CHRISTY’S THOUGHTS
To be chosen…over and over again…it’s the most amazing feeling, isn’t it? You know what we do every day to keep our relationship playful and alive? Patrick and I have our own ’code’ that we send each other via emojis! Between emojis and GIFs, we stay connected all throughout each day, even when we are so busy, we don’t have time to talk. Be creative and playful in your relationships and you will be pleasantly surprised by how close you become. And ladies, you can be an ear to listen to your girlfriends when they are going through stress. Just listen and connect, and you will help reduce her stress.
One piece of advice from what I have observed though…ladies, if you are struggling in your marriage, guard your heart and do not talk and connect with other men. Ladies should connect with ladies, and guys should talk to guys when it comes to marriage issues and counseling. Just as my husband mentioned in the chapter on testosterone...guys, if you stress your woman out and you don’t go out of your way to try to connect with her and she starts talking and connecting with another man, you may be heading in a dangerous direction of destruction in your marriage. Three little words: I Choose You…or Connect, Connect, Connect, can mean the difference between a healthy vibrant marriage and one that is stagnant and dysfunctional. Love is a verb…you need to choose to actively love your spouse in the way that they receive it best!
#3 TOUCH THE GIRL
I have gotten thousands of emails on this one.
Guys, the light switches for the Man Cave are not inside the Man Cave. Simple as that.
It’s like looking for Waldo in a different place every week.
A woman changes four times a month. Finding the light switches can be an adventure. They move every week. It’s like looking for Waldo in a different place every week. You know this, because you think, I’ve got this. It was a good night. I touched her there and she loved it. Next week you go to touch her there and she’s all: “DON’T touch me!” She’s not crazy. Her body changed. One area that was sensitive and felt good one week doesn’t feel as good the following week. Guys, when they touch us, it feels good all the time. Right? Just make it a game and try to find those light switches. I’ve had emails that have said it’s changed people’s marriages, just knowing they each like to be touched differently. She’s not him and when he gets that, they’re both good.
Zone 3: The Woman Zone
In the middle of her cycle, you have a totally different woman in your house. She flips. Her hormones are totally different.
Ladies, hear this clearly: you are normal. You ladies will come to me because your emotions change, and you feel bad. Please—you don’t need to feel bad! Just like your husband has no control over his morning testosterone, you have no control over your hormones and emotions changing. None. That should give you ladies a lot of mental peace. You are not supposed to have your emotions flat lined. It’s okay for you to go up and down. There’s nothing wrong with that. Look what happens in Zone 3:
Be very careful guys, you don’t know who you are coming home to during this zone. I mean this sincerely, she may bite you. Ok, not literally! Just know she’s normal. Don’t make her feel bad because she’s emotional and her body is more sensitive to these changes.
If you start to stress out, your body will go into the stress response; stress reduces your progesterone.
With the switch of the hormones, her adrenals take over instead of the ovaries we talked about the first half of the cycle. These are the stress glands. If your body hasn’t been adjusted, has chemical stress, and physical stress and you are emotionally stressed out, this is the week that will make you very sick. If you exercise too hard during this week, it will make you sick. Your body needs to relax. If you start to stress out, your body will go into the stress response; stress reduces your progesterone. Have you heard of the hormone progesterone? Yes, it’s just one hormone. I’m not trying to trick you here. The main job of progesterone is to balance what estrogens do. Progesterone is a calming hormone, and stress can drain it. Progesterone takes estrogens and balances them so they don’t become a problem. Remember how we said if estrogens get too high, you can develop breast cancer?
Let’s look at a seventy-year-old patient. This woman had gone to her medical doctor and by the time she had gotten to us she was only taking two anti-depressants. She wanted to get off them because she felt she was getting worse. Her son, who is in his fifties, brought her into our office. We had changed his life and he knew we could help her. She had gone through all the tests and exams her general practitioner would have her do and since they hadn’t found anything, they put her on a psychiatric drug. They did what they knew, but I asked her if they had ever tested her hormones. The answer was no.
I started with the proper hormone testing. Come to find out, her progesterone levels were at zero. She sat with me and her son and as we were going over her tests and she started crying. She said three words, “I’m not crazy.” Don’t confuse hormonal problems with psychiatric problems. There could be something more going on. I wonder how many women will spend their whole lives thinking they are crazy like this poor woman did. I’m frustrated and I’m not even one of these women! That woman was seventy, let’s look at the other end of the spectrum.
Don’t confuse hormonal problems with psychiatric problems.
Before I tell this story, I want to assure you I’m sharing this information with your best interest at heart. I have four daughters, and I have to deal with this personally. Be very careful letting your young daughters play sports. Not that they are incapable, but if they get heavily involved and are consistently doing high levels of physical activity, they can harm their hormone levels. Knowing what we know about female hormones, you can see the problems this can mean for them. Boys are very different—a good way of building testosterone is moving and exercise. Protect your young girls from the kind of physical exercise that will drain their hormones very quickly.
What’s the second most common diagnosis given to women today? Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
This nineteen-year-old woman is a runner and a Division 1 scholarship winner for track and field. Do you know what happens to women runners’ cycles? They lose them. It’s common, but common does not mean normal. The school told her if she didn’t run, they’d pull her scholarship. So, as a result, she’s physically stressed, mentally stressed and lost her cycle. Why? When you rev the engine really high and don’t know how to fuel it, you’re going to lose your normal physiology. We tested her stress hormone. It was so high, it was double off the chart even at the chart’s highest value. Yes, you can test stress hormone. It’s called cortisol. Remember, hormones are high in the morning and lower at night. If the levels are very high all the time, it’s chronic stress. If the levels go very low and they empty out, you experience fatigue. What’s the second most common diagnosis given to women today? Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Let me guess how many of you have had your cortisol tested. Your stress hormones can actually tell your doctor where your body is functioning; high stress or fatigue. The whole key is this, we don’t test for fires, we test for function. It’s very important to get your stress hormones tested, especially if you are a woman. How we take care of you differs as those hormones fluctuate.
CHRISTY’S THOUGHTS
I agree that sports can be detrimental to a young woman’s health…that’s why testing and knowledge about hormones and how to become and stay healthy is so crucial. But I would add that it doesn’t have to be sports…college itself can be stressful. The stress that I experienced in college was depleting my hormones to the point that I felt like every organ in my body was shutting down. From having migraines every day for an entire semester, to not being able to eat without cramping or becoming ill, to having periodic chest pains, anxiety attacks and female issues. Stress was successfully shutting my body down. I chose to lessen my stress load by changing my major.
It was bittersweet, but my health was more important to me than getting a certain degree. What I didn�
��t realize at that time was that God had bigger plans for me than the small plans I had for myself. Don’t put unreasonable expectations on yourself or your children, especially if they are female. I was the one who put the high expectations on myself, and I suffered as a result. I wish I had known more about hormone health back then. You can’t change the past, but you can affect the future. I will definitely be advocating for my children so that we can enjoy grandchildren someday!!
Some women tell me they are more of a night person than a morning person. That may seem harmless enough, but it’s actually an indicator that you are sick. Hormones, and correspondingly energy, are supposed to be highest in the morning. If you have a hard time getting through the morning and at night when you are not supposed to have much hormone, you feel you can take on the world, your rhythms are off. You are supposed to rest at night. Most people have too much hormone at night and not enough during the day. That’s why we ask patients if they are night people or morning people—it’s a great clue for us. If their hormones aren’t getting high enough at the proper times, that’s why they struggle to get their bodies out of bed. At night when you don’t need as much, every little bit feels like enough to keep powering through. Now this is a tough one, because most women say they feel fine. They report having a hard time getting out of bed and better able to get a lot done at night. They don’t want us to mess up that energy! I understand that, but health needs to come first.
If all of these changes happen as the month goes on, and it doesn’t go right, that last zone can be unknown. You don’t know who you are walking into that day. But if you take the advice I give you, make sure she is tested properly, and help that woman through her cycle, you’ll enter the Bonus Zone! This is when libido soars and she becomes just like you again. If her hormones have not been properly supported up until this point, then it’s back to the Woman Zone. How’s that for motivation to help your wife out?
Zone 4: The Bonus Zone
Ladies, let me give you a little mental peace. Honestly, you should only have a sex drive about two weeks of the month. Let me say that again. Physiologically you should only have a sex drive two weeks of the month. If you have a sex drive all month long, you are sick and better get checked out. Your husband will be happy, but your hormones have become very abnormal and you’re going to end up with some health conditions.
This final week is the week that will let you know how you did the first three weeks of the month. We either have another Man Zone or another Woman Zone. I think we can all agree which we’d prefer—healthy hormones!
Okay guys, here’s your second To Do List.
#1 HELP THE GIRL.
I don’t just believe this, I know this. It’s very difficult to have a woman’s body—they have a lot going on. They change every week. They don’t always understand this, so they think there is something wrong with them. Ladies, there’s nothing wrong, it’s what your body does. Help her to know she is not crazy, she is normal. Help her deal with stress and life. Help her make wise food choices. Help her.
Ladies, there’s nothing wrong, it’s what your body does.
CHRISTY’S THOUGHTS:
I know that there is a very large feminist movement of women who want to ’do everything a man can’, but I disagree! Women have become so sick as a result of this faulty thinking. Our bodies were not meant to take on that much stress. And there is nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t mean that women are not capable or can’t have certain positions or roles in companies. After all, our two top CEO’s in our companies are women. But my husband and I understand how much stress they can handle, and he is committed to teaching all of our staff and their spouses about setting priorities and making sure to use time management effectively in accomplishing their priorities. We women can do one thing a man CAN’T, and that is bear children. God created us to be able to have children, and, in my opinion, it is an amazing gift that should not be treated lightly. There are so many women, just like me, who have been lied to and told that they cannot have children. I disagree!
Recently I lost my mother. Patrick, knowing that my family is on my priority list, was able to help me to spend the time I needed with my family. Patrick was able to take on more responsibility that I normally took care of at home so that I could be with my Dad and siblings as we dealt with funeral arrangements and spent much-needed time with each other. That’s what Patrick means by ’helping your wife’. If you can successfully fulfill your priorities with effective time management, you can insert yourself into your spouse’s schedule to help them accomplish what they need to get done on their priority list. Patrick does this all the time! I don’t expect it though. We talk over our weekly schedules on Sundays, and then, if he is able, he can insert his ability to help me. Now ladies, I feel like I do need to mention that if your husband is offering to help you, and it’s something that doesn’t need specific instruction, please let him do it HIS way. Like doing the dishes or cleaning, or getting the kids ready for school or bed—if he is offering to do it, girl, you need to step aside and let him do it!! Likewise, if he is offering to do something that would actually cause you more stress, just simply thank him and politely decline, but offer something else that he can do to help you. Ladies, if he wants to help you, you need to let him help you, and, although he may think he is Superman, he cannot read your mind.
#2 DON’T STRESS THE GIRL.
You can be the greatest thing to help her be healthy, or the biggest factor in making her sick. Please don’t be that kind of guy. It’s really sad, but guys don’t understand this, and neither do women. Let me give you an example of a situation I had in San Francisco. I was speaking and a woman who considered herself a feminist came up to me and said “Doctor, I disagree. I can handle just as much stress as a man.” I asked her why she was there. She said, “Because I’m sick.” I told her, “Take a seat, I think you may be surprised at what you learn today.” I wasn’t being disrespectful, but understand your body doesn’t function based on your beliefs. You don’t have to believe me—the research has been done, and you can find it in books as well as online. Mental stress will drain your hormones. Physical stress will drain your hormones. Chemicals will drain your hormones. Guys are lucky in that stress does not affect our hormones. The guy can have a horrible day. Work was challenging, the kids’ behavior sucked, and still he gets home at night and what does he want? SEX. A lady has stress, and guys, you know there’s very little chance of visiting the Man Cave at night. Right? Why? It changes their body when they stress out. Ladies, you may not want to hear this, but take comfort in it: you are not designed to handle stress like a man, your biology will never let you. Men, it’s your job to reduce the stress of a woman. This alone should relieve stress for women.
Men, it’s your job to reduce the stress of a woman.
#3 PROTECT THE GIRL
I got home one day, and I could tell right away that my wife and daughter were not having a good time. Christy told me, “Go talk to your daughter!”
So, I took Faith to our favorite organic tea spot and after a little chatting she starts “Daddy…”
I interrupted her, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, before you say anything, remember this, that’s my wife. I will protect my wife from anybody, including you. So, when you go home, you’re going to go and apologize to your mother. Remember, if you make her stressed out, you can make her sick. You are eventually going to grow up and leave her, I’m not.”
After a while, we went home, and they talked. I still to this day don’t even know what the problem was. The next morning when I went to wake Faith, she said, “Daddy, before you go, I just want to say I’m sorry for making Mom mad last night.”
I told her, “Don’t worry, God forgives, just move on.” She went on to say, “Daddy, I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I know why I drive Mom so crazy.”
“Really, you do?”
“Yeah, I’m just like you!” I laughed like crazy. Oh my goodness—where did she come up with that?! Christy would tel
l you she’s the image of me in every way. It’s worth noting: when men get stressed, they’ll leave their wife and bond to their kids. Be aware and don’t do that. Bond to your wife. She needs you two to stay connected. Protect her, even from her own kids.
#4 SCHEDULE WITH THE GIRL
The greatest thing a guy could say to his wife in the morning would be, “Honey, would you like to go on a date with me?” Oh guys, if you could only see the room full of smiling ladies I see when I say this in one of my seminars. Guys, when you first met that woman, you did everything. Your testosterone was driven, you created pictures in your mind, you chased her, you dated her, and you scheduled things with her. She’s still the same way, but most guys have stopped doing those things. Her biology will always desire to connect with you. One of the best things guys can do is to continue to date their wives. If you do this, and you plan it, she’ll create the picture in her mind of all the wonderful things that make you to be the most amazing man in her world. I still date my wife! I plan it all, including the dance classes that I recently signed us up for. I told her in advance, and she was so excited before our date and beaming after our date. My wife likes dancing, you will have to think about what your wife likes. It doesn’t have to be fancy if you show her that you see her and understand her. Guys, how much does that cost you? A little effort perhaps, but it pays off huge. Plan it. You plan it, guys. When you were first chasing her and pursuing her, you planned everything. Then when you married her, it becomes, “What do you want to do?” Don’t do that. You plan it, that connects with her. Take her somewhere peaceful to sit and just ask her, “Honey, how was your day?” That gives a woman the opportunity to talk for the next three-and-a-half hours and you don’t have to do anything. I kid! But when she talks, she’s connecting. What does that do to her hormones? It makes her healthy. Think about that. It’s very simple.
I Disagree Page 10
