by R. Cayden
“All I know is that Reed snatched the guy you were following and that you’re taking it pretty damn personally.”
“That’s all?” Cash asked.
Fox cleared his throat. “You know, Cash, the other day I was thinking to myself, I could really use a new ride.”
Cash sighed. “A new ride?”
“Yeah, I was thinking about a motorcycle, but I don’t want it to be just any motorcycle. Something special. Like a scrambler that’s been customized for New York City living.” He kicked his legs out and set them on the railing in front of him. “That would make me pretty happy.”
Cash sucked in a slow breath. Water hit the side and the ferry, and they swayed gently as they made their way to Staten Island. He loved his damn bike, but Fox was already well aware of that. And it’s not like Cash had any other bright ideas to save Lawrence. “That’s a big fucking ask, Fox. You got something good for me?”
Fox waved his hand in the air in a lazy arc. “Probably. What do you want to know?”
“Where’s the kid?” Cash asked again, then popped up in his seat, his heart rate accelerating. “Tell me where Lawrence is, and you can have the damn bike.”
“What, do you think I’m the one who kidnapped him?”
“You better fucking not be,” Cash spat out. Fox was as deceitful as they came, but he tried not to hurt innocent people. It was one of the only reasons Cash ever worked with him in the first place. “But I’m sure you know where Reed takes his marks. No one keeps a black site secret from you in this city.”
“That’s true.” Fox nodded.
“So it’s a deal? The bike for the location of Reed’s black site?”
Fox clicked his tongue. “I don’t know about that. Reed would have my balls.” He snapped his head to the side, then smiled widely at Cash. “Don’t you think my balls are worth more than a motorcycle, Harvard?”
Cash frowned. “Get on with it.”
“I want your gear and your files. The computers. The hacker setup. The loony maniac genius bullshit you’ve got going on.”
“All of it?” Cash sputtered. He’d spent years building his gear up, and the idea of losing it felt like losing his damn superpower.
The boat approached the shore, and Fox jumped to his feet. “I’ll come by and pick it up tonight. Eight o’clock? Hand it over with the motorcycle, I’ll give you a map to all of Reed’s secret spots.”
Something tore open inside of Cash. The closest thing he had to a friend in that city, and still, Fox was twisting the knife in deep and taking advantage of him at his lowest moment. But if it was the only way to get Lawrence back, Cash would let every person in the city stab him in the back and spit in his face.
“You really think I’m going to accept a shit deal like that?” he objected, even though he knew he would.
Fox swept up his backpack, then strolled casually toward the stairs. “Damn straight I do, Cash,” he called over his shoulder. “Love makes people desperate, and you’ve got it written all over your face.”
RAIDEN
It took Raiden an entire night roaming the streets of Manhattan like a starving, panicked dog before he finally admitted defeat. He wasn’t going to be able to sniff Lawrence out, and he wasn’t going to bust down a door to save his ass. The kid was missing, Cash was a snake, and Raiden was shit out of ideas.
He grabbed a few egg bagel sandwiches from a deli, then dragged his tired ass down to the subway, nervous energy flowing through his veins. It took him about ten minutes of peering at the map before he figured out how to get to Declan’s office outside the city. After that, he curled his big body up in a couple seats at the back of the train and tried to force himself to catch a nap.
The train rumbling beneath him, Raiden’s thoughts spiraled through half-awake anxieties and creeping nightmares. Life had treated him like shit, but he had always been proud that he was a fighter and that he knew how to keep himself and his few friends safe. But that had just been a lie, some childhood fantasy. He hadn’t kept his dad safe, and he couldn’t keep Lawrence safe, and the second he’d gone and opened himself up to someone new, Cash had betrayed him.
Raiden’s heart ached through nightmares of Lawrence, crying and frightened, and of Cash, laughing in the face of Raiden’s trust. When he finally jerked awake at the end of the long train ride, Raiden’s muscles were tense. Surging adrenaline insisted that it was time to fight, but with no clear enemy in sight, his fuses flickered with frustration.
After he dragged his ass from the train and down the early morning street, he swallowed what little pride he had left and pounded on the door to Kaiser Security. A few minutes later, Declan’s boyfriend Seb came scurrying down the stairs, wrapped tight in a blue robe, and welcomed Raiden inside.
“Declan’s still asleep,” Seb explained as they walked into the kitchen area of the apartment they shared above the security agency. “There was a poker championship on cable, and he was up late screaming at the TV.” He yawned, then scratched the back of his head, making one of his cowlicks bounce from side to side. “Should I wake him? Is everything okay?”
Raiden grumbled some non-words under his breath. Everything was most definitely not okay, but he didn’t know how to begin talking about it.
“Right,” Seb laughed warmly. “You’re like my man up there.” He waggled his finger in the air. “Not the best at communicating your feelings,” he added, then turned to the fridge. “Luckily, we have plenty of time. I’ll make some breakfast and coffee. Are eggs and greens good for you?”
Raiden scratched his stubble. “Yeah, sure,” he said. “Thanks.” He hadn’t spent a lot of time around Seb before, but the guy was so sweet, he felt himself begin to relax naturally.
“Declan mentioned he was worried you were developing feelings for the client. I know he yells about stuff like that, but he certainly understands, too.” Seb peeked at Raiden. “Lawrence and I know each other, actually. Did you know that?”
Raiden blinked. “What?”
“Our fathers are executives at the same company,” Seb explained, his voice still light and cheery. “We didn’t go to the same schools or anything, but I remember crossing Lawrence’s path once or twice a year.” Seb laughed, then flipped on the stove. “He was always out and proud and free. I was still shy back then, and I remember feeling jealous and impressed whenever I saw him.” He shrugged, then cracked a few eggs into the pan. “Anyway, he’s a great guy, from what I remember. And totally cute. I can understand how you two might fall for each other.”
Raiden squeezed his hands. “Wait, your father works at Horizon Zed?”
“Yeah,” Seb answered. “Didn’t you know that?”
“I just knew you never talked to each other. I didn’t want to ask in case it was upsetting.”
Seb turned to Raiden, his eyebrow raised. “Why are you interested in where my father works?”
Raiden tightened his hands into fists, and then the whole story spilled out of him. He rambled incoherently, cursing about Cash and explaining how Lawrence disappeared and apologizing over and over again for everything he’d done wrong. Seb listened patiently and slid Raiden coffee and food as they were ready. Raiden knew that he’d fucked up in more ways than he could count, but Seb was so kind, and Raiden was so exhausted that he didn’t even try to hide the truth.
“Did you just say Reed?” Declan’s voice rumbled from the stairs. Raiden turned in his seat, and the older man paced their way. He was in a pair of flannel pajama bottoms, and Raiden’s gaze caught on the tattoos and scars that decorated his bare torso.
“Declan, I—”
Declan’s hand landed on Raiden’s shoulder with a hard squeeze. “Did I just hear you say that Reed snatched Lawrence?” he asked urgently.
“It’s just what Cash said,” Raiden tried to explain. “This guy. I don’t even know if I can believe him.”
Declan let out a puff of air as he released Raiden’s shoulder. “Fucking believe it, Raiden.” He turned to greet Seb and
pulled his boyfriend into a quick kiss. “Do you know what this means?” he asked Seb.
“It must be the same guy who hired Reed to come after me,” Seb answered. “I knew we should have figured out a way to stop him.”
“What?” Raiden barked, startled. “Reed came after you too, Seb?”
“It was an attempt to get at Seb’s father,” Declan answered. “Damn it, Raiden! I told you to keep me in the loop! If we knew you were mixed up in something with Horizon and Reed, we could have helped! We could have protected you and Lawrence both!”
Raiden winced, then turned his head away. Declan was right. He was to blame. He’d kept things secret from Declan because of what—pride? But little did he know, the whole time they could have been helping. They could have prevented things from going as far as it did. “Fuck,” he cursed, too ashamed to look up at Declan and Seb. “It’s my fault.”
“Hey,” Seb said gently. “You made a mistake. But don’t blame yourself for the fact that Lawrence is missing. Reed and his men are nasty, and they tricked me and Declan more than once.”
“It’s true,” Declan agreed with a grunt. “I even worked for the asshole for a minute, and I still didn’t figure him out. But that doesn’t mean you’re in the clear, Raiden.”
“I get it,” Raiden answered, his shoulders slumping. He was used to being a fuckup, and he knew there were consequences. “I’m fired, I know. Just, please, you have to help me find Lawrence.” His voice tightened, and he finally looked between the men. “Please,” he repeated. “I don’t know how to do it on my own.”
Declan sighed. “You’re not fired, Raiden. You’re family to Gray, and that means you’re family to me and Seb, too.”
“And we don’t get rid of family,” Seb added.
Raiden felt a lump in his throat, but he pushed the bubbling emotions down. Hearing that meant something special to him, but he couldn’t allow himself that pleasure. Not now, not when Lawrence wasn’t safe yet. “So what?” he said. “What do I need to do?”
Declan grunted, then grabbed the coffee pot from the machine. “You need to tell us every little detail that you can remember about this Cash person. Seb’s got a whole file on Horizon, and I’ve got notes on Reed. We’ll sit down and put our heads together, and we won’t stop working until we figure this damn thing out.”
Raiden still felt helpless and embarrassed by his mistakes, but when Declan and Seb turned their attention straight to work, he accepted the distraction. Seb and Raiden sat at the counter, and Seb asked a million questions, jotting down thoughts in a notebook the whole time. Grunting and cursing, Declan was obviously frustrated with Raiden, but he didn’t take it out on his employee. Instead, he just dragged all of his files on Reed out and started reading through them, a scowl of concentration tugging down his expression.
They spent the whole day at work, and there were a few glimmers of progress, even though Raiden struggled to feel optimistic. He just kept worrying about Lawrence, which would make him angry and panicked again. If Seb hadn’t been there, he probably would have run back to Manhattan and searched the streets for another night, he felt that desperate.
By the time evening came, Raiden was about ready to fall apart from the worry. He had basically nothing to offer except what Cash had told him, information that might well have been lies anyway. But just when he was ready to call it, a bell chimed out in the apartment, and Seb hurried downstairs to answer the door.
“Raiden?” he said timidly when he returned to the top of the stairs. “Cash is here to see you.”
Cash
“Are you considering whether to throw that lamp at me?” Cash asked.
Raiden leaned out a window on the second floor of the security building, brandishing an old lamp. He had been unwilling to let Cash inside, but after some begging, Cash had at least had gotten the guy to stick his head out the window.
“Maybe,” Raiden answered.
“It’s a big fucking lamp,” Cash yelled up.
Raiden glared. “You want me to find a bigger one?”
Cash let out a shaky breath. At least the street was quiet, and he was spared an audience for this humiliation. Now that Raiden was stonewalling, with the trust they used to share had evaporated, Cash worried he wasn’t going to be able to reach through.
At his feet, he had dropped the backpack and cardboard box he dragged from Manhattan. It was just a little bit of research he was able to grab before handing everything over to Fox, the most important information from years of tracking the corporation, but he hoped it would be enough. Cash realized that he probably looked desperate, just showing up like that, but the fact was, he was fucking desperate.
Although a small part of him had shot alive again, now that he was looking up at Raiden. Even though the guy was about a blink away from launching a lamp at his head.
“I think I know where Lawrence is,” Cash blurted out, going for broke.
Raiden’s free hand shot up, and he grabbed the back of his head. “Don’t fuck with me, Cash,” he hollered down.
It’s me, Cash wanted to say. I’m who you thought I was, I swear. But he knew he had lost that right. “I swear that it’s true. I pulled every string I could, and I found out the location of Reed’s black site. Raiden, think about it. Why else would I come looking for you?” He swallowed, then looked up, trying to hold Raiden’s eye. “I need you, Raiden. We need to do this together.”
Could you keep going for broke, once you already went bust? Because that was how Cash felt right then. Like he would gut himself on that sidewalk, if it made Raiden trust him again and helped them to get Lawrence back.
Raiden brandished the lamp, and when he shook it, the big brown shade rattled. “You know what I’d do to you, if you lied to me again?” His voice cracked, sending a pang through Cash’s heart.
“I know,” he said. “I’d smash my own smartass face against that lamp, if I thought it would help.”
Raiden snorted a laugh, and he lowered the lamp slightly. “Fuck you,” he said, like he meant it.
Hesitant, Cash still looked up, hungry for Raiden’s acceptance. He just wanted to be closer to the guy, to feel like they were in this shitty situation together, that they could still be boyfriends even after everything he’d screwed up.
He needed it. He needed Raiden.
“I know it’s hard,” he said. “And I know I’m asking for a lot when everything is already my fault, but we have to move fast. Reed could be doing anything to Lawrence, and there’s no guarantee how long they’ll stick around the black site.”
“You’re acting like I decided to trust you. Why shouldn’t I kick your ass and send you riding home on your motorcycle, Cash-hole?”
Cash almost grinned at the insult, but his heart was pounding too hard. “I don’t even have my motorcycle anymore. I traded it and just about everything else I own for the information on Reed. Do you honestly think I’ve been lying this whole time? Do you honestly think that what happened between you and me and Lawrence was some game?”
Raiden groaned. He started to rise up to full height, but banged the back of his head against the window. “I don’t fucking know, Cash!” he yelled. “I don’t know anything!”
“You know this,” Cash said, gesturing down to himself. “You know me. And I know that I love you, Raiden. I really do.”
Cash’s heart jumped into his throat. He hadn’t expected to say that. Hell, he hadn’t even thought that to himself yet. But looking up at Raiden, desperate to touch him and feel close again, the truth seemed obvious.
He was in love with Raiden, just like he was in love with Lawrence. That love had turned his world upside down, but now that he tasted it, he didn’t know how to go on without them.
Raiden’s breath hitched. “You love me?”
In the heat of the moment, Cash couldn’t deny it, even if he wanted to. He couldn’t imagine saving Lawrence without Raiden, but it wasn’t just because of Raiden’s fighting skills and his experience taking down guys
like Reed. It was because Cash couldn’t imagine doing anything without his man, and not without Lawrence, either.
“I know it’s a bad time to tell you,” Cash called up, suddenly nervous. “But it’s true.”
“Damn it,” Raiden grunted. He pulled back into the apartment, then slammed the window down with a bang.
Alone on the street, Cash’s head swirled. Had he finally gone too far? Raiden was as smart as they came, and he didn’t buy anyone’s bullshit. What would stop him from thinking Cash was just making another ploy, an attempt to lure Raiden back into some convoluted game?
But now that Cash had said the truth, he needed Raiden to accept it. He needed his man, otherwise nothing would be right again, and he would always be like he was in that moment.
Alone.
The door to the street swung open, and Raiden stomped out. His brow was furrowed, but there was a light in his eyes, and he crossed straight to Cash. “Damn it,” he said, grabbing the back of Cash’s head and pushing their foreheads together. “I love you, too, Cash.”
Cash pushed their faces closer, a thrill warming his skin as he tried to process the words coming across Raiden’s lips. No one had said that to Cash in years, and the feeling was strange, almost unreal. “You and Lawrence both,” he said softly. They held still for a minute; then Raiden pulled Cash into a deep kiss. It felt like it always did with him, like Cash was somehow leveled out and able to think clearly again.
Like when he wasn’t alone, everything suddenly became possible.
“I guess that means you’re in?” Cash asked. He loosened his hands behind Raiden’s neck, then traced his fingers down the other man’s shoulders, trying to soothe his tense muscles.
“You really think you know where Lawrence is?”
“I do. I’m so sorry for all the mistakes I made, Raiden. But I’ll do anything to get him back. And I’ll do anything to get you back, too.” He planted another kiss on Raiden’s mouth, just to feel that he was there. “It’s not right unless we’re all together.”
