by Eoin Colfer
She closed her eyes, in case any strobe light squeezed past her visor, and waited for the pop. The flash, when it came, lit up the tent like a lampshade. Several seams of weak stitching were burnt out, and bands of white light shot skywards like wartime searchlights. When she opened her eyes, the dwarfs were unconscious on the tent floor. One was the unfortunate Sergei who had managed to climb from his tunnel just in time to get knocked out. Holly searched her belt for a Sleeper/Seeker hypodermic. The hypodermic contained small tracker beads loaded with a charged sedative. When the beads were injected into a fairy's bloodstream, that fairy could be tracked anywhere in the world, and knocked out at will. It made retrieving rogue fairies a lot easier. Holly quickly fought her way through the folds of canvas, tagged all six dwarfs, then crawled to the
flaps. Now Sergei and his band could be apprehended at any time. This left her free to pursue Artemis Fowl.
The tent was around her ears now, held up by pockets of trapped air. She had to get out, or it would completely collapse on her. Holly activated the mechanical wings on her back, creating her own little wind tunnel, and hovered through the flap, boots scraping the earth.
Fowl was leaving along with Butler.
'Don't move, Artemis,' she yelled. 'I won't hesitate to shoot you. In fact, I'm quite looking forward to it.'
This was fighting talk, brimming with bravado and confidence. Two things that were in short supply, but at least she sounded ready for a fight.
Artemis turned slowly. 'Captain Short. You don't look so well. Maybe you should get some medical attention.'
Holly knew she looked terrible. She could feel her fairy magic healing the bruises on her ribs, and her vision was still jumpy from stun grenade overspill.
'I'm fine, Fowl. And even if I'm not, the computer in my helmet can fire this gun all on its own.'
Butler took a step to one side splitting the target. He knew Holly would have to shoot him first.
'Don't bother, Butler,' said Holly. 'I can drop you and hunt the Mud Boy down in my own time.'
Artemis tutted. 'Time is something you don't have. The circus hands are already coming. In seconds they will be here, followed closely by the circus audience. Five hundred people all wondering what is going on here.'
'So what? I'll be shielded.'
'So there is no way for you to take me in. And even if you could, I doubt that I have broken any fairy law. All I did was to steal a human tiara. Surely the LEP don't get involved in human crime. I can't be held responsible for fairy criminals.'
Holly struggled to keep her gun hand steady.
Artemis was right, he hadn't done anything to threaten the People. And the shouts from the circus folk were growing louder.
'So you see, Holly, you have no choice but to let me go.'
'And what about the other dwarf?' 'What dwarf?' said Artemis innocently. 'The seventh dwarf. There were seven.' Artemis counted on his fingers. 'Six, I believe. Only six. Perhaps in all the excitement ...'
Holly scowled behind her mask. There must be something she could salvage from this. 'Give me that tiara. And the helmet.' Artemis rolled the helmet across the ground.
'The helmet, certainly. But the tiara is mine.'
'Give it to me,' shouted Holly, authority in every syllable. 'Give it to me, or I will stun you both and you can take your chances with Ehrich Stern.'
Artemis almost smiled. 'Congratulations, Holly.
A masterstroke.' He took the tiara from his pocket, tossing it to the LEP officer.
'Now you can report that you broke up a gang of dwarf jewel thieves, and recovered the stolen tiara. A clutch of feathers in your cap, I would think.'
People were coming. Their thumping feet jarred the earth.
Holly set her wings to hover.
'We'll meet again, Artemis Fowl,' she said, rising into the air.
'I know,' replied Artemis. 'I look forward to it.'
It was true. He did.
Artemis watched his nemesis lift slowly into the night sky. And just as the crowd appeared around the corner, she vibrated out of the visible spectrum. Only a fairy shaped patch of stars remained.
Holly really makes things interesting, he thought, closing his fist around the stone in his pocket. / wonder if she will notice the switch. Will she look closely at the blue diamond and see that it seems a little bit oily?
Butler tapped him on the shoulder.
'Time to be gone,' said the giant manservant.
Artemis nodded. Butler was right, as usual. He almost felt sorry for Sergei and the Significants. They would believe themselves safe right up until the Retrieval squad arrived to take them away.
Butler took his charge by the shoulder, and directed him to the shadows. In two steps they were invisible. Finding the darkness was a talent of Butler's.
Artemis looked skywards one last time. Where is Captain Short now, he wondered. In his mind she would always be there, looking over his shoulder, waiting for him to slip up.
EPILOGUE: Fowl Manor
Angeline Fowl sat slumped at her dressing table, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. Today was her husband's birthday. Little Arty's father. Missing for over a year, and every day made his return more unlikely. Each day was difficult, but this day was almost impossible. She ran a slender finger over a photograph on the dresser. Artemis senior, with his strong teeth and blue eyes. Such a startling blue, she had never seen quite that colour before or since, except in the eyes of her son. It had been the first thing she had noticed about him.
Artemis entered the room hesitantly. One foot outside the threshold.
'Arty, dear,' said Angeline, drying her eyes. 'Come here. Give me a hug, I need one.'
Artemis crossed the deep pile carpet, remembering the many times he had seen his father framed by the bay window.
'I will find him,' he whispered once in his mother's arms.
'I know you will, Arty,' replied Angeline, fearful of the lengths her extraordinary son would go to. Afraid to lose another Artemis.
Artemis drew back. 'I have a gift for you, Mother. Something to remind you, and give you strength.'
He drew a golden chain from his breast pocket. Swinging in its V was the most incredible blue diamond. Angeline's breath caught in her throat. 'Arty, it's uncanny. Amazing. That stone is exactly the same colour ...'
'As Father's eyes,' completed Artemis, coupling the clasp around his mother's neck. 'I thought you might like it.'
Angeline gripped the stone tightly in her hand, the tears flowing freely now. 'I shall never take it off.'
Artemis smiled sadly. 'Trust me, Mother, I will find him.'
Angeline looked at her son in wonder. 'I know you will, Arty,' she said again. But this time, she believed it.
The People - A Spotter's Guide
There are many different types of fairy and, with each one, it's important to know what you are dealing with.This is just some of the information collected by Artemis Fowl during his adventures. It is confidential and must not fall into the wrong hands.The future of the People depends on it.
Elves
Distinguishing features:
About one metre tall Pointy ears Brown skin Red hair
Character:
Intelligent
Strong sense of right and wrong
Very loyal
Sarcastic sense of humour, although that might just be a particular female LEP officer
Loves:
Flying, either in a craft or with wings
Situations to avoid:
They really don't like it if you kidnap them and take their gold.
Dwarfs
Distinguishing features:
Short, round and hairy
Large tombstone teeth - good for grinding ... well, anything really.
Unhingable jaws enabling them to excavate tunnels
Sensitive beard hair
Skin capable of acting like suction cups when dehydrated
Smelly
Character:
Sensitive Intelligent Criminal tendencies
Loves:
Gold and precious gems
Tunnelling
The dark
Situations to avoid:
Being in a confined space with them when they have been tunnelling and have a build-up of trapped air. If they reach for the bum flap on their trousers, get out of there ...
Trolls
Distinguishing features:
Huge - as big as an elephant
Light-sensitive eyes
Hate noise
Hairy with dreadlocks
Retractable claws
Teeth! - lots and lots of teeth
Tusks like a wild boar (a really wild boar)
Green tongue
Exceptionally strong
Weak point at the base of the skull
Character:
Very, very stupid - the troll has a tiny brain Mean and bad-tempered
Loves:
Eating - anything. A couple of cows would make a light snack
Situations to avoid:
Are you joking? If you even think a troll is near, run like the wind.
Goblins
Distinguishing features:
Scaly
Lidless eyes - they lick their eyeballs to keep them moist
Able to throw fireballs
They go on all fours when speed is important
Forked tongue
Less than a metre tall
Slimey, fire-proof skin
Character:
Not clever, but cunning Argumentative Ambitious Power-hungry
Loves:
Fire
A good argument
Power
Situations to avoid:
Don't get in the way if they're throwing a fireball
Centaurs
Distinguishing features:
Half-man, half-pony Hairy - obviously! Hoofs can get very dry
Character:
Extremely intelligent
Vain
Paranoid
Kind
Computer geek
Loves:
Showing off Inventing
Situations to avoid:
They aren't very dangerous physically, but they will sulk if you criticize their latest invention, mess with their hard drive or borrow their hoof moisturizer
Sprites
Distinguishing features:
About one metre tall Pointy ears Green skin Wings
Character:
Average intelligence
Generally happy-go-lucky attitude
Loves:
Flying - more than anything else under or above the earth
Situations to avoid:
Watch out for low-flying sprites - they don't always look where they're going
Pixies
Distinguishing features:
About one metre tall
Pointy ears
Apart from their ears and their height, pixies look almost human
Character:
Extremely intelligent No morals Cunning Ambitious Greedy
Loves:
Power and money Chocolate
Situations to avoid:
Never get on the wrong side of a pixie, especially one as clever and ruthless as Opal Koboi, unless you are as brilliant as Artemis Fowl, of course
Interviews
Interview With Artemis Fowl II
If you weren't a criminal mastermind, what would you most like to do?
I think there is a lot of work to be done in the field of psychology. If I did not have my criminal plots to occupy my time, I think I would devote my energies to putting right some of the mistakes made by Misters Freud and Jung.
What do you really think of Captain Holly Short?
I have immense respect for Captain Short and I often wish she would come over to my side, as it were. But I know she never will. She has too many principles. And if she ever lost those principles, perhaps I would lose my respect for her too.
You have travelled a great deal. Where is your favourite place in the world and why?
My favourite place in the world is Ireland. As the fairy People say, it is the most magical place. Its landscapes are the most inspirational in the world. And the people are witty and genuine, though we do have a dark side.
What was your most embarrassing moment?
I once scored a mere ninety-nine per cent on a mathematics assignment. I was mortified. I had forgotten to round up the third decimal place. Imagine my embarrassment.
What is your favourite book?
My favourite book this week is The Lord of the Flies by William Golding. It is a fascinating psychological study of a group of boys stranded on an island. I can't help thinking that if I had been on that island, I would be running the place in a week.
What is your favourite song?
I rarely listen to popular music with the exception of David Bowie, who is quite a chameleon. One never knows quite what to expect. I think Bowie is a fascinating individual and I am thinking of approaching him with a scheme of mine for rediscovering a lost Mozart opera, which, of course, I have written. My favourite song of Mister Bowie's is'It's No Game Part 2', from the Scary Monsters CD.
What keeps you awake at night?
My plans.They run around my head at night keeping me awake.There is one more thing that keeps me awake. Sometimes I feel bad about the things I have done. If this feeling of guilt strikes, I do a quick online check of my bank balance, and it soon goes away.
What is your most treasured possession?
My most treasured possession is a cache of LEP equipment that Butler confiscated from a fairy Retrieval team.There are a thousand inventions in there that have never been seen by humans.These will be my retirement fund.
Who is your best friend?
I believe that we agreed that this question would not be asked. If my enemies discovered who my best friend is, they could get to me through him or her. Let me just say that my best friend is never far away and has been with me since the day of my birth.
Interview With Captain Holly Short
Do you mind being the only female elf in the LEPrecon Unit?
Some days it's a pain. It would be nice to have a female colleague to talk to at the end of a long shift. In the beginning some of the male officers used to give me a hard time. Now they're too busy chasing my flight records to insult me.
What was your proudest moment?
My proudest moment was when we shut down the goblin revolution. If those scaly gangsters had managed to take over Police Plaza, our entire culture would have been destroyed.
What was your most embarrassing moment?
I got bitten in the behind by a swear toad once. We were sweeping a tunnel for a rogue troll and the little guy just popped out of a hole and took a chunk out of me. It was a small chunk, but the venom caused a lot of swelling. I will never live that day down. I just hope Artemis Fowl doesn't find out about it.
You often get into trouble with Commander Root for not following the rules. Did you used to get into trouble at school for not following the rules too?
My father always taught me to do what's right, no matter what the cost. And that's what I do. Rules are important, but the right thing is more important. Sometimes that got me in
trouble at school. I can never keep my mouth shut if I see someone being bullied or punished unjustly. It's just the way I am.
What was your favourite subject at school?
I loved virtual school.You get to put on a V-Helmet and travel through history.Those helmets are amazing - they even have special air filters so you can smell the period you are studying.
What do you really think of Artemis Fowl?
I'm in two minds about Artemis. Half of me wants to hug him and the other half wants to throw him in a cell for a few months to teach him a lesson. For all his brains, Artemis does not understand the consequences of his schemes. Every time he sets off on an adventure, someone seems to get hurt. And Butler is not always
going to be around to save him. And I'm not always going to be around to save Butler.
What are your hobbies?
I read a lot. Mostly the classics - Horri Antowitz is a good author, and Burger Melviss. I like a good thriller. I also like crunchball and I play in the police league. I'm the second dunker, which can really take it out of a girl.
What is your most treasured possession?
I still have the recon acorns given to me by Commander Root himself. No matter how many medals and promotions I earn, the first acorns are still the best.
What keeps you awake at night?
Some nights I lie awake and think about what the humans are doing to the planet.And I wonder how long will it be before they find out about us. Some nights, if I'm feeling a bit paranoid, then I swear I can hear human crafts over my head. Digging. Burrowing.
Who is your best friend?
Tough one. I'm going to have to go for two: Foaly and Captain Trouble Kelp. They have both saved my life more than once. And they stuck by me in the bad times, when everyone else had written me off as a failure.
Interview With Butler
What are your three top tips for being a successful bodyguard?
Train hard: there is no substitute for knowledge.
Listen to your sensei: they have the experience that you need.
Be prepared to sacrifice everything for the job.
You are very close to your younger sister, Juliet. Were you pleased that she wanted to follow in your footsteps and do you think she will make a good bodyguard?
I was hoping that Juliet would pick another profession. Juliet has too much life in her to smother beneath a bodyguard's uniform. I think that my little sister may still decide to pick a less dangerous profession like wrestling.
What is your most treasured possession?
My most treasured possession is etched into my skin. It is a blue diamond tattoo from Madam Ko's Bodyguard Academy. I was the youngest ever graduate of the academy and this tattoo gives me access to circles most people don't even know exist. It's like carrying a resume on your arm.
What is your favourite book?
I don't have much time to read.Artemis's schemes keep me on my toes. Mostly I read helicopter manuals and keep an eye on weather reports and current affairs. If I do have a moment to myself, I do enjoy a good romance story. If you tell a soul, I will hunt you down.
