Stupid Ash. You could be dead right now. You could’ve gotten away from Ray only to die on the hood of a car—
Ray.
I remembered him leaning over me, telling me I was going to be fine. I remembered trying to reach up and touch him, not knowing whether he was truly there or not, if my mind had imagined him. I turned my head, half expecting him to be standing in the hallway, gazing steadily inside, waiting for me.
But he wasn’t there, and the only people I saw were nurses walking by in the hall.
Was he there, or was he a figment of my imagination, since I had the Midtown Strangler on the brain?
Officer White was leaning back, whispering to her partner, “Maybe we should give her more time—”
I snapped back to attention, refusing to think about Ray and what he did. What he made me do. “That’s fine,” I said. “You can ask me about Will first.”
“Are you aware of what happened to Mr. Briggs tonight?” Melendez shot right into the questioning, earning herself a shake of the head from White, who clearly thought they should let me rest.
Fuck that. I’d rest when I was dead…which might actually be sooner rather than later.
“He was attacked,” I said, my eyes falling to my lap. The nurse had set the food tray—if you could call it a food tray—beside the bed. Despite myself, I was kind of hungry. “Stabbed,” I added, causing Melendez to nod to herself.
“How well do you know William?” White asked, cocking her head. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a bun, and heavy bags sat under her eyes, as if she hadn’t gotten sleep all night. If she was here, I didn’t blame her. I felt exhausted, and I just woke up.
Bruised. No broken bones. I guess I was lucky, but I sure as shit didn’t feel lucky. A part of me knew it was never going to be a car that did me in. My own choices, my past, were what would do it.
“He’s my roommate’s brother,” I answered.
“Declan Briggs,” Melendez clarified, and I nodded. “We’ve spoken to Declan about it already, and he doesn’t seem to have any ideas as to who could’ve done this to his brother. The odds are looking like a random attack, but from what the doctor said, the attacker knew what he was doing. He was smart. He wanted to inflict the most pain while leaving him alive. Do you know anyone out there who might have it in for William?”
Ray. Ray had it out for William, because Ray didn’t want me with anyone else.
Then again, the same could be said of Travis, but I knew Travis didn’t do it. Travis was looking less guilty by the minute, although the jury was still out on what happened to Sabrina. In the moment, I wasn’t worried about what happened to Sabrina. Ray was on the forefront of my mind, and it would’ve been smart of me to confess it all right then and there.
But I didn’t. When it came to that man, I was weak.
I didn’t, because I couldn’t. Ray had a part of me no one else could. He’d taken me, twisted me, and spat me out unwillingly. If I told them about Ray, they’d ask why Ray was so obsessed with me, and then I’d have to tell them everything. I rarely got ashamed of anything, but when it came to my ex-boyfriend and what happened, I was beyond ashamed. I was downright mortified, afraid.
So I simply spoke a soft, “No.”
Melendez and White glanced at each other, a look passing between them. Whether or not they thought I was lying, keeping the truth from them, was beyond me. I didn’t care what they thought. I just had to get out of this hospital as soon as I could…and visit Will, once he could have visitors.
Fuck. Or maybe I shouldn’t go see him. Maybe seeing him would only paint a bigger target on his back…
And then, as Melendez asked me another question I could hardly hear above the cacophony of noise in my head, I realized what else that meant. Everyone else had a target on their back, too. Declan’s injury was only the beginning, a sign for what was to come. Ray had gotten free on a technicality, and he’d found me, stalked me, saw that I was surrounded by a group of guys, and came up with the perfect way to make me never be with any of them.
Hurt them. Kill them. I was Ray’s in the end, no matter what.
I stared at my hands, hating that I knew what I had to do in order to keep them all safe.
There was no fighting back against Ray. No winning here. Even if these guys banded together and tried to protect me from him, it didn’t matter. Ray would always be the victor, because he was willing to do anything to stand triumphant. He would kill to keep me to himself; I’d learned that already.
I had to push these guys away, and I had to mean it.
No more friendship. No more awkward positions or strange, random make-out sessions. No more flirting and no more batting of the eyelashes. All that sexual tension? Forget about it. I had to be the world’s biggest bitch to them, otherwise Ray would keep going after them, keep hurting them. Eventually he’d kill them.
What happened to Declan, what happened to Will—only warning signs of what would come if I kept caring for them. Travis, I knew, could probably take care of himself, but Ray’s cruelty was unmatchable. I doubted even Travis could beat him on that front, even if Travis was a little unstable. And Sawyer? The fuckup was too much of a, well, a fuckup to be able to put up a real fight. He might have the muscle, but if Ray came to him when he was drunk, it would be over.
As much as I’d told myself I cared for these boys in different ways, I’d have to forget about those feelings.
Apathy. I had to practice being apathetic toward them. It was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever had to do in my life, including what I did that day.
Chapter Seven – Ash
I answered the rest of the questions Melendez and White had about Will and what happened to him, and then everything they had ready to go for me. What exactly happened, how it happened, what type of car it was, what color it was, if the driver was a man or a woman, age, race, all that shit. The problem with the questions regarding my hit and run, however, was that I did not see the car, nor did I see the driver. Everything had happened so fast, and I’d been so out of it, practically overcoming a panic attack, that I didn’t notice.
I didn’t notice who tried to hit me.
Was it Ray? He’d hurt Will and Declan, so why not me?
No. No, I didn’t think Ray hit me with a car. Ray wouldn’t hurt me physically. He’d go for the mind games, the kind of hurt that made your very soul ache in agony. He went for the mental torture, playing tricks on you until you fell for whatever it was he was selling. I was ninety-nine percent sure it was someone else, but who?
Who the hell hated me enough to hit me with a fucking car?
I didn’t know, so the two officers left after asking their rounds of questions and receiving hardly any answers back. Unhelpful was my middle name right now, I guess. Helping them catch who hurt Will should’ve been my priority, but when it came to Ray…I guess that man had me more fucked up than I thought.
Melendez and White left, and I was alone, lost in my thoughts for a while. At least until an older gentleman strolled in the room, wearing a hastily put-together suit and his brown hair just a bit rumpled. His goatee looked like it needed a shave; he looked exhausted, which I couldn’t blame, considering everything.
Dean Briggs. Felt like forever since I’d seen him. It was strange, seeing him in this hospital room, me laying on a hospital bed, practically helpless.
I watched him sit in the chair beside the bed, giving me a gentle smile. It was reminiscent of Declan’s, which made my stomach twist. Declan. How the hell was I supposed to put distance between us? He was Declan. Being mean to him…just didn’t seem right, not after everything he’d been through, not after everything we’d gone through together.
He ran a hand down his face before asking me the question of the day: “How are you feeling?” Seriously, everyone and their brother was asking me that damned question. If I never heard those four words strung together again in my entire life, it’d still be too soon.
“Great,” I lied. “I’m ready
to go home.”
“Your mother—”
I did my best not to outright glare, but it was hard. “I’m an adult. You don’t need to call my mom, Dean Briggs.”
He looked at me with tired, weary eyes. Eyes that could practically peer inside of me and see my soul. “Your mother should be told about what happened, Miss Bonds.” Miss Bonds. So formal. I honestly hated it.
“I said no,” I repeated, to which Dean Briggs just appeared resigned. “Have you visited Will?” Turn the tables on him, get the attention off me.
“He’s recovering from his surgery,” Dean Briggs answered, glancing to the door, finding that Declan stood nearby, wanting to come in, hovering. He gestured for his son to come in as he got to his feet. “I was just about to check on him again when I heard that you were awake.”
“Don’t worry about me,” I told him. “I’m fine. Will’s the one you should be hovering over, not me.” I gave Dean Briggs my best—and hopefully most believable—smile, saying nothing else as he exited the room.
Declan took his place, sitting in the same chair.
Declan looked like shit, but I didn’t care. He was Declan. He was cute no matter how tired he looked or how greasy his hair was. His brown locks messily hung to the side, a shadow of dark stubble growing on his jaw—something so unlike him. His clothes were crinkled from sitting in the waiting area for so long. His dark eyes were on me, and I squirmed in the hospital bed, my gaze dropping to my lap, to the white sheet resting on top of me.
How the hell was I supposed to push him away? I didn’t want to. I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to be everything I normally wasn’t. I…I wanted to be someone else, because someone else wouldn’t be here, having the problems I did, the past I did. Being someone else would make everything so much easier and simpler.
Declan didn’t ask me the question of the day. Instead, he said, “You look tired, Ash.”
I smiled, about to say that I was the most tired I’d been in years—which would’ve been a lie—but Declan shushed me by leaning off the chair, reaching for me. He pulled me into his arms, and I was too shocked at his forwardness to stop him. I did look in the hall nearby, my heart twisting as if Ray was standing there, watching. Hint: he wasn’t, but my paranoia knew no bounds when it came to him.
Since Ray wasn’t there, I let myself get lost in Declan’s arms, leaning my head against his neck. My body was stiff, but pumped so full of medicine that I hardly felt pain when he touched me. His arms wrapped around my back, holding me tight but not too tightly. Just enough for him to wordlessly tell me he was worried about me, that he needed me…that he cared for me.
Which, in the end, was going to make this so much harder than it had to be.
No, my life couldn’t be normal. My life couldn’t be just a typical eighteen-year-old’s. Nope. I wasn’t so fortunate. Luck was never on my side.
One of the arms holding me to him moved, fingertips grazing my jaw as he tilted my face toward his, kissing me with a suddenness I didn’t know he was capable of.
Just a quick, chaste kiss. A kiss that was over in a matter of seconds, but one that I still felt on my lips moments after we parted. Declan sat himself back in the chair, his dark gaze level with me.
My stupid lips were tingly, and I was sure if my body wasn’t hopped up on whatever they gave me, I would’ve felt tingly in other places, too.
“I should never have let you run off,” Declan murmured, running a hand through his hair. The way he stared at me made me feel all different kinds of strange, but I’d be lying if I said it was a bad kind of strange.
Fuck, I liked Declan. I didn’t want to hurt him.
“You couldn’t have known,” I said. Who could’ve known that me running off meant I’d be hit by a car shortly after? No one was psychic. No one knew the future. And if someone did, could they find their way to me and tell me what I had to do to make this situation better? When Declan pursed his lips, I added, “Please don’t blame yourself.”
If anyone was to blame, it was me. I was the one who told him off, told him all those things, and then ran off like a child throwing a tantrum. I should’ve known by now that life wasn’t about running away, even when you were scared. Life was about facing things head-on and hoping, praying that you’ll live through it.
“But I do,” Declan whispered.
I found myself reaching for him, hating that he felt this way. My hand found his, and our fingers intertwined. A foolish thing to do when I had to put distance between us, but I couldn’t take the sad puppy dog look he wore. I wanted to make everything better for Declan, to save Will and protect him. After everything he’d been through, it was the least he deserved.
Declan was a little rough around the edges, but he deserved a good life, and a good girlfriend, both of which he could never have while I was around.
“Don’t,” I said, squeezing his hand as hard as I could. Probably not that hard, considering how weak I felt. “It’s not your fault.” The boy beside me had a penchant for blaming himself, especially with what happened to Sabrina. This, what happened to me, was not his fault, and I wanted him to know it.
“If you would’ve died, I…” Declan quieted, gazing down steadily at our entwined hands. “I don’t know what I would’ve done. I can’t lose you and Will.” His shoulders slumped, and if I wasn’t stuck with an IV, I would’ve gotten out of this bed and crawled onto his lap to comfort him.
Not a position friends took with each other, but we were past that point, now. Far past it. There was no pretending with us.
“You’re not going to lose me,” I told him, firm, “and you’re not going to lose Will. We’re stronger than we look.” I wished I knew for a fact about Will, but I also knew that if Ray wanted him dead, he’d be dead. This was a warning, and by God, I was going to heed it.
No more mistakes.
Declan gave me a soft, pained smile, as if he was the one who was just hit by a car. Ludicrous. He reached into his pocket, pulling out…my phone, cracked screen and all. Shattered after being dropped on the bathroom floor. The police officers must’ve told him about it. “I’m going to run to the store,” he said. “Get you a new one. I’ll have them transfer everything over and pay for it.”
These rich boys and their money, flashing it around for everyone to see. I didn’t want to take the charity, but at this point, I was neck-deep in medical dept—unless he was paying that again, too. I was going to owe my firstborn child to the Briggs family for everything they’d done for me.
I didn’t have the money to pay for a replacement, and I sure as hell didn’t want to call my mom and tell her about what happened—and I really, really hoped Dean Briggs would mind his own business and not call her, too—so I said, “Thank you.” Taking the charity with a smile on my face was ridiculously hard. Practically impossible, but I managed.
His fingers tightened around mine after he returned the phone to the pocket in his jeans. “Ash, what you said before running off…what did you mean?” Declan chose to ask the one question I didn’t want to answer, ever. “You said everything was your fault, that it wasn’t about me, it was about you.”
He didn’t have to repeat my words. Though I’d spoken them all in a panic, I remembered them well enough; I just didn’t want to talk about them or discuss them in any way. Was that too much to ask?
“What did you mean by that?” Declan pressed further, leaning over towards me, his mouth a thin line. He was serious, intent on me, and for the life of me, I could not look away. “Is there something I should know?” Secrets were the one thing Declan wasn’t a fan of, and after Sabrina, who could blame him?
But my secrets weren’t exactly along the lines of I’m having an affair with one of your best friends. My secrets were dangerous, and unlike Sabrina, I didn’t keep a journal—or two journals, technically—of all of my thoughts. Everything in my head was strictly in my head, which, perhaps, was the reason I appeared so confident and collected, calm and cool, the picture-perfect girl who
could handle anything Hillcrest and its monstrous rich boys threw at her.
The truth? The truth was I wasn’t. The truth was that it was all a facade, one I hoped everyone would believe, even me. If I pretended to be so strong, surely it would become a real strength. When you wore a mask, eventually that mask became a part of yourself, or at least that was the goal.
That had been the plan…but just like my plan to forget Ray and everything about him, all of the time I’d spent with him, it was shot to hell by the reemergence of the one person I never wanted to see again. The infamous man himself.
I was slow to pull my hand from his, looking away, fixating my gaze on the windowsill on the other side of the room. A part of me pictured Ray popping up like fucking Spiderman on the outside of the window, and I rolled my eyes at myself. So stupid. Ray had me feeling…not at all like myself.
Then again, I was at the point in my life where I wasn’t even sure who I really was. Ray had me for so long, it was hard to see myself as a separate entity.
If these guys saw me for who I really was, if Declan saw the real me, would he even want to fight for me? Would I be worth fighting for, or would he just let me go willingly?
“Forget what I said,” I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut. When I closed them, I saw headlights, nothing else. For a quick, almost imperceptible moment, it was like I was there, on the road again, being hit by that same fucking car. My eyes flew open, and I fought the panic setting in.
No panic attacks today.
I focused on my breathing, doing my best to forget Declan’s presence, and especially the way he stared at me, as if I held the answers to everything in the universe. I didn’t. I wasn’t that special, an I sure as hell wasn’t that strong.
“I can’t,” Declan said, staring at me all the while. It was as if he could see only me, nothing else in the room. “I can’t forget it, because it doesn’t make sense.” He waited a moment before adding, “I told the police what you said.”
Skank: A Dark College Bully Romance (Hillcrest University Book 3) Page 5
