He pushed the newspaper away from him to the other side of the table and held his head in his hands. Surely she wouldn’t marry him.
Chapter 17
Things had been going well for Nathan. He had been promoted at work to foreman, which meant a huge pay increase. With the rent coming in from his mother's house, which he had decided to keep rather than sell, he was doing well all ’round.
What played on his mind was the fact that he didn't belong in the English world, and deep down he saw himself as an Amish man. He still held all the beliefs and principles that he'd been raised with, keeping them in his heart.
He’d thought long and hard about returning to the community. He’d hardened his heart somewhat when the newcomer, Benjamin, had told him off, telling him he should only return for the right reasons and not for Violet alone. After being away from the community for a while, he realized that Benjamin had annoyed him because his words had been right. Now after much consideration, he knew that he had to return because it was the right thing for him, and the right thing in God’s sight.
The wedding announcement for Benjamin Hostetler was a horrid thing if it was Violet he was intending to marry. How would he be able to return to the community knowing Violet was married to someone else? It should’ve been him.
As he sat there at the table of the diner trying to adjust to the shock of Violet possibly marrying another, her words rang through his head. He had to come back to the community for himself and for the sake of his relationship with Gott and not for her. His first instinct was to get in his car and drive to see her and make sure she wasn’t going to marry Benjamin, but he stopped himself. The wedding wasn’t for a while.
* * *
It was ten on a Saturday morning when Nathan walked out of his bedroom in the house that he shared with two other young men. When he reached the living room, he saw his two housemates had fallen asleep—one on each couch.
There were empty beer cans and empty pizza boxes lying around, tossed carelessly over the floor. There was an Xbox game still playing and one of his housemates still had a controller in his hand. He shook his head. This was not the life he wanted. He had to make a change.
He decided then and there to go and visit his good friend Valerie. She was the one who’d helped with his mother's funeral. While he showered and got ready, he decided to call in at Nancy's house first, and if she was available, he’d drive her over to Valerie's house. He knew those two Amish ladies were full of wisdom and he felt the need to talk with someone who had his best interests at heart. He wouldn’t mention Violet at all unless they brought up her name.
Two hours later, he was knocking on Nancy’s door. Hezekiah opened the door and he smiled when he saw him, offering his hand to shake.
“Nathan, it's so good to see you. Come inside.”
Before Nathan could say anything, he was being pulled inside Hezekiah Yoder’s house.
“It's nice to see you too, Hezekiah.”
Hezekiah called out to Nancy. “Nancy, we've got Nathan Beiler here.”
Nathan looked up when he saw Nancy walking down the stairs.
“Nathan, it's so good to see you! What have you been doing with yourself?”
Nathan gave a small chuckle. “I told you I would visit you one day, so here I am.”
“Valerie and I were talking about you just the other day.”
“I hope you were saying good things,” he said with a laugh.
“Of course we were. Sit down and I'll make you a cup of tea.”
He glanced at Hezekiah and then back at Nancy. “I had hoped we might go and see Valerie? I’ve got my car here. I could drive us.”
“I've got things to do today,” Hezekiah said, “but you go right ahead, Nancy.”
“Okay. Let's go, then. Oh, I hope she’s home. She’ll be so upset to miss you if she’s not.”
Nathan said goodbye to Hezekiah, still pleased that the deacon had been pleased to see him.
As Nathan walked out to the car with Nancy, she repeated, “I hope she's home. She’s usually home on a Saturday.”
When they got into the car, and after they both buckled their seatbelts, Nathan couldn’t stop himself from asking the one thing he promised himself he wouldn’t. “How's Violet?”
“She's not married, if that's what you mean.”
He laughed and started up the car. Then he realized how much tension he was holding in his body as it lifted off him and floated away. “You can see right through me.”
“Nothing much gets past me. I've had six kinner, don't forget.”
“I'll have to remember that. I was somewhere the other day and came across an Amish newspaper. I saw Benjamin Hostetler was getting married but the part where it said who he was marrying was missing. I thought he might have married Violet.”
Nancy chuckled. “Nee. She didn’t like him like we thought she might.”
“That’s good.”
He saw Nancy smiling at him out of the corner of his eye as he concentrated on driving.
“Good for who?” Nancy asked.
“Me, of course, and for her too.”
* * *
Valerie was at home, and minutes later they were all sitting around the kitchen table with hot tea and cookies.
“These are the best cookies I've had since I don't know when, Valerie.”
Valerie giggled. “They're just plain old sugar cookies.”
Nancy leaned in toward him. “Nathan, we know you didn't come here to talk about cookies. As much as we love you visiting us, I can't help the feeling that you have something on your mind. Apart from what we talked about in the car.”
A smile twitched at his lips. “I've been thinking about coming back to the community for good. I want to make my life matter for something. I know that’s what Gott would have me do.”
The ladies looked delighted.
“That's wunderbaar!” Valerie said, her face beaming.
“It certainly is. We’ve been praying for you, Nathan.”
“Denke. I've needed it; I can tell you that.”
“Wait a minute. Are you coming back, or are you only thinking about it?” Valerie asked.
“I'm on the verge of coming back and I just wanted to talk to the both of you to sort out the last of my doubts.”
“Go ahead. We’ll help you wherever we can.”
“I just have a few nagging things at the back of my mind. I don’t know if I’m being petty-minded or not.”
“Go on,” Nancy said, leaning forward.
“It started back when my father was having a hard time with his drinking. You probably know it got worse and worse, and I thought the community could do a bit more in the way of support rather than shunning him. It seemed to me that he was shunned, and then gossiped about. I was a teenager at the time of his last shunning, but I was still fully aware of what was going on.”
“And you left not long after your father died,” Valerie stated.
“I did.” Nathan nodded. “I just didn't want to be around people like that who I thought had done the wrong thing by him, but then when my mother died I saw a different side of most of the people in the community. Almost everyone was supportive, including the bishop and his wife. It makes me wonder if I only saw the bad side of people when my father was going through his trials.”
“We often can only see the bad side of things instead of seeing the good side. The shunning is done so people see their errors. It’s just the way things are done.”
“I know what it’s for, but it seems so against the teachings of love, forgiveness, and understanding.”
“It’s so people can see their errors.”
“I don’t think it achieves that,” Nathan said.
“Nothing’s perfect, Nathan, and as long as the church, the Body of Christ on earth, is full of people, it will not be perfect. I’m not saying that shunning’s right or wrong; it might be right for some and not others. I don’t know,” Nancy said.
“The thing is,” Nath
an said. “I've come to realize that no one’s perfect, and everybody has their good points and bad points. And then there are some people who seem to like to talk about people, but that's just how these people are and they’re only in the minority. I shouldn’t have held such a grudge.”
“It sounds like you're sorting your way through things,” Valerie said.
Nancy said, “So are you coming back to the community?”
He smiled and nodded. “Yes. I'll drive over to the bishop's house today and speak with him. I'll have to find someone to take my place in the house I’m leasing, and I don't know what to do about my job. I'll talk to the bishop about that. I might be able to stay in my job. I just got a promotion at the building company where I work and now I’m the foreman.”
“I don't see any reason why you wouldn't be able to keep that job,” Valerie said.
“You can live with us. Hezekiah will be happy to have another man around. We’ve got a big haus and plenty of spare bedrooms.”
“Denke, Nancy. That's very generous of you, but the people who are leasing my mother’s house are moving out soon, so that's perfect timing.”
“Things always have a way of working themselves out, but you’ll have to start calling it your house, Nathan.”
He slowly nodded. “It’s hard to get my head around that.”
“Violet will be so happy that you're coming back,” Valerie said.
He raised his eyebrows. “I'd rather have her not know for the moment.”
“You're not going to change your mind, are you?” Valerie asked. “Is that why you don’t want us to say anything?”
He laughed. “Nee. I don't want … I don't know why, but I don't want to tell her just yet. I think I’d rather tell her in person.”
“We won't say anything if you don't want us to.”
“Denke. Well, I’d better make a move if I’m going to see the bishop.” He stood up. “Do you want to stay on here, Nancy, or do you want me to drive you home?”
“I might stay on here with Valerie.”
“Jah, I’ll drive her home later denke, Nathan.”
“Thank you both for the talk. It was good to get some things off my chest and just talking about things has made me clearer on what I need to do. I have no one to talk to about anything, really. Except friends my age, and they’re really no help at all. I can’t talk to them about any of this stuff.”
“We all need someone we can talk with,” Valerie said with a smile.
“Talk to either of us at any time,” Nancy said.
“Denke.” He stood up and they walked him to the door.
When he got into his car and drove away, he realized he’d have to sell his car and go back to using a horse and buggy. At least his mother’s house had a barn. It was packed full of the furniture out of the house, but as soon as the tenants left, he’d get organized.
Chapter 18
Days later, Violet sat in Bessy’s parents’ home and watched Benjamin and Bessy get married. She realized that it could've been her standing up there with Benjamin and she was glad it wasn't. Even though Nathan had left the community months ago, he was still very much on her mind.
When the ceremony was over, everybody left the house so the men could take out the long benches and replace them with tables for the wedding breakfast. No sooner than she had walked outside with Willow, she looked up and locked eyes with Nathan Beiler.
She opened her mouth in shock while she heard Willow say hello to him. He said hello back to Willow, his eyes scarcely leaving Violet’s. He looked the same except he was a little heavier and he was wearing Amish clothes—the black pants and white shirt with black suspenders that all the men at the wedding were wearing.
“Nathan! What are you doing here?” she said when she found her voice.
“I'm back.”
“What do you mean you’re back?”
“I'm back in the community for good.”
She could feel her heart pound, and felt as though she would faint. In that moment, she wasn't aware of anybody around her and she and Nathan might as well have been the only two people in the world. When people brushed past her, she became aware of her surroundings.
He nodded to the edge of the yard. “Let's go over here.”
She followed him across the lawn, and he stopped and turned around to face her.
“I've done a lot of thinking about everything. I’m back officially. I’ve spoken to the bishop and everything. I’m taking the instructions and getting baptized.”
It was the best news she’d ever heard.
“And it has nothing to do with you,” he added with a smile, referring to what Benjamin had said to him many months ago.
She gave a little giggle. “That's good to know. Where will you be staying?”
“I'm moving back into my mudder’s haus.”
“I thought you sold it.”
“I was going to, but I changed my mind and leased it instead.”
“Well, that's good news.”
“I don't mind telling you that when I heard Benjamin was getting married I had to hold my breath. I thought it might be you he was marrying.”
She didn't tell him that it very well could've been. “I'm not close to being married. What about you?”
“Me?” He shook his head. “I've just been working hard. I got a promotion to foreman. The bishop said I can stay working there. I thought I might have to leave, but there are others working for Englischers.”
“You’ve spoken to the bishop?” As soon as she asked the question, she remembered he’d already said that.
“Of course I have. I'm officially back in the community and I'll be baptized as soon as I can.”
It was real! He was making a commitment to God and a commitment to the community by being baptized.
He looked out over the crowd. “I should go and say hello to a few people.”
“Jah, good idea.”
He left her standing there and walked into the crowd. It surprised her that he had someone to say hello to and while she was wondering who that might be, Willow ran up to her.
“What did he say, Violet?”
She kept staring after him, now on her tiptoes to keep her eyes on him. “He's back; he’s getting baptized.”
“For good?” Willow asked.
“Jah.”
Willow continued to chatter away about Nathan, but Violet wasn't listening. She was a little concerned that Nathan hadn't said anything personal to her. It seemed like he still liked her from the little he’d said. He might have wanted to wait awhile before pursuing a relationship with her. The only thing she could do was wait, pray, and be patient.
Violet’s stomach churned so much she hoped that she wouldn’t be sick. She turned to Willow. “I don't think I can stay here.”
Willow frowned, making lines in her young forehead. “You have to.”
Violet put her hand over her stomach. “I feel sick now.”
“Sick because of Nathan?”
“I suppose so; it was a shock to see him here.”
“If love makes you sick, I don't want any part of it.”
“Don't be silly, Willow. I just want to go home.”
“Then Mamm and Dat will want to know why, and do you want to tell them it's because you saw Nathan?”
Violet shook her head. “Nee, I couldn't tell them that.”
“You’re just gonna have to suffer through it.”
And that’s just what Violet did. She sat down at a table, staying in the same seat throughout the wedding breakfast, and didn’t make an effort to speak with anyone. When the crowd thinned and people were leaving, she didn’t see Nathan anywhere. He’d gone home without saying goodbye.
Chapter 19
“Why didn’t anyone tell me that Nathan was coming back to the community?” Violet asked her mother when she walked into the kitchen the next morning.
Her mother spun around from the stove. “I heard something, but it’s not my place to carry on gossip.”
“Who told you?”
“I suppose it won’t hurt to tell you now.”
“Go on.”
“He came by and talked to Nancy and Valerie a few days back. He said he was coming back but he wanted to keep it quiet.”
Violet pulled a face. “I wish someone would have said.”
“What difference would that have made?”
“I would’ve been warned. It was a shock to see him there yesterday at the wedding. I felt a little foolish that I didn’t know he was coming back.”
“I don’t see why that would make you feel foolish.”
Violet slumped into the chair at the kitchen table.
“Cheer up. I’ll make you some pancakes.”
Violet nodded.
“You still like him?” her mother asked.
“Jah, I do, but I don’t know if anything will come of it.”
“Why’s that?”
Violet sighed. She didn’t want to say too much to her mother. She couldn’t work out whether her mother approved of him or not. She seemed to be wavering and didn’t seem like the same woman who said he had the devil in him. When it came to matters of the heart, Violet preferred to talk to Aunt Nancy, or to Valerie. “Do you know what Aunt Nancy is doing today?”
“I don’t know. Shall we visit her this morning when Willow wakes?”
Violet pouted. “Do you mind if I go by myself?”
Her mother lifted her head up from mixing pancake batter, with the wooden spoon frozen above the bowl. “If that’s what you want to do.”
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