by Faye Avalon
‘Yeah.’ He thought about the moment Logan had brought his siblings out of foster care so they could live as a family again. It had been the happiest moment of his life. ‘Maybe one or two.’
‘Have I told you about my mother?’
Dangerous territory, Connor thought. Hadn’t he warned himself against this? Against shooting things between them to another level?
‘My mother was a yoga instructor,’ Lola said before he could distract her. ‘At the time she started teaching, the premise was way out there. My father didn’t understand. He used to call it hippy nonsense. When he knew I wanted to follow the same path as my mum, he was livid. He insisted I get a business degree, obviously hoping that during my time at university I’d come to my senses.’
Connor frowned. He didn’t hold with the idea of a parent manipulating a child and controlling them. Not that his father had been Dad of the Year. His old man hadn’t been bothered enough to stay in his kids’ lives, let alone try and manipulate them.
‘At first, I wanted to tell my father to get stuffed. That I didn’t need the carrot of a trust fund to achieve my dreams. But then I realised having a business degree was a wise step to take, considering my plans, and I certainly wouldn’t have been able to afford to run my own studio if I didn’t have the trust fund. So, like it or not, I was kind of over a barrel.’
Connor thought that she eyed him with the same look that a person watching an angry snake would have. Cautious. Wary. He had a feeling she thought he would judge her for doing her father’s bidding. For accepting the trust fund.
‘We have to take our breaks where we can,’ he said with a shrug. ‘No point looking gift horses in the mouth. And we’re all products of our childhoods, like it or not. And sometimes not just our childhoods.’
‘What do you mean?’
He gave another shrug, not wanting to indulge in any more revelations about his past, but she looked so unsure, he wrapped his arm around her and coaxed her to lie back. When she settled against him, he drew her close so that her hand settled on his chest.
‘My own particular gift horse came at a time when I was trying to prove something,’ he said. ‘Prove that I was better than my old man. That I could stick to something, make something of myself. Got myself involved in a situation where I should have trusted my instincts and walked away.’
‘But you didn’t?’
‘No. I didn’t have a trust fund dangled in front of me, but the carrot was too juicy for me to walk away from. I got the opportunity to work for a man who ran a string of successful casinos throughout London. He took me under his wing, eventually offered me manager at his flagship club.’
He couldn’t be certain, but he thought he felt her tense a little against him. Then she shifted, relaxed, and he wondered if he’d imagined it.
‘For a while things were great, then something happened and everything changed.’ Beneath the steady stroke of Lola’s fingers, Connor’s chest tightened as he thought again of Caroline, of how she’d slowly coerced him to do her bidding and how he’d slowly begun to tie the noose around his own neck.
He took a breath, working to find the words to give Lola the potted version, and avoid having to dig too deep into the nitty-gritty. ‘The guy I worked for was involved in some dubious dealings and, when he slipped up, I was right in the firing line.’
‘What happened?’
‘I was arrested.’
She didn’t react, not even a snatched breath of shock, a momentary gasp or incredulous flutter of eyelashes. All she did was keep stroking her fingers soothingly across his chest.
‘I was falsely accused of embezzlement,’ he found himself confessing. ‘Took my eye off the ball and managed to get myself into a shit-load of trouble. My fault. Should have kept my finger on the pulse, trusted those instincts.’ He shrugged. ‘Still, lesson learned.’
‘I can’t believe you can say that so calmly,’ Lola said as she looked up at him. ‘You were arrested for something you didn’t do.’
‘It was a hard lesson learned. Taught me to rely on my instincts and never doubt them again. I chose to trust someone I shouldn’t have trusted, even after I’d started having doubts.’
She quickly looked away, then rested her head against his chest. Maybe it was because she wasn’t pushing for more information that he found his tongue loosening even more.
‘That property I just bought was the one I used to manage. I poured everything I had into that place and it came to represent what I wanted in life. Success. Personal achievement and satisfaction. Wealth.’
He took a moment to catch his breath as it backed up in his lungs. ‘I thought I had a tight handle on everything that went on in that casino, but my arrogance made me myopic. Looking back, I realise I didn’t want to acknowledge what my instincts said. I wanted to go on believing everything was legit because, if it wasn’t, what did that say about my judgement?’ He sighed, as if to help disperse the tension lodged in his chest. ‘But I couldn’t ignore it forever. The dodgy dealings...the dirty money. Before I could confront the owner, tell him I knew what was happening, the police arrived to arrest me.’
Her fingers stopped gliding over his chest. ‘That’s terrible.’
He thought again of Caroline. Of what she’d done. He’d fallen in love with her, assuring himself that she felt the same. He’d been bloody besotted with her. That was the only reason he could think of for his temporary insanity. The truth was he’d trusted her. He hadn’t for one moment considered she had an ulterior motive. That motive being setting him up as the fall guy when the shit had hit the proverbial fan.
It was only when he’d been arrested that he realised he’d been set up to take the fall.
It was a story as old as freaking time: man trusts a woman too readily and ends up getting his balls sliced.
‘How long before the police released you?’
‘Pretty fast. Luckily they found evidence to prove I’d been set up. After what happened, I just wanted to see the place gutted, obliterated.’
‘I’m so sorry, Connor.’
Lola’s heartfelt words and her gentle touch were so comforting that Connor pulled her over him. He wanted to see her face, look into her eyes, have her as close to him as he could get her.
Her softness, her understanding, was like a balm to him. Perhaps a woman like her could make him believe that things could be different. That he could let go of that defensive wall he’d built around himself. Maybe even learn to trust again.
As she straddled him, she placed her hands on his chest and leaned down. ‘You really didn’t deserve what happened to you.’
She slipped her hands to his shoulders, leaning further down and placing a kiss to his mouth. It was tender, the pressure firm and determined. Connor felt something shift inside him. It had been a long time since he’d felt so raw, so pulled apart. Longer still since he’d allowed himself to remember the finer details of what had happened that night five years ago. He layered the painful memories beneath his desire to draw the line under that part of his life, to take his own brand of revenge on the family who had tried to destroy him by becoming the owner of what was the symbol of his downfall.
Lola’s kiss seemed to soften all the rough edges, soothe the turmoil those memories had unleashed. She was making him wonder about a better way, if maybe his desire to stick that final pin in the bubble of bad memories was worth the angst. Would he do better to let it go? Move on?
A thought came to him. Lola had wanted a studio in central London, and the properties she’d shown him were so different from the Cabacal he couldn’t imagine it would suit her needs. Yet, what better way to draw that line under his past than see the property used for positive means? A place where people could go to be de-stressed, rejuvenated, invigorated.
It seemed fitting somehow.
He would run it past her. She could always say no.
He’d think on it some more. Maybe drop a few hints along the way as to whether she’d be interested in using the Cabacal for her studio. He didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. He should probably first try and discover what level of trust fund they were talking about. Since she was looking at central London for a venue, he couldn’t imagine she was sitting on anything other than a substantial sum.
Maybe he’d offer to rent it to her first, then she could take her time deciding if it was going to be the right fit.
He’d give it some more thought. Maybe sound her out first.
Until then...
He placed his hands around her hips, anchoring her as she straddled him. She straightened, all that amazing hair tumbling around her shoulders, brushing against her nipples.
She stroked the back of her hand across his cheek. ‘I’m so sorry for what happened to you, Connor.’
‘Hey, it’s not your fault,’ he said as her green eyes went misty. ‘We’ve all got our story to tell.’
‘Maybe.’
He hated that she looked so sad, so reflective. Things had gotten far too heavy. His confess-all moment had dampened the mood. This wasn’t what either of them had signed up for.
He held tightly to her hips and reversed their positions, making her laugh. ‘I’m starting to think you’ve got a problem with me being on top.’
‘I don’t have a problem with any position you’re in,’ he said, leaning down to take one very desirable nipple into his mouth. ‘As long as that position involves you being naked.’
He glanced up, expecting to find her expression one of mock censure, but instead she had that pensive expression again.
He tapped his finger to the worried lines between her eyebrows. ‘What’s with the solemn look?’
‘Just thinking.’ She took a breath. ‘Nothing is ever black and white, is it? You think you’ve got things sussed, that you really know what you want, and then it all comes crashing down and you end up having to rethink it all out again. Find a new way to achieve your plans.’
‘Huh?’ Connor wasn’t entirely sure what she meant, but then it wasn’t exactly his brain that was spinning its gears right then.
She shook her head. ‘Ignore me. Just thinking out loud.’
With a smile, she reached for him. ‘Why don’t we find something to do until the sun really breaks through? Then you can make me breakfast.’
Connor could get on board with that. He breathed a sigh of relief, sensing they’d left the deep and meaningful discussion behind and were now back to the fun stuff. He knew his way around pre-breakfast activities of the between-the-sheets variety, and he could certainly negotiate that far better than the heavy talk that had left Lola looking so downcast.
He moved between her legs, intent on really putting that smile back on her face.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
LOLA HAD KNOWN most of what Connor had told her, and she’d kind of filled in the blanks herself about what she hadn’t known. But having him tell her what had happened to him—hearing the anger, the hurt and, yes, the self-loathing in his tone—made it so much worse. Her uncle, a man he’d looked up to, who had basically mentored him, had allowed him to be charged when he was completely innocent.
As the tube she was travelling on entered a tunnel, she looked beyond the window and into the darkness. It kind of suited her mood.
If she’d hated her uncle before because of what he had done to her mother, she hated him even more now because of what he’d done to Connor. She knew it was bad to have feelings like that, and she knew she should try and turn her anger into something more constructive. She remembered that saying about how being angry at someone was like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
The problem was, she couldn’t help it. Her uncle had been so manipulative and cruel. He’d cheated her mother out of her dreams and he’d almost cheated Connor out of his liberty. He’d made Connor question himself when all Connor had wanted was to do a good job, be a good manager and make some of his dreams come true. She didn’t think she could ever forgive her uncle for that.
She’d felt so close to Connor as he’d told her of his past, as he’d opened up to her, yet the guilt was never far away. He still didn’t know who she really was or what she wanted. After he’d been so honest about his own past, she’d had the perfect opportunity to come clean, but she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t hurt him further by admitting that she had also deceived him. Instead she’d wanted to comfort him, hold him, make love to him and provide a salve for his wounds.
Admitting the truth became harder the more time they spent together, yet no matter how bad she felt it didn’t seem to stop the wanting.
Somehow her own feelings had grown past the purely physical and had developed into something deeper and more profound. There was so much about him that she respected and admired.
His single-mindedness, for instance. His ability to forge through adversity and come out the other end, determined to make the most of it. He’d had what sounded like a rotten childhood, and then he’d been badly betrayed and falsely accused by someone he’d thought he could trust. Yet he’d refused to be beaten down by his experiences and instead had used them, learned from them and made the most of his opportunities.
Maybe Damian was right. Connor was owed the Cabacal. For him, it was symbolic, and he deserved to have the satisfaction of owning the property that had been instrumental in bringing him down so low.
But that didn’t mean she would stop fighting for the property. While she understood what it represented for him, there was no way she was going to stand by and allow him to raze the building to the ground.
‘You’re a chatty little thing this morning.’
Lola turned to see Emily’s raised eyebrows as they travelled towards Clapham where Lola taught three yoga sessions on Mondays, finishing early afternoon. Emily attended the first of Lola’s classes and then headed back for her shift at a local coffee shop.
‘Sorry.’ Lola shook her head. ‘Just trying to work things out.’
‘Things? As in, certain sexy nightclub owner?’
Lola sighed. ‘Him and other stuff.’
Emily had tried to convince Lola that she should walk away from both the Cabacal and Connor. She thought Lola was in too deep and that whatever she did from then on would only cause her hurt and pain. She’d argued that if Lola walked away now she would never have to admit the truth of who she was or reveal her original plans.
For Lola, neither was an option. She couldn’t walk away from the Cabacal and she couldn’t walk away from Connor.
What they’d had on that first night was meant to be fun, but somehow it had morphed into far more. At least for her. She’d started to imagine building a relationship with him even before he’d given her glimpses into his past. He didn’t share things easily, but he’d shared them with her.
Slowly, she’d been falling for him.
‘I’m a bloody idiot,’ Lola murmured to herself, but the nudge to her ribs signalled that Emily had heard.
‘No, you just fell hard for a hot guy who happened to see you as an intelligent woman capable of achieving her dreams. He’s probably the first man in your life who’s actually supported you rather than thrown obstacles in your way.’
The concern in Emily’s eyes made Lola feel worse. She hadn’t betrayed Connor’s confidence by telling Emily what had happened to him, or his reasons for wanting the property. That really was his business. But she had told her friend that she was really starting to like him.
‘I should have come clean to Connor right from the start. Maybe he would have understood.’
‘And maybe he wouldn’t.’
‘True,’ Lola said, her heart weighing heavily beneath the enormity of what she knew had to be done. ‘But I have to tell him the truth.’
He deserved that. If afterward he didn’t trust her enough to continue to be with her, or if she lost the Cabacal in the process, he still deserved to know everything.
Her heart clawed at her throat, stealing her breath. There was no other way.
She had to tell Connor.
* * *
All her classes were full that day, but it didn’t keep her from thinking about her impending confession and its potential consequences.
She intended to talk to Connor as soon as her work day was over. There was absolutely no point in delaying any longer.
Connor was a reasonable man, wasn’t he? Surely he’d allow her to explain what she’d done and why she’d done it? He knew what it was like to be exploited, used. Surely he would see that her mother had been treated the same way, and how important it was for Lola to make things right.
She’d make him see, make him understand, and she wouldn’t stop until she did.
It was hard to imagine not seeing him again, not having him in her life. But the possibility sat like a heavy brick on her chest, making her stomach feel hollow.
Without him, there would be a big yearning gap now. Because she’d let him sneak right under her skin and straight into her heart.
While she packed up her things after her class, her phone buzzed. Since they’d exchanged numbers before she’d left his place earlier, she wasn’t entirely surprised that it was Connor.
‘Finished for the day?’ Her heart leapt at the sound of his deep voice, its rich tone edged with velvet. ‘If you don’t have any plans, maybe we could meet up. There’s something I’d like to show you.’
She couldn’t be distracted by the fact he wanted to see her, or that he’d remembered her classes ended early on a Monday. She had to keep focused. ‘Connor. I need to talk to you.’
