But then I understood what was happening. Derek was a public figure with a now public relationship with Alyssa Carmichael. I had become a news story, a story that could impact my father’s company. There could be investors who started to wonder what exactly caused the Carmichael “heiress” to run off.
“What are you doing here?” I asked them both.
My mother tsked at me. “What were we supposed to do, dear? You ran off and didn’t even take your phone with you. We had no idea if you were even alive until your aunt Belinda saw a news piece on you and forwarded it to us both.”
“Fine, you found me. Now what?”
“Don’t be so argumentative. You’re my daughter and I understand you were hurt by what we last said about Jake. And, Alyssa, you failed to provide us with the full story to boot. But I’m ready to move past all that ugly business if you are.”
I stared at her in horror. “You made me believe Jake was all I deserved. Like I had to settle with someone so nasty, so devoid of any type of human compassion—” I stopped myself, realizing I was getting angry, raising my voice when I promised I would diffuse the situation instead of exploding. “Can you both just go? I’ll call you and we can talk, just not here.”
“You’re being unreasonable. We want to talk, see what you’ve been doing. Meet this author you’ve taken up with. Stassi arrived a bit ago, coming straight here from Manhattan. I believe she’s talking to him now—”
I felt the floor disappear out from under my feet. I heard my mother call out to me in surprise as I spun around, rushing away from them. Searching in desperation for Derek, for my Derek. And then he was there, he was at the edge of the banquet room, head bent low speaking in earnest to the most beautiful woman I had ever set eyes on in my life.
Fawn-colored, sun-kissed hair with green eyes that sparkled in delight at whatever Derek was saying. A vison in a cream dress that lent inspiration to probably every writer in the room. A willowy body, but with generous breasts, breasts bought from the best plastic surgeon money could buy. A woman who was certainly not dead, despite my proclamation she was dead to me. No, Stassi, my sister, was alive and well, and talking to the man I loved.
Stassi noticed me first and I hoped she hadn’t already enthralled my boyfriend. I prayed his lack of awareness was more from shock than actual desire for my younger, more beautiful sister. Because Derek had no idea Stassi existed. When he had asked me about siblings, I went along with his belief we were both only children. For me, I didn’t have a sister, not anymore.
Her eyes danced with merriment as I stormed over. She was relishing my pain, hating me for reasons I never quite understood. I’d always given her everything and she’d taken with ease. If she wanted something of mine, I handed it over without question. She had the better room, my favorite dolls, the prettier clothes. She was the baby of the family, four years younger. To my parents, that meant she didn’t have any of the responsibilities of the Carmichael name, but all of the glory. She could party all night, stumble in as the sun came up, still high on whatever designer drug she had taken. She could burn through her trust fund money, leave for weeks to Europe with her flavor of the month. But she was wild and free, my mother would say, that was just her way.
She gave Derek a conspiratorial smile before addressing me. “Alyssa, there you are. I was worried you weren’t coming after all. Mom and Dad weren’t certain you’d be attending tonight, but they invited me along on their coup.” She air kissed my cheeks. “Don’t you look beautiful in that dress, like a Georgia peach come to life.”
I tried not to snarl at her, well aware of her games. Stassi was like my mother, passive aggressive with a backhanded compliment ready to go at any moment.
“You think this is all a game, don’t you? I exist for your amusement alone. You need to go, Stassi,” I hissed, not daring to look at Derek. I could only imagine what was going through his head at the second.
She pretended to look shocked. “Alyssa, believe it or not I came here to make up with you. You can’t believe how it felt to hear your friend had no idea who I even was.”
I let her goad me, despite knowing better. “My boyfriend,” I corrected her. I did look at Derek then, my eyes searching his face for signs she had ruined everything. Stassi had the rare ability to destroy people in seconds. His face showed nothing, but I could see the tension in his jaw.
“Can we talk?” I asked him, tilting my body away from Stassi. Seconds later, I was already done with her. We had nothing to discuss.
“Alyssa, we came all this way to work things out with you. To find out where the hell you’ve been all these months and you’re not even going to talk with us.” Stassi huffed at me, sticking her chest out. She shifted, her left breast grazing the side of Derek’s arm. I would claw her damn eyes out any minute.
Derek took a step toward me, taking me by the hand. Without a word, he strode purposefully through the banquet room, shooting a weak smile to whoever addressed him on the way. He pulled me through double doors, into an empty room next door.
He turned to face me. “Alyssa, what’s going on?”
“You met the reason I left. It was never Jake, it was her. Stassi is the reason I changed my name and started over,” I explained. He didn’t look angry, a small miracle, but instead confused. I didn’t meet his eyes as I added, “She was the one…the woman I found Jake with before I left.”
And then I was transported back to the horrible moment, those terrible seconds when I was at the door of Jake’s apartment. Standing there, stupidly, like a mute as I saw my fiancé, the man I had slept with the night before in the very same apartment, with my sister. My sister who was completely naked, kneeling on his couch as he slammed into her from behind. Both of them moving into each other in a way that told me everything I needed to know. This wasn’t the first time they’d been together.
Most women would’ve lost their shit. They would’ve thrown things at them both, maybe slammed a punch or two in their faces. Yet, I felt like a nothing, so I did nothing. I didn’t cry, I didn’t scream, I didn’t run. I shut the door, walked down to my car, and drove off. That had been the last time my sister existed for me.
“Alyssa, fuck, I’m sorry, I had no idea,” he murmured, bringing me to him. His hands moved up and down my back gently, comforting me despite my lack of tears. I would never cry over the loss of my sister, not when she could be so casually cruel.
“I should’ve told you about her, but I can’t talk about her,” I said, begging him to understand. “My parents and Jake, they hurt me, but not in the same way she did. I loved her, she was my sister, my wild sister who I lived vicariously through. She was the one who I admired because she didn’t bow down to my parents. She was my best friend, the only person I admitted all of my fears, especially the ones about Jake. She knew I thought he was cheating. She knew of how badly he treated me. How could she want him after that? She didn’t love him, she just hated me more.”
“Let’s leave, Alyssa. I’ll say I’m not feeling well and we can go home. I don’t want you here…with those fucking monsters,” he said, scrubbing his hands up and down his cheeks.
“You make a really good boyfriend, you know that?”
“I did enjoy how you made sure she knew I belonged to you. God, Alyssa, I hope you weren’t worried I’d look at her twice. Even before you told me about her, she made me uncomfortable. She looked like a xenomorph ready to devour me.” He shuddered over the memory.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Must be one of your geeky books or movies,” I said, finally able to smile. “You were excited about tonight and you wrote a damn good speech. I was very moved during your practice runs. I even considered giving up nursing to become a writer.”
“That doesn’t matter. There’ll be plenty of other times I can use the speech,” he said, shaking his head.
I stood up on my toes to kiss him on the lips. “We’ll ignore them. I’m sitting with you up front, right?” At his nod, I continued. “I�
��ll talk to them for a few minutes before the speeches start and then we’ll be done. Hopefully, they’ll listen to me and leave.”
“Fine, but if they spring Jake on you here, I can’t promise things won’t get bloody.” He groused.
With prompting, I forced him back out into the banquet room. Before I could promise him I’d be fine, we were approached by a tall man with a trimmed beard and glasses. “Derek,” he said in greeting before smiling widely at me. “Miss Carmichael, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you. I’m Joshua, president of the New Jersey Science Fiction Authors Association.”
I gave him a warm smile. “So nice to meet you too. I’m looking forward to the speeches.” I squeezed Derek’s hand, letting him know he was the only one I was interested in hearing.
“We’re all so excited about your father’s donation, Miss Carmichael. He said it was at your behest and I can’t tell you what a difference that money will make to the recipients of our scholarship fund. Some years, we can only give less than a thousand dollars to each winner when funding has gotten low. Thank you so much for thinking of our organization.” Joshua was grinning from ear to ear while I stood there feeling like a fool. My family had played me again. Joshua didn’t seem to notice my discomfort and continued on. “Please, can I buy you a drink? I can also make you up a plate of hors d’oeuvres? They stopped serving, but I heard you arrived late…”
“I’ll take care of her, Josh. But thank you,” Derek said evenly.
“No, thank you. Seriously, you two are the best. Please let me know if I can get my favorite VIPs anything at all,” he said with wink. He pointed out the bar on the other side of the room. “You still have about ten minutes to grab a drink before we need you up front, Derek.”
When he was out of earshot, Derek shook his head at me. “I hope you never had to play your father at chess.”
“Well, they certainly made sure I can’t make them leave now. My father is enough of an asshole that if I kick them out, he’ll renege on the donation,” I grumbled.
Before he could respond, my parents with Stassi in tow descended upon us. I bared my teeth at the trio. “I just heard about your donation, Dad. I’m sure that will make a difference for a lot of kids.”
“Yes, sure, although I’m not understanding the purpose of the scholarships. I didn’t think writers needed degrees,” he said dismissively. He addressed Derek, trying to undercut the obvious dig. “Although you would know better, I’d imagine. Did you find college helpful to your work?”
“I have an MBA from Loyola, you know, just in case I need something to fall back on. Not everyone has the financial opportunities for college,” Derek said with disdain. He wouldn’t fake being polite to my parents. It wasn’t in his DNA. My father scowled in response.
“So, how did you two meet?” my mother asked, volleying her head back and forth between Derek and me.
Derek looked at me, allowing me to take the lead. I answered with what we had agreed upon. Our messages were for us alone. “I met him at a book signing.”
“When was that?” Stassi asked rudely while Derek shot her daggers. “While you were still with Jake? Is this who you ran off with?” She was nodding as if she had me all figured out. Heartbroken, I had run off to be saved by Derek. I left everything behind, but not really. She assumed another wealthy man was busy taking care of me.
I ignored her questions. “How is Jake? You two are perfect for each other. I’m so happy things worked out the way they did.”
“Alyssa, I wish you had told us…everything when you canceled the wedding. Stassi came to us after and explained. I really hope you’d hear her side,” my mother said with an uncomfortable grimace. I could only imagine what Stassi had said in her defense. How could she possibly make a case for the indefensible? Yet, none of it mattered.
“Your daughter told you what she did to Alyssa and you thought it was a good idea to bring her here?” Derek asked, incredulous. He shook his head in amazement. “I write science fiction and it’s more believable than any of this.”
“Why would I know how Jake is?” Stassi demanded, ignoring Derek, too set on bringing me down.
“Stassi, please—” my mother started to interject.
“Oh, have you been cyber stalking us?” Stassi asked with barely contained glee. “You must mean the picture at Nana’s birthday party. Well, yes, I had to bring that loser there because my sister left him with almost a million dollars of her money.” She looked at our parents for support before turning back to me. My father gave her an encouraging nod while my mother remained impassive. Stassi continued with her patented haughtiness. “Alyssa, I understand you’re pissed at me, but I was helping you see what a mistake you were making. And you suddenly leave without a word to anyone. We then come to find out you have a joint account with that leech. We were trying to butter him up, so he’d hand over the money without a fight.”
My mother gave Derek a helpless look before turning her attention to me. Derek remained unmoved. My mother said quietly, “Honey, we reacted badly to the news that you weren’t getting married, I understand that now. And I also get you want a clean break from Jake, but that’s family money.”
“Alyssa, he’s refusing to hand over a cent to us. You’re going to have to get the money directly from him yourself,” my father demanded.
Derek opened his mouth to reply, but I squeezed his arm to stop him. He had been right. The time had come for me to deal with my past, including my family.
“Listen to me,” I said tersely. “I’m only going to tell you all once. If you came here in an attempt for me to get you back family money, you’ve wasted your time. I’m done with that life and everyone in it. I’m happy, finally happy for the first time in my miserable life and if you actually care about me, at all, even the tiniest bit, then you will leave me alone.” I turned away from them then, heading to our table at the front of the room. I noticed Stassi try to go after me, but Derek blocked her. The trio could stay for the rest of the event or they could go. I really didn’t care a single bit. They were blood, but they weren’t my family, not in the way it mattered.
I was done.
Chapter Eighteen
Derek wasn’t answering his phone. For the last ten minutes, I stood outside of his house, ringing the doorbell and not getting any answer. Checking the time on my phone again, I confirmed it was after nine. That morning, he had told me to come over after my last lecture ended. I didn’t think he would’ve forgotten, but the lights were dimmed inside the house and he hadn’t left the outdoor lights on for me.
Finally, after I was about to leave, assuming he had gone out, the door opened. I tilted my head at him. “What were you doing? I’ve been out here forever ringing the bell. I called you too…” I trailed off as I inspected him more closely. His T-shirt and sweatpants were rumpled with his dark hair sticking up in every direction. His eyes were bloodshot with his skin flushed pink. “Were you sleeping?”
“Alyssa, you’re here,” he said quietly as if he didn’t expect to see me. His arm reached out, bringing me to his chest. Derek didn’t smell like Christmas trees. He smelled like a bar on the morning after New Year’s Eve.
“Have you been drinking?” I asked quietly into his chest.
“Just a little after dinner,” he lied. He was swaying on his feet, more drunk than I had ever seen him in person. I had been relieved over his avoidance of alcohol because I knew when he drank it tapped into the darker parts of his personality, the self-destructive parts.
Kicking his foot out, he shut the front door and pulled me deeper into the house. The lights were off and I stumbled in the dark. Something was wrong with him; he wasn’t acting like the Derek I had come to know. He reminded me of D at his darkest, most desolate—when he told A he hated his house, hated how fucking lonely he was all the time. And now he started to kiss me like I was a lifeline, raining sloppy, desperate kisses along my jawline.
“Derek, did something happen?”
He ignored me. His
hands became more insistent, pulling at my shirt. “Why do you have so many clothes on? You shouldn’t wear any while you’re here.” He didn’t stop kissing me, trying to undress me, too drunk to notice I wasn’t reacting.
Stepping away from him, I hit the light switch, flooding the hallway with light. He winced at the sudden brightness. He didn’t look like my Derek at the moment; his eyes were too haunted. “Babe,” he winced. “Could we turn down the lights? I got a wicked headache coming on.” He reached around me, turning off the light once again. His hands circled my waist, his palms grabbing my ass roughly. “Fuck, I want you, though. I need you, Alyssa. I need to feel how tight you are for me.”
I placed my hands against his chest. Squeezing my eyes shut, I whispered, “Not when you’re like this.”
“Like what?” he breathed the question in my neck. “So fucking desperate for you I can’t even think straight.”
“Not when you’re drunk like this. Not when there’s something wrong that I can see is tearing you up from the inside,” I said softly.
I turned him down, although it killed me to do so. Because I wanted him always, I craved him inside of me, when I knew without a doubt it was just him and me, and I didn’t know where he began and I ended. But having him when he was like this felt wrong—like my body was meant to be a crutch, a temporary bandage to a deep hurt that would never heal. He was upset, drunk and dark again, and he wanted to get lost in me, not lost with me.
“Alyssa, don’t be mad, don’t go,” he said quietly, his words slurring enough I had to make an effort to understand him.
“I’m not,” I promised. “Head up to bed. I’ll bring you some water and aspirin.”
“You’ll stay?” He sounded like a lost little boy, as if he was terrified of what waited for him if I wasn’t with him.
“Of course. I’ll be up in a minute,” I said before hugging him. Reluctantly, he walked off, staggering in the direction of the stairs.
The Despair of Strangers Page 21
