by JM HART
The bathroom smelt like flowers, the candle flames danced by the window. A hot summer wind came through the front door. By the time his mom came home from work and dropped her keys in the bowl on the side table by the front door next to his dad’s, Molly and Alex were fast asleep. Kevin hid under the cool sheets upstairs in his room with his favorite childhood gift, a miner’s light his grandfather had given him seven years ago for his eighth birthday, and it still worked. He tilted his head and steadied the light on the pages of his grandfather’s collection of old Sky & Space magazines. He knew he could look up images online, but it just wasn’t the same. It had the best old images of the stars. Kevin believed if he stared long enough at the pictures, when he slept he would dream of being in another universe, somewhere amongst the stars, a place where everything is possible. He now stared out the window and up into the dark sky wondering where his mother was going and why she was so upset. He felt heavy and sad; he didn’t understand why he was feeling their emotions so strongly. His dad stood illuminated by the street lamp on the front lawn looking lost watching his mom go. Kevin looked down the street and thought he saw a car parked against the curb pull out. Molly cried. The sound drew his father into action and he turned back towards the house. Kevin ducked and dropped onto his bed. His dad was climbing the stairs to Molly’s room. He looked over at Alex — his little brother was sprawled diagonally across his makeshift bed on the floor fast asleep. Kevin lay down in his bed, gazed out the window, listening to his father down the hall trying to sooth Molly back to sleep. His eyes grew heavy, the trees outside swayed and the temperature dropped slightly. Kevin pulled up the sheet, and began to drift in and out of sleep. He heard his bedroom door squeak open; light and the smell of scented candles floated into his room. Peeking out of one eye he saw his dad’s silhouette standing in the doorway. To Kevin his dad looked for a moment as if he was glowing, surrounded by colored lights and he felt an overwhelming urge to hug him, and never let him go. Why do I see these things? He didn’t understand why he saw colors around people. One day, he thought, one day I will. Alex stirred as his dad bent and kissed him on the head. He tucked Alex in before doing the same to Kevin. Kevin closed his eyes pretending to sleep, then watched his dad leave the room. He started to cry. He buried his head in the pillow wishing for sleep to take him. Eventually, exhausted just before dawn, he heard his mom come home and the familiar sounds of life returned. The pipes groaned as she turned on the shower. Kevin fell into a deep sleep to a congregation of awakening birds that sounded like an orchestra tuning up as their conductor takes the stage, the sun stretching above the horizon, dawn breaking.
“Body slam!” Alex jumped up and down on Kevin, startling him awake with a knee in his back and a wet finger in his ear.
“Get off me, shithead! For crying out loud, piss off.” Kevin pushed his little brother off the bed where his head hit the bedside table. Kevin felt bad and dramatically fell out of bed and faked being hurt. Alex laughed in between sobs. “Sorry, Alex,” Kevin said. “But you hurt me, little bro, not cool.”
Alex liked it when Kevin called him little bro. “Dad can’t find his keys, can you see them?” Alex said, tapping the side of his head.
Kevin tickled Alex. “You go finish your breakfast, count to twenty and go look in the bowl. I’ll be down in a minute.”
He watched Alex leave the room and go out into the hallway. He could hear Alex jump down each step as he made his way downstairs to the kitchen.
“Where are my keys, I left them here in the bowl?” he heard his dad, Daniel, say. “Callie … did you move my keys? I’ve got to get to work.” Then he heard, “Hey, kiddo, I told you not to play with my helmet. What if there was a fire and I had forgotten it? Go put it back. Callie, my keys!”
Kevin heard in his mom’s tone that she was getting annoyed. “Why is it taking Kevin so long?” Then she yelled up the stairs. “Kevin, breakfast! Come on, we don’t have all day. Holidays or not.”
*
“Where’s your brother?” Callie said.
“Where are my keys?” Daniel said.
“Finish feeding Molly and have your coffee, I’ll look for your keys,” she said.
“I’m late,” Daniel said, reaching for his fireman’s helmet.
Alex slid off his chair and grabbed the helmet. “Can I carry it to the car for you, Daddy?” Humming, he quickly pushed his feet into his slippers not waiting for an answer, and went and waited by the open front door.
“Daddy, Daddy, your keys, your keys are here!”
Daniel turned towards his son who stood at the end of the hallway next to the side table with the keys held up high. The sun shone through the open door; Alex looked like an angel with tiny dust fairies dancing all around him. He heard Molly giggling in the kitchen while Callie made fun of a boring bowl of oats. “What was I getting so angry about?” he thought shivering. “I’ve got to shake this monkey.”
“You’re amazing,” Daniel said ruffling his son’s hair. “Where’d you find them?”
“In the bowl, where Kevin said. He told me to go downstairs, start eating my cereal and then count to twenty. Then he said I would carry your helmet and find your keys. So I looked and there they were, under Mommy’s keys in the bowl!” Alex raised his eyebrows, shrugged his little shoulders and smiled. “How hard did you really look Daddy? Or maybe there are some naughty little angels playing tricks on you too?”
Daniel scooped him up and threw him over his shoulder leaving him dangling by his feet, laughing. Daniel saw out of the corner of his eye that Kevin had come halfway down the stairs and stopped; they shared a secret knowing smile. Kevin was a clever boy.
Callie came out of the kitchen with Molly on her hip. “Oh, she’s getting heavy. Here’s your lunch. I’m working late. You’ll have to pick the kids up from day care and don’t be late. Kevin’s staying at Tim’s tonight.”
Daniel lowered Alex to the ground tickling his little feet. He relished the sound of his laughter. “If I’m fighting a fire, and run a little late, I’m sure they will forgive me. What do you think, champ?”
Curled up on the floor in a fetal position protecting himself from being tickled again Alex nodded in agreement. In between bursts of laughter he said, "Miss Bell … says … if her house is burning … she wants you to rescue her, Daddy.”
Daniel saw Kevin hadn’t moved. The energy in the room quickly thickened and sounds seemed distant. Daniel didn’t understand what made it change so quickly. In a controlled angry voice, that seemed like it was coming through layers of glass, Callie said suspiciously, “How do you know, Alex?”
Alex looked up at them both and shrugged. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No, sweetie,” Callie said. “I just want to understand why you said that, that’s all. Does Miss Bell think her house is going to catch on fire, is that why she said it?”
“No … I don’t think so. When she was brand new, I heard her whispering to Miss Poe when she saw Daddy coming through the gate.”
Callie put her hand to her throat with a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank God! I thought you were becoming like your brother. That’s the last thing we need right now.”
Daniel’s eyes widened, and he stepped forward, brushing his lips against her ear and saying in a whisper, “That was cruel; he’s standing on the stairs. What are you afraid of? Are you afraid of what he will see? Maybe that’s what you should ask yourself. What are you afraid he will see, Callie?” He pulled away. “I don’t know what you think any more. I don’t have time for this.”
*
Kevin stepped into full view and pushed past them into the kitchen. Before he could escape the tension and pain, his dad dropped a heavy hand on his shoulder and pulled him into a bear hug.
“I love you man, don’t you ever forget it.”
“I’m sorry, Kevin, that was wrong of me. I can’t believe I said that. I haven’t been sleeping well,” his mom said, reaching out to stroke his cheek.
Kevin pulled away. “
Yeah, whatever,” he said walking into the kitchen, heading for the refrigerator. Chanting inside his head, Don’t cry, don’t cry, it’s okay, don’t cry.
Kevin watched his dad through the kitchen window, walking to his truck. Old man Pat across the road was hosing his garden.
“Morning, Pat,” his dad shouted. He shouted a little louder.
“Morning, Pat!” “Morning, Daniel. Hear you guys got the upper hand on that bushfire up them mountains. Those eucalyptus trees got so much oil in them they light up like a Christmas tree, don’t they.”
“They sure do, Pat. Looking after Martha’s roses I see.”
“Yeah, just as well there aren’t any water restrictions. These roses guzzle it up like a thirsty camel. Bring those kids of yours over any time, Daniel, they’re always welcome here.”
“Thanks, Pat. When is Martha coming home? Soon I hope?”
“Not sure. Her sister has the virus. It’s so quiet without her, Daniel. This virus has got me spooked. When she gets back from her sister’s, I’m thinking of hightailing it out of here. Everyone’s leaving the city. The crime rate has tripled, all because of a bloody virus. Men, and women, are doing crazy things, violent things. It’s frightening.”
“Pat, you’re welcome to join us for dinner until she gets back, you don’t have to be alone.”
Kevin watched them, transfixed.
“Kevin! Shut the refrigerator door and go get dressed.”
Kevin jumped and spun around; his mom had scared the shit out of him. He closed the refrigerator and followed her to the stairs. On his way he passed the front door. Compelled, he opened it and stepped outside. A crow was circling the sky: ah, ah, ahhhhhhh.
“Hey, crow,” Kevin said standing on the porch in his black and gold boxers. His dad climbed into the black Dodge four-door utility, and pulled out of the driveway. It was a beast of a car, two more years and he could drive it, Kevin thought and remembered when they were at his grandpa’s in Queensland; he had ridden in the back while his dad spun the car in circles around the open paddock. Kevin was scared and held on tight to the roll bars, laughing and trying not to slide everywhere. That was nearly a year ago; he missed those days. Kevin came back to the present and saw old man Pat watching him and gave him a wave. Kevin suddenly felt worried about the old guy. Kevin waved again before letting the screen door slam. Kevin shivered, he had felt the warmth of the sun, but now a chill ran up his spine. Confused, he went back outside, stepped on the cool grass, and watched old man Pat, who was looking down the road and drowning Martha’s flowers. Pat turned off the hose, stretched his back and tilted his head slowly towards his shoulder as if straining to hear. Something in the air doesn’t feel right, Kevin thought. Kevin went to give old man Pat another morning salute and turn to the house when a flash of light caught his eye. An unknown car was down the street. Who’s that, he thought. He knew everyone in his street, and this car didn’t belong, but it looked familiar. He raked his memory. Where before have I seen that car? Old man Pat was rubbing the back of his neck starring up into the smoke-filled sky. That’s right! A few nights ago he couldn’t sleep and was staring out his window in the early morning, when he saw old man Pat putting his bin out. He had watched him, in his pajamas, shuffling down the driveway, struggling to drag the bin to the curb as quietly as possible. With the bins in position Pat glanced down the street. Searching for the garbage truck, Kevin thought. The streets were empty bar one car, which had its front window fogged and cigarette smoke escaping from a narrow crack. It was the same car as the one currently sitting at the end of the street. It had also been there last night, hiding in the dark. Without any lights it had pulled out from the curb after his mother had left, just before Molly had started to cry. Kevin hadn’t given it another thought, but here it was, again. He tried to see the number plate; his position was no good. Kevin walked casually to the sidewalk and the car suddenly started up and did a U-turn. Pat looked at Kevin, and Kevin shrugged his shoulders turning back to the house. Who are they and what are they up to? Kevin wondered.
Kevin firmly pushed the front door close behind him. “Mom,” Kevin shouted up the stairs. “Have you noticed that black car hanging out at the end of the street? And what’s wrong with old man Pat? His shadow’s got no head.”
“What Kevin? I can’t hear you. Come upstairs and get ready.”
Kevin stood in the bathroom doorway listening to Molly and Alex giggling. His mom was annoyed. The pair of them were hiding behind a cloud of talcum powder. Alex let go of the white plastic bottle of powder. Molly wasn’t ready to give up and squeezed and squealed as his mom wrestled with her. Smiling, Kevin leant against the doorframe and watched them play.
“Molly, give it to Mommy, we have to get dressed … Ta.” Through the cloud his mom saw him in the doorway. “What are you doing? Go get ready! We have to go. I am going to be late for work! Be ready and downstairs in five.”
“Why bother. Hardly anyone is going to their work with the virus about. I can ride my bike. You don’t have to drive me.”
She looked at Kevin. “I have important work to complete. No — I’ll drive you.” She rushed off, dusting the powder out of her hair with Molly dangling off her hip in a cloud of white.
He hesitated and bit his lip, then quickly blurted it out. “Something is wrong with old man Pat. I don’t know what, but there’s something wrong.”
“Kevin, not now, pleeeease. Not now! It’s been ages since you … well, you know.” Their eyes momentarily locked like horns. She pulled her gaze away as if she couldn’t look at him another second.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Kevin said. “I didn’t make it up, I saw the boy drown.”
“Oh God, not again, why do you lie so much? I thought you were over this. The police found nothing. Enough. Go get ready.”
He looked down at the bathroom tiles and mumbled, “They couldn’t find anything because they were looking in the wrong country.”
He saw the shame, the tension in her jaw and the anger in her eyes. Sometimes when he looked into her eyes he didn’t know where she was or who was looking at him. Having the police search the creek wasn’t his idea. Why doesn’t she listen to me? Please help me, somebody give me back my mom. Why is she so scared?
“But Mom … I didn’t … grandma and grandpa … I didn’t … I’m sorry I didn’t know…” Tears started streaming down his face, it was hard to breath, he couldn’t speak. Everything was turning upside down. Why was he even mentioning this stuff; he just wanted to shut up. Through heaving emotions he tried to hold back each wrenching sob and talk normally, but he couldn’t. It was all coming out; it had been a year of holding back the pain. “I don’t know why … I didn’t see. What’s the point if I can’t save my family?”
She stopped getting Molly’s clothes out of the drawer. Crossed the room to hold him. “Oh, Kevin, is that what you think. I don’t blame you.”
He shrugged her off.
“What happened to your grandparents is not your fault. It was a drunk driver. There wasn’t anything you could have done. You shouldn’t have visions, or feel people’s pain; you need to push it away. You need to be normal and have fun and adventures, like all fifteen-year-old boys. You’re a good person, Kevin. Look, if you think you can ride over to Tim’s without running into any of the infected — well, okay then. What worries me is there have been so many brutal bashings in the area. I’ll drop your things off after I have taken Molly and Alex to childcare.”
*
Kevin leant on Tim’s dining room table with his elbows on the tablecloth cradling his face in his hands, gazing at his broken image reflecting in the crystal bowl.
“Kev, what are you looking at? Come on, move the stuff. Clear the table. This box is heavy.”
Kevin snapped out of his trance and cleared the crystal bowl, books and candles off the table. “Why is it lately when I come over there is a smell of something sweet burning?”
Tim opened the lid. “Mom’s been burning incen
se again. Thinks it will keep the house clean of the virus.” He rummaged around emptying out his sister’s things. “My model plane is in here somewhere. I know Kath took it.”
“Let’s go for a swim,” Kevin said.
“We can’t leave until Kathy’s home. She’s giving me ten bucks if we stay put. We’re not supposed to be in the house together alone after last time. Mom doesn’t want us outside with the infected either.” Tim was halfway through Kath’s box of collectibles. “Here it is.”
“Why, what happened last time?” Kevin was having trouble focusing.
“Don’t you remember … the pool table? Our home-made volcano? Hello! Anybody home?”
Kevin felt anxious, and sadness washed over him. Suddenly, in the pit of his stomach was a sense of urgency, an overwhelming desire to run. He knew enough, however, to know they weren’t his feelings and the more he became conscious of that, it was easier to control; each time it happened he recognized it a little quicker. In the past, it had taken him days to realize they weren’t his emotions. Sometimes he got lost in the darkness, but when realization dawned, boom! It would feel like the warmth of the sun ran through his veins, and he would be filled with excitement, as if he had received a mysterious present. A gift you could lay staring at for hours just wondering what might be inside. Then, an image would start to form in his mind. Just like now. Small, distant, a blur, slowly moving closer, and slowly coming into focus…
Tim punched him in the shoulder. “On ya.”
