“Fuck,” I hiss when I’m seated deep inside of her. She wraps her arms around the backs of her legs and pulls them closer to her chest, widening them at the same time.
Leaning over her body, I press my lips against hers once, my tongue tasting her mouth before I straighten my body again.
Wrapping my hands around her ass cheeks, I pull out and pump back inside of her, pulling her against me at the same time. She groans and I repeat the action, slowly, one last time. Then, the third time I slam back inside with all of my strength.
She hisses as I pound into her body, my eyes staying connected to hers with each thrust. “Harder, oh God,” she cries out.
I do as she asks, fucking her harder and faster, causing her to shake her head from side to side with each pump of my hips. When her pussy clamps down around me, I can’t hold back, I come and let out a groan as I fill her with my release.
“No more,” Ivy mumbles as her hands wrap around my forearms.
Looking down at her I grin. She’s covered in sweat, her makeup is a mess, and she looks exhausted but she also looks sated. Sliding my hands up her body, leaning over her, pressing my chest and mouth against hers I whisper, “No more, tonight, baby. I love you, Ivy.”
She sighs and wraps her arms around my back, shoving her face into my neck. “I love you, so much, West.”
Gathering her in my arms, I hold my wife. I love her. Fuck yeah, I do, but I’m also lying to her. With every breath I take, I’m living a lie. She doesn’t know that when I fuck her and close my eyes, I imagine us being in the free-for-all room.
I know she’s disgusted when her brother and his woman, Serina, fuck all over the clubhouse. I know that she’d be disgusted if I even mentioned it to her. So, I lie, to her and to myself. I tell myself that my love for her is enough, that I don’t need anything else—that I can and will be happy.
Chapter Four
IVY
Straightening my skirt, I let out a breath. Dental receptionist may not sound like much to most people, but this will be my first job since waiting tables at Carlotta’s fifteen years ago. I’m nervous as hell. This job will be almost the exact amount I’ll need a month to continue with Chad, and not use any of West’s money.
Closing my eyes for just a second, I think back over the past week. It’s been a wonderful week for West and me. He hasn’t mentioned me working again, or the gym. I’m a little afraid to bring it up because things have been so great—almost too good, really. He’s been more present the past week then he had been for months.
However, that doesn’t negate the fact that we had an argument, one that is very much unresolved. Right now, we’re just ignoring it, but we won’t be able to do that forever.
All of the kids are in school now all day, so there really is no reason for me not to work. I don’t mind it, I just mind the way he became so upset with me and talked to me. I’m actually excited for this interview and hope that it works out.
The kids will need to be transported after school to whatever sports they have, or taken home, but other than that, this is the perfect opportunity. I’ll have Fridays, weekends, and evenings off. It doesn’t get much better than that.
Plastering on a smile, I open the door to the dentist’s office and walk inside.
The interview was painless and I was floored when they offered me the job on the spot. Especially since I don’t know much about scheduling appointments on their computer system or how to work their phone lines. I was assured that it would be easy to learn, and they would be patient with me, teaching me anything I need to know.
Climbing into my SUV, I decided to head toward the clubhouse to tell West about my new job. I’m too excited to keep it to myself. It doesn’t take me long to drive there, maybe ten minutes.
When I arrive, I wave at the prospect at the gate who immediately opens it for me. I pull into the spot next to West’s bike and slide out of the front seat.
It’s quiet as I walk through the front door. There’s nobody behind the bar and it’s almost like a ghost town. I’m used to people always milling around this place any time I’ve shown up. Instead of calling out for West or anybody else, I start looking around for people.
In the past, I’ve never been one to poke my head around this place too often. There are things that happen here that are sketchy, to say the least. I walk toward MadDog’s office but can tell before I get too close that the door is closed and the lights are off inside.
Then I walk further down the hall to discover that the kitchen is the same, dark and empty. Turning back around, I walk through the bar and go to the one place I always refuse to go. The club whore’s area. I can’t really stand them, though I know they have a purpose it doesn’t mean that I like them.
The room where they usually hang out is empty as well, save for a few sleeping club whores. I decide to check the room where they hold church. I assume that’s where they must be. I don’t hear anything, and there isn’t a prospect standing outside of the door, but when I press my ear to it, I can hear voices.
I don’t know how long they’ll be in there, so I decide to leave and head over to the gym. I have to tell someone about my new job and Chad seems like he would care. I told him already that West and I had had an argument and part of it was about finances.
So, I know that he’ll be excited about my new venture, plus, I think it will be good to get out and do something else. I can only do so much housework in a day.
Pulling my car up to the gym, I smile when I see both Chad and Brian’s cars are in the lot. I make my way toward the entrance and step inside. Brian’s smile is the first thing I see so I tell him my news.
“I got a job,” I squeal.
He blinks once, then a smile appears on his lips. “Oh yeah? Where at?”
I explain that I’ll be a dental office receptionist. He nods and lifts his arm, motioning for Chad to join us. I tell him the same and Chad beams down at me before he wraps me in a hug. “Drinks to celebrate?” he asks.
I shake my head violently. “I can’t drink with you for a while. I’m too old and it takes too long to recover,” I murmur, placing my hand on my head.
“You’re crazy,” he grins. “Does this change our sessions?” he asks a few moments later.
Shaking my head, I explain that I have to be at the office at nine, which means as long as I’m at the gym at seven-thirty I can still fit in a good hour. Maybe on Fridays, I can catch up with an extra solo workout.
I start mentally planning a schedule. Perhaps I can even start coming in on Saturday and Sunday to offset the usual hours I would spend working out after my paid sessions. I smile to myself, knowing, that this is exactly what I need to do. It will be an adjustment, but I’m excited.
“Let’s go out to lunch to celebrate,” he announces just as my phone rings.
Pulling my brows together I reach inside of my purse and pull out my cell. It’s Rosalie calling, and I frown. She should be in classes. “Hello,” I murmur.
“Hey Mom, can I go to the mall with Riley and Finley after school today?”
I sigh, hell no she can’t go an hour away on a freaking school night. Is she certifiable? “Umm, no. I’ll be at the school at three to pick you up. Maybe you can go this weekend, but it’s a school night.”
Rosalie makes a noise in the back of her throat and I brace myself for the argument that I know is about to ensue. “Dad said I could go,” she snaps.
Closing my eyes, I inhale a deep breath before I let it out. I give Chad and Brian a wave and leave the gym. I start to walk to my car, but there’s a boy standing next to it. My steps falter and I freeze in my spot, my eyes staying on him, but I continue my conversation with Rosalie.
“I don’t care what your father said. He doesn’t know the schedule. Your brothers have baseball tonight, and aside from that, you have homework and school tomorrow. So the answer is no. If you aren’t there waiting for me to pick you up, you’ll be grounded.”
Ending the call, I shove my phon
e back in my bag and grip my keys tightly in my hand. Walking toward my SUV, the stranger doesn’t leave, in fact, he tips his head to the side and just watches me. The closer I get, I notice that he’s young, probably in his earlier twenties, and he’s leaning against the passenger side of my car.
Stopping before I get too close, I tilt head back slightly and just stare at him. “May I help you?” I ask, sounding mildly curious. Inside I’m a little freaked out, wondering what in the hell this kid is doing leaning against my car.
“Nope. Just curious,” he murmurs, pushing off of the car and taking a step closer toward me. I take a step back and clutch my keys, wondering if I can outrun him and get inside of the gym to ask for help if I need to. “Aren’t you all a little too old to be living the lifestyle? Maybe you should just go away before you get pushed out. Shit could get really fucking ugly,” he states.
The stranger walks away without saying anything else and I’m too freaking stunned to attempt to speak. Stupidly, I stay exactly where I am, in shock. The sound of motorcycle pipes causes me to jerk, and I’m suddenly ripped from my stupor.
I swiftly walk to the driver’s side of my car and climb inside. Shakily, I shove my key in the ignition. I debate calling West. I decide to drive back to the clubhouse instead, this is something I need to talk to him in person about.
Thankfully I’m not too shaky to drive, but I have to force myself to focus, taking care of every curve in the road and staying alert and aware because inside I’m a jumbled mess.
When the clubhouse gates come into view, I feel like I can actually breathe. I stop at the entrance and the same prospect is there. He gives me a funny look but lets me inside without question. I pull up next to West’s bike, again, and throw my car in park. Leaving my purse and everything inside of the car, I step out on shaky legs.
Walking through the front door, I see that there are men all over the bar area. They’re drinking and talking, a few notice me and lift their chins but my eyes frantically search for West. He’s nowhere to be seen. I continue walking through the bar area in confusion. His bike is here, and yet, he’s not.
“Hey, Ivy,” Soar calls out. I watch as he jogs toward me.
He looks a little panicked and I don’t understand it. “Where’s West?” I demand. His eyes dart over to the free-for-all room and then back to me.
“Why don’t I get you a drink at the bar. You look like you could use one,” he offers with a kind smile.
Ignoring him, I walk around his body, only to have his hand reach for my wrist. I shake him off and start to walk a little faster to where I know my husband must be. Images flash through my mind.
Images of West fucking other women and my heart starts to race. I know we’ve been having problems but this past week was so great. I don’t want to believe that he could be here.
When I reach the doorway, I freeze. I feel Soar’s hand wrap around my shoulder, but I plant my feet, not allowing him to pull me away. My eyes search the middle of the floor where I see men and women alike completely naked and in various stages of screwing.
Then I scan over to the sides of the room where there are sofas lining the walls. That is where I find West. He’s sitting on a sofa, a beer in his hand and his eyes focused on something in the middle of the room.
My own gaze follows the path, and I suck in a breath. He’s watching one of the whores. She’s resting against one guy’s chest while his cock is buried in her ass, and another guy is fucking her pussy, his mouth on her tits.
I try to take a step back, but I run into Soar. Turning around, I look up at him. His head tips down and something akin to pity flashes across his face.
This isn’t something new.
This is something he’s been doing a while and now, Soar feels sorry for me. The ex-drug addict who cheated on his wife for over a decade feels pity—for me.
Trying to scoot past him, Soar wraps his hand gently around my bicep. “I don’t think it’s exactly what it seems,” he murmurs.
Glancing back up at him I bite the inside of my cheek. “I think it’s exactly what it looks like. I think it’s been happening for a while and it’s why he doesn’t come home. I think that I’ve known something was happening, I just didn’t know what it was and I’ve been living in denial,” I whisper. I feel like a fucking fool.
“Talk to him, Ivy. Communicate, trust me, you need to communicate,” he urges.
Shaking my head almost violently I jerk away from his hold and I rush out of the room, heading straight for the back of the building. Only when the fresh mountain air hits my face, do I suck in a breath.
That fucking asshole.
All of this time, I’ve been at home alone, while he’s been here, watching and most likely participating in the free-for-all room. Fuck. Him.
Hurrying toward my car, I climb into the driver’s seat and start the engine. My mind starts to race as I drive home. Long gone are the thoughts of the guy from earlier, replaced are thoughts of my husband—of his desires.
Is that what he wants? Does he want me to screw other men while he watches? Does he want to screw me with another man joining? I am so confused, I don’t know what any of this means, or how I feel about it all.
Glancing at the clock, I notice that it’s almost time to start doing the daily pickup routine and I try to clear my head of what I’ve just witnessed, only I can’t.
I pick up Reid and Remi, both start to talk about their day as I drive toward the junior high to pick up Rosalie. She gives me the silent treatment which is fine with me since all I can do is think about West and that room.
Does he want to be like my brother and Serina? Does he want to screw in the common room, have other men join in and share me? Would I do that? I don’t know.
I feel like I don’t know him right now, either, and I think that is what scares me more than anything. I don’t know who my own husband is anymore.
CAMO
When I’m finished watching the show that Pixie puts on, I stand and make my way toward the bar area. I need to replace my empty beer with a full one and text Ivy to see what’s on the kids’ schedules tonight. Honestly, I hope nothing. I’m in the mood to stay here instead of going home.
“You got a second?” Soar asks as soon as I walk up to the bar.
Looking over at the blond man I give him a chin lift as I slam my beer down on the bar. Within thirty seconds a full, cold one replaces it and I wrap my hand around the bottle as I follow Soar over to an empty table.
He sits down and stays silent until I join him. “What’s up?” I ask.
Soar has kind of kept to himself over the past few years. He’s changed his life, sobered up, and been on the straight and narrow, at least, as much as one of us can be. We’re outlaws no matter how good of men we are.
“Ivy was here earlier,” he begins. I frown at his words. She was here? I open my mouth to ask him why he didn’t come get me to talk to her, it must have been important if she was here. She hardly comes to the clubhouse on her own. My mind is a rambly mess until he speaks again. “She saw you, man.”
I blink at his words, she saw you, man. Lifting my gaze to his, I see that he looks at me and there’s no judgment in his eyes, only compassion. I’m glad for it, but I have a feeling what she saw and what she believes, are two different things. “I tried to keep her from running off but she took off like lightning.”
Nodding, I bring my beer up to my lips and take a pull. Fuck. “Thanks for telling me.”
“You aren’t going to go to her?” Soar asks sounding confused.
I shrug. Maybe it’s best this way. Maybe her thinking, whatever it is she’s thinking, is for the best. We’ve been teetering, and I’ve been lying to myself if I think that I can hide my desires. Straight downright lying to myself if I think that I can deny what I crave, much longer. Ivy won’t do it, so maybe her seeing me in there, watching everybody fuck, maybe that will be enough to end us. It’s going to hurt, but sometimes there’s no way to avoid pain.
&nb
sp; “Talk to her, West. I know you love her. Avoiding shit like this, or making life-altering decisions without communication isn’t the key here. You have three fucking kids, young kids, you need to think about them.”
Soar doesn’t allow me to respond, not that I know what I would say anyway. He stands and leaves me alone with my beer, and my thoughts.
I love Ivy, that’s an undisputed fact.
Sometimes love isn’t enough.
Fucking hell—this shouldn’t be this goddamn hard.
I slam my beer down, and instead of going home, I go back into the free-for-all room. I do what I’ve been doing for years… I fucking avoid everything. I watch and I fantasize.
Chapter Five
IVY
The boys scream over which cartoon they want to watch, not that it matters because they both have baseball practice in about thirty minutes.
Rosalie is up in her room, angry with me, and I’m trying to find the will to care at the moment. I really don’t. I could give a shit about any of it right now.
I almost just told her to go to the mall with the girls. I almost canceled baseball practice, and I almost hid in the closet with my lemon vodka and a box of chocolate chip cookies.
I don’t do any of those things.
I do what I always do.
I pull up my big girl panties and I deal.
Closing my eyes, I exhale and collect myself. There are things to do right now, and later tonight I can let myself fall apart. When the kids are all in bed, then I can cry. I can mourn, and I can let my mind wander to all of the places I’m not allowing it to go.
“C’mon boys, grab your cleats and some water, we need to get going,” I call out, as I reach for the television remote control and power it down. They whine but stand up and start to shuffle toward the bin that holds their shoes by the front door.
Notorious Devils MC Complete Collection: BoxSet Page 177
