ALCHEMY WITH BENEFITS
Katalina Leon
Table of Contents
Title Page
Alchemy With Benefits (Sorcery By The Sea)
ALCHEMY WITH BENEFITS | What happens when a wacky witch collides with a sexy brujo from a taco truck?
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Epilogue | Four months later
About the Author
ALCHEMY WITH BENEFITS © copyright 2017 Katalina Leon
Copyright July 2017
Author: Katalina Leon
Cover design: Andy Atkins
Supervising editor: Becky Johnson, Hot Tree Editing
Content editor: Liv Ventura, Hot Tree Editing
Proofreader: Kristin Scearce, Hot Tree Editing
Red Jaguar Press
Copyright notice: All rights reserved under the International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
This is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, organizations, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
Warning: the unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to 5 years in prison and a fine of $250,000.
ALCHEMY WITH BENEFITS
What happens when a wacky witch collides with a sexy brujo from a taco truck?
ESTELE “I MEANT TO do well” Esposito is the worst witch in the San Buena enchantment community. When she casts a spell it goes batshit wacky with disastrous results.
Everything changes when a sexy brujo, who drives an enchanted taco truck, shows up with a mysterious warning that he is her new protector. Too bad Estele hates brujos, but when an evil djinn threatens the community, Estele has to put trust issues aside and enter an alliance with a brujo to save the city.
Want the perfect alchemical recipe for hilarious chaos? Mix romance with Estele’s brand of loopy spellcasting, hexed food, a ghostly sea captain with questionable vices, a priceless gem of infinite power, malicious djinn bent on world domination and thousands of innocent people trapped at a county fair—what could go wrong?
Note: This title is number 3 in the Sorcery by the Sea series, but it really should be number 2. The storyline directly follows Fredi and Gus’s story in HOODOO BLUE, Sorcery by the Sea, book 1. Estele’s story can be read alone, but reading her hijinks in Hoodoo Blue, first will make it better.
Contains strong language. Mild sexual situations.
Chapter 1
THERE WERE NO APPOINTMENTS necessary at the LuLu Beauty Academy by the Sea. A cheerful pink banner advertised “Walk-ins Welcome,” but that didn’t mean casual clients could expect to be pampered. Requests for specific operators would be denied. Most regular customers wouldn’t bother to ask. On entry, patrons were asked to sign waivers. An ominous plaque on the reception desk stated that “all work shall be done by STUDENTS.”
The intrepid ones who used vocational schools as part of their beauty routine knew you got you what you paid for—or more accurately at the LuLu Beauty Academy, you got what you didn’t pay for.
So, on that sunny August morning, the blood-curdling screams of horror echoing from the building weren’t completely unexpected.
Viewed from the outside, the windows of the clinically tidy vocational school writhed with the silhouettes of panicked people desperate to escape. The screams within reached a glass-shattering crescendo, then fell silent as one by one bodies slumped to the floor in heaps.
Oops, time for full disclosure.
The LuLu Beauty Academy by the Sea hid one crucial fact from the unsuspecting public. More than haircuts, mani-pedis, and ombré dye jobs were being offered. At the back of the rambling mission-style compound, one sub-floor down, was San Buena’s preeminent school of sorcery and witchcraft—the Master Mage Magic Academy.
The secret school within a school provided the perfect place to mask the comings and goings of would-be aestheticians, witches, warlocks, and fiends. The false front had been in place for decades and the two schools seldom mixed. For the most part, members of the LuLu Beauty Academy were oblivious to the near proximity to occult danger. Most of the time they had little to worry about. Thanks to caution and strict protocols, Miss Dahlia ran a clean Mage Academy.
Unfortunately for all involved, one incompetent student was enrolled in both schools, San Buena’s most vexatious, sure-to-fail, scatterbrained witch ever born into the West Coast Enchantment Community—Estele “I meant to do well” Esposito.
Ashamed and once again needing assistance, Estele picked up her phone and called her best friend and sister in Wiccandom, Frederica De la Cruz, aka Fredi. The call was answered on the second ring.
Estele stammered, “F-Fredi! I need your help right away. I’ve done it again.”
“What have you done?” Fredi sounded blasé. “Did you cast another wacko love spell that hit a speed bump?”
“No. It’s worse than that. I was trying to infuse a transformation enchantment into a crystal and—”
“Wait a minute.” Fredi became wary. “It’s Thursday morning. Aren’t you in beauty school? If you’re in public, let’s not talk enchantment over the phone. It’s not safe.”
Estele stomped her foot in agitation. Tears welled in her eyes. “Fredi, I screwed up bad! This is an emergency. Can you come by the LuLu Beauty Academy and lend me a hand?” Her voice quivered. “I’ll throw in a deep conditioning hair treatment if you can help me resuscitate the others.”
“What others? Why do they need resuscitation? Jeezus, Estele, what have you done?”
“Miss Esposito!” Miss Dahlia stormed along the hallway, jaw set, gaze hard, arms swinging with determination. The substantial woman was a professor of metaphysics. She presented the perfect image of elderly indignation, a blur of lilac hair and frumpy blouse marching into battle in sensible shoes. “Estele, why, oh why do you insist on practicing magic outside the classroom without the necessary supervision?”
Estele cowered. “Hold on.” She spoke into the phone. “Fredi, are you still there? Gotta go.” She clicked the phone off, feeling nauseous. “Miss Dahlia, I’m so, so sorry. I cast such a teeny-weeny spell I didn’t think anyone would even notice.”
Miss Dahlia shook a finger under Estele’s chin. “What a disaster! A beautician’s Armageddon! Young lady, when one’s hair transforms into writhing serpents and a penetrating Medusa stare of doom shoots from your desk-mate’s eyes, it’s unsettling to say the least. I can’t imagine the horror those poor ladies just went through. Lucky for us, if I should even use the word luck, the last woman just looked in the mirror and gave herself the Medusa-meltdown stare and turned to stone. Everyone is lying on the floor in a state of suspended animation. It’s now safe to enter the room.”
How could it be safe? She’d witnessed the event up close; the disturbing images would haunt her nightmares for years. It was awful to know she’d done this to others. “We’re going inside? Really? Do I belong in there? What if I make things wo
rse without even meaning to?”
Miss Dahlia grabbed Estele’s arm. “You and I are walking in there as a team and we are going to make things right, even if we have to work through the lunch hour. What incantation was used?”
“I’m not sure. Gosh, I’m so shook up it’s hard to think.” She tried to concentrate but nothing came to her. Adding to the mental fog, she was hungry too. This was unacceptable. Why didn’t her brain work like everyone else’s? And when would she learn to take care of herself so she could avoid this sort of thing? “That’s probably why I mixed up my spells in the first place. You know, low blood sugar. During the hair demonstration on instant dreadlocks with texturing cement, I was fiddling around with an incantation to bring crystals to life. What was I saying? Lithe? Lively? Lothario? Lethal? What’s the Latin word for stone?”
Miss Dahlia appeared mortified. She closed her eyes in what appeared to be utter exasperation. “‘Lithos’ is the word you are searching for. Miss Esposito, when are you going to give metaphysical studies the serious attention they demand?”
She winced. Lately, she’d been trying to do better, but this stunt proved her efforts were wasted. “I’m so sorry.”
“Sweetheart.” Miss Dahlia softened her tone. “Historically, the Esposito witches are challenged enough. You don’t need to add to the dubious legacy by misspeaking poorly worded incantations. A witch must live by the rule of three. What we do for or to others will be visited on us threefold. Do you think the ladies upstairs enjoyed being turned into Medusas with live snakes dancing on their heads? No. They did not. You must learn to be careful and logical with your skills. Don’t throw a careless spell out there and hope it’s not just—” She drew her lips tight. “—a flying turd tossed into a blender.”
Estele wrung her hands. Panic set in. What she’d done was unforgivable, but if she got expelled now, she might never get past this point in her life and end up making things worse for everyone. “Will this incident be reported to Headmistress Witch Griselda? I hope not. You see, I’m already on academic probation.”
Barely repressed rage left Miss Dahlia trembling. “Estele, I’m the one who put you on academic probation. I did it for your own good. And the answer is no. I will not be reporting this latest indiscretion to Headmistress Griselda. She has enough to deal with in her dotage without adding wild young ladies with tattooed limbs turning our quiet seaside community into a Greek tragedy. She’d die of shock!”
“I’ll bet there’s not much that would shock Witch Griselda.” Turning her foot onto its side, Estele stood like a contrite five-year-old, hoping this would be the last time she’d have to plead but fearing it wasn’t. “You’ve always been kind to me. Do we have to tell anyone? Please help put things right before these ladies suffer any more than they already have.”
“I’m going to help you because you’re dangerous!” Miss Dahlia’s brows rose to points. “I’m sorry, Estele. I should not have said that, but the truth is you are too unpredictable to kick out of school. You have the power to do grievous unintentional harm, but lack the discipline to refine it. You’re in limbo, my girl. I can’t trust you to stand on your own and I can’t... I guess I just can’t trust you, period. Your track record with magic is bat guano. For the safety of all, as long as you’re a public menace, you will remain under the supervision of the Master Mage Magic Academy.”
Relief washed over her. “Hurray!” she shouted.
“No, not ‘hurray.’ Don’t you understand? This is a punishment.”
“Really? But I like being here.” Ever since her mother left town, her friends at the academy were her only family.
Rolling her eyes, Miss Dahlia tensed. “I feel punished. Now let’s go inside the LuLu Beauty Academy and start unraveling the wicked little spell you cast. How much of it do you remember?”
“You’re asking me what I remember? My memory is as full of holes as a pair of Crocs. What if I can’t remember? Those poor ladies inside don’t stand a chance, do they?”
Wrapping an arm around Estele, Miss Dahlia gently led her forward. “It will be all right. Try to remember the exact words you used. We’ll do this together.”
With a loud poof! Witch Griselda materialized within a cloud of mist at the end of the hallway. “Where’s everybody going?” Her scratchy voice was like the chirp of a cricket. She stooped, looking ancient in a tattered gray cloak, and clutched a gnarled staff with a ruby the size of a plum embedded on the tip.
Miss Dahlia appeared flustered. “Everything’s under control, Griselda dear. Wouldn’t you rather be at home enjoying a nice cup of tea and watching Wheel of Fortune?”
“No.” Griselda had a lazy eye that wandered. “I heard screaming and I thought there might be an opportunity to have a little fun.”
“Nothing fun here,” Miss Dahlia insisted. “Perhaps this would be a good time to feed the cats?”
Griselda snarled, showing crooked teeth. “The cats are blimps. Fat as toads. A ten-minute fast would do them good.” She pointed the jeweled staff at Estele. “Who’s the tattooed lady?”
She was used to daily reintroducing herself to the semi-senile headmistress. “Estele Esposito. I was Estele yesterday too.”
Griselda horse laughed and in the blink of an eye teleported from the end of the hallway, landing inches from Estele’s face. “Miss Esposito, the troublemaker? This is the same girl whose spell made everyone in the downtown business district walk backward, talk backward, and pull their pants down instead of up, am I right?”
Miss Dahlia looked defeated. “This is she.”
Griselda threw her arms into the air. “I may have drunk too much mercury in my tinctures over the years and gone mad as a badger, but why are we not recognizing this girl as Wiccan royalty? She’s fabulous! So creative. So unpredictable. Who else would turn a box of tampons into an army of little men?”
Jumping to her defense, Estele blurted, “I didn’t mean to—”
Miss Dahlia interrupted. “That incident and its embarrassing repercussions shall never be discussed again in polite company.”
Griselda elbowed her way closer. “Well, it’s a good thing I’m not polite company! I’m a frigging old witch who’s seen it all. I went to the buttered toast races on Prince Bertie’s plump thighs, slipped the tongue to King Leopold, and played a naughty game of French postcards with Teddy Roosevelt. He loved it. That’s how long I’ve been around, and I say Miss Esposito has talent!”
Miss Dahlia faced Estele. Pointing to her forehead, she mouthed, “Heavy metal poisoning.”
Griselda pushed past them and waddled down the hallway, thumping the heavy staff on the linoleum floor every step of the way. “I can’t wait to see what Estele has done this time.” Placing her hand on the LuLu Academy door, she turned. “Have all our students been moved to a minimum safe distance?”
“Yes.” Impatience creased Miss Dahlia’s face. “I sent everyone out of the building for an early lunch.”
This wasn’t the first time she’d screwed up when hungry or confused, and it had to stop. Even the thought of a mayonnaise-barren, bland tuna sandwich off the icky food truck that always parked near the school made Estele’s stomach growl. “Before we start... um... correcting my mistake, should I, like, grab something to eat first? I think being hungry contributed to the problem and that’s why I made the mistake. Maybe for everyone’s safety I should—”
“No, you’ll work on an empty belly.” Miss Dahlia followed Griselda into the LuLu Academy. “Let’s get on task.”
Griselda hobbled into the room first and surveyed the damage with a cackle of delight. “Holy Gorgons! What a mess.”
Estele and Miss Dahlia followed. The room was cluttered with fallen women who had been turned into statue-like lumps of ashy pumice. Many appeared distressed, their mouths distended in silent screams. All had crowns of snakes on their heads.
“Look at this!” A harsh burst of laughter sputtered free of Griselda. “It’s Pompeii after Vesuvius erupted! They’ve all b
een turned to stone. How amusing. Classic spellcasting. You just don’t see quality work like this anymore.” She leaned over the crumpled form of a woman curled on her side to poke at the cobra headdress. “This one has a Hindu vibe. Miss Esposito, what were you intending to accomplish here?”
A stab of shame cleaved her heart. Wasn’t this exactly the kind of disaster her mother predicted she was capable of? “It’s sort of complicated to explain, but I meant well.”
Miss Dahlia circled the room, counting heads. “You must have had some clear intention to cast an incantation this forceful?”
Estele dug into her pocket, pulled out a polished crystal the length of her palm, and held it up to the light. “It’s my godniece’s fifth birthday this Saturday. I saw the inclusions inside the crystal and thought, wow, it looks just like a dragon. Then I thought wouldn’t it be cool if the dragon inside the crystal came to life and did a little birthday dance for my niece? Honest to Goddess, that’s what I was thinking. It was supposed to be a fun surprise for a little girl.”
Griselda clutched her heart with a talon-like hand and stared heavenward. “A sweet gesture gone shockingly wrong! Estele’s gifted. She’s a sacred weapon and should be turned against our enemies.”
“So.” Miss Dahlia pursed her lips in concentration. “You were thinking dragon, reptile, dancing, stone—”
Estele cringed. “Ya, and I was hungry too, so I may have been thinking flame-broiled. I should never attempt spellcasting when I’m hungry. I feel horrible about what I did. Maybe I shouldn’t be here when these poor women wake up? They’ve probably seen enough of me, don’t you think?”
“Hold on. Don’t go anywhere. We are going to correct this problem and free these ladies from their current plight before anyone goes anywhere. Watch and listen.” Miss Dahlia raised her hands dramatically. “Petra desolati sunt et mens obliviscatur.”
Estele wished she had a better grasp of Latin. Of course, that was a big part of the problem; she miscast spells and hurt people she never meant to because she got the wording wrong. “I wish I had your focus. I hate being a witch who does harm. What did you say to them?”
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