Wham!

by Carol Marrs Phipps

  “How archaic!” gasped the potentate. “Well. I've never been with an innocent before, Nia. And you're such a sweet little Fairy, with your incredible mane of green hair and your delicate pointed ears. My dear girl, I could just eat you up!”

  “And confused, I suppose, since actual Fairies are long gone.”

  “Delicious!” laughed the potentate. “Perfect, perfect. How idyllic! You're not only innocent, you don't even know what you are. So just what do you think you are, an Elf?”

  “Certainly. Well, my mom was mostly Human [see Glossary]. So I'm just over half...”

  “Fairy,” said the potentate shaking her head. “I suggest you visit the library, downstairs. There's a great deal about Fairies there which will fascinate you. Now. It doesn't matter how you classify yourself, I've been looking forward to an evening of play and you're my morsel. So tell me Nia, have you any idea what to do?”

  “Why didn't Sam warn me?” thought Nia as panic swept through her. “I wasn't...” she said. “I had no idea...”

  The potentate laughed, but her look had nothing to do with sympathy. “You were expecting me to be a man, little kit,” she said as she caught Alex's eye. “Won't you be a dear and help out the poor thing, cousin? Show her the ropes. I'll just be in the corner, yonder, making myself inconspicuous. Once you’ve loosened her up, I'll join you.”

  Nia found it hard to breathe. Suddenly it was no effort at all to take leave of her body. It was almost as if she were watching herself as Alex led her to the big bed.

  * * *

  Jasmine had her cup poured and was careful to keep her head level as she sat down at the kitchen table. “Damn it!” she said, scattering the top of her mounded spoon of sugar. She brushed aside some of the stray grains for a place to put her elbow to hold her head steady as she stirred her tea.

  Without warning Trent flung open the door and tramped right in. “Hey!” he said.

  “Where the blazes were you? I waited forever before I gave up and came home. How about being decent enough to let me know?”

  “How about you being decent enough to come in without bringing all the rotten sunlight with you?”

  “Well you weren't drinking last night,” he said, opening the refrigerator to a jingle of beer bottles and taking one. “So. Another migraine?”

  Jasmine rose with an eye squeezing wince, put the bag of sugar under her arm, the spoon between her teeth and labored at picking up the teapot, the milk and her cup all at once. “Could you stop being an ass long enough to turn the idiot doorknob?” she said.

  “I'll even hold the door, sweetheart.”

  “Now we can...” she said as she squeezed shut her eyes and lowered herself onto the top step. “As if I'm all anxious for what comes out of the ugly hole in your face.”

  Trent plopped down beside her with his bottle and pocket knife and popped off the cap. “What?” he said, taking a swig. “Like my first belch in your ear?”

  “Go away! When did you earn the right to be all grinny?”

  “When I ran into Tess today,” he said with another drink. “And I knocked her onto her hot butt. And I mean hot. Did you see her?”

  “I left school after my third hour class with sparkly whirlies so bad, I couldn't make out the steps on the stairs. And the headache hit before I got even halfway home.”

  “Why don't you go to the clinic?”

  “What for? All the nurses do is give you analgesics. And if I did manage an appointment with an actual doctor, it would be months on end, and then I'd have to come up with tons of money just for him to tell us that migraines don't have anything to do with the spray we eat and breathe all the time...”

  “But did y' see her?”

  “Why would I ever care?” she said, making a face at spilling her sugar into the milk this time. “But I did hear that her makeover was enough of a splash that it had the cheerleaders and athletes all worked up.”

  “And she's the hottest thing at Gollsport High School. I'll bet old Amy prima donna Prentiss can't begin to handle it.”

  “Yeh? And they tell me that Josh Burgess is all in a panting sweat over her, speaking of hot shots. Can you handle that?”

  “Why not?” he said, draining his bottle. “I was trying to tell y' that I knocked her down.”

  “That must've impressed her,” she said, rubbing her temples as he stepped inside.

  “I think it did,” He said as he reappeared with another beer.

  “Yeh! Knocked her on her rear end on the hallway floor. Can't imagine any first string athlete able to compete with that, particularly when she already thought you were wonderful all over the place.”

  “That's right. I used a page out of your book...”

  “Right. And you make pains shoot through my head. Is there any kind of point to this story?”

  “Yeh. I helped her up and ran off the crowd of horse's butts who were snickering at her, and she said thanks.”

  “So what's this book of mine, since I don't read or write?”

  “You know. Be all nicey-nice and stuff until your chump thinks you really, really mean it and then stick him, like you and Drake. So I'm going to get her right where I want her.”

  “What? Keep knocking her on her butt? I'm for that.”

  “No! Be all nice to her. Offer my services. Hold the door like some old totally out of it person.”

  Jasmine looked up at him with a pained squint from under her hand, turned aside with a grimace and shook the teapot. A starling whistled.

  “So what's Josh Burgess got over me? I heard that Tess told him to go take a bath.”

  “And half the girls in school would just die to be in the same tub with him. And a lot of them have already slept with him.”

  “Tess wouldn't.”

  “Really! You know all about this, don't you? As far as I know, she's never had any boyfriend. But when she does, Josh has his charms. I mean I've lost track of all the girls he's slept with.”

  “And I suppose you think he's hot.”

  “Oh, you know me, I like the point eared ones. Athletes don't impress me much.

  But I will say this: Josh is pretty hot, if you can stand him.”

  “Then I'll just have to fix him so that he can't stand.”

  “How?”

  “I don't know. I'll have to talk to him,” he said, getting to his feet.

  “Better watch your butt,” she said, turning his way with a wince. “The ball players are the mascots of the faculty and even Children and Family take an interest in them. You could get yourself into some real hot water messing with Josh Strap. Hey. Get me a beer on your way. Then I'm going to bed.”

  “Yeh,” he said, pausing at the door. “Well you worry about Elfie boy. I'll do

  Tess.”

  Chapter 8

  Drake dug at the jar until he had a tennis ball sized gob of peanut butter stuck to the bowl of his dessert spoon. A mouse vanished between the refrigerator and the stove as he paced about the kitchen, thinking about Nia, pausing here and there to lick and bite at his sticky gob to keep it from dropping onto the floor. “Yeh!” he said, gobbling down a huge mouthful. “Yeff!” He rushed to a glass of water to free his perilously plugged gullet.

  He hurriedly licked off the last of the peanut butter on his spoon, swallowed it with another drink of water, checked for his keys, stepped out the door into the fading light of evening and gave the latch handle a sound tug to make sure that it was locked.

  “Hey Drake...” said a young woman right behind him.

  “Damn!” he croaked, wheeling right about. “What has you stepping out of the shadows like a phantom, Jasmine?”

  “I was on my way back from the clinic and I thought I'd see how you're doing.”

  “Recovering from the start you just gave me,” he said. “But I'll live. And what had you at the clinic? Nothing serious, I hope.”

  “No. I only look and feel like a corpse. Just more migraines. That's why I was seeing a nurse. Anyway, I wondered how you were
.”

  “Just doing my best to cope with what's happened,” he said with a shrug. “Just what you'd expect, I should think, but thanks for asking. Listen. I'm sorry about this, but I have a pressing matter to see to right now and if I don't set out this minute, I'm going to screw up everything.”

  Jasmine's feeble smile was now a wounded look.

  “I'm sorry about this,” he said, turning to go on his way. “You reckon we could have this chat another time?”

  “Yes,” she said, speaking out. “Tomorrow evening! Here at six?”

  “See you!” he called over his shoulder as he hurried away to the road, already too far away to see her look of triumph. At the end of the walk he turned out of her sight and jogged for some distance along the roadway. “Broadstreet!” he gasped as he slowed to a determined stride. A tugboat hoot echoed over the houses. “If I don't get there soon enough, he might be gone.” And with that, he was off to a run once again.

  With the waning moon not yet risen, Drake was now stumbling on things in the starless dark as he made his way through the rubble and scattered trash of the troll compound, but at last he could make out the glowing tempera paint of the display window of Maxi's barber shop. As he reached the doorway, he met a girl from the high school with a new green Mohawk, coming out with her giggling friends and a waving flashlight.

  Inside he heard more tittering girls and the rattles of the troll on the stool: shick- sha... shick-sha... shick-a-shick... shick-sha... shick-sha... shick-sha... shick-a-shick... shick-sha... as a hulking bald and profusely tattooed troll across the room hovered over the girl whose green Mohawk he was working on as he chanted: “Eyeratta-dofah... eyeratta-dofah... eyeratta-dofah... eyeratta-dofah... eyeratta-dofah... eyeratta-dofah...”

  Maxi was whisking up the hair clippings all about his chair nearby. “Drake!” he said, standing up at once and offering his hand. “What you do be in this place? You want green Tess Mohegan head hair like each every same Gollsport High School girl and girl and girl and girl and girl and girl and girl for all each night and night?”

  “I'm not a Gollsport High School girl, Maxi, but Tess certainly got the whole school's attention.”

  “Yeh? And they be so deep stupid mudful hollow head, they not see how pretty- pretty, pretty-pretty she be until all sudden once, when I cut off hair. Tess and Nia be only humans that ever look was even more pretty-pretty than even, even, even big, big pretty-pretty troll dames. So what you do be want?”

  “Well,” he said, thrusting his hands into his hip pockets, “could you take me on your next cow hunt?”

  Maxi clapped his hand to his beetle brow for a moment. “Hey Poot!” he called out. “When you be finish-once, see if giggle-girls have flashlight-torch. If no do have, you close up and take them safe walky-walk to other side.”

  Poot stopped and nodded before going back to his chant, as the rattles went right on: shick-sha... shick-sha... shick-a-shick... shick-sha...

  “You follow after my walk-along, Drake,” said Maxi as he led the way up the steps of a broken escalator to the second storey, where the plate glass outer wall was long gone. “Can you see?”

  “I can see the sky and the lights of Gollsport, but not a single thing in here.”

  Maxi grabbed a string to a fly speckled light bulb, dangling by a wire, turning loose a host of shadows to lurch and race across the room. “Did you head-nod see my desk?” said Maxi, dragging up a wooden box for Drake to sit on.

  “Not until you switched on the light,” said Drake as he straddled the box.

  “So how be you find cow when you no head-nod see desk?” said Maxi as he sat in a swiveling office chair and propped his bare feet upon the desk. “And how you no be stepped on by running cows?”

  “Well I'm not after cows.”

  “That do be eye-roll scratchy-head for why you go on cow hunt.”

  “I want to find Nia. Tess says that they took her to the capitol. Maybe finding out where they take the cattle would be a way of finding out where the capitol is.”

  “Nope. Trucks haul cows from Gollmoor to slaughterhouse in Loxmere, and that not be capitol.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I know Dyrney and humans who looky-look hunt for capitol for time and time and time.”

  “So they found the slaughterhouse, but couldn't find out where the meat went afterward. Right?”

  Maxi took off his sunglasses and gave a rocking chair sort of nod.

  “Maybe I'd get lucky.”

  “Maybe you get dead for you trouble. World Alliance head-smash anyone who head-nod know where be capitol. You find way to capitol in Loxmere? You dead. Everyone who ever-once looky-look be dead-dead and dead-dead. You head-nod Loxmere in Gollmoor? Alliance make you head-smash dead.”

  “How do you know that?” said Drake.

  “You play with fire,” said Maxi. “I no can tell you. You ever once be deep stupid and yappy-say, and you make all both us dead-dead and head-smash dead. No! I no say.”

  He folded his arms with a conclusive nod.

  “But...”

  “No!”

  “Thanks for listening, anyway,” said Drake as he stood and realized that he was going to have a hard time finding the escalator, even with the light bulb.

  “I always listen,” said Maxi. “You come any time you have say to talk.”

  Drake paused. “You're in the underground, aren't you Maxi?” he said, scratching the back of his head.

  “That be something you no need to head-nod know. And sides, there no be no underground not no more. Too hair stand up. All bristly neck and arms. Too many people gone for good.”

  “Gone?” said Drake, coming back to his box and sitting down again. “You mean gone like relocated? Or plain dead and gone?”

  “No one have any kind of even head-nod on that one. Not even. But there do be one big head-nod. And that be that they not never, do not ever, come back.”

  “Has all the relocating really just been getting rid of the underground?”

  Maxi pushed his sunglasses firmly up his nose and stared at Drake. “No. But coppers take out who-any they take for be by any chance a underground.”

  “Is a relocation really an execution?”

  “I shakey-head not know. No way. Sometimes hope so. Sometimes don't.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Some things be plain bad worser than Land of the Dead. And you, Drake. You let our talk rot away to no never was. It never was in first place. Not even. Not even ever tell our pretty-pretty Tess. You give head-nod on this.”

  “But Maxi, doesn't Tess have a right to know…?”

  “No!” barked Maxi, giving his chest a fierce triple thump with his knuckles. “Tess no be ready! Maybe not ever be. There not be any what to head-nod, any was.”

  “But she's smart.”

  “And innocent. She not know how world works yet. I look out for her be safe for Kellen. So you give me you head-nod chest thump that you tell me before she ever, ever know.”

  “Very well,” said Drake, standing up once more to leave. “And dangerous or gone for good, without the underground, people have no hope at all against the World Alliance.”

  “That why be underground not be gone.”

  “What are you saying?” said Drake. “I don't understand.”

  “You make the hair stand up on my arms,” said Maxi. “So we see how shut up you mouth can be byfore you get one teensy head-nod more to scare me with.”

  * * *

  Tess and Bart watched over Maud for two days. Maud was in such a deep sleep that there were times when Tess wondered if she would even live. Early this morning, she was so still that Tess was beginning to panic until she thought to pluck a fluff of down from the corner of a quilt to hold before Maud's nostrils, whereupon she could plainly see that she was still breathing.

  As it got to be evening, Maud was starting to take spells of thrashing about, though she still made no response at all to the sound of her name. On the chance that
she might, Tess stayed up late and put the kettle on for a pot of tea. Bart was immersed in a thorough sorting through the feathers of one of his wings as he watched Tess gently tucking the covers back under Maud's chin, when there was a loud knock at the kitchen door.

  Tess sat upright with a gasp and looked at the clock. It was indeed nearly midnight. She switched off the light, drew a deep breath, opened the door against the chain and saw that it was only Drake. She closed the door at once, undid the chain and stepped outside. “What's wrong?” she said the moment the door closed behind her. “You scared me to death! I didn't know whether you were a burglar or Children and Family.”

  “Oh my!” he said “I wasn't thinking. I was on my way home and saw your light and wondered about Mort is all.”

  “Give me a minute,” she said, shaking her head as she stepped back in and closed the door. She switched on the light, filled a bucket with water, switched off the light again, set the kitchen skinny down into the bucket of water, covered the bucket with a towel and set it into the refrigerator for good measure. At last, she closed Nia's door and switched on the light. “Maud's right there,” she said as she opened the door for Drake.

  “That's why I put the skinny in the fridge instead of staying outside.”

  “What in blazes is going on? What about Mort?”

  “He died in the hospital...”

  “No! Damn it! Well what's the matter with Maud?”

  “The doctors gave her some kind of super sedative. This is the second day she's been unconscious, but she started stirring a few hours ago.”

  Drake drew a chair away from the table. “What did they say killed him?” he said, sitting down with a huff.

  “The nurse didn't know...” she said, taking up the whistling tea-kettle and heating the pot.

  “The stinking pit! You know damned well it was all the spray he soaked up.”

  “That's what Maud thought before he died,” she said, setting the kettle back on the fire and sitting at the table. She had not been sitting but a moment when she sprang to her feet to rush across the room and prop her hands on her knees directly in front of Bart. “I swear you said something!”