The truth will set you free.
It was a saying her dad liked to use at times like this. She'd never questioned him, always assuming he was right. She might feel better if she told the truth.
But it's personal.
Chris had answered some personal questions tonight without batting an eyelash.
It's painful.
A divorce probably didn't tickle but he hadn't shirked from her nosey questions.
Does he even need to know?
At first, she'd thought the answer was a resounding no. Her possible connection to Jane wouldn't make a bit of difference. But that wasn't true. If her DNA showed that she was a family member, that narrowed down who Jane could be.
And yes, that might actually help them figure out who she was.
The more Ella denied the need to tell Chris the more she managed to convince herself that it had to be done.
She was still arguing with herself when Chris walked back into the kitchen.
"She's asleep," he said, walking back to the refrigerator and pulling out two bottles of water. He handed Ella one and opened the other. "With any luck she'll sleep through the night and feel better in the morning. She told me that some of her friends at school have had this. It didn't last long."
"That's great," Ella said, her mind still whirring with possibilities. Talk or don't talk? She hated when she wasn't decisive. Time to do something difficult. Step out on a ledge and take a chance. "Chris, we need to talk."
His brows pinched together and he sat down at the table. "Okay, is everything alright?"
Taking a deep breath, she plunged in, not allowing her own emotions to turn her back.
"Not really. There's something I need to tell you. It's important." He still looked confused. "It's about the case."
"Okay..."
Here we go. The truth will set me free. Maybe. Probably. Could be. Damn.
"And my connection to it."
Ella had expected Chris to be angry that she'd kept her possible connection to Jane Doe a secret.
No, that wasn't the truth. She'd expected him to be livid. Really pissed the hell off. After all, she might be a walking, talking clue as to Jane's identity and she was withholding it.
He'd surprised her by being...calm. Maybe he didn't hear her correctly, or he wasn't comprehending what she was saying.
"Do you understand what I'm saying?" she finally asked when he'd been silent for what felt like hours but was probably only a ten or fifteen seconds. Her whole body was tensed as if ready for the verbal blow she was expecting.
"I do. You think Jane Doe could be a relative, perhaps even your own mother. Your parents admitted that they didn't tell you the truth about your adoption." He reached across the table and patted her hand. "I'm so sorry about that, Ella. I can't imagine that was an easy conversation for you and your mom and dad."
Wait...Chris was sympathetic?
"You're not mad?"
Okay, blurting out questions wasn't the best idea but Ella was outspoken and honest to a fault. She didn't practice little games and she was getting the idea that this man didn't, either.
"Why would I be mad?" Chris stood and paced the small area between the table and the kitchen counter. "This was incredibly personal, so of course you wouldn't go around telling someone who is practically a stranger to you."
Except that right at this moment, Chris Marks didn't feel like a stranger. He felt like a friend. A good one.
"I could be the key to solving the case."
He stopped in front of her, their knees brushing. "True, but you're more than just a clue. You're a human being."
Frowning, she scrubbed at her cheek where a few tears had fallen as she'd made her confession.
"Do you take Xanax or something? You're so calm and cool. I thought you'd be pissed off."
His brow quirked up. "Really? Through some painfully won wisdom I've learned that I can't control and fix everything. I have to learn to adapt every now and then. I thought you'd be mad at me for stirring up trouble in your life. Looks like we're both surprised."
"My life is fine," Ella insisted, her throat beginning to grow tight. "Just great. A-okay."
I'm a lying sack of crap.
Chris didn't believe her because she didn't even believe herself. She'd been desperately trying to give herself a pep talk since that conversation with her parents but the fact was her normally well-ordered life was in shambles, her parents were upset, and she wasn't all that happy, either.
More tears began to well up in her eyes and her stomach tumbled in her abdomen. There was bile in the back of her throat and she smacked her hand over her mouth to keep from heaving up her dinner. Then Chris would be the only person that hadn't puked that day.
"It's all out of control," she blurted out, the tears falling at a faster rate. "Everything is just out of control."
Chris did what pretty much every man did when faced with tears. He panicked. At least that's what it looked like to Ella, his eyes growing wide and his neck turning red.
"Hey, it's okay," he said, awkwardly patting her on the back from where he stood. "It's going to be alright. Your parents love you and everything is going to be fine."
His attempt at comfort only served to make her feel even more awful because now she was getting sympathy for being a wimp.
"It's not going to be fine," she replied through sobs, hiccupping when she tried to calm down. "It's all as bad as it can be. I was so smug, you know? I thought I had it all under control but I was just fooling myself."
She didn't know what she'd said that made the difference but suddenly Chris's expression softened and he pulled his chair next to hers. He sat closely, his side pressed into hers and his arm wrapped around her as she cried into his cotton t-shirt.
"I know all about fooling myself," he crooned, running his hand down her back in a soothing motion. He probably did the same thing to Annie. "I know all about thinking that I have everything in the world under control but the truth is I don't know shit and it's all falling apart. But it's not that bad, honey. I promise you. You're going to get through this and be even stronger when you're done."
"You don't know that," Ella said, taking a shuddering breath and scrubbing at her wet cheeks. "You can't possibly know that it's all going to be okay."
"Let's just say that I think that it will."
She lifted her head, looking into his sympathetic blue eyes. "I was so smug. I thought I knew it all. I've met other people who have been adopted and many of them talked about wondering who they were or what their biological parents were like but not me. I thought I knew it all. I thought I was above it, which when I look back at it is a really snotty little attitude to have. I guess the karma bus backed up into my driveway and dumped a pile of shit in my yard."
"You'd been misled. That's not your fault. And I think the karma bus is busy with people who really deserve it. Like those people that don't merge until the last minute even though they saw the sign at the same time you did but they thought they could just cut in and get ahead of everyone else."
She sniffled and he pulled out a large white handkerchief from his jeans pocket. "I hate those people. I never let them in."
He dabbed at her face before handing her the handkerchief. "Neither do I. Now do you want me to get you a glass of water?"
"How about a whiskey? I could use a drink."
"Sorry, no can do. I don't keep alcohol in the house. I can get you a soda, though."
She nodded, her face brushing the soft material of his shirt. Taking a lungful of oxygen into her lungs, she also inhaled his distinctive scent. She couldn't quite put her finger on it. There was citrus, and maybe some spice, but that wasn't all. It was warm and comforting, like wrapping a soft blanket around her shoulders on a chilly day and she didn't want to let it go, needing its feeling of refuge from a world that had gone quite cold and cruel.
Chris Marks was the epitome of solid ground. He exuded protection and safety, letting her lean on his broad shoulde
rs if only for a few minutes. When he rose to get that drink she grabbed onto him, not ready to let him go.
"Don't–Don't go yet." She shoved the handkerchief onto her eyes, not wanting him to see her face. "I just..."
Ella wasn't ready to admit out loud that she needed Chris to hold and comfort her like she was a child. But she did. She could at least admit it to herself.
"Okay, honey," he said, his tone soft and soothing. "I'm not going anywhere until you want me to. We can just sit here as long as you need to. Do you want to cry some more?"
"No," she said, almost laughing at his question. "I do not want to cry anymore. I didn't want to cry to begin with."
With her head buried in the crook of his neck, she couldn't see him nod but she could feel his chin on the top of her head. She took another whiff of his scent and felt her muscles relax slightly. It had been far too long since the last time she'd been held as she'd cried. How long? She couldn't even remember. She'd been a child, that was for sure.
"I'm okay," she said, pulling away and sitting up straight. She instantly missed the warmth of his skin and the closeness. She had to fight the urge to go right back where she'd been, tucked safely into his strong arms. "I'm so sorry about this. I'm so embarrassed."
Or at least she should be.
"You've got nothing to be embarrassed about. You have good reason to be upset, honey," he said, pushing back a strand of hair that clung to her damp cheek and tucking it behind her ear, his skin rough and warm. "Life is uncertain for you right now. That would throw anyone off their game."
It might but that wasn't why she was crying. She was upset because...
"If I'm not who I think I am, then who am I really?"
It was the most ill-constructed question ever asked, but Chris seemed to know exactly what she meant.
"You're the same person you were before you met me. None of this changes that."
She wanted to believe him but at the moment his encouraging words rung hollow.
Who was Ella Scott? And more importantly, what should she do now?
14
The sun was barely up when Chris opened his front door the next morning. Reed and Kaylee stood on the other side wearing matching expressions of concern. They were also bearing coffee and breakfast as if Chris wasn't domestic at all. At one point that would have been true.
The smells from the bags were waking him up, however. Bacon. He was sure there was bacon. Or sausage. Either way, his stomach growled in anticipation.
"Come on in. Annie's just beginning to wake up."
Last night when Chris had called Reed to tell him the latest, Kaylee had offered to watch Annie so that he could work today. She'd insisted actually, and he'd accepted with gratitude. His daughter would be in excellent hands.
He stepped back so they could walk past him. His place wasn't large so the kitchen was only a few feet away. Reed set the bags on the table along with the three paper cups of steaming hot coffee - which smelled like heaven - while Kaylee shrugged off her raincoat.
"I'll go check on Annie. See if she needs any help getting dressed or doing her hair."
"She's going to want Aunt Kaylee to French braid her hair again," Chris warned with a smile. "She's been trying to learn to do it herself. Lord knows I can't do it."
"If you can tie a tie, you can French braid her hair. You just don't want to." She took one of the paper cups and disappeared down the hallway.
Kaylee might be right.
Reed held up his phone. "Jason just sent me a text on the way here. It's all set up for nine-thirty this morning."
It was a DNA test. For Ella. After the bomb she'd dropped on him last night Chris hadn't managed much sleep. He'd been a little too busy calling his bosses to update them on the new information. He'd also spent a great deal of the night thinking about what this all meant for Ella. And Jane. They might be family. Jane might even be Ella's own mother. It was almost too far-fetched to be believed but it was true.
And all because he'd seen her on television and she'd looked like the drawing. What were the chances? A million to one, easy. And yet, here they were.
"How on earth did Jason get this set up so quickly? In the middle of the damn night?"
Reed simply chuckled and reached for the two paper cups, handing one to Chris. "As a former government agent he has connections. I guess those connections don't sleep or maybe they're in a different time zone. Either way, it's all systems go. They're going to put a rush on the results. Normally it takes weeks but somehow he's convinced them to make this a priority. He's called in some favors."
"Are they sending it to the FBI lab?"
"No, a private one. Easier to control the timing." Reed slapped a hand on Chris's shoulder. "You did good, rookie. Your long shot lead has paid off. You might actually figure out who Jane Doe is."
Yes...and no.
"Have I?" Chris questioned, his mind still in a tussle with his conscience. "I may have ruined Ella's life with all of this. That doesn't feel good."
"You didn't ruin that young woman's life. She knew she was adopted, right?"
Chris nodded. She had but...
"And her parents lied about the circumstances of the adoption?"
"Yes, they told her she was the daughter of her father's dead sister. She died of cancer and they'd always said that they'd adopted her because of that."
"Now she knows that's not true," Reed replied. "Truth will always win out, Chris. Remember that. No matter how hard you try to bury something, the truth will rise up. You can deal with it or you can let it clobber you. It's your choice. And now it's your girlfriend's choice."
"She's not my girlfriend."
The reply was automatic but to Chris's surprise it didn't make him feel any better to say it.
"She's your friend then. This isn't your fault. You're helping her find the truth. If she wants to know who she is, a DNA test is a good place to start."
Just who was Gabriella Scott? Chris didn't think it started or ended with her DNA. Who she was as a person was more than that. It was about Ella's innate curiosity or her gentle kindness with a sick child. It was her hell for leather attitude that made her show up at an old detective's house to dig into a story and then hang on when anyone else would have been discouraged. It was the way she hadn't given in when they'd given her shit assignments because she was a girl. And it was how she'd pretended last night that she wasn't tired when she'd practically been falling asleep at his kitchen table.
"I just don't want her to be hurt from all of this."
Eyes narrowed, Reed's lips quirked up. "Are you sure she isn't your girlfriend? Maybe she should be."
"It's not like that."
Reed just shrugged before dipped his hand into one of the delicious smelling bags. "If you say so. Now how about we have some breakfast? You have a busy day today. You're getting closer to finding the truth about Jane Doe."
Yes, but at what cost? Was the price too high? Only time would tell.
The trip had been eerily quiet. Too quiet. It made Ella even more tense than she'd been when she'd climbed into the vehicle. Chris was trying to be respectful but at this point in their rather strange relationship they probably didn't need the niceties.
Or maybe he was so put off by her crying jag last night he wanted to drop her by the side of the road and never see her again.
"You can ask about it," she finally said, studying his profile as he drove. Chris was a good driver, which wasn't a surprise as she'd found he was good at just about everything. Being an investigator, being a dad, and yes...being a friend.
He could have blown his top last night when she'd found the courage to tell him the truth but instead, he'd been nice. And sweet. And understanding. Shit, he'd been sympathetic, too. When she'd cried, he'd dried her tears with a real handkerchief from his pocket. Who on earth carried a real hankie anymore? When she'd chided him about it later, he'd said it was a habit he'd picked up from his father.
"If you don't want to talk–"
<
br /> "It's fine," she interrupted. "So I'll just tell you. They took a cheek swab at the clinic and that was it. They said I'd get the results back soon. It was a swanky private clinic, too. Your boss must have quite a bit of pull."
"Jason called in some favors. It's not going to take weeks to get back your results. He's put a rush on it."
"It's been more than thirty years so I'm not sure that it was an emergency but I am glad that he did. I'm anxious to find out."
That was an understatement. She'd pressed Chris to call his boss last night when she'd finally made the decision to try a DNA test.
"Did you talk to your parents?"
"I stopped by their house this morning to tell them," Ella said, remembering her mother's tears and her father's stoic visage. They'd ended up hugging and crying together. Ultimately their family ties were strong even though they'd all been thrown for a loop. It wasn't going to be easy but somehow they'd work it out. "They said they would support me in whatever I wanted to do. Of course, they kept apologizing which was awkward. I told them they don't need to keep doing that."
"I haven't met them but it's clear that they love you, Ella."
"I don't doubt their love," she replied softly, her hands wrung together. "And I love them, too. More than they can imagine. They've given me a wonderful life and I'll always be grateful for that but I have to find out the truth."
There was a small silence before Chris spoke again.
"I feel like I should be apologizing, too. I've...put your life into turmoil. I never meant to do that. I hope you know that. I was just trying to put a name to Jane Doe. That's all."
Last night as she'd tossed and turned in bed, she'd thought a great deal about how Chris had brought chaos to her once fairly peaceful existence. But wasn't there a saying?
Ignorance is bliss.
Her strong curiosity wouldn't let her just shrug her shoulders and move on with her life. She couldn't do that. Even if Jane Doe wasn't any blood relation, Ella already felt a responsibility to help Chris find the truth.
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