by V. Vaughn
Her eyes are glassy when she turns away from me. “It wasn’t like that,” I say softly as her pain becomes mine. I want to pull her into my arms and make it go away, but I respect that she’s trying not to cry in front of everyone, so I don’t push for more. When she walks away, I let her go.
Jill runs up to her with the empty candy cane bag, and Chrissy squats down to talk with the child. The girl shows her a doll, and I watch as the two talk about it. The child is taken with Chrissy, and when other little girls move to talk to my mate, I’m struck by how comfortable she is with them. My heart warms with the idea of us having lots of children. But at the moment I’m not so certain that’s going to happen. And I don’t have a clue how to make sure it does.
Chapter 19
Chrissy
* * *
When Jill’s mother comes over to tell her it’s time to leave, the little girl gives me a hug that makes tears fill my eyes. “Thank you, Mrs. Claus,” she says. “See you next year. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas, Jill,” I say as her mother smiles at me. I put my hand on the head of the doll the little girl is holding. “You take good care of Tessa.”
“I will,” the child says before her mother leads her away.
I talk to a few more children while people filter out of the barn, but when everyone except Melody, Tom, Ryan and I have left, I know it’s time for me to deal with my current reality. The clan members helped clean up and there’s nothing left for us to do, so I take a deep breath and approach Ryan. “I’m ready to talk.”
Tom smiles at me, takes Melody’s hand, and leads her out of the barn so we can be alone. When they’re gone, Ryan says, “I am so sorry, Chrissy. I imagine you feel betrayed right now, but that was not my intention.”
“Can you blame me?” I let out a sigh of exasperation as I open the mental box that I’d shoved my feelings inside of earlier. “You’ve manipulated me to get what you want.”
“I should have told you about the change last night once you found out what I am, but I haven’t manipulated you.”
“It’s awfully hard for me to believe that, Ryan. Ever since you showed up at the Landmark it’s been one thing after another designed to make me fall more in love with you.”
“I didn’t make those things happen.”
“No, conveniently, destiny did. Was it destiny that managed to put that ring in the present bag too?”
“No. That had to be Tom or Melody,” Ryan says. “Look. I know you’re angry, but you have to believe that I’m aware I have nothing to gain by tricking you into a life you don’t want. You’d end up resenting me, and then where would I be?”
I sigh as tears burn in my eyes. “It seems all I’ve ever wanted in life is to have a family of my own who will love me. I thought you were it, Ryan. I really believed you were a dream come true, but now I find out that you’ll hurt me like everyone else has.” My tears begin to fall, and I turn away from him. “I can’t do this.” I leave him to walk to the house where I’m going to hole up in my bedroom and cry until the tears run out.
I’m grateful to find Melody and Tom are not in sight when I get inside, and I go up to my room to change out of my costume into the leggings and sweater Melody lent me. As I roll up the hems, I recall so much of my childhood was spent wearing clothing that didn’t really fit. I remember how excited I was when I finally had enough money to buy clothing designed for a petite woman. It was a sign that I could overcome my childhood and get the life I wanted.
But now I’m wondering if I dared to dream too big. Maybe a family with a man I love as much as Ryan was too much to hope for. I sniff and grab a tissue to blow my nose. As heartbroken as I am right now, the one thing I do know is I will survive. I’ve been knocked down many times before, but I will get up, dust myself off and figure out a way to move on.
I sit on the bed, wishing for the cuddly warmth of a rescue pet, and overwhelming despair lands on my shoulders like a heavy load. I still have to deal with a potential drug charge. Fresh tears fill my eyes as someone knocks softly on my door.
“Chrissy, it’s Melody.”
I get up to let her in.
“Oh, honey.” She pulls me into a hug. “Talk to me about it.”
I manage to stop crying and tell her how Ryan manipulated me right up to the ring.
She sighs. “I’m the one who wrapped up that ring for you, and I slipped it in the bag once you’d handed out all the presents.”
“You? Why?”
“After you left this morning, I found the ring on Ryan’s bureau when I went in to leave fresh towels. You’d just told me how you didn’t trust his love for you, even after you both announced you were going to be mated last night. I thought that if you knew he had a ring for you that perhaps you’d believe it,” she says. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make things worse.”
“It’s okay. Ryan did enough on his own.”
“You’ve given him some pretty big shoes to fill.” She moves to sit in the chair by the bureau. “I’m not sure anyone could.”
“What do you mean?” I ask as I take a place on the bed.
“You say you’ve been dreaming about a family of your own, but I’m not sure you understand what that means. It’s more than a house full of happiness with the people you love,” Melody says. “Family members make mistakes. They have arguments and hurt each other. There are even times when people don’t like each other very much.”
“I know that, but I need to trust that Ryan won’t manipulate me.”
“I don’t think he did. Yes, he should have told you about the change last night, but he told Tom that he thought you had enough to process finding out about werebear. He was giving you time, and honestly, if I hadn’t opened my big mouth, you’d likely be having that conversation right now.”
I think about the conversation I had with Ryan last night when he revealed what he was. It was a lot of information, and I wonder if he didn’t mention the change because he knew how afraid I’d be. I suppose waiting for me to catch up was reasonable, but it doesn’t help the way I feel. If he didn’t manipulate me, then this stupid power they call destiny sure did. “Thank you for telling me that. It helps. But I still feel as if being in love with Ryan is somehow orchestrated.”
“Yes. I can imagine you do.” Melody shrugs. “I suppose since destiny is something werebear accept as a truth, we don’t think much about the part it plays in our lives.”
“Was falling in love with Tom arranged by destiny?”
“It was, but—” She chuckles. “Our story is so boring compared to yours.”
“You never felt like someone forced it to happen?”
She shakes her head. “I felt fortunate. True-mate love is something every werebear wants.”
I do, too. But only if it’s real.
Melody says, “If you are up to it, I could use you in the kitchen. My two boys and their mates are joining us for dinner.”
I remember meeting her sons at the barn and smile. “I’d be happy to help.”
Melody stops in the doorway. “The love you should want is one that knows how to forgive and be forgiven. Love is not always a fairy-tale romance. True-mate love is magical, but you still have to put in the effort to make it work.”
As we make our way downstairs, I think about how almost everything worth having does take work, and it makes sense that a true-mate relationship would too. When we get to the kitchen, Melody gives me potatoes to peel and chop. As the blade of the peeler scrapes, I consider the fact that in the human world so many marriages end in divorce. Is it because the couple doesn’t put in the work? Or is it because human love doesn’t last? The idea that a true mate is forever is appealing to me. But perhaps I am being unrealistic about what that really means.
I think about real life love I’ve witnessed. I can’t look to the foster families I had as a young child because I was too wrapped up in my unhappiness to see it, but when I was a teen and lived with Barbara and Harry, I was able to watch a lovi
ng relationship. Although, at the time I didn’t see it that way. I recall talking to my foster sister, Julie, and telling her when I got married, I wouldn’t fight with my husband the way Barbara occasionally did with Harry. But the part I didn’t consider was that the couple always found a way to resolve their problems.
My knife clicks on the cutting board as I chop the potato I peeled. More recently there have been times when Erin and Jake fought and I silently judged them for it. Yet they are very much in love, and they too find a way to get past their troubles. Erin told me once that her love for Jake makes up for any bad times they have. It occurs to me that’s what relationships are really like, and I think Melody might be right that I have unrealistic expectations.
Here I am questioning the strongest love I’ve ever experienced, thinking it should be perfect. But no love is. I think about how the first thing Ryan did when he realized I was upset was apologize. The way someone who wants to work things out would do. Melody said that I should look for a love that can forgive and be forgiven. Perhaps now it’s time I show Ryan the very love I should want.
Chapter 20
Ryan
* * *
Goat feed rushes as I pour a bag of it into a feeder before moving on to another one while Tom throws down fresh wood shavings in the pen located in the barn. He’d put the animals in another outbuilding to make room for the Christmas event earlier. He says, “We had a half come to us about five years ago. Kelly struggled with the idea of the change too. Would you like me to arrange for her to come over and talk to Chrissy about it?”
“Thanks for the offer,” I say. “But right now, I think it’s best if Chrissy tells me what she wants. I’m afraid that if I offer it, she may see it as manipulation.”
“Eh, you might be right.” Tom spreads the pile of pine shavings he dumped with a pitchfork. “Melody will probably think of it and make the suggestion if she thinks Chrissy will take it.”
I smile at him. “Your wife is a wise woman. I trust she’s got it handled.”
“She does. Don’t you worry, she’ll get Chrissy turned back in the right direction. Counseling clan members is one of her strengths.”
“I sure hope so because—” My throat tightens with the emotions that are threatening to spill out.
“It hurts,” Tom says. “Troubles of the heart usually do.” He reaches for the bag of feed I’m holding, and we walk toward the storage area to put it away. He then moves to open the gate to let the goats back into their pen, and they rush in for the food. Tom chuckles. “The buggers act like I starve them.”
After we watch the goats for a bit he says, “Thanks for the help putting things back to normal.”
“You’re very welcome,” I say. “It’s the least I can do to earn my keep. I’m not sure I’ve ever been fed better.”
“Farm life is good for eating.” Tom leads us out of the barn toward the house where we find his sons and their mates have already arrived. After introductions, Chrissy comes over to me. “Will you take me to see the goats?”
Her smile seems genuine, but I’m not about to make any assumptions. I agree to her request, and we dress for the outdoors before heading to the barn. Chrissy takes my hand as we walk. “I’m sorry, Ryan.”
My heart jumps into my throat as I fear she’s going to tell me goodbye. “Why?”
“For expecting too much from you. I thought our love could be perfect, and when you weren’t, I thought you were another person letting me down.”
I squeeze her hand, thrilled she’s still giving us a chance. “I’m sorry. I did let you down.”
“But you didn’t. Not really,” she says. “You held back information with my best interest in mind. I can see now that it was done out of love for me, not to manipulate me into making a life-altering decision without all the facts.”
I stop walking and face her. “I want you to take all the time you need to be comfortable with us. We aren’t going to bond, if we do at all, until you’ve asked every question and are completely prepared for the new life you’ll lead.”
“Thanks.” She walks into the barn before me and heads over to where the goats are kept. They come to her when she clucks her tongue and holds out vegetable scraps as treats. We let ourselves into the pen, and she crouches down to feed the goats. A small brown one leans against her and looks up at her with adoring eyes as she talks softly to the animal.
“You mesmerize them as much as you do children,” I say.
“They mesmerize me.” Chrissy chuckles. “I think I do so well with animals and small children because their needs are simple.” She looks at me. “Like mine. We want to be loved.”
“You are, Chrissy.”
“I know. Thank you for saying there’s no rush for me to make any decisions.” She stands up now that her treats are gone. “Because I think I need time to get my current life in order before I can make a serious commitment to a new life with you.”
“I’ll be there every step of the way. If you want me to.”
She smiles. “I do want that.” Chrissy steps closer to me and fiddles with a button on my coat before she gazes up at me. “You were a hot Santa. Do you think you can keep that coat? Because I have this fantasy of you wearing it open with nothing underneath and…” She gives me a sexy grin that sends heat to my groin.
I reach to gather her hair in my hand behind her head. “Now you’ve got me imagining you in your Mrs. Claus coat. Open, with nothing else on.”
Her breath catches in her throat before she rises up on her toes to kiss me, and when she breaks away, she lets out a whoosh of air. “My goodness, I’m so in love with you, Ryan sometimes I forget to breathe.”
“I’m so in love with you, Chrissy.”
She places a hand on my face. “We’re forever?”
“Forever.” I lean down and kiss her, and Chrissy melts in my arms as we tug on each other’s clothes to slide hands under fabric. But I want so much more, and I think she does as well.
I reach behind her to hoist her up, and she wraps her legs around my waist and gazes at me with desire burning in her eyes. “I want you, Ryan.”
“I want you too.” I walk us over toward where the Christmas tree was and sit down in the oversize chair that had been my throne.
Chrissy climbs off me and smiles as she reaches for the waistband of her leggings. “Hold my hair?” She removes her leggings, making her shirt look like a mini dress.
I chuckle and undo my pants to remove them before she straddles my lap. I reach between her legs to drag my finger along her seam, and she lets out a low, sexy moan that makes my cock twitch. I thrust a finger into her slick channel and a small cry comes from her while I stroke.
Chrissy pushes my hand out of the way and grabs my cock as she rises up on her knees and guides me into her. Slowly she sinks down on me as if she’s savoring every inch of my dick slipping into her. When I’m completely in, she sighs. “You feel glorious,” she says.
“Uh-huh,” I mumble as I lift my hips to create friction. I gather her hair in a ponytail at the back of her neck and she tilts her face up and grips my shoulders hard as she gyrates on my lap.
Her neck taunts my bear to mark his territory, but he’s going to have to wait as long as Chrissy takes to decide if she’ll become a werebear and my mate for life. I slide a hand over her round ass as her movements become more frantic, and she’s whimpering with an approaching orgasm.
I watch her face where her every emotion is on display, and I like what I see. My mate doesn’t hold back, and when she shatters with release, her voice fills the barn with a sound that gives me goosebumps. She slows her movements and lets out a soft sigh as she gazes at me. I say, “Do you have any idea how much I like your singing voice?”
She laughs. “That might be my new favorite song.” She’s still moving on me, and she bites her lip as her eyes twinkle with playfulness. “It’s time to hear yours.”
I grab her hips and thrust up to meet her again and again, and I let the song of my
heart sing, too.
After my release, Chrissy stays draped over me with my cock still inside of her. She says, “I’m going to love you for the rest of my life, Ryan. We’re going to fight, and we’ll hurt each other, but at the end of the day, I will always be yours.”
“And I will always be yours, Chrissy. I am your family.”
She inhales sharply as her eyes fill with tears, and she smiles at me. “Thank you for the best Christmas present ever.”
Epilogue
Christmas Eve a year later…
* * *
Chrissy
* * *
Ryan grins as he holds up a fire extinguisher, and I laugh as I lift a small torch. I’m going to caramelize the sugar on top of crème brûlée for our Christmas Eve dessert. “Look out,” I say before I flick the torch to life. A loud hissing fills my ears as I pass the flame over the custard and watch for it to brown.
When the sugar turns golden, I flip off the torch. “I did it!”
Ryan peers down at the desserts. “You sure did. Those look amazing.”
“I know,” I say, beaming with pride. While I’m hardly a master chef, I’ve spent the last year learning to cook with Ryan, and we’ve made some pretty amazing meals together. I’d be very overweight by now if I was still human, but as a werebear, I can eat anything I want. In fact, when I was first changed, I lost about ten pounds.
Ryan carries our desserts out to the dining room table in the house we bought last spring. We live in Orono, Maine like the rest of our clan. I became a clan member when Ryan and I sealed our bond in January. The change was as horrible as Melody said it would be, but in an odd way I’m proud that I did it. It’s like the most terrible thing that could happen to me has, and nothing bad will ever be worse in comparison.
