“Can Valentine come over soon?”
She looked so damn hopeful. It wasn’t that she was more hung up on Valentina than anybody else. She loved making friends, and I loved that about her. My heart squeezed a bit because I was the one deciding Valentina wasn’t going to be babysitting again. Every time I tried to push past that wall and convince myself it would be okay to try dating someone, I ran up against the fact that Rylie had already lost her mother. I sure as hell didn’t want her to get attached to somebody and then have it not work out. I honestly had no idea how any single parent pulled it off.
Still, I needed to answer carefully. “We don’t have any plans for that, sweet pea. But you never know.”
Her eyes cast down to her bowl, and she took another bite of oatmeal. The sound of her spoon handle clinking against the bowl was my cue that another question was coming. Her way too curious brain wasn’t done with me yet.
“How come you act different around Valentine?”
I had just taken a sip of coffee, and I almost choked on it. Time and again, Rylie showed me just how crazy perceptive she could be. I had always promised myself I would be truthful with her. Yet right now, I didn’t have a good answer to her question. In all honesty—despite the voice trying to convince me otherwise, which I was doing my damnedest to ignore—the only truth I knew was that Valentina and I had explosive chemistry. For all I knew, that would fade.
Although, I knew damn well nothing I’d ever felt before came close to the way I felt when I was with Valentina. People often said you’d know love when you felt it. A large part of my heart had an opinion on that matter with Valentina, yet I had no fucking idea how to navigate the landmines created by the uncertainty of the situation.
After another sip of coffee with Rylie’s curious gaze steady on me, I set my mug down. “Rylie, Valentina is our friend. I’m not sure if she’ll babysit again. You don’t have too many babysitters other than grandma and JJ, and for now, it’s gonna stay that way. Okay?”
I wasn’t answering her question, and I knew it. Rylie’s lips tightened slightly, and her forehead furrowed when she squinted. I sensed she knew there was more to the story than that, but at least I could say I hadn’t lied. After a moment, she lifted her spoon and scooped up another blueberry. I swore I could feel her disappointment hitting me like an ultrasonic wave.
Rylie didn’t ask often, but she occasionally asked if she would ever have another mother. I had always told her that while her mother wasn’t here, she had lots of people who loved her. I knew it to be true, but I also knew it still sucked she lost her mother.
I opened my mouth, thinking I could offer something else to her, but I bit it back, swallowing my words with a sip of coffee.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Valentina
A full week had passed since the night I babysat Rylie. Lucas had sent a single text to thank me again, but beyond passing interactions, that was the extent of our communication. Frustratingly, he had largely reverted to the way he used to treat me—glancing looks, brief greetings, and nothing more.
The one exception was the way I felt. Every single time I saw him, my pulse did its usual crazy dance, but that was nothing new. Except now, a flare of hope shot up with my pulse. That was followed with a stinging burn on my heart, which shifted to a throbbing ache in the aftermath of every brief encounter.
Then, there was one day. Hurrying down the hall, I was once again dropping off everyone’s mail. It felt like déjà vu when I saw him. Yet again, I came around the corner in the hallway, my hands full of mail and two small boxes. Neither box was addressed to me or him, and whether one of them contained a vibrator was certainly none of my business.
As I was walking too quickly, my shoes skidded a little on the concrete flooring, and I ran into him. This time, I knew it was Lucas before I looked up. I recognized the scent of him and the hard feel of his chest.
The mail went flying. I was flustered, but it was different. My eyes slammed into his, my apology coming out automatically. “I’m sorry!”
He started to lean over, but I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve got it.”
I gathered up the mail quickly while he ignored me and helped anyway, handing over the small stack of envelopes when I straightened. Adjusting the boxes, I placed the rest of the mail on top of them.
“Thanks,” I managed.
He nodded, and there was a flicker in his eyes. It was gone as quickly as it appeared. Clearing his throat, he began, “Valentina, look …”
Clutching the mail tightly like a shield in front of me, I shook my head sharply. “I have to go.”
I wanted this to be a moment when I had some kind of glorious escape, yet that wasn’t quite how it felt. Turning away from him, I heard his voice following me, the tug of a string keeping me from walking farther. “Valentina.”
My stupid feet turned back in his direction all on their own. I knew my cheeks were red and butterflies were wreaking havoc in my belly. I tried to play it cool while I was anything but cool. Arching a brow, I asked, “Yes?”
“Look, it’s not …”
I didn’t let him keep talking. I couldn’t handle the pain of it. I could tell by the look on his face he was going to give me some kind of lame explanation, and I didn’t need one. Shaking my head sharply, I said, “There’s no need to explain this. I completely understand your priorities. Have a nice day.”
For just a second, I thought he was going to say something else. His eyes darkened, and he looked pained. I felt that same little tug, even more powerful than when he called my name. This time, I snapped at the invisible tension and turned, practically running down the hallway.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Lucas
Standing in that hallway, I watched as Valentina almost ran away from me. My heart was having a fucking tantrum in my chest, and my feet wanted to follow her so badly. That instinct collided with my sense of self-preservation, which tangled up with my protectiveness of Rylie.
No matter how much I wanted Valentina, I sure as hell didn’t think she’d signed on for stepping into a parental role. And anyone who got serious with a single parent was doing that whether they wanted to admit it or not. Oh, she was amazing with Rylie. She had a big heart and was so open. I also knew it’d be crazy for me to think she could make promises.
When it came to Rylie, I absolutely could not allow myself to do anything casually. But my heart had more sway than my intellect at this moment. Just as I started to follow Valentina, I heard Dani’s voice replying to someone down the hallway. It nudged me out of my insanity.
With dogged determination, I walked in the opposite direction as Valentina.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Valentina
The sun fell across my desk while I tried to work. It was late afternoon, and I hadn’t been particularly productive today. All because that stupid encounter with Lucas in the hallway left me feeling shattered. I literally felt as if my heart had tripped and fallen on its face. I hadn’t anticipated this. I’d so stupidly thought I could take advantage of the situation.
The few kisses I experienced before Lucas hadn’t left me with any lingering feelings. Even though Lucas had a charged effect on my body, I’d thought perhaps I could manage it, and that it was just chemistry. Silly me.
I was in a truly, madly, deeply situation.
Shay startled me, popping her head around the corner of my office door. “Coffee break?” she asked, reaching up to adjust the ponytail on her head.
I jumped in my chair, slapping my hand to my chest. “Oh! I didn’t even hear you.”
“No kidding. That doesn’t mean you’re gonna say no to a coffee break, though, does it?”
“Definitely not. I could use something to help me focus.”
She cocked her head to the side. “Are you okay? You’re the most focused person I know when it comes to numbers. That’s why I am so glad we hired you.”
Taking a brief deep breath, I contemplated w
hether to confide in Shay. I wasn’t used to having girlfriends, but maybe now was a good time to enjoy the benefits. I could use some advice. “Let’s get coffee first.”
“On it,” she said quickly, spinning out of my doorway.
I heard her feet moving briskly down the hallway and her voice saying hello to the new vet tech Jackson had hired last week. We usually had coffee breaks in my office. For reasons I wasn’t entirely clear on, my office had a better view than Shay’s. The windows offered a pretty view of the trees and the mountain ridge on the far side of the valley.
With a mental shake, I saved what little I’d managed to do and closed my laptop. I was rounding my desk to sit at the table just as Shay came in with two mugs in her hands. We preferred our coffee the same with just a dash of cream. Shay sat down across from me and slid my coffee cup over. I took a sip, savoring the rich flavor.
“By the way, how come I have the office with a better view? Is it because you want your office closer to Jackson?”
Shay burst out laughing. “My office used to be Jackson and Ash’s office. At least, when she was around,” she said referring to Jackson’s younger sister who wasn’t currently in Stolen Hearts Valley. “I kept it because it happened to be the closest one to the clinic offices.”
“I think that’s sweet.”
Shay smiled, her cheeks pinkening slightly. “Things are good right now, but it hasn’t always been that way,” she offered vaguely.
She didn’t discuss it much, but I knew the story. I was so happy she’d found her way to Jackson. Perhaps she could give me some idea of what love was. Not that it would matter, I thought morosely.
“Enough about me. What’s going on with you?”
I took another sip of my coffee, followed with a deep breath, and replied, “It’s Lucas.”
“Oh, right. He’s totally got it bad for you.”
“It doesn’t matter. The problem is I’m in way over my head, and I need to back out.”
Shay’s eyes narrowed with concern. “What the hell happened?”
I quickly summarized the chain of events. It was impossible for the conversation to avoid the vibrator incident. Shay already knew, but she couldn’t help mentioning it.
“Oh, my God! I still can’t even,” she finally said at the tail end of her laughter. “I would’ve given anything to see Lucas trying to handle that. He tends to be so serious.”
While I chose to leave out the fact I’d been a virgin, I did tell her I’d never had a serious relationship. “So I don’t know what to do. Things felt pretty intense, and then after the night I babysat, he pretty much shut down. It’s like nothing ever happened,” I finally said.
Shay was quiet for a few beats before she finally spoke. “Well, I’m not an expert. Let’s make that crystal clear. I have more experience with bad relationships than with good. This thing with Jackson is just crazy luck for me.”
I couldn’t help it, and I cut her off. “We never talked about it, but I know what you went through. My parents actually prayed for you, just so you know.”
She put her hand on her chest, her eyes wide. “Are you serious?”
“Oh, yes. They wanted you to be safe. In fact, I went home for a visit after I got the job here, and I told them you were doing well. After all that, it’s not easy for you to be okay. So maybe it feels like luck for you to find Jackson, but it’s not like it just magically happened.”
Shay reached across the table to squeeze my hand. “Thank you.” Pausing, she swallowed as she released my hand to take a sip of coffee. “Anyway, back to you. Apparently, Lucas doesn’t ever get involved. Jackson didn’t say much about it, but he did tell me he thinks Lucas really likes you.”
“So what if he does? He has a daughter to worry about, and that’s his priority, as it should be. I totally understand him having some reservations about getting involved with someone.”
“That’s something every single parent deals with. I think you should let him know how you feel and see how he responds.”
“I don’t know how I feel!” I exclaimed.
“Okay, when you imagine things ending now, how does that feel?”
My heart got that same stinging sensation it did whenever I saw Lucas. “Not good,” I said with a sigh.
Shay’s smile unfurled slowly. “Well, maybe you should think about that. From what I see, you like him. A lot. And I don’t think it’s just about sex. No matter what, Lucas is a solid guy. Family means everything to him.”
Although I didn’t think she meant for me to interpret her comment the way I did, it was illuminating in a blinding flash of light. Family was everything to him. Which was precisely why he would proceed with extreme caution at even the idea of trying to bring someone into his and Rylie’s life.
There was that and the fact that, despite my own intense feelings for him, for all I knew, he felt nothing more than lust for me. I didn’t doubt the nearly incendiary attraction between us, but the rest, well, there was no way for me to know.
Because of his priorities, which I completely respected, considering the idea of navigating the risky terrain of a relationship was more than I could ask.
“What? What’s that look for?” Shay asked.
I glanced away, looking out the window where the sun was sliding down the sky, its light casting at an angle through the window, the soft gold rays warm in the air-conditioned room. Looking back at Shay, I shrugged and sighed. “That kind of sums it all up, doesn’t it?”
Shay leaned forward. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Family means everything to him. Rylie is his priority, and she should be. I think I need to stop worrying and realize that’s just where he’s at. Trying to push something when I don’t even know what I really want certainly doesn’t make sense.”
Shay shook her head. “Of course family’s important, but that doesn’t mean Lucas should never get serious with anyone. That’s crazy. I happen to know his sister, and I know from her—”
I cut in. “I met her, and it was pretty clear she was not thrilled to meet me.”
Shay rolled her eyes. “Okay, whatever. Not having been there, I can’t speak to that. Just think about it.”
“Think about what?”
“Telling him how you feel,” she replied rather emphatically.
“I think first I have to figure out how I feel. Even then, it’s best if I don’t get my hopes up. I’d rather just be his friend and leave it at that.”
I wasn’t feeling at all resolved from this conversation. I didn’t think Shay was about to let me off the hook, but there was a quick knock on the door, and we both looked over to find Jackson there.
“Mind manning the front?” he asked Shay.
“Of course not,” she said, standing quickly. “What’s up?”
“An emergency surgery. I’m gonna need help from Skylar, so she won’t be at the front.”
“On it.” Shay stood quickly. Just as she reached the door, she glanced back, her eyes catching mine. “Do you mind feeding the animals?”
“Of course not,” I replied quickly. “Consider it done.”
“Thanks,” she called over her shoulder as she hurried down the hallway.
I got a little bit more done out of sheer stubbornness because not being able to focus annoyed me to no end. I managed to finish a few reports regarding ordering and budgeting before it was time to start the rounds of feeding.
I went to the rescue barn first because going there always made me smile. Gloria was waddling along the fence line between the pastures and kept me company as I crossed over. The horses were still out in one pasture, gathered in a corner under the shade of the big willow beside the pond. The air was heavy today. Even though it was early evening, stepping outside the air conditioning felt like hitting a blast of heat. My skin was instantly damp and sticky from the humidity.
I reached down, scratching behind Gloria’s ears. She made her a little snuffling sound and bumped her nose against my knees. Once I go
t to the rescue barn, I went through the rounds. I’d learned to deal with the goats first because they were bossy and made noise the whole time if I didn’t.
Once they were settled, I moved on to deal with the dogs. The dogs rotated more than any of the other rescues. We’d taken in two more last week. One of them, a sweet older hound mix, nudged her head against my thigh when I stepped into her kennel to feed her. I stayed with her a few extra minutes making sure she was comfortable when I heard Squeaky outside.
I fetched a carrot out of my pocket and offered it to her as she came through the door. After taking care of her and Gloria, I headed out to deal with the horses. I realized as I was walking over that I had to take care of the stallion alone. According to Shay, Jackson was looking high and low for another place for him because he wasn’t fitting in well. He figured the stallion needed a place with less horses and more space.
The other times I helped with feeding, Lucas had dealt with the stallion. I didn’t like thinking about that, so I kicked those thoughts right out of my mind. I started with the other horses first. The stallion was nowhere to be found. After a few calls, I figured my only choice was to go find him.
Through the trees in the corner, I saw a shadow moving, so I walked in that direction, sticking close to the fence. At the sound of hooves pounding, I looked up to see him burst through the trees. Racing straight toward me, he let out a rumbling neigh and threw his head up.
My heart started to beat wildly, and fear had my feet frozen to the ground. At the last minute, I came out of my stupor and dashed toward the fence line, but it was too late. The stallion raced straight at me, dodging at the last minute and kicking his feet up.
Pain struck the back of my head, sharp and jolting.
I heard someone calling my name as I fell. There was a glancing thud against my shoulder and then everything went black.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Spring Romance Page 163
