and he’d lied… Oh, hell. Luke removed his hat and ran a hand through his hair before replacing it. It was just that Gil hadn’t considered anyone’s feelings but his own and even if he had, he’d ignored them. Not only had he hurt Naomi, but it seemed he’d hurt Bridget as well.
Fucking hell, Gil!
“Did you know?”
Luke felt sick to hear the doubt in her voice. “No. God, no.”
He turned and met her gaze steadily and didn’t look back at the road until he was certain she believed him.
Would he have told her if he had? There was a code amongst gentlemen, an honor amongst friends that they didn’t involve themselves in one another’s affairs of the heart.
Only there was nothing honorable about this.
“What else? What else could he have lied about?”
Luke glanced over again, expecting she would be on the verge of tears. Her features looked frozen as she stared off into the distance looking lost.
Luke moved the reins to one hand and wrapped his other arm around her. It was all he could do.
Chapter Nine
Luke had told her she’d need proof of her marriage in order to collect widow’s pay. If she had only herself to be concerned with, she would not have pursued it. But she had her little radish… her little potato now, to consider.
What would she have done without Luke? His calm and steady presence had given her just enough strength to walk away from that woman with her dignity intact.
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