He shuddered. “Chad set up a profile on Tinder and Match.com and I’ve perused them, I won’t lie, but I don’t think you can catch a spark that way. Call me old-fashioned, but I like real connections.” He stared into her eyes and her mouth went dry. “I guess I’m just not interested in dating unless it’s going somewhere.”
“But how do you know if it’s going somewhere unless you go on a date?” Why was this so important to her? Why was she nudging him in that direction? To make sure he knew that what had happened between them didn’t mean...what? What did it mean? And unfortunately, she knew pushing him away was just her own way of self-preservation.
“Fair enough,” he said, looking slightly disappointed as he asked, “So, you’re dating a lot then?”
She shook her head quickly. Too quickly.
“What about that co-worker guy Selena mentioned?” Definite jealousy in his tone and oddly enough it made her feel good. “She said you two were boning.”
She was going to strangle Selena.
“We’re um, he’s...um...” What was Eoghan? A friend...with benefits? Neither of them really defined what they were beyond their casual hookups and after-work drinks. They definitely weren’t serious. He was a nice guy, fun, easy to be around. He understood her lifestyle; they had common interests and goals. Could she see a real future with him? Did he leave her breathless and weak in the knees? Could she see him as the father of her future children? No to all of that. “There’s not a real spark,” she said finally.
Levi smiled, looking almost...relieved?
Her heart raced. “Hey, I’m sorry to have just disappeared...before.”
He nodded slowly.
“You understand why I did, right?”
“Sometimes I think I do. Other times, I’m not sure.”
“I didn’t really know what else to do. I was hurting and desperate to get away from that feeling, you know?”
“Did it work? Did you get away from it?” he asked, his blue eyes like waves crashing over her.
“No,” she said honestly. It wasn’t until that moment, with him, that she wasn’t constantly aware of the lingering pain and hurt.
“I wish you’d stayed. I was hurting too. And it would have been nice to have someone...” He shook his head. “To have you here.”
She swallowed hard and a long silence fell over them. Maybe she should have stayed, but she couldn’t change the past.
He sat forward and reached across the blanket, his hand slid toward hers and covered it gently. “Is this okay?”
Was it? She had no idea. She felt like they needed permission from someone who used to be important to both of them to be acting this way, giving in to feelings and attraction this way...but they’d never get it. Was it really okay to move on like this?
“I don’t know,” she said honestly.
Levi nodded and pulled back but she grabbed his hand and held tight. “But we won’t know unless we try, right?”
He tightened his grip on her hand and his gaze burned into hers.
And there was most definitely a spark.
* * *
THE NIGHT WAS ending too quickly, but Leslie’s yawn across from him told him she needed to get some sleep. The last few days had been emotionally draining on her and he knew he hadn’t made anything easier. He’d been relieved to see her relaxed for the first time that evening. He’d have to thank Selena for her idea. She may have saved his ass. He’d had no idea how to act around Leslie after their encounter in the shed, but this dinner had definitely helped to ease them back from going too far, too quickly.
Squeezing Leslie’s hand, he glanced at his watch. “I guess we should call it a night, huh?”
She looked disappointed to end their picnic, but nodded, suppressing another yawn. “Unfortunately, I think so. I can barely keep my eyes open,” she said, starting to pack up the leftover food from the picnic.
“No, don’t worry about all of this. I’ll clean up,” he said.
“You sure?”
“Positive.” He brought her hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss on her palm. There was so much more he wanted to do, to say...but they’d already crossed a line earlier that day, several actually, and he didn’t want to push her away by repeating the impulsivity.
And when his gaze lifted to hers and he saw the conflict in her expression, he reined in any emotion that might frighten her away or make her retreat. He’d already told her he loved her, he’d already put his heart on the line... He’d let her decide what happened next.
Releasing her hand, he unzipped the igloo and crawled out into the cold. The wind had picked up and the late night chill made him shiver as he held back the flap for her to exit.
“Brr...” she said, rubbing her arms for heat as she stood next to him. “Well, thank you for a nice evening.”
He nodded, hesitating before touching her cheek. She was so beautiful and he longed to tell her just how much. He wanted to hold her and kiss her and be with her in every way. But he wasn’t crazy enough to think that this connection between them would be enough for her to leave everything in the past and move forward.
His own guilt was overwhelming—not only had he been intimate with Leslie on a physical level, but their date had meant so much to him as well and he had no right to be with her like this. She’d always been his best friend’s girl, not his. His only reprieve was knowing Leslie didn’t love him in return, therefore the choice of whether or not to be together wouldn’t be up to him.
She stepped closer and he wrapped his arms around her and held her close. He closed his eyes, wanting to savor this time together, but he could feel her uncertainty, her conflicted heart. She wanted to take comfort in him, but thought she shouldn’t. “Hey, I’m here for you. Anything you need...” This last part would be torture, but he needed to reassure her that her feelings and actions weren’t wrong. That they could live in the moment without consequences or expectations. “And none of this has to mean anything more than it does right now.”
She pulled back slowly, and her gaze flitted from his eyes to his lips, her expression clearly debating whether what he said was true. Could they act on their impulses without having it become another complication or source of regret?
Levi knew what he wanted and he knew it was wrong to want it, but damn if he could put on the brakes without hurting her and torturing himself.
But like before, he waited for her to act first.
Standing on tiptoes, she bridged the gap between them and only a brief hesitation flashed in her eyes before her lips met his.
He wasn’t going to think. He was going to shut off all thoughts that could destroy this moment. He wouldn’t think about the past or their complicated history. He wouldn’t think about what happened next, the day after or when she would eventually leave again.
Living in the moment was something he wasn’t particularly good at, but he’d just assured her that’s all this was and when Leslie’s soft, delicious lips pressed against his, it was easier. He grabbed her hips and pulled her body tight into his as his lips parted and he gave her tongue access to his mouth.
His hands caressed her ass through the fabric of the skin-tight leggings. So firm. So sexy. Her entire body was strong, sculpted. She wasn’t skinny; she was solid muscle, with a tantalizing amount of curves. Her hips, ass and breasts would make any man weak at the knees.
Her arms went around his neck and he lifted her, wrapping her legs around his waist as he deepened the kiss. This was his best friend, someone he never thought he could have, yet here she was in his arms for the second time that day and he didn’t want to let go, didn’t want to lose her again. He wanted this. Wanted her. He groaned against her mouth as he felt himself thicken instantly. Her kiss was everything he’d fantasized about over the years, but so much more than he’d ever expected. He wanted to believe he wasn’t imagining the intensity o
f her passion or the emotions he felt being reciprocated. “Leslie...” he said through a strangled sound.
“Take me inside,” she whispered.
Damn, how he wanted to. “Selena and Chad are in there.” Both occupying separate bunk rooms. The cabin wasn’t exactly the best place for any kind of privacy.
“The igloo?” she whispered against his lips, kissing him eagerly again.
The igloo it was. Quickly, he set her back on the ground and unzipped the door flap.
Within seconds they were inside and he’d cleared space on the blankets. He lay back against the mountain of cushions and she straddled him, leaning down to capture his mouth with her own once more.
Levi gripped her thighs as he returned the kiss with everything he had. He didn’t know how many chances he’d get to kiss her, so he wasn’t wasting any opportunity to show her how he felt. His tongue explored her mouth, savoring the taste of the champagne still on her lips. She moaned and her hands roamed all over his chest and shoulders and arms.
Knowing that she wanted him was driving him insane.
She slipped her hands under his sweater and her fingers gently grazed his flesh. She broke contact with his mouth and lowered her face to his neck, kissing gently along his ear and down the side.
His breath caught, then quickened and his grip tightened on her waist. “Leslie, you’re killing me.” She had to know the power she had over him. He was helpless against her advances, his guilt not strong enough to give him the energy to resist. But he wouldn’t tell her his heart was also on the line or that she held it in her hands. He’d meant what he’d told her—this meant only what she wanted it to.
She sat up and lifted her sweatshirt over her head, tossing it aside.
He swallowed hard at the sight of her beautiful breasts swelling over the top of the white sports bra she wore. He wanted to touch them, kiss them...
The shape of her body illuminated only by the flickering tea lights and the moon above them was breathtaking. He stared at her, unable to tear his eyes away. He wanted to commit this image to memory. Something to keep once all of this was over.
He sat up slowly and removed the bra. His gaze locked on hers and he searched for any sign of hesitation, uncertainty... “You sure?”
She nodded.
He tossed her bra aside and his hands stroked along her chest, downward to cup both breasts. He massaged gently, then more aggressively when her eyes closed and her head fell back in pleasure. He wanted to make her feel incredible. She deserved to feel amazing. She deserved to know just how incredible she was.
He lowered his head to her neck and left a trail of kisses from her shoulder to her collarbone, up toward her earlobe and back down across her chest. She smelled so good, like the wild outdoors and a hint of cinnamon from the body soap in the shower stall. He ran his tongue along her skin, enjoying the sweet taste of her.
“Levi, I want you,” she said, gripping his shoulders.
The bulge in the front of his jeans should tell her just how badly he wanted her too. “You can have me.” All of him. But right now, it was clear she was asking for only his body.
Within seconds they were naked and as he lay back against the cushions and she placed one leg on either side of his body, his heart felt as though it would explode any moment.
Earlier that day had been amazing but now here they were, completely naked, exposed, vulnerable...and this time he could have her more fully. The thought of being inside of her was enough to make him come, so he steadied his breathing and forced a deep breath, desperate to make this experience a memorable one for her.
He wanted to be memorable to her when she left this time.
She ran her hands along his chest, over his abs and lower. Her eyes never left his as she wrapped a hand around him. “Guess we can’t actually...” she said, desire in her voice revealing how badly she wanted to.
He cleared his throat. “Actually, we can,” he said, reaching for his discarded jeans. He reached into the back pocket for his wallet and retrieved a condom.
She studied him. “Are you always prepared or were you hoping this might happen?”
“Which is the right answer?” he asked. Truth was, he’d slipped it into his wallet last minute with no expectations, just a lot of hope and wanting to be prepared.
She grinned. “Maybe it’s best to not answer at all,” she said, opening it.
He watched as she slowly rolled it on over his exposed, straining cock and fought the intense sensations rippling through him at her touch. This moment was never supposed to be...the two of them hadn’t been destined for one another. He’d learned to live with that but now here they were and he had no idea how he should be feeling or acting. All he knew was that he needed to be with her. He couldn’t let his guilt or his desire to protect her or himself make her feel like he didn’t want her. Nothing was further from the truth.
They’d live in the moment.
She lowered her body down over him and rode him slowly at first. Closing her eyes, she moved her hips forward and up and down over the length of him.
He held her thighs, his fingers digging in hard as he stared at her beautiful body above him. Her blond hair fell over one shoulder and the strands glistened in the light from the moon. The tea lights, flickering their last remaining light, cast a breathtaking shadow across her face, but he knew every inch of it by heart. The deep blue eyes, the tiny adorable nose, the high cheekbones and the full, delicious lips.
Her breasts bounced slightly as she quickened her pace, her breathing labored, and Levi was mesmerized by the rise and fall of her chest and abdomen.
His hands slid upward on her thighs and wrapped around her back, cupping her ass. He lifted her higher until her body reached the top of his penis, then plunged her back down over his hardness.
“That feels so good, Levi,” she said and he nearly came undone hearing her say his name. He might not be what she needed or wanted long-term, but he was what she needed and wanted right now. And right now, he’d convince himself that that was enough.
She rode him harder and faster until they were both panting and desperate for release. “Leslie, I’m not lasting much longer,” he said, staring up at her.
“Come for me, Levi,” she said, her hands pressed against his chest and her gaze locked with his, full of lust and desire and so incredibly sexy, he couldn’t hold back any longer. His body erupted in rippling waves of pleasure and his grip on her tightened as he throbbed inside of her. Behind her, he could see the moon and the stars and the shadow of the mountains and forest in the distance, and it was as though he was seeing it all for the first time. He released a satisfied moan as his body shuddered his release and his hands went to her face. He pulled her closer and kissed her hard.
Leslie pressed her pelvis forward, leaving no gap between them as she ground her hips back and forth the full length of him.
It wasn’t a challenge to stay hard for her. He was wanting her all over again already.
Her breathing hastened and her grip on his shoulders tightened as she got closer to the edge. “Levi,” she said, sounding almost afraid of the sensation, of the passion, of the connection between them.
“I’ve got you,” he whispered. “It’s okay to let go.” He’d catch her. He’d never let her fall. Never ever hurt her...
She took his face between her hands and kissed him hard as her orgasm erupted. He groaned against her mouth, holding her close to his body as she rode out the waves of their passion.
A second later, she tightened around him and he could feel her pulsate and tremble. A moan escaped her lips and she pulled back, fighting for air as she rested her forehead against his.
“That was...”
He held his breath. If she said it was a mistake, he would never forgive himself for giving in, letting go...allowing himself what he wanted.
“Everyt
hing in this moment,” she said softly, her gaze locked on his.
Relief flowed through him but his heart still ached. It was everything in this moment, but was it enough?
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
LEVI DECIDED TO postpone finding out which Leslie would be waking up that morning—the guarded, regretful, walls-up Leslie or the open, trusting Leslie she’d been the night before. He wasn’t sure how to handle either. Things were bound to be awkward and tense no matter what, albeit in different ways.
So, before the women woke, he’d headed out to the site of the cabin fire with Chad to start the cleanup. Normally, they would have called in a few other members of the team for assistance, but given their hidden fugitives situation, Levi had downplayed the amount of work involved and told the others that he and Chad could take care of it.
As they pulled up now into the clearing, as close to the cabin as the trails would allow with the cleanup dumpster truck, Chad was still mumbling about the early wake-up. “Thought there was no rush to get this done,” he mumbled, his eyes barely open behind his sunglasses.
“There wasn’t...but snow is in the forecast for the next week, and lots of it, so I thought we should get on it,” Levi said.
Chad glanced at him. “Sure it has nothing to do with a certain blonde who has a warrant out for her arrest?”
What did he know about it? The guy had obviously seen them having dinner in the igloo the night before. Had he seen other things? “Only considering this is her cabin,” Levi said. He wasn’t ready to talk about Leslie with anyone yet. He still had no idea what was happening and he couldn’t quite get his emotions sorted. He loved her. Now he’d been with her. Essentially, his heart was doomed with no chance in hell of recovery. And he was desperately pushing aside the fact that he felt like he was somehow betraying his best friend. In the light of day, it was harder to face himself in the mirror. Not that he regretted being there for Leslie, he’d never regret that...but he wished he could do it with a clear conscience. His loyalties were divided but he knew whom he’d choose given the choice. Unfortunately, that didn’t make him feel any better.
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