The second piece of good news Tex had to offer was, he’d found the private investigator Kenneth Eklund had hired. And since Kenneth was an attorney and not a world-class hacker like Tex, Eklund’s network security was no match for my friend. Tex had found Kenneth’s client list.
Other than Heritage Plastics, which included Kenneth’s representation of Colin Wright and Sean Kassamali, the rest of his client list was a who’s who of Juneau’s criminal underbelly. Strange bedfellows—Juneau’s largest corporation, drug dealers, prostitutes, and even a rapist.
It didn’t take long for Tex to connect the dots—James George was awaiting trial for manufacturing and distribution of narcotics. At the time of James’s arrest, he also had a small stable of women. He was looking at some serious time. Tex had found that the drug dealer wasn’t business savvy and hadn’t laundered money, therefore when the government seized his assets he was left penniless. Yet Kenneth Eklund was named as counsel on the court documents, not a public defender.
Finding one criminal led Tex down the scumbag rabbit hole, and from there he found the source of the contract to put an end to Eva’s life. Tex being a man of action already had one of the many teams of mercenaries he had in his back pocket en route to intercept the hitman.
All of this would be over in a few days and Eva and her boys would be safe. Things could go back to normal and we could get down to the business of moving on.
Now that she’d agreed to stay in Maryland, I was looking forward to normal. Not that I had a clue what that actually meant, but it sounded good.
“What was it like being a SEAL?” Eva asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
I shifted in the uncomfortable chair and toyed with the bottle of water that sat in front of me. We were sitting in the dining room, Eva on one side of the table facing the room so she could watch the boys as they played in the living room, and I sat on the other which gave me a view of the nice-sized backyard.
We’d talked about a variety of things since Zane had left; favorite movies, books, places we lived. Light topics that were easy to discuss. She hadn’t touched on my military service—until now—and I hadn’t asked about anything that would make her uncomfortable. Besides, I didn’t care much about the past, I was more concerned about the present.
“It was hard,” I answered.
“Physically?”
“Physically painful and mentally challenging.”
“You don’t like to talk about it,” she guessed.
It wasn’t that I didn’t like to talk about it, I just never had.
“Never had the occasion to discuss what it was like being a SEAL,” I started. “I’m not trying to dodge your question. I’ve just haven’t thought about how to explain it.”
“It’s okay, forget I asked.”
“No, Eva, I want to tell you.”
It took a few minutes for me to explain what Basic Underwater Demolition SEAL school was and the selection process to get there, but thanks to the many documentaries and movies made, Eva knew the basics of BUD/s.
“So what you’re telling me is, the movies have it wrong?” Eva asked when I was done.
“A two hour movie cannot begin to encompass the physical, emotional, and spiritual toll of training. Personally, I think some films portray war better than others but unless you’ve smelled the devastation, you can’t imagine what it’s like.”
“Smell it?” Eva’s nose crinkled.
“It’s not something I can begin to describe. It’s a scent that clogs your nostrils—a smell you can never forget. And when you’re in the thick of a firefight, I swear, you taste it. But it’s not something you can define—it’s simply death and destruction, fear and desperation. And it’s not something that goes away, it lingers forever.”
A knock at the door brought me palpable relief. Now that I’d done it, I found that I was wrong—I didn’t like talking about the devastating aftermath of war.
“That’s Kyle and Anaya,” I reminded Eva when she startled in her seat.
“Oh, right.” Her cheeks tinged pink and I wished the boys weren’t in the next room so I could touch her.
So close, yet so far away.
I got up and made my way to the front door and checked the peephole. If the boys weren’t watching me, I would’ve had my weapon unholstered and at the ready even though I could clearly see Kyle’s smirking face as he held his middle finger up for good measure.
Idiot.
I shook my head at his antics and opened the door.
“What are you, ten?”
“I see you’ve lost your sense of humor.”
I hadn’t, but ever since Kyle had fallen in love with Anaya, he seemed different, livelier—always cracking a joke and fooling around.
Was that how love made you behave?
“Hi, Eva,” Anaya said, causing me to look over my shoulder.
Sure enough, there Eva stood in front of the coffee table, blocking the path to the living room where the boys looked up from putting together a puzzle.
The gesture wasn’t needed, but it was one more way Eva protected her kids.
“Hey,” Eva greeted.
“Have you guys eaten?” Anaya bypassed me and moved toward Eva. “Hey, boys.”
Anaya received two mumbled ‘heys’ but otherwise, the boys went back to their puzzle. They’d been going at it for hours.
“Liam. Elijah. Manners please.”
Both boys studiously stood and properly greeted Anaya and said hello to Kyle.
Once Eva gave them the go-ahead, they were both back in front of the puzzle. I glanced at my watch, surprised to find it was indeed almost time for dinner.
How long have Eva and I been talking? Hours had slipped by unnoticed and I couldn’t remember a time, ever, when I’d simply sat and spoken to a woman for so long.
“What did you have in mind for dinner?” I asked Anaya.
“We thought we’d order in.”
“Babe?” I turned to Eva.
“Um… sure. Whatever you guys want.”
It took a few minutes to hash out what to order, deciding pizza would be easiest, and Kyle called it in. It didn’t take long for Kyle to pounce as soon as the women made their way into the kitchen.
“Glad to see you worked out whatever was troubling you.”
I glared at my friend then made a decision to do something else I rarely did—I shared.
“Never saw myself settling for a woman. After the bullshit Pam pulled, I never wanted to open myself up to that kind of pain again. I’m still not sure how it happened, but there’s just something about her.”
“And the boys?”
“That’s gonna take time. Dawkins was a dick and put them through hell. Especially Liam. Fuck, brother, every time I see the scars on his arms, I wish the man was alive so I could kill him myself. Elijah is so shy it might take me years to get in there with him.”
“Have you shown Liam your scars? Talked to him about what your old man did to you?”
“No, not sure if I should.”
“You absolutely should. He needs to know you understand. I bet after you show him, he’ll open up. And once Elijah sees he can trust you, he’ll feel safe and he’ll do the same. But I think you’re right, it’s gonna take time. But if anyone can heal that family, it’s you.”
Damn, my friend’s confidence in me felt good, but it did nothing to alleviate the rock in my gut when it came to the boys. They scared me even more than Eva did. I didn’t have the first clue how to be a father, and if this worked out with Eva, that’s exactly what I would be. And those two kids deserved a good one.
“What makes you so sure I can heal them?”
The tone of my voice sounded foreign to my ears—it was unlike me to be so unsure. Hell, I wasn’t unsure about anything—ever. I made a decision and didn’t deviate. But with Eva and the boys, I was off-kilter.
“Because you understand them. The four of you are all the same. And if you let them, they’ll heal you, too.”
> “I don’t need—”
“Brother, don’t feed me a line of bullshit. You must’ve forgotten who you’re talking to. I know you. You’ve got decades worth of shit bottled up. Let Eva sort that for you.”
“The last thing that woman needs is to take on my baggage.”
“You’re wrong. She needs all of you.”
All of me?
That wasn’t part of the plan. Surely, I could give us a shot at happiness and still hold parts of me at bay.
“Everything okay?” Eva asked when she stopped at my side.
Without thought my arm went around her waist and I tucked her close.
“Yeah, babe, everything’s great.”
At least, I hoped it was.
Chapter 29
Something was different.
I couldn’t put my finger on it, but Max was off.
Throughout dinner, he talked to his friends, he even made it a point to include Liam and Elijah. By the end of the meal, Eli was actually talking and smiling. Anaya was great with the boys, too, not that I thought she wouldn’t be nice to them, but they seemed at ease with her. Which seriously put my mind at ease about her going to Alaska with us tomorrow. Thankfully, no one mentioned the trip. I had to find a way to put a positive spin on it for the boys and that would be difficult.
By the time Anaya and Kyle were ready to go, the boys were nonstop yawning. They fist-bumped Kyle, and much to my shock and amazement, they hugged Anaya.
Max walked his friends out, leaving me alone with the boys.
It’s now or never.
“Before you guys go to bed, I need to tell you something.” I waited until they looked up from the puzzle they’d gone back to and I had their attention. “Tomorrow, we’re going to go on a trip.”
In a bizarre turn, Elijah smiled and looked totally excited to be going somewhere while it was Liam who frowned. Normally, Eli would be leery, he was the shy and quiet one who didn’t like change. But Liam, even after what happened to him, seemed to roll with the program.
“Where are we going?”
“Alaska.” Liam’s scowl deepened and he looked like he was getting ready to cry. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Are we coming back here?”
“Of course we are. Tomorrow, we’ll fly up there and then we’re coming straight back here.”
“Why are we going?”
“I have a… there’s someone I need to meet with.”
Shit. I was making a total mess of this, and now Elijah looked like he was getting ready to freak out.
“Is Max coming with us?” Eli probed.
His question broke my heart yet simultaneously filled me with joy. I hated that my boy sounded so unsure, but his eyes held hope—he wanted Max with us. More progress.
“Yeah, honey, he’s coming. So is Anaya.”
The front door opened and I lost the boys’ attention as they watched Max enter the room.
“We’re going to Alaska,” Liam announced. The accusatory tone took both Max and me by surprise. “And you’re going.”
“Yeah, little man, we’re going to Alaska. Your mom has a meeting so we’re all going with her.”
“Why is Anaya going?” Liam continued to push.
Before I could explain, Max jumped in.
“Because I’m going to sit in the meeting with your mom and the two of you can’t be left alone so Anaya’s gonna come so she can watch you.”
“We don’t need a babysitter,” Liam snapped.
My breath seized in my lungs at my son’s harsh response.
“Bud, I know you—”
“You don’t know anything!” Liam shouted. “I can watch Eli. We don’t need a babysitter.”
“Liam, baby, why are you so upset? And don’t talk to Max like that.”
I glanced from Liam to Max, my heart beating a mile a minute, my mind reeling from Liam’s out-of-character outburst, but the fire blazing in Max’s eyes turned me inside out.
“Why does it matter? He’s gonna leave. Who cares how I talk to him?”
“I do, Liam. It’s not—”
“Liam, look at me,” Max ordered. When Liam turned his glare to Max, I held my breath wondering if I should intervene and take the boys into the other room so we could work out whatever was bothering my son so deeply he’d lashed out.
But I didn’t have the chance, Max started speaking and when he did, my already broken heart splintered into a bazillion jagged pieces. “First, I’m not going anywhere. And second, I know.”
Max slowly walked toward Liam, then knelt in front of him and held out his right arm, turning it to show Liam a series of small, faded scars on the inside of his forearm. “I know, bud. I have the same marks you have. I got mine the same way you did.”
Excruciating silence ensued.
Max and Liam’s eyes locked in the most agonizing battle I’d ever witnessed. If my son’s tears weren’t my undoing, the wetness beneath Max’s eyelids would’ve done it.
“Your dad burned you, too?” Liam whispered.
“He did,” Max confirmed.
“Why?”
A sob tore from my soul.
Why?
That one loaded word really asked a thousand questions my boy didn’t know how to articulate.
“There’s no answer to that, Liam. There’s never a reason for a father to hurt his son. There’s no excuse for a man to harm those in his care. The only thing you need to know is, Jay was absolutely wrong and it will never happen again. No one will ever hurt you or your brother again.”
Elijah’s little body collided with my legs and I quickly scooped him up. His legs wrapped around my waist and he shoved his face in my neck.
The room was stifling, my skin crawled with more hatred than I knew I could possess. I actually itched with it. Jay Dawkins was the devil, I despised him with every cell in my body. I hated him so badly I thought I was going to explode with it.
Then Max changed everything.
He placed his hand on my son’s shoulder, leaned in close to Liam, and in that moment, all pretense was gone—and the real Max Brown spoke.
“You’re gonna be okay,” he whispered. “I know it doesn’t feel like it right now. And it won’t feel like it tomorrow. It may take months, but one day you won’t feel it anymore. The pain will be gone. But until that happens, until the pain fades, you can’t bottle up all the anger. It’s okay to be mad about what your dad did. It’s okay to be angry he hurt you and your brother. It’s okay to be upset he took you guys away from your mom. You get to feel anything you want to feel. But, bud, you don’t get to yell at your mom. You can yell about what he did to you. You can cry, you can shout, you can sit quietly and think about it, anything you want except raising your voice at your mom. She loves you and Eli. What your dad did, he did to all three of you. She hurts just as bad as you do. So does your brother, he just shows it differently.”
“I don’t want him to be my dad.”
“I don’t blame you.”
“I hate him.”
“I bet you do and that’s okay.”
“I don’t ever want to see him again.”
“Good, because you never will.”
Max patiently waited for Liam to continue his tirade.
Unmoving, unwavering support.
Something that me and my boys had never had before.
And suddenly, something inexplicable happened—the loathing slipped away.
Jay was gone. He’d never hurt my boys again.
We made it.
I made it.
Max was not Jay. He wasn’t my father. He wasn’t the man who’d duped me when I was a teenager, knocked me up, then bailed.
Max was Max.
It was as simple as that. I could list a hundred reasons why he was different but I didn’t need to. I didn’t need to convince myself I was doing the right thing by taking a chance with him. I didn’t need to ignore red flags and excuse away bad behavior because I was too fucking weak to walk away. Because there
were no flags waving, no neon signs flashing, or anything else. And that was because Maximus Brown was a good, honest, fearless man.
And we were keeping him.
He was ours.
I would fight and die so my kids could have a strong, decent man in their lives. No, not just any man—Max.
“Are we going to live here?” Liam asked Max.
“Yes.”
“Will you live here, too?”
“Yes.”
“And when we’re in Alaska, my dad’s not going to take us?”
“I swear on my life, you will never see him again.”
Somewhere in a dark corner of my mind, I wondered if Max could make that solemn oath because Jay was dead. Tex never told me what happened, the only thing he said to me was that Jay would never be a problem again. When I asked how he knew that for sure, Tex’s response was “trust me” and since I already trusted him, I stopped pushing for answers I knew I’d never get.
I wondered what it said about me that I felt relief at the prospect of him being dead. As fast as the thought flitted into my mind, it fled just as quickly. I wouldn’t feel guilt over being relieved my kids were safe and I refused to give Jay anymore headspace than he’d already taken.
“You won’t let anyone take us?”
“Correct, Liam. I won’t ever let anyone take you and your brother from your mom—not ever again.”
“Okay.”
Okay?
After all of that, Liam’s only response was, okay?
“Okay,” Max repeated. “Then tomorrow, we fly to Alaska.”
Liam severed their connection and his gaze slid to me. “Sorry, Mama.”
God, I missed Liam calling me Mama. He’d graduated to calling me Mom and anything Liam does, Eli parrots, so now Eli mostly called me Mom, too. But I missed Mama.
“I know you are, sweetheart. And Max is right, I don’t want you holding all that anger inside of you. If you have something you need to say, say it, I promise I’ll listen. I want you to know, you and Elijah are my two most precious people and I will do anything for you.”
“I know.”
Man, I hope he knows. Down to my soul, I hope he knows I love him more than anything.
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