“I want to make it absolutely clear. There have been no direct threats to the show, and though we have absolutely no reason to expect that to change, we’re adding some additional measures. Security is already tight here on the set, but we’ve decided to err on the side of caution. To that end, we’ve contracted with Riverside Security to augment the methods we already have in place. That includes Miranda Lassiter and Jared Connors, who are employees of the firm and will be implementing additional measures to increase security. I expect each and every one of you to give then your full cooperation.”
Holy fuck. I had known from the moment Cas called that there would be a whole lot of negative attention focused on the show once the gay relationship became common knowledge. It had never once crossed my mind that there was even the chance of threats of violence to the show. It should have. I knew better. Though there hadn’t been, to know they were planning and preparing for it, even if it was a remote possibility, caused a shiver of unease to snake down my spine.
There needed to be a change in our society, and the only way that would happen was if we pushed boundaries. Even still, a sliver of worry worked its way into my gut. At least it did until I looked at the two people standing at Marc’s feet.
Miranda Lassiter was maybe five foot ten of pure badass. Her stance just screamed competent and in charge. Her dark blonde hair was scraped back from her face in a tight ponytail, and though she wore a small smile, it seemed to tell everyone that they’d be a fool to try and take her on.
Jared Connors was even more intimidating. The guy was fucking huge. At least four inches over six feet, he was solid, bulging muscle. His biceps strained the sleeves of his polo. His dark hair was cut military short, and his brown eyes were constantly moving, gaze assessing for any threat. He wore a stony look, the corners of his mouth turned down slightly.
Okay, yeah. I had no doubt any threat coming our way would turn tail and run in the other direction as soon as it caught sight of this pair. And that made me feel a whole lot better.
I only listened with a half an ear as Marc gave an overview of what we could expect. More security cameras, designated points of entry and exit, additional guards accompanying us when we shot on location. It all made perfect sense to me. But I couldn’t focus on what Marc was saying because beside me, Lucas had gone impossibly tense. His face was set in hard lines, and I could see the way his jaw worked as he ground his teeth together. But I would have to wait to find out what was going through his head.
Finally, Marc dismissed us with another welcome to Brandon, and we broke up. Set dressers and PAs started running around, and I headed to my dressing room to change. When they called us to the set, I had to be ready. I started my mental prep to get myself into the headspace I needed to portray Riley Cates accurately. I was a method actor and I knew I could channel the feelings swirling around in my head from Marc’s announcement into some quality acting.
Lucas, it seemed, had other ideas.
It took me a few moments to realize he was dogging my footsteps. He didn’t say anything, just walked very close behind me. I could hear him breathing, and it sounded stressed. When we got close to his dressing room, I turned and looked at him.
He was angry, that much I could see. But there was something else underneath the blazing eyes that I couldn’t identify. With a quick glance around, and seeing that everyone else was absorbed in their own tasks, I subtly nodded toward his dressing room door. He slammed through it, his footsteps heavy. I followed at a much more sedate pace and shut the door gently behind me. Then I gave him the full weight of my gaze.
“Lucas?”
He held up a hand to stop me from saying anything else. I watched as he took several deep breaths in an effort to calm himself. I left him to it, patiently waiting for him to figure out what he wanted to say. Pushing Lucas was never a good idea. Though it didn’t stop me from glancing at the clock on the wall to see how much time we had before we’d have to be on set.
Finally, Lucas took a very deep breath, let it out slowly, and shook out his hands before turning and giving me his attention. “I think you should move in with me.”
I blinked, nonplussed. “What?”
“My building is a lot more secure.”
Where was this coming from? “Lucas, I don’t…What is going on?”
He moved fast, crowding me up against the door and taking my face in his hands. As he looked down at me, I could finally see what else was going on. He was scared. “I don’t like the thought of you being unprotected. Anyone can get into your building and come after you. I got in just by waiting for someone to open the door. You know as well as I do there are people who would stop at nothing to keep gay characters off TV. That includes hurting you. I won’t allow that.”
“Lucas,” I soothed. “Sweetheart, you heard what Marc said. There haven’t been any threats, to the show or to me. You don’t have to worry.”
“You’d still be safer if you stayed with me,” Lucas insisted.
I scowled. “That’s not a good excuse. I’m not moving in with you just to be safe.”
Lucas huffed out a breath, sounding frustrated. “No that’s not…I just…I want you with me.”
There was something in his tone that reached into my chest and squeezed my heart. I studied his face, trying to see all the thing he wasn’t saying. Oh. Oh my God. This was something else entirely. Yes, Lucas wanted me safe. There was no doubt about that. But if I was interpreting him right, he wanted more than just that.
“Lucas?” I queried softly. Hope was taking root. I didn’t want to let it grow if I’d read this all wrong.
His eyes slid shut and he made a grumbling noise. When he spoke, his voice was barely a whisper. “I don’t like being apart.”
I kissed him. Hard and fast and full of all the heat I could manage. For a second, he didn’t react, then he pulled me in close, molding his body to mine, and kissed me back just as fiercely. When I had to pull away to breathe, it was with great reluctance. Lucas pressed his forehead to mine as I panted against his lips.
“We have to have a conversation. A long important conversation.”
He nodded, and his nose bumped into mine. “Tonight?”
“Yeah. Tonight works.” I kissed him again, a quick one, and then untangled myself from his arms. He swayed toward me before he caught himself. He took a step so that I could open the door. Before I did, I made sure I had his full attention, and then asked, “I’ll come by after we’re done for the day.”
His relief was easy to see. “I’ll get dinner.”
I blew him a kiss, just to make him smile, and then I left his dressing room. When I stepped into the hall, I took just a second to let the feeling of anticipation wash over me before I shoved it down. I had work to do and I wouldn’t be able to if I was thinking about Lucas. With that thought in mind, I went to get changed and become Riley Cates.
Chapter 12
Lucas had dinner waiting by the time I arrived. Though we had finished work at about the same time, I’d made the excuse that I had to go home and feed Optimus. And though the cat needed to be fed, it didn’t have to be right that moment. What I really wanted to do was call my dad.
As always, he listened with an attentive ear, never interrupting, and letting me ramble as much as I wanted to. He made all the right noises, letting me know that he was not only hearing me, but really listening. When I finally ran out of steam, and all my worries and insecurities were laid bare, my dad took a deep breath and let it out with a hum.
“The way I see it,” he said, his voice a deep rumble, “is you only have to answer one question. Do you love him?”
“Yes.” The word was out of my mouth before I could check it. I paused then, to give it the proper amount of thought. And quickly found that I didn’t have to. My voice was full of conviction as I repeated, “Yes.”
“Good,” my dad said, and he sounded pleased. “Then tell him. If he feels the same, you two can work the relationship out in a way that w
ill bring you both satisfaction.”
My dad sounded so sure of himself that I couldn’t help but feel relieved. “Thanks, Daddy.”
His laugh was a deep booming sound, and I grinned in response. I could still hear the mirth in his voice when he said, “You’re welcome, my son.” Then he turned serious. “If you’re going to do this, we’re going to have to tell your mother.”
I grimaced. “I know.”
“And I want to meet him.”
“I want you to meet him, too.” I smiled at the thought. “I can’t wait for him to meet you. He’s not going to know what to do with himself.”
Dad laughed again at that, and then his voice went warm and affectionate. “Let me know how it all works out. Tomorrow is soon enough.”
I groaned at the suggestion in his voice, promised I would let him know, told him I loved him, and hung up on him.
But now, sitting at Lucas’s table with a veritable buffet of Chinese dishes laid out before us, neither one of us said a word. For the first time in a long time, an uncomfortable silence grew between us. I finally got tired of the quiet and of pushing things around on my plate. I set my fork down and looked at him pointedly.
Lucas seemed incredibly interested in his lo mein.
I slipped lower in my chair until I could nudge him with my foot. The barest hint of a smile started to work its way onto his face. I grinned and then shoved my toes underneath the hem of his jeans and pressed them against his shin. He put down his fork and finally looked at me.
“Hi.”
His laugh was small. “Hi.”
I stood fast and wiggled my way in between Lucas and the table. He obligingly pushed his chair back to make room, and I straddled his thighs. I sat gently, making sure he could bear my weight, before I settled and wrapped my arms around his neck. His hands landed on my hips. I kissed him, soft and gentle, before I pulled back so we could look one another in the eye.
“We’re supposed to be talking about stuff,” I reminded him quietly.
“Yeah.” He sounded unsure and winced a little. He shook his head.
We continued to stare at each other, neither one of us wanting to be the one to start. I broke first, laughing and giving him a little shake. “Come on! You’re the one who started this with your ‘I want you with me’ talk.”
Lucas’s gaze darted away from my face, and he licked his lips nervously. “But you haven’t said what you want.”
I was stunned. Did he think I was going to push him away? Tell him I was breaking up with him? I couldn’t believe that he didn’t know exactly how I felt. I might be an actor—and a damn good one, if I did say so myself—but I wasn’t the type of man to hide my feelings. Surely, he could tell how much I cared for him.
Then again, maybe not. Studying his face, I could see how scared he was. That was my fault. I should have been clearer. Now was the time to rectify that.
“I want more,” I said sincerely. I made sure I had his complete attention before I added, “I want it all.”
Now it was Lucas’s turn to be shocked. His eyes went wide, and I could see the disbelief as clear as day. “Really?”
“Mhmm,” I murmured, leaning in. I kissed him slowly but without heat. We weren’t done yet and I didn’t want this to lead to the bedroom before we were finished.
Lucas pulled back and lifted his hands until he could cup my face. His expression was intent and serious. “I’m not going to come out.”
“I know.”
“I mean it, Aaron. It’s selfish of me, I know, but I won’t put my career in jeopardy. I need to keep working, I need the roles I get, and if I came out I wouldn’t get them. You know I wouldn’t.”
“I know,” I repeated, this time soothingly. I rubbed the tense muscles in the back of his neck. “I told you before that I understood that, and I meant it. I would never ask that of you.”
He squinted suspiciously. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. Absolutely sure.” I sighed and cuddled a little closer. “It’s better than it was even five years ago, but we’ve got a long way to go. I would never, ever make you do something you weren’t comfortable with. Even, or maybe especially, coming out. If you ever decide to do that, I’ll support you, but if you don’t, it’s fine.”
He was surprised. “Are you going to change your mind? Down the road in six months, or a year, or hell even five years from now, when I still won’t acknowledge our relationship in public. Are you going to get fed up and leave?”
My first reaction was to instantly deny it. Of course I wouldn’t. But I did us both the favor of really thinking it over. It took me a minute, but when I answered, I knew that I was giving him the complete truth. “No. I’m not. Do you want to know why? Because I know the truth. I know I’m yours and you’re mine. The people out there don’t matter.”
Lucas’s exhale was heavy and relieved. I watched as the tension melted from his body. His arms dropped to my waist, and he pulled me against him hard, holding on for all he was worth. I snuggled in, tilting my head a bit to the side so he could fit his face into the juncture where my neck met my shoulder. He just breathed, inhaling sharply, and hugged me tightly.
Eventually, he pulled back to look me in the eye, his gaze filled with affection. “So, you’re going to move in then?”
I pursed my lips. “Well,” I said slowly, drawing out the word. “What about my cat?”
Lucas chuckled. “Optimus is welcome. His litter box can go in the laundry room.”
I nodded like that was acceptable. In truth, I knew that he’d welcome my cat with no problem. “And my slippers?”
Now his laugh came up from his gut. “I’ll clear the bottom of the closet for you.”
I grinned, loving that he was relaxed and happy again. But there was actually something important we had to figure out before I really agreed. “What about the paparazzi?”
He cocked his head to the side, confused. “What about them?”
“They’re always hanging around. Desperate to get a picture of you. They’re going to figure out something’s up if I move in, and then the rumors are really going to fly.” I gave him a serious look. “Because I’ve got to tell you, I’m not going to be constantly sneaking in through the maintenance door.”
Lucas made a dismissive gesture. “Let ‘em get all the pictures and start all the rumors they want.”
I jerked back, completely shocked. “What?”
“You’re moving into the building. MA lives here. So does Court, for that matter. It’s not that big of a stretch for you to be moving in, too. They can’t come inside with the security guard at the front desk. They’ll never know that you don’t have your own apartment.”
I inclined my head to show that he’d made his point. His logic was sound, and I couldn’t find fault in it. We’d live our life, keeping the rumormongers in the dark as best as we could. It wasn’t perfect, and we were naïve if we thought there wouldn’t eventually be fallout. Neither one of us were. The plan was a good one.
There was just one last thing.
“What if we don’t make it?” I asked, my voice small. Everything else aside, that was my biggest worry.
Lucas shot me a cocky grin. “Well, then I’ll kick your ass out and keep your cat.”
He was trying to be funny, but I didn’t laugh. He realized his error right away and pulled me back into his embrace. With a gentle hand, he tucked my face against his shoulder and then started a soothing rub up and down my back. When I relaxed against him, he kissed my cheek.
“Aaron,” he said, and his voice was soft and sure. “I want us to make it. I want us to make this last for a really long time. If you’re sure that you can live with me not coming out, with me not acknowledging you in public that way…” He paused and met my gaze, checking for my reaction.
I smiled. “I promise. I’m sure.”
He blew out a breath. “Then okay. I don’t see any reason why we can’t live together, work together, and love each other.”
M
y breath caught and my heart stuttered. He sounded so sincere, and he’d said the word that, in the back of my mind, I thought I’d have to wait a long time to hear. I hadn’t wanted to say it first. At least not until I was one hundred percent certain of where he stood. But now, he’d said it.
“Love?” I whispered, tentative.
“Love,” he responded, completely confident.
The tears welled up before I could stop them, the overwhelming emotion of the moment needing an outlet. My bottom lip trembled, and I felt ridiculous at the display, but I just couldn’t help myself. I’d never said those words to another man, but right there in Lucas’s kitchen, I said them first. “I love you.”
Lucas lifted my face with a gentle hand, and kissed me sweetly. Then fervently, and sounding a little choked up himself, he said, “I love you, too.”
My grin felt wide enough to split my face, but I was so happy I didn’t even try to contain it. What we were embarking on wasn’t going to be easy. I knew that. But I also knew without a doubt that we could make it work. We loved each other and that was more than half the battle. The rest we’d deal with as it came.
Epilogue
Per my lease, I had to give my landlord sixty days’ notice in order to get out of it without consequences. That didn’t mean that I wasn’t over at Lucas’s more often than not, or that most of my things hadn’t migrated over in the interim. Including my cat. Optimus loved his new accommodations. Especially the carpeted perch Lucas installed on the big picture window. It seemed like the only time my cat moved was in order to eat.
When all was said and done, I officially moved in the second week of September. Lucas couldn’t stop grinning. He installed little hooks by the door, and he always stopped to look at our keys hanging next to each other whenever he came or went. More than that, he really loved welcoming me home. The way he said the word, deep and full of meaning, never failed to make me shiver.
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