* * *
THE CALL FOR assistance from the Florida Department of Fire Safety couldn’t have come at a worse time...or maybe a better time. After their argument, it was difficult to be in the close quarters of the cabin with Leslie and resist the urge to talk to her...touch her, beg her to stay open, stay vulnerable...but he sensed she needed space. Any attempt at trying to make things better would likely backfire.
He’d laid his cards on the table. He was wearing his heart on his sleeve and every other cliché metaphor for putting himself out there to get his ass kicked by love. There was nothing else he could do now but wait and see if she could move past the past, if she did love him too.
Or thought she could eventually...
This space was a little more than he’d like to give though, given the circumstances. Being around her was challenging, but she was leaving in the morning and he hated the thought that he was now leaving first. The Florida fire department needed his team right away to help with forest fires blazing due to the dry, hot weather and lightning storms the East Coast had been experiencing that week.
He’d called in the other members of his team and now that Leslie and Selena were leaving, there wasn’t really any danger in the other men finding out that they’d been hiding there that week.
He didn’t like the idea of leaving the two women there alone overnight, but they had everything they needed—food, Ski-Doos, his truck in case of an emergency, firewood... They should be fine. They were both capable of looking after themselves.
“Hey, you ready to go?” Chad asked, popping his head around the office door frame.
Levi hesitated. “Yeah... I’m ready.” He grabbed his jacket and his gear and shut down his laptop.
From the corner of his eye, he saw Leslie packing her things into a backpack in her bunk room across the hall. She wasn’t looking at him, but she was aware of him. They’d been tiptoeing around one another all evening, avoiding even superficial contact.
But she’d heard the emergency call and she knew he was leaving. For a dangerous mission, at that.
Would she at least say goodbye?
He took his time turning off the office lights and locking the office door. He bent to retie his boots in the hallway.
She was sitting on her bed, reading one of Selena’s magazines. Only he knew she wasn’t actually reading. She hated those magazines.
He coughed. Loudly.
She didn’t even glance up.
Guess that was it then.
“Levi, plane’s leaving, man,” Chad called out from the front door.
“Coming,” he called, hoping to catch her attention.
Last chance...
Nothing.
Okay then. That’s where they were once again.
* * *
JUST STAY IN the room.
Nothing good could come of talking to Levi right as he was leaving. Leslie wasn’t sure how she felt and she didn’t want to confuse things further, by wrapping her arms around him and kissing him goodbye, which was what she desperately wanted to do. Without words of reassurance, acting on her impulses again would just be a dick move. So she stayed put as he got ready to leave and headed toward the front door, ignoring his attempts at capturing her attention.
But he was going to fight wildfires. He was putting his life at risk.
What if...
Nope. She wasn’t going there. Levi would be fine and the time apart would be good. Give her time to clear her head without him in her space—in her peripheral vision at all times, smelling his cologne that she swore he’d only started wearing since they’d had sex. It was a scent she knew she’d soon be missing.
She heard the front door close and fell backward onto the bed. Grabbing a pillow, she put it over her face and muffled a scream into it. She kicked her legs against the bed and cursed herself for being so damn stubborn all the time.
“You were really going to let me go without saying goodbye? That’s a dick move.” Levi’s slightly teasing tone had an element of hurt when he reappeared in the bedroom doorway.
Embarrassed, but happy to have a do-over, Leslie jumped up from the bed and hurried into his arms. She hugged him tight and he kissed the top of her head.
She wanted to stay there. Right there. Forever. Or until she got her heart and head sorted out. But she couldn’t rely on him anymore and she couldn’t keep messing with his heart. “Stay safe,” she whispered.
“You too,” he whispered back, squeezing her one more time before releasing her and heading out of the station cabin...for real this time.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
EIGHT HOURS AND four rom-coms later, Leslie was tapping out. As the credits rolled on the last movie, she reached for the television remote and turned it off. Next to her, Selena was wiping a tear off her cheek, her knees pulled into her chest, looking completely wrecked by the onscreen love.
Unreal. The woman had seen this movie eighteen times and she starred in these things, yet she was still sobbing over a happy ending?
Leslie felt nothing. In the last eight hours, she’d effectively closed herself off again. Years of practice had immediately come to her rescue before the pain and disappointment could fully envelop her. Maybe there was something wrong with her, something broken inside that she wasn’t sure how to fix. Or was it that she didn’t want to fix it because that would mean being open and vulnerable?
“Ready to change your opinion on these movies now?” Selena asked, a smug look on her face.
Was she serious? Selena thought this marathon she’d forced Leslie to endure would actually result in some type of enlightenment. “Absolutely not,” she said.
“What? Why?”
“Because they are completely anti-feminist, that’s why. In every one of these movies, it’s been the woman giving up something for love. Career, family, her home, her country... How about the dude giving something up for a change?”
“He opens his heart to the heroine.”
“Pfft...so what? Why is that enough for the guy, but not the woman? Why isn’t he expected to make major life changes?”
Selena looked ready to argue, but she paused. “Huh... I guess I didn’t really notice that before. But you do have a point.”
Now Leslie looked smug. “Ready to change your opinion of them now?”
“Not completely. I see your point, but what you’re not acknowledging is that the woman who claimed to be happy with her life, her career, whatever, wasn’t truly happy. And meeting the hero and falling for him is what taught her that. In the end, she ultimately got it all.”
“No one gets it all. It’s unrealistic.” Leslie looked into the popcorn bowl between them, but only unpopped kernels sat at the bottom. She licked her finger and dipped it into the salt.
“That’s not true. My parents are a perfect example of having it all. They have careers they love, they are still in love with each other, they are happy.”
Well, money tended to help happiness along. The Hudsons were rich and beautiful; to not be happy would mean there was no way they could ever be satisfied. But Leslie kept her comments to herself. They were nice people. “Well, I’m sure you’ll get it all too,” she said. She wasn’t being sarcastic but Selena thought she was.
She reached across the couch and punched Leslie in the shoulder. “Don’t be so jaded all the time.”
Leslie sighed. Maybe she was jaded, but she had good reason. She’d thought she was getting, well, maybe not a perfect life with Dawson, but close enough, and that was ripped away, but she wasn’t going to get into that. “I meant it,” she said. “You have a career you love, a wonderful, supportive family and there’s no shortage of men who would love to cater to your every whim for the rest of your life.”
Selena frowned. “You think men cater to me?”
“Don’t you?” Everyone catered to Selena. It was the job of
most people in her life to do so.
“People, including men, do help me and make my life easier, sure. But I choose to believe that in a relationship, the couple—both parties—should look out for each other.”
“No one’s ever taken care of me,” Leslie said, before she could stop herself. Unfortunately, she’d just realized how true that was. Dawson had never treated her like other girls—he didn’t open doors or pull out chairs for her the way he did for his mother or other female friends. He’d never really checked on her to make sure she was okay after a stressful workday, knowing she could handle the emotional toll of the job. When she was sick, she made her own damn soup.
And she hadn’t minded being independent. Right?
Selena was looking at her like she’d grown another face.
“What?”
“No one takes care of you because you don’t need anyone to take care of you. You take care of everyone else. It’s your thing. You’d probably punch someone if they even tried to imply you needed help or protection.”
“You’re probably right about that, but it would still be nice if someone at least wanted to risk the punch in the face.” Why had she admitted that? She wasn’t insecure or soft. She wasn’t actively looking for someone to share her life with... Was she? Was she ready to move on?
Selena raised an eyebrow. “I think Levi would be up for it.”
Leslie shook her head quickly. “That’s, um...nothing’s happening between Levi and me.” She’d pushed him away earlier that day for his sake. She was a mess. Her life was a mess. Things had gone too far and now the best thing for them both was for her to shut down again.
Selena turned on the couch to face her. “Look, if you want to push everyone else away, that’s okay. But I think you should reconsider on that one.”
Too close. She was letting the star get too close, too involved in her personal life, but it seemed far too late now. Selena had played a part in her and Levi’s igloo dinner date and she’d witnessed what had been going on the last few days. “Things are complicated.”
“Hello. When is love not complicated?” She gestured toward the stack of DVD cases on the coffee table.
“That’s not real.”
“Okay, well, let’s hear your version of this complicated real love.”
God, she really didn’t want to get into this. Selena didn’t need to know about her past. But she was staring at her expectantly. “Fine. The woman who was in here—Mrs. Powell? She’s Dawson’s mother.”
Selena nodded. “Right...”
“And Dawson was my fiancé,” she said, quickly.
Selena’s eyes widened. “Holy shit. I thought there might be more to that story, but I never expected you to actually tell me.” She paused. “And his mother—she didn’t like you?”
“Not particularly.”
“But you’re so delightful,” Selena’s tone was teasing and Leslie gave a small laugh.
“She didn’t think I was good enough for him. They are super wealthy and my family is just average, middle class...” Dawson’s parents had struggled to have a child. Dawson had been the result of years of in vitro and fertility treatments. Mrs. Powell always referred to him as her miracle baby and basically worshipped him.
“That shouldn’t have mattered.”
“But it did.”
“Did it matter to Dawson?” Selena asked softly.
Leslie shook her head. “Not at all. Dawson had lived a privileged life, traveling all over the world. He’d had the best of everything, but he shared it with his friends.” She smiled, one particular memory returning. “He once told his parents that he was joining the junior hockey team just so they’d buy him all the gear, then he gave it to the poorest, but most talented kid on the team. When his parents found out, they donated thousands to the league to make sure all the kids who wanted to play got the chance.”
“Wow—that was sweet. So, charity runs in the family,” Selena said, her own voice clouding with emotion.
“No one in his family loved the idea of him going into the police force. Not when he could have gone to any university, followed any path, but I joined the force and he decided it was what he wanted as well.”
At the academy, they’d pushed one another to be better, work harder... They’d grown even closer in that year and by the time they’d graduated, she knew he was the man she wanted to spend her life with.
“So they blamed you for his dangerous career choice?”
“I guess so,” Leslie said. It hadn’t helped the relationship she’d had with the family.
“But surely, things would have changed after you two got married, right? The families would just have been forced to accept it and grow up. I mean, it was Dawson’s choice to make—both his career and who he wanted to be with—you.”
“Guess we will never know.” She paused. “He died on our wedding day,” she said. Might as well paint the whole picture so that Selena could understand why being with Levi wasn’t an option.
Selena’s eyes glistened with tears. “Oh my God...you don’t like watching rom-coms because you starred in your own...but one without a happy ending. More like a tragedy, like a Nicholas Sp—”
Leslie held up a hand. “Please don’t.”
“Sorry.” She was quiet for a minute. “If it was your wedding day, how was he on the job?”
“Officers are always on duty. Especially Dawson. He lived for the job. Anyway, he heard a call come in—a breaking and entering suspect had shot a gas station attendant over forty dollars in gas. He fled. Dawson chased. The guy was on a suicide mission.” She shrugged. There was no more to the story than that. The message on her phone that she’d missed because she was putting on her makeup was the last she’d heard from him. Don’t start forever without me.
But now he was gone. Was it okay to start forever now?
* * *
FOR THE NEXT few days, he’d be living in his boots.
After a quick initial assessment of the area and the streamer wind test, Chad determined the landing location and Levi and his team prepared to jump. This being the first official jump of the season for his crew, Levi’s name was at the top of the jump list, so this fire belonged to him.
As always, the knowledge of that responsibility weighed heavy on him as he jumped out of the plane. Dropping into any wildfire held its own unique challenges, but the Florida heat and humidity had Levi soaked through his gear already.
As his feet hit the ground, the aircraft circled above, dropping their seventy-two hours’ worth of provisions. Seeing their cargo drop by parachute, landing in a nearby tree, Levi shimmied up quickly to retrieve it, then reached for his chainsaw. He started at the heel of the fire and began cutting away.
Heavy dark smoke impaired his visibility and his shallow breaths were hindered as he worked alongside his crew, digging and hacking to cut the fire off from the fuel and preventing the spread. Next to him, Miller overturned sections of the hot ground, mixing it with the cool soil below.
Levi blinked exhaustion from his eyes and commanded his attention to focus on the hazardous and arduous task at hand. He’d slept a few hours on the plane, but Leslie hadn’t been far from his thoughts and he needed to get his head on straight and worry about the potential dangers he and the team were facing out there, but his mind kept wandering back to the station.
He also couldn’t help the nagging feeling in his gut that he shouldn’t have left them.
Hours later, they loaded up their gear and hiked the eight miles out to base camp, where they’d spend the night before heading to another region. Levi’s eyes were heavy and his limbs were aching. He wiped the soot-filled sweat from his forehead as he trudged along after the others to where a meal of Spam and coffee awaited.
At the campsite, the team debriefed and then as Chad joined the others to eat their freeze-dried dinners, Levi set up his
sleeping area on the ground. It was far from the luxury king-sized bed in the Wild River Resort, but right now, after the long, exhausting day, it would feel almost as good.
Sweat pooled on his lower back on top of the sleeping bag as he stared up at the hazy sky, the thick smoke from the fires blocking any view of the stars. Even in his T-shirt, the Florida heat was killer. Living in a hot climate year round didn’t appeal to him at all. But would he consider it if Leslie asked?
His gut twisted. He hadn’t had time to check in with them since arriving in Florida and now it was after midnight in Alaska—she was probably sleeping.
He took several deep breaths of the thick air as Chad set up camp next to him. “You okay, man?” he asked, gearing down.
“Yeah,” he said. Leslie and Selena were safe. A man believed to be Selena’s stalker had been arrested in LA. They were heading back in the morning.
Still...
And it didn’t help that Eddie had called a few times.
Like now.
Should he answer? Eddie calling after midnight meant it might be something important. Leslie had asked him not to talk to her family about the situation, but that was when everything was still uncertain. Letting Eddie know what was going on now was fine though, right? He wondered if Leslie would go see her family, say goodbye before she headed out of town.
The cell phone continued to ring and Chad shot him an annoyed look as he lay on the ground. “Dude, either answer it or silence it. We’ve got three hours till we hike out. I’m planning to get as much sleep as possible.”
Levi cleared his throat and answered the call on the last ring. “Hey, Eddie.”
“I’ve been trying to reach you,” Eddie sounded on edge.
“Yeah, sorry, man. I’m at a base camp in Florida. We got a call to assist—”
Eddie interrupted. “Do you know where Leslie is?”
The sense of urgency and concern in the other man’s voice made him sit up. “Yes, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before but...”
Stars Over Alaska Page 22
