Chapter 24
Rierson
As her tears die down, I know I’m going to have to be able to answer questions I’ve struggled with for years. When Kelsey pulls back, I brush her damp hair away from her face. She stumbles with her first question. “They didn’t…she’s…Lisa?”
“Never experienced anything resembling the pain you endured,” I assure her.
She lets out a loud sigh.
I knew to bring her here, seeing her own words was a chance—a big one. I had to take it to get us both out of the past to the here and now which is where we need to be with each other.
“I need to apologize.” Her voice is low and sad.
I cup her chin and tilt her face up. The light finds the dusky rose of her cheeks and softens the color. “For what?”
Her head still clasped in my fingers, I can feel as she nods at the broken glass over my shoulder. “For not telling you who I was that night, for being selfish and losing my temper. For breaking something you treasure in your home. Is there more?”
For thinking I was one of them. But as quickly as the thought comes into my head, I shove it aside. As a lawyer, I have to look at the presented evidence even though my heart wants to scream aloud asking how she could think that about me. And unless I’m willing to tell her the whole story, something I’d shared with no one but my father and the president of Forsyth, then even with the explanation I just gave her it’s going to take time to earn my place back into her heart fully. I’d destroyed what was between us cruelly, deliberately.
Intentionally.
I’ve been living life, but I’ve been numb waiting for the chance to accept the punishment and consequences for my actions. That is, after the reality of pain left me with a void so great I had nothing else to fill it with. When I had the glass made, it was because the hurt was better than the emptiness. Feeling the never-ending reminder was better than the void. And above all, it gave me hope that maybe I could change things.
“I had it made because it reminded me of you and all of the reasons why we weren’t so different,” I tell her. “It’s going to take time to forget I didn’t intentionally mean to hurt you, Kelsey. Even though I can’t vouch for a single other person, I had my reasons. I need you to try to start understanding that. I…cared for you,” I conclude.
A veil of disquiet settles over her face. “Are you going to hurt me the way you did?”
“If I hurt you again, Kels, it will never be the same way I did back then,” I tell her honestly.
And for that, I receive a small laugh and a light punch in the gut. “How about you point me in the direction of a broom to sweep this up and we…”
“How about I not?”
She frowns. I brush a kiss against her forehead. “How about I set you up with a glass of wine in the kitchen? I’ll come back, clean this up, and then you can watch while I cook.”
Even as I’m talking, I’m pulling her from the room. At the entryway, she digs in. “Ry? I want you to know I’m truly sorry.” She waves her hand back toward the mess. “I’m sorry for not being able to turn back the clock. There are any number of things I’d have done differently. And not just about this.” She squeezes my hand before she steps out of hearing range.
“And I’m sorry for not being strong enough to save all of us,” I whisper to the empty air before I follow her.
* * *
“That was delicious,” Kelsey compliments me on the spicy grilled shrimp I paired with a pasta salad. When I gave her the options for dinner, her eyes were still haunted. I decided what to make and just started cooking while keeping a sharp eye on the woman sitting at the counter in front of me.
She gently wipes her lips with her napkin before setting it on the side of her plate. “I’m stuffed.”
I frown when I realize how little she ate. Maybe four of the six jumbo shrimp I slid on her plate are gone and about half of the salad. Meanwhile, I must have devoured three times what she did on my first go-around. Maybe she’s still upset until it strikes me, she’s rarely eaten when we’ve been together. “Did you eat before you came?”
She frowns. “Of course not. Why?”
“Because you barely ate. Was it too spicy?”
“Not at all! If you want spicy, you should try this small Mexican place down by the border that Angel and I used to go to all the time when we were at school.” She laughs.
“Then, did you not enjoy it?” I’m confused. I mean, I’ve dated women who don’t eat a lot when they’re out with men, but this is smaller than a child’s portion.
Kelsey freezes. “I enjoyed it.” Her voice is barely audible. She ducks her head.
Reaching over, I tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. Her cheeks are stained with a warm blush. She’s fidgeting with her napkin, pulling it back and forth between her fingers. “Hey? What is it?”
“I… It’s just…” Squaring her shoulders, she sits back. “I refuse to be ashamed of my decisions.”
I sit back and pick up my glass of wine. “Of course not. What decision?”
“How I changed—how my life changed.”
Confused, I shake my head a little. “Why would you be? You’ve worked so hard to change…”
“I had gastric bypass surgery,” she blurts out.
My jaw unhinges. “What?” I’d heard of the medical procedure certainly; any number of famous stars had it done, but most of them were ridiculed for putting the weight back on so quickly.
“Most people when they hear that think I took the easy way out, that I didn’t try hard enough to lose weight, but I did,” she says earnestly. Her gray eyes turn stormy. “For years, Angel and I worked out almost daily. She helped me watch what I ate. I worked with doctors before I finally went to a surgeon for assistance.”
I understand the words she’s saying, but I can’t quite put it all together. “You mean…”
“I had a doctor remove part of my stomach and intestines to help me lose weight, yes.” Her voice is devoid of emotion. Rote, as if she’s had this conversation numerous times. And I expect she has. But there’s something else there. My eyes narrow on her carefully.
She’s anxious—no, fucking terrified—of being judged. Again.
I put my glass down. My fingers trail along the stem. “I admire the decisions you’ve made.” Her expression clearly shows her disbelief, making me want to demand the names of the people who have judged her so I can go after every one. How much heartache can a single person endure in one lifetime? “Jesus, Kelsey, deciding to have this surgery couldn’t have been easy.”
Still not meeting my gaze, she runs her finger over the lip of her glass. “It wasn’t. But I was so tired of not being enough. Of working so hard for what? A sympathetic smile when I’d arrive at another party alone? A pity date where a friend would take me to a major dance? You see, high school was a nightmare I would never wish on my worst enemy, but college was a metamorphosis. I went in ugly, wrapped myself in a cocoon, and after it was over, emerged entirely different.”
“So, college wasn’t better for you?” My heart aches, but that pain lessens when her smile spreads across her face.
“Oh, it was completely different. Trust me when I say, from the first day there, college gave me the will to survive that Forsyth stripped from me.”
My pride and shame war with each other. “You are utterly incredible,” I say honestly.
A flush stains her cheeks. “I wouldn’t go that far.”
“What are the statistics for people regaining their weight after a surgery like yours?” I challenge her. I’m unsurprised when she begins rattling them off. “So, what you’re telling me is you had this procedure over ten years ago, you beat the curve of the amount of weight you lost, and you’ve kept it off longer? That’s not the luck of the draw, Kelsey. That’s a strength of character—something, I might add, you’ve always had.” I finish off my wine and push to my feet.
Reaching down, I hold out my hand. “Will you trust me?”
S
he’s staring straight forward, her dinner napkin clenched in her hands. She’s lost in a world I have no way of reaching her in, so I bring her back to this one by gently reaching over and brushing her hair behind her ear. Startled, she smiles. “Come with me.” I cup the side of her jaw as I draw her to her feet. She drops the napkin in the vicinity of the table. It flutters to the floor in a heap of cream-colored linen.
Taking her hand, I make certain she doesn’t slip on it as I guide her to the back door. Flicking a switch, I turn and face her before asking again, “Will you trust me?”
Slowly, the wariness in her face is lined with a painful longing. Maybe I’ll be able to do something to erase it. Clasping her delicate hand in my larger one, I open the back door. The hours I spent at Lisa’s direction hanging the thousands of lights in the trees seem worth it when Kelsey gasps with pleasure. “Ry…” She breaks away and steps down the few stairs. Moving across the stone patio that connects our garage to the main house, she spins around, arms and hair flying wide. Her lips are curved when she faces me again. I know for this moment, she’s willing to take a risk with me.
It’s more than I ever hoped and dreamed for, but before I can cross to her, I need to say what’s been on my soul.
“You’re beautiful,” I rasp. I jump down the steps and am in front of her before she can protest. “You are,” I emphasize. “It has nothing to do with this—” I drag my fingers down her face until they rest upon her heart. “—and everything to do with what’s here.”
The strung lights enhance the ones twinkling down at us overhead. Pulling her closer, I tip her chin up. “Can you see the star right there?”
She nods. “The North Star.”
“You’ve been mine, Kelsey.” Her shock is evident. I plow on. “I read a poem once that said the north was supposed to represent wisdom. You’ve been my guide, my touchstone, even when you weren’t in my life.” With a shrug, I give her a crooked smile. “Maybe intuitively, I knew you were living in Connecticut waiting for me.”
“What does the poem say happens in the south?”
I swallow convulsively. “A person is supposed to find the wisdom of their heart.”
What happens next should have dropped me to my knees. Her hand reaches up to cup my cheek. “Maybe it’s time to go south.” The fingers at my jaw urge me to look down.
And it’s there waiting in my arms. The forgiveness I sought entwined with so much more. My forehead crashes down to hers. A harsh sob is pulled from my chest that I unsuccessfully try to suppress. I’m not so blinded by my own tears I can’t see the ones falling from her eyes.
“Maybe if I’d explained years ago…” I begin. But Kelsey lays a finger upon my lips.
“Who knows if we’d be standing here right now. I didn’t break away just because of you. I needed to find out what I could do on my own.” She reaches up to brush her own tears away, but I beat her to it. Slowly, back and forth, my thumbs wipe away every tear for what they are—a precious miracle of a reunion I don’t deserve but one I’ll never take for granted. Soon, my lips begin to trail across the wet tracks left across her face.
“I’ve vowed for the chance to make up for the past,” I choke out.
But when I look down, I realize the storm that’s raging isn’t behind her eyes; it’s inside my soul because the woman I’m holding in my arms has already risen from her demons stronger than she was before.
So what does that make me?
Desperately, I shove the thought aside as I thread my fingers through her loose brown hair. Tipping her chin up, I seek permission to bridge the space of air between her lips and mine under the night sky. Because once my lips touch hers, there’s no going back.
Not now. And maybe not ever.
Kelsey’s hands slowly slide around my neck, tugging my face as close to hers as possible without our lips touching. “Kiss me under the stars where a million wishes can be made,” she murmurs. “Kiss me knowing whose lips you’re taking. Kiss me knowing I’m the same girl I was at seventeen, the woman you took in Savannah, and that I’m going to make mistakes. I’ve changed, but I’m…”
Before she can continue, my lips have crashed down on hers, swallowing her words. Because I already know who she is.
Mine.
Chapter 25
Kelsey
Stumbling inside, we’re so close to one another I can feel Ry’s breath brush the wisps of my hair off my forehead. This isn’t the wild pleasure we’d surrendered to the night of the reunion in Savannah; I suspect a single kiss is going to make me weep. His hands are sliding over me, making me believe the whisper of them against my skin are going to be more potent than anything I could ever dream of because they’re real.
This is real. We’re real.
I’m shivering, aching for the pleasure I already know his body can bring mine.
And it’s him. A sigh of pleasure escapes my lips as his fingers trail over the silk of my dress, pulling my hips tighter against him.
The first time he touched me, I didn’t appreciate why his heart synchronized so perfectly with mine. Or what it meant when his fingers left goose bumps in their wake. I didn’t understand our bond goes beyond our mind and our hearts; it’s woven in our souls. Somehow, this man became more than a fantasy; he became my reality. He’s my every wish, my biggest regret, and my deepest fears all wrapped up in one devastating package.
Tentatively, I reach up and cup his jaw. He ducks his chin and places a lingering kiss in the center of my palm. “Are you nervous?” The tenderness and seductive rumble of his voice wraps around me like sexy velvet.
I curl my body closer and nod. “A little,” I admit.
Bending down, Ry catches me behind the back of my knees, shoving my dress well above my thighs. With a yelp, I instinctively wrap my legs around him. “A little warning next time.” I whack him on the shoulder.
He grins and just that easily, I’m transported back to the moment when his bright blue eyes were shining down at me the day he found out he got into college. That same look is causing feelings to power up inside of me. Not just because of how he’s touching me, but because of how he already did. Years ago. I begin to tremble from head to toe.
“Kels? What is it?” Ry backs me into the nearest wall, bracing me with his lower body so his hands can frame my face.
“You really did have feelings for me back then?” I whisper, finally believing. I want to laugh and cry.
What I feel, finally, is joy.
“I think what I felt was a man’s feelings in a young boy’s body,” he confesses. Unwrapping my legs from his waist, he pushes my body back into the wall. He rocks his hips against mine, which are still exposed. “I was, am, intrigued by you. I was, am, protective of you. I was, am, aroused by you.” Twirling a lock of hair in between his fingers, he brings me back to that moment in Professor Wiley’s classroom. “You’ll never know just how close you came to being kissed that day,” he surprises me by saying.
My breath catches in my throat. “I thought…but then…”
“Let me show you what I was thinking.” Pulling back, Ry leans down to straighten my skirt.
I begin to giggle. “This isn’t what I was expecting,” I explain when he glances up at me.
“Oh? What were you expecting?”
“Something along the lines of Savannah,” I toss out casually. Heat flares in his eyes. His cheeks turn ruddy. “Where we could barely get the hotel room door open before we were leaving a trail of clothes from one end of the room to the other.”
“Hmm, that has possibilities.” Straightening to his full height, he bends to wrap his arms around the tops of my thighs. “So does this.”
Before I can ask anything, Ry lifts me and begins twirling me in his hallway. “I did it, Kelsey!” he yells. “I got in!”
Tears prick in the back of my eyes. “Oh, God, Ry.” Unconsciously, I say the same words I did all those years ago. My hand lifts from his shoulder, where I was stabilizing myself, to cup his cheek.
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Just like I did before.
He lets me slide down the front of his body before his thumb sweeps away the tears I didn’t even know were leaking from my eyes. “I couldn’t have done it without you,” he says hoarsely. “None of it. I couldn’t have made it in to school, and I’m so damn sorry I had to use you to save my sister. You’re behind all the good in my life, and I had to hurt you.”
Pressing closer to him, I tip my head back as far as it will go. “I understand.” Because now I do.
His forehead leans down and rests against mine. It’s so similar to what happened that day and yet so different. This time, I recognize not only my heart pounding but Ry’s as well. I realize what the signs of his narrowed eyes and harsh breathing mean.
This man I’ve longed for in the depths of my heart for so long is going to kiss me.
“Kelsey…” My name is barely a whisper—just like it was before—only this time, there’s no door opening behind us to cause us to jump apart. This time, when Ry’s head lowers, my fingers slide into his dark hair and hold him into place as his lips tentatively touch mine. He pulls back slightly. “That’s the kiss I would have given you then, sweetheart,” he murmurs.
“And now?” His lips curve so close to mine, I can feel the difference, and my heartbeat goes into overdrive because he doesn’t bother to say anything.
He just shows me.
Ry lowers his lips back down onto mine, and they sweep across once. Twice. Pulling back, I lick my lips, which has the inadvertent effect of touching his as well. We both groan aloud. His head dips again, and gripping the back of my neck, he lifts me into his kiss.
He possesses my mouth, much like he owns the deepest, darkest parts of my heart. My lips part and his tongue slides inside, taking control of my mouth with each smooth glide back and forth. My tongue thrusts against his, staking my own claim.
Long moments later, when we part, we’re both gasping for air. The way he’s cradling me against him allows me to feel the rapid staccato of his heartbeat. “Stay with me. Stay all night. Don’t let me wake up without you again,” he murmurs.
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