by Tijan
I had loved Becky.
She stood at my side when everyone deserted me, and she continued to stand there even during the ridicule and attacks. Even when the guy she always loved showed interest in me. I never should’ve become friends with Adam. That was on me, but it didn’t matter in the end.
She chose Adam over me.
Adam . . .
He was the friend gone wrong. How had that gone so wrong?
I was starting to sober.
Could I have done something different? Not been friends with him. At all. But that was before Mason and Logan. Could I have read the writing on the wall? Was there writing on the wall? Could I have known what would happen almost five years later?
If I had, maybe this rivalry with Mason and Logan wouldn’t have built itself up. Maybe Adam’s ego wouldn’t have been bruised. Maybe Mason wouldn’t have continued to see Adam as a threat, as someone coming to take me away.
Maybe none of those things would’ve happened.
But I didn’t know.
Could I have known? Had there been signs? Had I been like my mom all over again without realizing?
She strung men along. Had I done the same?
No . . . But . . .
“Hey, hey.” Strong feminine hands took my shoulders again. “Look at me,” Heather ordered.
I couldn’t. I shook my head instead. “Heather, I’m to blame for all of this. I didn’t want to be like Analise, but I was. I am. I became her when that was the last thing I wanted to be.”
“Look at me!”
I did, through watery eyes. “It’s all my fault.”
“No. It is not.”
“It is. It’s all my fault.”
She glanced to Taylor. “Okay, what happened? I haven’t pushed her to tell me, but I have to know.”
“Adam Quinn brought a gun to the parking lot, to see Mason.”
Courtney and Grace gasped.
In the back of my mind, I was surprised it wasn’t around campus yet.
I heard Heather curse under her breath. “Are you serious?”
Taylor nodded, tears in her eyes.
“Fuck’s sake.” Heather focused on me again. She lowered her head so her eyes were looking right into mine. “That is not your fault. Adam Quinn is not your fault.”
“But I could’ve not been his friend—”
“Samantha, stop it. You are not your mother. I know what you’re thinking, but you did not toy with one guy while screwing another. That’s not who you are. I wasn’t there in the beginning, but I wasn’t too far behind. You were explicitly honest about who you loved and who you were with.”
I tried to stop crying. I did.
“You never went there. Ever. You are loyal. You are strong. You are selfless. You are all those good things that your mother was not. She helped you learn who you wanted to be despite her, not who you could’ve been. Give yourself a break, Sam. You aren’t to blame for any of this.”
“Neither are the guys.”
We both turned to Taylor. She seemed to have spoken without realizing, and her hand touched her mouth. Her forehead wrinkled as she saw us looking at her.
“I mean it. The guys aren’t either. They just love you, and they protect you. It’s what they do. The whole thing was Adam’s fault, not yours, not Mason’s. Adam’s. He brought the gun. Mason didn’t give it to him. Mason didn’t tell him to bring it. Adam did. Whether what he said was true or not, why he had it there, it doesn’t even matter. He made the decision. Just like he chose to go along with his dad’s plan of spying on Mason, just like he chose to find that video and edit it to set Mason up, just like when he chose to break into your house. He made all those decisions. Not the guys.”
I didn’t say anything. But I clung to everything she said.
“Mason didn’t set Quinn up. He didn’t break into Adam’s house to try to spy on him for the rest of his life. What he did was fight back and try to push him away so he’d actually stay away. He was protecting you.”
I frowned. My thinking was becoming a bit more rational. Was she right? Had I been wrong to leave in the first place? Was Mason wrong to believe he couldn’t see the line when he was protecting me? Was this all really just an accident? Or Adam’s fault in the first place?
Everything was so muddled up.
My head felt heavy. My neck was stiff.
Why had we gone out drinking again?
“Okay.” As if reading my mind, Heather reached for my drink that Courtney had pushed away and put it back in my hands. “We’re not here to save the world. Heavy thoughts are not welcome now.” She included Taylor in the last statement, her eyes sweeping over and back to me. “And now . . .” She clinked her glass to mine. “Let’s get fucked up, because to be honest, we all need a break. One night.” She picked up her glass and chugged the entire thing.
I wasn’t far behind.
The music was already blaring, and Courtney jumped to her feet, grabbing Grace’s hands. “Come on. Let’s dance. I love this song.”
After that, the rest of the night was a different kind of blur.
I danced. I smiled. I laughed.
And I didn’t think about anything else because I just couldn’t.
MASON
From where I was sitting, I could see Nate coming a long way off.
“This is the last damned place I thought I’d find you.” Nate grunted as he sat on the step next to the track. He sat carefully and made sure to lean against a thick and sturdy post. “Shit, Mase.” He pulled his knees up, resting his elbows against them. “I thought you were scared of heights.”
“Nervous of heights.” He was right, though. It was the last place I thought I’d end up too. I intended to go to the pool, but found myself climbing this rollercoaster instead.
“Same thing. Why the fuck are you here?”
I shook my head. “This is Logan’s spot. He likes to come and sit here. I think that’s why Dad hasn’t had it torn down yet.” I leaned forward to rest my own elbows on the front of my seat. “Guess it felt right.”
I nodded in the direction of town. We were above everything else, and the whole place spread out beneath us, like it was ours for the taking.
“She’s out there. I wanted to be somewhere maybe I could see her.” Even though I knew it was crazy, I didn’t care. I wanted to feel like I could still watch over her.
Nate looked out, then swung his head back to me. I could feel his gaze. “Fuck, man.” He let out a quiet sigh. “Talk to me. I know things changed, but I was your number one at one point.”
I gave him a rueful grin. “We never really talked back then. Not really.”
He looped his hands together, and his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. He was settling in. “I know, but that was how guys talked to each other at that time. We were kids. You were angry and hurting.”
I was. I closed my eyes and cursed. “I don’t even know why I was so mad sometimes. It’s not like I had a family then lost it. They were always like that.” I glanced at him. “You never talk about your parents.”
Nate grinned. “Because I have good parents. I love my mom and dad. I don’t like to rub it in your face.”
I grinned back. “Just did.”
“You deserve it.”
My grin grew. He was right. I did. “I’ve been a shit friend to you over the years.”
“No.” He grew serious, shaking his head. “No, that’s not true. I left. Things changed. I came back, and I was jealous. You were right to be cautious with me, but you never cut me out. I did some weasel things, and you could’ve. You never did.”
I owed him.
“You let me come to you, to your parents’ party, and you let me go upstairs and start a fight,” I said. “You knew I was going to do that, and you said okay.”
Nate snorted. “I think that was the turning point. My parents knew you were hurting, but when you did that, they were like, ‘Okay. Enough’s enough.’” His laugh had a sad ring to it. “They didn’t want me t
o become like you. But instead, all they did was hurt me. I lost my place as your best friend when we moved. I never fully got it back.”
Logan grew up. Logan became my ride-or-die, and Sam came along.
“I’m sorry for back then.” I glanced over to him. “I wasn’t an easy person to be friends with.”
“No.” He shook his head again, his tone thoughtful. “You were the easiest there was. I just had to be loyal; that’s all you asked for.”
“You were loyal—”
“No, I wasn’t.” He frowned. “Why are you trying to rewrite history? I wasn’t. You said to stop sleeping with the girls. I didn’t. I continued to fuck Jasmine. Then the whole video thing. I didn’t tell you about that right away, and I should’ve. Logan would’ve. Logan would’ve gone ballistic if Kate tried to blackmail him into drugging Sam. And freshman year here, I knew Sebastian was using me to get to you. I knew it, and let it happen. I even tried to make you feel guilty for not liking him. I did those things. Not you. Sam never would’ve. Logan never would’ve. You never would’ve. No. Your solid two are right where they’re supposed to be, right at your side. I lost my place, and I didn’t get it back for a reason. It took me until Sebastian to get my priorities right. You never have to apologize to me, and you never have to feel sorry for anything. You’ve been my friend. You never turned on me.”
I had to grin. “I don’t usually have heart-to-hearts with Logan. And even the few we have, it’s usually me telling him to shut the fuck up or him telling me the same.”
Nate shrugged, leaning his head back. He extended his legs, his heels resting on one of the tracks. “It’s overdue, if you ask me.”
“You’re wrong.”
“It’s not?”
“No. You did prove your loyalty.” I didn’t say the words, but our eyes met and he knew. The frat house. “You proved it.”
He nodded, then asked, “What are you going to do about those videos? Cops never showed up asking for them, so I’m guessing Quinn never mentioned them.”
I snorted. “Would you?”
Nate smiled faintly. “No. I wouldn’t. You still have them?”
I nodded. “I’ll keep them, in case he comes after us again. Just in case.”
But maybe I shouldn’t have them. Maybe that was the bad part of me I could help make good? Maybe that was part of why I was even sitting on a fucking abandoned rollercoaster in the first place. “I could delete them.”
“Why would you do that?”
“We did that to Quinn. He brought a gun to campus. I mean—” I suppressed the rage that flared every time I thought about it. “Sam was there. I’ll never forgive myself for that.”
“So don’t, but don’t let it change you completely.”
“What do you mean?”
He leaned forward, looping his hands together, resting them on his legs. “The problem would be ignoring this whole thing. Don’t do that. You pushed a guy. We all pushed him, and maybe it was too far, but we could’ve pushed him further. We could’ve burned the place down. We’ve done it before. I could’ve actually screwed his woman. You could’ve released those videos. It could’ve been worse.”
“I don’t think Sam would agree with you.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
My eyebrows went up at that.
“You know what I mean. You were protecting. That’s what you do. Sam knew who you were when she fell in love with you. She signed up for it. She can’t claim ignorance now and back out. That’s not right. If she’s scared, that’s another thing, but she can’t blame you. You’re being you. None of us are saints. That’s for sure, but it could’ve been worse.”
I shook my head. “He had a gun, Nate.”
“Yeah,” he clipped out, jerking forward. His eyes were blazing once again. “And the problem would be to ignore what happened. You’re not ignoring it. Neither is Sam. You’re both doing what’s right, but you don’t have to change. You already have.”
“What do you mean?”
“Not being scared, that would’ve been wrong. Acting like it was no big deal. Pretending it was all him, and not you or us. Not realizing how close you and Sam came to your lives being threatened. All of that would’ve been wrong. You guys aren’t doing any of that. You took notice. You’re acknowledging it. You don’t want it to ever happen again. You’re scared it could. That’s the right thing you’re doing. You’ve learned that you don’t want this to repeat again, and my guess is that it never will. You’ll read the signs. You’ll know when you’re going too far. You’ll rely on the rest of us too. I’m here. Logan’s here. We’re all here. No one’s leaving. It’s never just you. Ever. You can trust us. If you don’t see the line, we will. Trust us. Trust Sam. Trust yourself. You don’t have anything more to repent. You already have. You get that, right?”
Goddamn. I felt tears in the corner of my eye.
I scowled at him. “If you make me cry, I’ll punch you in the face.”
He barked out a laugh. “You do that, you’d have to carry me back down. You’d probably knock me out.”
“I’d call Logan. He’d figure out how to get you back on the ground.”
“Fuck.” He grimaced, some of the blood draining from his face. “He’d probably lower me down with a rope tied around my waist. He’d get me killed.”
“But it’d be on me because I punched you in the first place.”
He laughed, and I joined in.
I rubbed a hand over my forehead. “You’re right. My brother would kill you, somehow.”
“Speaking of death,” Nate looked over his shoulder and down to the ground. “Can we please leave this thing? Logan’s batshit crazy for coming up here whenever he does.”
I stifled a small shudder and stood. “Let’s go.” Once we were heading down, I asked, “Where is Logan?”
Nate was ahead of me and he tossed back over his shoulder, “Said something about picking Taylor up. She went out with some girls and got drunk.”
“Girls?” I paused, mid-step.
Sam?
SAMANTHA
Kapow!
I hopped, threw my hand out in a karate chop, and let out a half-growl/half-gurgle. Then I snapped up my leg.
“Uh . . .” Heather traded looks with Taylor. Both were holding back grins. “Whatcha doing, Sam?”
“I’m karate-chopping your ass.” And I leaped in a circle, my hand out in another chop! before I raised my knee. I pretended to take someone’s head in my hands and rammed them down on my knee. “This is what I’m going to do to Faith Shaw if I see her on a bad night.” I swung my arms around in a wide circle, then brought them together as if I were praying. As a snarl formed on my mouth, I shoved my hands out, palms flat. “And I’ll break her nose, just like that.”
I was panting.
I frowned. That didn’t make sense.
I was drunk. With that realization, I lifted one leg, my arms to the side like I was going to do the crane kick move from The Karate Kid. “And hi-ya!” I smiled at them. “Did you hear that? I just dislocated her shoulder, all with one move.”
“Okay.” Heather moved around me out the door. “Bring those fighting moves this way. You’re holding up traffic.”
Taylor had left the group when we decided to leave. I had to
