* * *
Nathan held the letter in his hand and sat down on the couch. His heart softened at the kindness he felt coming through the written words on the page.
She was a nice girl, and as he gave more thought to her offer to help, he realized it might be a good idea to accept. He’d told Valerie that he wanted to be involved in the funeral arrangements, but didn’t know the first thing to do. The sensible thing was to write back to her, so he jumped up and hurried to the door. When he saw the boy still by the front gate, he called out to him.
“Hey.”
The boy turned around. “Jah?”
“Can you take a note back to Violet? I’ll pay you.”
“Yeah, okay.”
The boy made his way back and Nathan left the door wide open for him while he looked for pen and paper. “I won’t be a minute. I’ll just jot something down. What’s your name again?”
“It’s Toby Yoder.”
“Thanks for doing this, Toby.”
“You’re welcome. Denke for the money.”
“Do you remember me?”
“Nathan Beiler. Your mudder just died.”
“That’s right.”
“I can do odd jobs around here too if you want.”
Nathan looked at the boy, surprised by his offer. “I’ll keep that in mind, but I don’t think I’ll be around for long.” He took hold of the pen. Dear Violet? No, it sounds too formal. Just Violet would be better.
* * *
Violet,
Thank you for reaching out to me. It is rather unusual from members of the community, and I really do appreciate it.
This period is indeed difficult, but I’m learning more and more each day to take comfort from God and to allow Him to help me. He has guided me and is still guiding me through this. I know, one day, this will get easier.
I appreciate everything Valerie has done, but it’s my place to make decisions regarding my mother and I will take over, or assist, Valerie with it.
Thank you for being kind, Violet.
Nathan
* * *
He folded the letter and handed it to Toby. “Hang on.” After he found his wallet he gave the boy five dollars.
“Denke, Nathan. Wow!” The boy rushed out with the note clutched in his hand.
Nathan laughed and when the boy was gone, he closed the door. Whether it was because he was touched by Violet’s offer of help, Nathan wasn’t sure, but he felt deep down in his heart that things might not be as bleak as they’d seemed. That message from Violet had lifted his spirits and was just what he needed.
* * *
Nerida was standing by her kitchen window, scrubbing the kitchen sink, when she saw young Toby Yoder running toward the house. He wasn’t one of the usual children she saw playing in the area and he appeared to be heading directly to her house. She tossed the cleaning rag in the sink, wiped off her hands on a towel, and hurried to see what he wanted. Stepping down the porch chairs, she waved to him. “Hello, Toby.”
“Hello, Ma’am.”
“What brings you so far from your place?”
“I’m running an errand.” His cheeks were rosy under his freckles, and he was slightly out of breath.
“Have you been running?”
“Jah. I like running. I can run for miles.”
Noticing something clutched in his hand, she looked down and saw a folded piece of paper. “Is that a note?”
“Jah, I’m to give it to Violet and no one else.”
“And can I ask who the sender of this note might be?”
The young boy looked thoughtful. “I don’t know if I’m supposed to say.”
“Violet’s my dochder.”
“Jah, I know, but I reckon I’m supposed to hand it to her.”
“You wait in the kitchen for milk and cookies, and I’ll take the note up to Violet. She’s in her bedroom.”
He smiled. “Denke. Chocolate cookies?”
“Jah. I have both chocolate and chocolate chip.”
“Chocolate chip are my favorite.”
“Then that’s what you shall have.”
He handed the note over and with her arm around his shoulder, she walked him up the porch steps. When they stepped inside, Nerida said, “The kitchen is that way. You wait there and I’ll be back in a minute.”
The boy nodded and headed to the kitchen.
Nerida looked down at the piece of paper in her hands. Who was Violet getting secret notes from? It could only be from someone of whom she did not approve. There was only one likely candidate who was showing Violet attention and that was Nathan Beiler.
She held the note up to the light and couldn’t see any writing. Would it be wrong to take a peek inside? The worst thing imaginable would be if Violet ran away with an Englischer and if peeking in the letter would save that happening, what would be wrong with that?
With her heart pounding, she glanced around to make sure no one was looking, then she took hold of one corner and then carefully peeled it back.
“May I get myself a glass of water?”
Nerida looked across at Toby. “Jah, of course.”
“That note’s for Violet’s eyes only, Ma’am.”
“Ach jah, I know. I was just … making sure it was for Violet.”
Toby’s expression didn’t change and neither did his tone. “It is.”
“I’ll get your milk and cookies in a minute. Go back and wait in the kitchen.”
“Jah, Ma’am.”
It was an impossible situation and guilt washed over Nerida. What a bad example it would’ve been if Toby had seen her spying on her daughter by reading her private letter.
Seeing Toby was now back in the kitchen, she knew she’d have to trust Violet and leave everything in God’s hands.
When Willow came down the stairs, Nerida said, “Willow, Toby Yoder’s in the kitchen. I said I’d get him cookies and milk; can you see to that?”
“What’s he doing here?”
“I’ll tell you later. Just do as I said.”
“Okay.”
Chapter 5
Violet anxiously awaited a response from Nathan. It would be stupid of her to think that he had to answer. She paced her bedroom floor while rubbing her palms together. She did not understand why she was so anxious, but she felt a sense of responsibility toward him.
Her mudder called out to her. She rushed downstairs. “Jah, Mamm?”
“Someone left this for you.” She handed her the letter and narrowed her eyes. “Who’s it from?”
She stared at the letter, delighted that he’d written her a note and gotten it to her so quickly. “Nathan Beiler, I’d expect.” Violet felt disapproval emanating from her mother.
“What’s the matter, Mamm?” Violet asked, staring at the look of horror on her mother’s face.
Through a clenched jaw, her mother said, “I don’t want you speaking to that boy.”
“Why not?”
“Because he’s troubled; the devil is in that boy.”
“Mamm, the devil isn’t in him. I’m worried about him, that’s all. Since his mudder died, he’s got no one. I offered to help with the funeral tomorrow.”
Her mudder lifted up her chin. “As soon as it’s done, I want you far away from him. He had young Toby Yoder deliver that note and I think it’s a bad example for him to see notes being passed around in secret.”
“Where’s Toby?”
“In the kitchen. Willow’s getting him milk and cookies.”
* * *
Violet nodded and left the room, dragging her feet. Once back in her room, she read the letter and couldn’t help smiling. She would’ve felt silly and embarrassed if he hadn’t responded. Rather than sending another letter back, she’d slip out of the house and go and see him so they could speak face-to-face. Looking again at the letter, she admired his handwriting. It was strong, confident, and elegant at the same time. She had never noticed anyone’s handwriting before, but she found his writing to be attractive
.
When Toby had left, Violet was waiting for Willow when she came back upstairs.
“Cover for me, Willow. You’ll have to help Mamm with the dinner and other chores. I’m going back to see Nathan.”
Lines appeared in Willow’s young forehead as her eyebrows shot up. “What do you mean?”
“He wrote a note to me because I wrote one to him. Anyway, I’m going to hitch the buggy and go see him.”
Willow’s bottom jaw dropped. “What if they find out?”
“Will you cover for me?”
Willow grunted. “I’ll try. Don’t be long.”
“Denke. I won’t.”
Violet hurried out of the house. There was no way she wanted to do more walking so she hitched the spare buggy and was careful to do so on the other side of the barn, out of sight. Her mother usually watched everything that was going on outside the kitchen window.
Violet’s stomach gnawed away at her. Was it hunger, or was she nervous? She wasn’t certain which it was.
All the way to Nathan’s house, she thought about him. Nathan certainly did not look like he had the devil in him. He looked like a regular man, even handsome. More than anything, she hoped he would let her in the house this time, or she would be embarrassed by going to see him twice in as many days.
When she stopped the buggy in front of the house, she saw that two of the windows were open—a good sign that he was most likely home.
After she had secured the horse, she headed to the front door. Before she reached it, she heard it creak open, and then she saw Nathan filling the frame of the doorway. He was grinning.
“Oh, hello,” she said, not expecting him to be right there.
“Hi again, Violet.” He pushed the door open wide. “Do you want to come inside?”
“Jah, I’d like that.”
He left the door open and she walked in, following him to the living room, and then they both sat. It was a small room with two comfortable, soft brown couches. Over the back of each was a colorful crocheted blanket that his mother would’ve most likely made. Nathan sat in one and being too shy to sit too close, Violet sat in the one opposite.
“I was speaking with Valerie yesterday and she said she was coming here to see you.”
“Jah, she did already and we talked about some things.”
Violet nodded and clasped her hands tightly in her lap. “Good.” There was an awkward silence. She glanced over at him and then her eyes flickered around the room, looking for something to talk about.
“Would you like tea or something?” he asked.
“Nee.” She shook her head. “I need to get back home soon.”
“I have to confess that I know nothing about funerals. Mamm looked after Dat’s funeral. I feel bad that other people have taken over things that I should be doing.” He ran a hand through his hair and she was glad he was finally talking just like when they were younger.
“It must be awful. I hate to even think about what you’re going through.”
“It’s just that I’m feeling overwhelmed by everything. And I’m not normally like that. I’m normally in control.” He shook his head. “I’m out of control at the moment.” He gave a small laugh. “I have no idea what I’m doing or what I’m supposed to do.”
“That’s to be expected. No one knows how to do these things, I guess, until they have to do them.”
“I’ve got so many decisions to make and it’s not easy when my head’s spinning.”
Violet nodded, wishing she could put her arms around him to give him some form of comfort.
“It’s just that I should’ve been here, Violet, you know?”
Violet stared at him, not knowing what to say. When she opened her mouth to say something, he spoke again.
“I should’ve moved back. She was sick, but I didn’t know she was going to die. If I’d known that, I would’ve come back and lived here with her. She’s been sick before and gotten over it. Some days she was fine.”
“Where did you go? I mean, where do you live now?”
“I’ve never gone far. I’m leasing a house in town with Abe and Ben.”
Violet recognized the names of brothers who’d left the community after they’d been on their rumspringas.
“I came here every day during my lunch break to make sure she ate. I brought her food. I couldn’t stay long, ten minutes or so. Then I came on the weekends to see her. Saturdays mostly because of the Sunday meetings.”
She took the opportunity to say, “Well, you came every day to look after her; there wasn’t much more you could’ve done.”
“I could’ve moved back in.”
“And she still would’ve been sick. You can’t stop someone going when Gott calls them home.”
He nodded. “But I would’ve been here. I could’ve given her comfort in those last few moments. Who was here with her when she died? No one. She died alone.”
“I heard she went in her sleep—nice and peaceful.”
“Maybe.” He looked thoughtful. “That’s what they said.”
“Gott would’ve given her comfort. She wouldn’t have been alone.”
“Do you think so?” Nathan asked.
“I know it.”
Nathan breathed out heavily. “I hope so.”
“Nathan, can I ask you something?”
“Sure, anything.”
“Why did you stop coming to the meetings?”
He took a while to respond. “I just felt like a few of the folks in the community weren’t respectful when my father was going through a hard time.”
“What happened? Forgive me if I’m prying, I’m just interested to know.”
“There was just too much judging and gossiping going on for my taste. I’m sure you heard the talk about my Daed?”
She nodded uncomfortably. Violet had often heard the rumors and was embarrassed and felt horrible that Nathan and his mother knew that their father and husband were being talked about.
“Those rumors made my mudder feel like my vadder was not being a gut husband before he died. He had some problems, but he was trying. When he died, Mamm felt a lot of the people weren’t the same to her. After that, not many people visited her. Sadly, I nearly became one of them.” He looked around the room. “It’s hard for me to stay in this haus for too long.”
“Bad memories?”
“Yeah, bad memories, but not of my parents so much.”
Violet nodded, knowing he meant that he had bad memories of the people in the community and how he’d perceived his father was treated.
“I just didn’t want to come back and be around those people.”
“I understand that people can be cruel and that’s human nature, but you shouldn’t let them stop you from worshipping and being close to Gott,” Violet said.
“I haven’t stopped, Violet. I do worship; I just do it at home in my own way. I don’t have to do it like the community says I should.” There was a moment of silence, before Nathan asked, “Violet, why are you here?”
The question caught her off-guard. She hadn’t expected him to ask. “Umm, I knew that this would be a hard time for anyone and I know you have no one to lean on. I figured that I could make this easier for you by being a friend. We were good friends when we went to schul.”
“What about how everyone feels about me? Aren’t you afraid that they will treat you in the same way if they see you with me?” Nathan asked.
“If they do, then you’re right about not wanting to be around them.”
He nodded in acceptance of her answer.
Remembering Violet told Willow she wouldn’t be too long, she rose to her feet. “I should get back home. They’ll be wondering where I am.”
“I appreciate you coming here and offering your friendship, and thank you for your letter. It makes me feel better to know I’ll have you and Valerie there at the funeral tomorrow.”
“You have many friends here.”
Nathan scoffed. “I don’t know about that.”
“Maybe.” He walked her to the door.
When she walked past him onto the porch, she swung around. “Bye, Nathan.”
“I’ll see you at the funeral if I don’t see you before.”
She smiled at his words, and quickly faced the other direction so he would not see the color that she knew was rising to her cheeks. No man had ever made her feel like Nathan had. She was comfortable with him, but nervous at the same time. It was weird, and hard to explain, but he was different from any other man she’d ever known.
Things with Nathan were turning out far different than she had planned. She had to admit to herself that she liked him. It was as simple as that. Nathan was humble and strong, not to mention attractive. It might have been stubbornness that led him to leave the community.
As she rode home in the buggy, she blushed as she realized how brave she’d been to go there at all.
* * *
Nathan felt vastly different every time Violet was around. She gave him peace and renewed hope that everything would be okay. He hoped what she said would be true, that people would be friendly to him tomorrow at his mother’s funeral. Maybe there were some community members who cared. He knew they weren’t all bad; it was just that the horrid handful over shadowed all the good people.
He stayed in the doorway, leaning against it as he watched her buggy get smaller and smaller as it left him. He hoped there was more to her visit than her wanting to help and being a good friend. His greatest hope was that she liked him as more than a friend, but he knew a girl such as Violet would want a man with his two feet in the community. Not someone who had left and who had resentments in his heart.
Once Violet’s buggy was out of sight, he closed his front door and sat down on the couch and closed his eyes. Before his face, he saw Violet with her perfectly-shaped oval face and the glasses that suited her and made her look interesting. She was a beautiful girl and he’d always liked her. He once had hopes that their friendship would blossom into something more. Now he saw that it probably never would. Even if she felt that same spark as he did, none of her family liked him. He was pretty sure she wouldn’t go against what her family wanted for her.
Amish Violet Page 3
