“Absolutely,” Ryker agreed. “The guy that you deserve, and who deserves you. But I think we’ve hammered this into you enough for one round.”
“Damn right,” I said, standing from the table. “I’ll be back. Same again?”
I made my way to the bar through the lively but manageable crowd, pleased for the excuse to take a little breather. No doubt I could have enjoyed this evening a whole lot more if we hadn’t just spent an extended period of time running over my existential loneliness, but… hey. What was done was done.
Once I had all three beers in my hands and turned back to the table, it was only by chance that I looked to the door and it opened — and caught sight of Fin himself heading through the door.
I couldn’t help myself. I smiled, and let it widen as his eyes locked onto me.
Hi.
His hands weren’t full of beer, so he was free to wave — a tiny, awkward gesture that only made me happier to see him. I couldn’t approach right now, especially not after my friends had just been talking about him, but it felt very fortuitous that he should appear tonight. I hadn’t been expecting to see him in person until tomorrow at the earliest.
When I arrived back at the table, I planned to play it cool. Judging by the grins on Ryker and Owen’s faces, however, that wasn’t an option.
“If you invited him here, I’ll kill you,” I warned, setting a beer down in front of each of them.
“Nothing to do with me,” said Owen, clinking his beer against mine. “That’s straight-up fate. Or maybe he’s just tracking your location services, ‘cos… he still hasn’t stopped looking at you.”
“Will you please stop acting like a fourteen-year-old kid and leave him alone?”
I could see that this subject wasn’t going anywhere quickly, though. Even once their attention left Fin, it bolted straight back to me — light-eyed and playful, and the most obvious look of ‘we told you so’ since time began.
“You smile any more, your face is going to split wide open,” said Ryker. “Would you take a look at yourself?”
“He’s a cute omega,” I admitted. “What do you want me to say?”
They exchanged a glance. It was beginning to feel like a smug boys’ club — two mated alphas feeling all-knowing and all-grown in the face of their single friend. I was about to protest when Owen spoke up, off-puttingly sincere.
“You don’t have to say anything,” he said. “We heard you earlier. It’s early days. But if you could just see yourself, V…” He held up his hands. “I know that feeling. It’s rare. Don’t throw it away without trying. That’s all I’m asking.”
Mercifully, they let the subject die once and for all then. Aloud we moved onto other things — sports, news and the kind of banal gossip that people liked to pretend men didn’t share. In my head, however, I turned over and over what Owen just said to me.
Don’t throw it away without trying.
But how exactly was I supposed to try?
4
Finley
Even with my best friend, Sutton, by my side, my heart was beating as quickly as a mouse’s. I knew Vaughn was going to be in town. He’d told me about it, and I’d been looking forward to meeting up with him. To being within the same couple of miles as him, actually.
Was it stupid of me to be head over heels so quickly? Absolutely. Almost every time I texted V, I found himself half-expecting not to hear back from him. It would make more sense than the alternative, and yet here we were — smiling at each other across the room, and he hadn’t stopped getting back to me yet.
Sutton tapped me on the back between my shoulder blades, and I turned to give him a sheepish grin.
“Oh, man,” he said. “I’ve lost you already.”
“Shh,” I hissed. “No, you haven’t.”
We headed to our usual table, ready for our food and our catch-up. I could feel Vaughn’s presence across the other side of the room, and didn’t dare to guess whether he was still watching me or not. I didn’t know which I’d prefer. My hair felt all mussed from the wind, and I hadn’t put much thought into my outfit — just thrown on a fresh baby-pink shirt to replace what I’d worn to school.
“I’d understand it if I did,” Sutton said, eyes darting back over to the alphas’ table near the bar. “He’s gorgeous. Yours, I mean, but… wow.”
“He’s not mine!”
I opened the menu to hide behind it, ducking my head to avoid Sutton’s eye contact. I could feel my ears burning red, and finally couldn’t resist the urge to look any more. Thank goodness, Vaughn had stopped looking over — but Ryker and Owen had not.
Sutton shook his head. I dropped the menu to look at him, chewing the inside of my lip.
“Go and say hello. I’ll order the drinks when the server comes.”
“What? No! He’s with his friends; that’s not…”
“Go.”
My heart fluttered in my chest, and I forced myself back off my chair before I could change my mind. I mirrored Sutton’s grin back at him, and opened my mouth.
“Very cute,” he said, cutting me off. “Don’t change a thing. Stop stalling. Goodbye.”
I swallowed, gearing myself up as I made slow progress across the room. Could there be a more intimidating table to approach? Of course, there was the man I’d been dreaming about for a long time — and very intensely over this past week specifically — but there was also Ryker Bennett, our alpha select. Owen was pretty scary, too, even if I’d been around him through Lukas plenty of times. He was still a cop, and in this company? Even worse.
They all seemed to fall quiet as I approached. My heart stuttered, and I worried, not for the first time, that I was intruding. Thankfully, Vaughn’s big smile a moment later assuaged my fears.
“I won’t trouble you all for long,” I said, self-conscious of being so quiet and soft-spoken. I could see Ryker leaning forward to hear me. “I just wanted to, um. Come and say hi.”
“Of course,” said Ryker. It was clear that I was here for V, but he was still our alpha select; it wasn’t surprising to hear him speak up first. “You’re no trouble.”
“It’s great to see you,” Vaughn agreed, standing from his chair. I didn’t process the moment quickly enough to realize what was about to happen until his arms were already around me, wrapping me up in his scent. I leaned into him, stunned and satisfied, and found myself arching up onto my toes just to be nearer by a couple of inches.
His grip was firm. I felt my heart pounding against him. He could probably feel it too.
When he let go I stepped back, face plastered with a smile and tucking my hair uselessly behind my ears. There wasn’t any out of place. “It’s good to see you,” I managed. At least my voice was a little lower-pitched now, after all that. “I didn’t know you’d be here tonight.”
“Me neither,” he said. “Got finished up with work early, so… here I am.”
“That’s great.”
“So what brings you out tonight?”
I bit my lip, suddenly shy all over again. Why now? “Oh, just… you know. I’m here with Sutton. He’s my best friend. We, um… I guess he just needed a night out tonight. You know how it is.”
“Sure do,” said Vaughn, tapping his beer bottle against the table and raising his brows. “I’ve had a week like that myself.”
I resisted the urge to ask if he was okay. That wasn’t the kind of conversation he’d want to have in public, if at all. Still, I couldn’t help but care about him. I filed it away in my memory, this picture of his face with all those tired and complex emotions, and made a mental note to check on him later. If I dared.
We stood in silence for a few beats. It was awkward, but charmingly so. His smile was sparkly and lopsided even as he wasn’t speaking. Maybe one day he’d look at his phone like this when I texted him. I hoped my smile wasn’t too broad and goofy as I ducked my head, nodding again.
“Well, um. Like I said, I just wanted to say hi, so… you three have a great night, won’t you?
”
“Thanks,” he said, flashing me a handsome grin. He took my hand, giving it a squeeze that momentarily erased the rest of the world. “We will. And I’ll call you later.”
“You boys have a good night, too,” said Ryker, and I took that as the last word, retreating as Owen gave me a little wave.
I felt the nape of my neck burning as I made my way back to my table with Sutton. Thankfully, I had been gone long enough that there was already a cocktail waiting for me on the table, which I took in both hands. Even the ice-cool of the drink couldn’t make me forget the lingering touch of Vaughn’s hand.
“That was horrifying,” I said, feeling a tidal wave of shame washing over me. “I barely knew what to say to him. He was with Ryker. He’s never going to talk to me again.”
“Well, it can’t have been all that bad,” Sutton reasoned. “He’s still staring at you now.”
“Don’t say that!”
Sutton tapped the side of my glass. “Bottoms up. You did it. The big, sexy alpha can’t hurt you from here.”
“His scent-” I caught myself, holding up one hand and shaking my head. “Nope. No.”
“Yes,” Sutton pressed. “Details. Tell me the truth. Did it kinda give you a semi?”
“Sutton!”
After a while, the cocktails finally began to do their work. Both Sutton and I felt the weight of the week begin to lift off our shoulders and straighten our backs like a thread tugging at the tops of our heads, and I could laugh and joke about things without dwelling on what had just happened — or on the idea that Vaughn might be looking over at me at any moment. Of course, Sutton still had plenty to ask about it.
“Honestly,” he said, the cocktails starting to loosen his posture, “I don’t know why you’re so nervous about it all. He seems seriously into you.”
“He does not,” I insisted. “And even if he did seem into me, he’s still Vaughn Bennett.”
Sutton frowned, waving a hand. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well — you know. He’s hot property. What would he get out of being with me?”
“Whatever he damn well asks for, by the looks of things.”
I pursed my lips, blushing all over again. “But that’s just it,” I pressed. “You can make dirty jokes, but… for one thing, we’re just friends.”
Sutton scoffed.
“We are!” I insisted. “But for a second, let’s assume you’re right, and he’s thinking more than that. Let’s face the facts. That is almost certainly all he’s after. You know his reputation as well as I do.”
Sutton wrinkled his nose. I could tell he wanted to argue, but he couldn’t, especially not as a redhead omega tapped Vaughn on the shoulder and greeted him with heart-wrenching familiarity. Whether they had ever really been intimate or not didn’t matter. Either way, the gossip about him was pretty clear. He didn’t really do serious relationships — to put it politely.
I swallowed, pressing on. “Once he realizes, I haven’t… you know…”
“Oh, stop it.” Sutton flapped his hand at me again, shaking his head. “This whole thing about never going into heat. You think about it way too much.”
“No alpha in this pack has looked at me in seven years. All else being more or less equal…”
“You’re out of your mind,” said Sutton. “Like… point A, paragraph one, first sentence. Period. Men notice you all the time. Yes, they do,” he pressed a little louder, cutting off my disagreement before I could voice it. “They just don’t approach you because you’re so skittish. They don’t want to scare you.”
I shook my head, emphatic. “I’m sure that’s not true.”
“You’re a type,” he insisted. “Thin. White-blond hair. Big gray eyes, like some kind of ethereal flower fairy. You look like you’re about to snap in half without a little protection. Alphas love that.”
I was sure he believed what he was saying. Sutton was a good friend, but he was an honest one too; he wouldn’t try to puff me up with false hope, at least not on purpose. I just had a feeling that he was viewing me through much more charitable eyes than the rest of the pack.
“You’re kind,” I said. “And maybe you’re right. Maybe I do look attractive to alphas. But that scent is just… it’s missing, Sutton. There’s nothing I can do about that. And what it means for… you know. Becoming a parent.”
Sutton was one of the few people I had entrusted with this secret about my health — the doctor’s opinion that I would be unlikely ever to conceive.
“All right, here,” said Sutton, softening a little. “For the record, I think you’re wrong. I think you’re just as hot property to these alphas as anybody else. I think the right alpha isn’t going to give a shit whether you can or can’t naturally conceive a kid, or… or carry one at all. For all we know, that might even change; your heat will come along in its own time.”
I doubted that, but it would be fruitless to interrupt.
Sutton raised his eyebrows. “But, mostly, I mean… you know there’s also nothing wrong with having fun, right?”
I screwed up my face.
“You’re lonely,” he stated, as matter-of-factly as if he were telling me about the weather. “I see it and I hate it, because you don’t deserve to feel like that. I know we’re all looking for our mates all the time. I know it’s hard to think in any other terms, but… would it really be the worst thing to date a handsome alpha for a while? To let him show you that you’re wanted?”
I shifted in my seat, unsure how to answer. Technically, no. It wouldn’t be the worst thing. Still, I could see the wistful, unsatisfied look on that redhead’s face as he finally left Vaughn’s table, and his side. How would it feel if — or rather, when — he dropped me to date more interesting omegas, with more intriguing scents, and more prospects of starting a family?
Would the little boost in confidence be worth all that? I wasn’t sure, but this was a moot point anyway. Whatever I wanted or decided, it would all rest on what Vaughn wanted. If he decided I was worth his time, then I already knew I’d follow along.
It wasn’t healthy, but it did feel kind of natural. Like I was born to be stupid around him. On a biological level, I supposed I was, — but this felt specific. Personal. For better or for worse, I was dangling on the tether of Vaughn Bennett’s attention.
Sometime later, as Sutton and I stood up to leave, I couldn’t help sneaking a look over at the alphas’ table. I’d done it a couple of times throughout the night, and would have done it way more if I hadn’t kept ahold of myself. Right now, however, I thought I might lose my grip entirely. While Ryker and Owen were deep in conversation, Vaughn was looking right at me. Those honey-brown eyes looked darker tonight, somehow shadowed with the lighting in the bar, or something internal more primal than that. I swallowed heavily, and he followed the bob of my throat down. Then his gaze dipped lower than my throat, traveling briefly down my body, then back up again to meet my eyes.
He grinned, and slipped me a roguish wink.
I swallowed again, gripping the back of the chair for balance. Luckily my jacket was still hanging there, so I had a reasonable excuse for this that didn’t involve going weak at the knees. Still, whatever I pretended for the sake of my dignity, I couldn’t lie to myself. Just the way he smiled at me made me dizzy with desire, and every cell in my body recalled his scent from earlier, and the magnetic pull it brought with it.
I held my jacket in front of me as we weaved out of the bar, just in case. Vaughn wasn’t looking any more, but by the glittering grin on his face and the way his eyes kept darting to the side, just short of landing on me, he knew he was being watched. Knew exactly what he’d done to me.
///
By the time I got home, the need for that jacket in front of me was no longer a hypothetical. As soon as I reached my room I hung it quickly on the back of my door. My heart was pounding beneath the thin, pink fabric of my shirt as I unbuttoned it. The memory of his grin and that wink replayed in my head like a ho
me video cut off just a couple of frames too soon. I longed to know what might have followed after that. What he’d say to me, if he were here.
What he’d do to me.
I kicked off my shoes and tucked the laces in, incapable of leaving a mess in my wake even in this most frantic of moments. I imagined him teasing me for that — the low, handsome husk of his laugh that ran through me like a fingertip over my spine. My breath was heavy, and when I was finally undressed, my shaky fingers past all the finicky fastenings, I had to fight not to release a long, eager sigh.
I clambered under the covers, not pausing to warm up my hand before I slipped it eagerly below the waistband of my boxers. I already knew it wasn’t going to be enough — that the feel of my hand around my cock was too familiar, and that there was no masculine, musky presence towering over me as I so badly wanted. No firm grip, rough and confident and new.
Still. Better than nothing — and for now, in the absence of my first heat and any sexual experience with another person, it was the best I could imagine. Whatever touch of his I imagined, it would only be a ghost. A pale imitation of how the real thing might feel someday.
I should be so lucky.
I shivered, tipping my head back as I imagined that grin again. The languorous path his eyes took over my body, seeming to like what they found. The damn wink.
I lifted my free hand to my mouth, biting down on my thumb to keep myself from gasping. My toes curled in the freshly washed sheets, and I could feel myself curling up — arching forward to be closer to the pleasure as it rippled through my thighs and my stomach. My hand quickened, and my breath caught around my thumb as I bit down; the last vestige of his scent in my memory crowded in, lingering in the air around me.
Come, Vaughn said. I imagined his voice, as clear and convincing as if he’d really been there, and tipped with eager, obedient pleasure over the brink, spilling for him into the now-warmth of my hand.
I swallowed, stirring a few uncounted moments later to reach for tissues at the side of the bed. Like Sutton said, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world just to play with him. Even being next to him was a treat. Still, there was some part of me, not even buried too far beneath the surface, that needed him to care for me — hoped that if he didn’t, I’d never finish for him again.
Claiming My Omega: Blackwater Pack Book Two Page 4
