Jake flung open the door. “Ma! Come in! Hey, Grandma…oh, man, did you bring this on the plane? Yum. Dad—‘sup? You look good. Heyy, I didn’t know you were coming, Aunt Liz! The baby is looking huge! Did Uncle Steve come?”
“Naah, he stayed home with the other kids.”
Jasper pulled me toward this unexpected group of people. I saw a big grubby 90s van parked outside. They drove from Massachusetts? Wow.
“Mom, Dad, Grandma Sullivan, Aunt Liz, and baby Sean,” Jasper said by way of a quick introduction.
“Helena! I’m so excited to finally meet you!” Grandma Sullivan gave me a huge hug while Jake took the food dish from her hand. “You’re too pretty for these two!”
“We’ll rough her up before long,” Jake said, as Jasper said,
“Grandma’s the one who made you the birth control.”
“Boys! Is that any way to talk? I’m sorry,” Jake and Jasper’s mom said.
“You look like one of the family to me,” their dad said.
“That’s a nice shirt and oh wow, I love your sweater!” Aunt Liz said to Graham.
“Thank you,” Graham said, giving me a superior look.
I shook my head at him.
“Sorry about the mess,” Jake said. “It’s strange to have you come out to a house we’re working on for Christmas.”
“Sunken living room, huh?” his dad said. “I don’t know. Do they like that in California?”
“I love it,” Billie said. “This is a Frank Pedrewsky original, you know.”
“Ahhh, I see. Well, I guess it’s all right.”
“He doesn’t know who that is,” their mom said dismissively.
“Of course I know who Frank Pedrewsky is!”
“Well, who is he then?”
“He’s the guy that designed this house! I do like the fireplace. That has to be original.”
“You like the fireplace?” I said, as Jake shot me a look that said, If you tell my dad I wanted to get rid of the fireplace, I will never forgive you.
“Gosh, I’m not sure that I shouldn’t have brought Steve with me,” Aunt Liz said, looking at Byron. “You’re the god, right?”
“Demigod. But…basically.” Byron kissed her hand. “There is no harm in looking.”
“Yes, Liz, see, like I was telling you, they opened up the magical world so we can use Ethereal magic now,” Jake and Jasper’s mom said. “You don’t know how much good you’ve done for our community already.”
“I am very glad to hear it,” Byron said.
Their mom shivered a little. “Ohmigod, just his voice,” she said to Aunt Liz, who definitely had to be her sister.
“I know, it’s like an angel.”
“Oh, it’s not like an angel. It could get a woman in some serious trouble.”
“See, if you weren’t wearing that Christmas sweater I bet they’d notice how sexy your voice is too,” I told Graham. “You’re letting Byron show you up like that?”
“I’m okay with not getting hit on by the moms,” Graham said. “It’s seeming like a better idea all the time.”
“So let’s see the rest of the place,” Jake’s dad said. “The kitchen’s not bad. Hmm…” He was obviously looking for flaws everywhere. “Hmm, not bad. So…two master bedrooms? This is the biggest one, I guess. The closets are a little small, but…oh, nevermind. I spoke too soon. That’s nice. I like that.” I could see Jake and Jasper both getting relieved, but then came the grotto, and as soon as their dad went marching up to the pool they both started saying, “Dad! Dad, not too close to the pool—!”
“Why?” he said, as the undine grabbed him.
Well, it made for some interesting dinner conversation anyway.
All around, Jake and Jasper were right. Their family was incredibly welcoming to every last one of us, and while Jake and Jasper might be used to having a big family for the holidays, I wasn’t used to this kind of warmth and lack of judgment in a family gathering, while Graham had never had family like this ever, and I’m sure being a ghost didn’t lend itself to good holidays either. Even Gaston seemed to be unusually merry, putting his arm around Billie at one point.
“So are you kids coming back to Boston?” said the Sullivan father, who told me to just call him “Dad” already (“since I heard you call your parents ‘Mother and Father’, it won’t be weird at all, right?”).
“Actually…,” Jake said. “Hel, I wanted to surprise you with something, but stop me if you don’t like the idea. The rest of us all talked it over already, and we have a feeling you’ll like it too.”
“Oh?” I was getting nervous.
“We want to buy Greenwood Manor.”
“Greenwood Manor!?”
“I know you love the house,” Jasper said. “I don’t how you feel about living in Louisiana.”
“I’m not sure how any of us feel about living in Louisiana,” Graham said. “But we all came together in that house, and no one else seems to want it, and it’s also big enough for a big family. Plus, since it’s a parallel realm, we can use magic easily, and I thought maybe we can even use the grounds as a way station for familiars or—something.”
“And we could be neighbors!” Billie said. “And keep working together!”
“Greenwood Manor!” I was stunned and then I almost started to cry. Growing up in the elegant halls of Ladyswald, I always wanted a home to call my own and take care of, but I never thought it would be in reach to a single girl living out of her car. “A grand home…of my own? Yes! Absolutely yes! Can we actually afford it?”
“Of course, once we sell this place,” Graham said.
Easier said than done, however.
Whenever I came into the grotto now Maya popped up. She apologized for trying to kidnap Jake and Jasper’s dad. And she got the fountain to work again. So I guess you could say we were starting to get along.
“Are you leaving soon?” she kept asking us. “Who is going to live here now? Do you have any pictures of Sam? I wish I could see them. I can’t leave the water unless someone marries me and I can’t keep them with me…but…”
I showed her pictures of Sam. I kept bringing her food sometimes. But the house was all done and ready to sell otherwise.
“I guess I have to…rehome her…somehow?” I said to the crew one night.
“I have a confession to make,” Billie said. “I go down to the basement when I can’t sleep and I swim around with her and make us cocktails and tell things to her because she’s pretty ditzy so I can just say anything but it’s comforting.”
“So the listing will say: ‘Beautiful mid-century modern home, native gardens, two master suites, open floor plan, guest cottage, ditzy and horny water spirit occupies beautiful indoor pool?’” Jasper said. “No gay couple will buy this house. No old lady will buy this house. And no family would buy this house. So now our only market is a single man or maybe a woman who wants to make cocktails and dish with her. Can we move her into a lake or give her to a neighbor or something?”
“But she’s a person,” Graham said. “And Sam gave me this house with Maya in it, and he apparently loved her. I don’t really feel comfortable with just…removing her.”
Kiersten and Caleb had their open house, and their house looked absolutely gorgeous—although very modernized. That was their style, to totally redo everything so the kitchen was now a huge expanse of white and gray marble countertop and glossy backsplash with dark fixtures. The kitchen island was massive and had a seating area.
“Hmm,” Billie muttered while Kiersten excitedly greeted some would-be buyers. “Maybe we should have built out our island more.”
“But their living room layout is still more awkward.”
“They don’t have a stubborn spirit living in the basement pool, and that’s hard to overlook,” Jasper said.
“It doesn’t really matter if their house is better,” Graham said. “We only need to get enough to comfortably afford Greenwood Manor.”
“They have five bedroo
ms here,” Jake said. “It’s a good thing we built the guest cottage, but…”
“Maybe we should have made a third bedroom…”
“It’s fine,” Graham said. “They’re asking eight hundred thousand for this house. We don’t need anything close to that.”
“Hush,” I said. “I don’t want them to feel like they owned us at flipping.”
“So how do you like the house?” Kiersten said. “I can’t wait to see yours. I bet you had a good time working here during the winter.”
“Nah, I miss snow,” Jake said. “But the house is nice. Very your-style. I guess you know your market. We’re more used to the Victorians and four squares and whatnot. Houses with a long history.”
“Yes, I know, you don’t really do a lot of updating,” Kiersten said. “Original kitchens! I can’t even imagine. I hope the electricity didn’t make you totally sick.”
“I guess you don’t even know how to use a wood-fired range.”
“I hate to think about why I would ever need to! Especially cooking for the kids. They love to bake and I think it would be dangerous.”
“Well, I think if we have kids they’ll be tough enough to start their own fire,” Jake said.
“Hey, you know, I really like all types of ovens,” Caleb said, desperately trying to ease the tensions and failing once again.
Kiersten and Caleb had multiple offers that day and sold over asking price, while we were still trying to figure out how to deal with our undine problem. I told my trusty Realtor and she said she could market it privately to a certain type of clientele.
“No one creepy, though,” I said.
“Helena, do you want to sell the house or not?”
“I mean…don’t you know anyone who isn’t creepy who might want to buy a house with an undine?”
“Do I know anyone not creepy who wants to buy a house with a sex slave living in the pool? No.”
“Hester! She’s not a sex slave!”
“She’s a horny nymph who kidnaps men, yes?”
“Yeeeah, but, so she’s not a slave, she’s actually the aggressor.”
“You’re right. I worded that wrong. You want a sub, not a dom.”
“I don’t want either of those things! I want a normal person! It’s a gorgeous house.”
“Don’t be judgmental about it! I think you’re being a little unrealistic about the problem. I’m just here to make you money.”
“Really rich guys who want to be dominated are usually pretty douchey,” I said. “I want my undine to get married and live happily ever after.”
Hester let out this low, slow laugh. “Oh, honey,” she said. “Call me back when you’re desperate.”
“You know what?” I said, after I hung up the phone. “Call me crazy, but I just want to put it up for sale and see what happens. If someone comes along that wants to live with our undine, then great. But I don’t think we can force it. It’s like trying to sell a duplex that already has a tenant.”
“I…guess,” Jasper said. “I think we’re going to get a lowball offer if we get anything.”
“I know you guys want to make the most money, and I’ve gotten caught up in competing with Kiersten and Caleb, but…part of the reason I was so broke is because I really prefer finding just the right buyer for a house. Someone who will cherish it and isn’t just looking for a checklist or a place to crash. That’s part of what makes me happy about this job. I’m still bothered by selling Lockwood House, which belonged to Graham’s own grandfather, to a couple I didn’t like very much. So let me give it a chance. I guess if it fails, I’ll call Hester back.”
“I agree with you, angel,” Byron said. “I have too many good memories of this house.”
“Go for it,” Graham said.
So we had an open house, and all the curious neighbors came to poke around, along with plenty of buyers who started out interested. Then, their faces would fall when they reached the grotto. It reminded me of a charming house I sold once where I bought it at auction only to find out later that the next door neighbors had four children with four noisy familiars and two loud dogs. Everyone loved the house until they heard the screaming, and I lost money.
Then Isaac came walking up with a face I recognized. “This is my grandson, Tom,” he said. “He’s a good kid but he’s really bad at keeping a steady girlfriend and he likes these types of houses.”
Tom winced at us. “I actually work in design and this is my specialty and I hardly have time for a girlfriend, but sure, Grandpa.”
“You’re Tom Atomic!” I said. “From the videos! I watched some of them while I was figuring out what to do with the house!”
“Really? That’s flattering.”
“Whoa! The video guy!?” Billie said, punching Gaston’s arm. “It’s the video guy!”
“I see that, yes.”
“I love what I see so far,” Tom said, pocketing his sunglasses. A small gesture that I appreciated—I found it respectful and discerning for a buyer to really want to see the true color of a house, although this was probably just me being picky. “This living room is exactly what I was dreaming of. I was in the house once as a kid and I remember how cool the fireplace was, and that wallpaper. I love that you saved a piece of it to frame. I’d be tempted to keep all of it, but that probably is better.”
“It was hardcore when it was a whole wall,” Jasper said.
“I remember that this room was really orange before,” Tom said. “And the kitchen…oh, yeah…the update is really nice. Do these furnishings come with the house or is this staging?”
“They come with the house,” Billie said. “I’m Billie Pruitt. I don’t know if you’ve heard of me, but I’m more known for doing up the whole package, so I hit a bunch of antique and junk stores last week. And that’s the original couch, reupholstered. Your video inspired me! This is crazy!”
“You know your stuff. This is exactly where retro design trends are right now. This place is already ready for me to have clients over. I love it.”
“And you’ll be right next door,” Isaac said. “You can help us with computers.”
Ohmigod, don’t ruin it, old man, I thought.
“And this deck…this is my favorite thing about Pedrewsky houses.” Tom said. “The tiki-style decks. They were one of his signatures…along with that entrance, which is also pretty fantastic.”
We considered tearing out the entrance and ran out of time, so once Maya got the fountain going, we called it a day. Phew.
I pulled my nearest sympathetic ear—Byron, in this case—into the hallway for a second and silent screamed into his chest. “He loves it…”
“Are you okay?”
“He’s my favorite kind of buyer.”
“That’s good, right?”
“He hasn’t met Maya yet. And I’m worried about Isaac. But he would be the perfect person to live here and I am dying to get back to Greenwood Manor and just…use that shower.”
We went to the grotto. Maya had been given firm instructions about not kidnapping people, but instead she would immediately pop up and stare hungrily at every man we brought down the stairs. Tom started to admire the cavernous, rocky room, newly furnished with poolside furniture and lots of colored lights, and then he saw her.
“Oh—wow—so this is—“
“Yep, this is the undine. Sam loved her, you know,” Isaac said.
“So she’s…how old is she? She was in love with Sam?” Tom raised an eyebrow.
“It doesn’t matter. She’s a nymph. She’s ageless. Until someone takes a liking to her.”
Maya lunged halfway out of the pool and stared at him even more eagerly. “I just want to marry a human,” she said. “A handsome human. If you marry me I can leave the water and have your babies and make you dry foods.”
“Oh, and I saw that Sam died and left behind twenty whole chickens in the freezer,” Isaac said. “So when you buy this place, you also get all those chickens. If you don’t know how to make a chicken, Hepz
ibah will have you over.”
“This is pretty intense,” Tom said. “I’m…just not sure I’m ready to give up on meeting someone.”
“I want to meet you…,” the undine said. “If you’re ever sad I can sing to you. And I can let you breathe underwater and come into my realm and meet my fish.”
“You have a realm down there?”
“Of course! You don’t think I just live in a pool. That would be sad!”
“Maybe we should let the two of them visit,” Graham said. “Just to see if there’s a connection. It couldn’t hurt. Then you can also take your time exploring the garden, Tom. We’ll go upstairs and make your grandpa a drink and you can come chat with us when you’re ready.”
“Yeah, that sounds good,” Tom said.
I glanced at Graham. “You sure about this? What does the undine do when she drags you under there?”
“She tries to give you a blow job.”
“Oh. Is there…like, something we can do for nymph feminism next? I am so not comfortable with spirits that have to seduce just to get a soul.”
“I think you just gotta pick your battles,” Billie said. “At least he came for the house, not to take advantage of her.”
Sure enough, Tom came up a half hour later and said, “All right. I love the house. I’ve been waiting for a Frank Pedrewsky to come on the market for years. Maybe I’ll get more work done if I don’t spend so much time looking for a date and…I guess she’s better company than any of the disastrous dates I’ve been on lately through that wizard dating app. I want to put in an offer. I don’t want to bullshit you here. You had it listed at eight-fifty. Considering it’s only a two bedroom, which is low for the area, I think eight twenty five is something I’m comfortable with. Pending closer inspection, but I’m guessing you know your stuff. I mean, I’ll submit formal paperwork, but do you have other offers? Is this worth pursuing?”
“We do have other interest, of course,” Jake said. “For some types of men, having a woman living in the pool is the primary appeal. As you might imagine… But we’d rather sell it to someone who appreciates the work of Frank Pedrewsky.”
“Okay, fine,” Tom said. “Eight-fifty. I’ll get the terms to you tonight.”
Phantom of the Library Page 20
