by G S Banks
‘Welcome home.’
He winks at me.
‘Thanks, Kenny.’
He seems to have forgiven us. I don’t think I would take it so well, but Kenny seems just fine. I watch as Alisdair strides out to the water’s edge that separates us from Manhattan. I watch him taking in the skyline, wearing a battered leather jacket and dark jeans. A Snow Leopard in New York. I can’t tell from his expression if he is impressed. Kenny bangs down the steps of the plane and swings open the baggage compartment whilst Alisdair wanders back to join us. We gather round and look at the mountain of bags, the majority of which are mine, the big flowery ones. It looks like they’ve been breeding whilst we’ve been apart.
‘You brought these to the program?’ says Alisdair.
He looks amused.
‘Yes, I did.’
‘Did you bring your actual wardrobe?’ says Kelci.
‘Thank you, Kelci,’ I say. ‘But we’re not all light travellers.’
Images of boiler suits, fire suits and all-in-one rubber suits flash through my mind. What had I been expecting? But I shrug my shoulders. It’s not like I’m going to give up everything in those bags just because I manifested, nowhere does it say an Anitar has to give up all their worldly goods. Meanwhile Ben, Alisdair and Kenny grab the luggage whilst I think about how, with my strength returned, I could probably carry them all in one go. There’s quite a bit of pushing and pulling to manoeuvre everything into the back of the car and it needs all three of them, bums shoving down on the boot to get the lid to close. We pile into the car and I find myself in the right seat at the back, in the exact same place I was on the outwards journey. I could never have dreamt then, that I would return like this. Kelci is perched in the middle with Ben to her left and Alisdair sits in the front. Soon we’re speeding over the Brooklyn Bridge, my favourite, and as we arrive on the island and the bustle of the city lights up around us, Ben bursts into song.
‘New York! New York! I want to be a part of it…’
He sounds even more Swedish than usual. I laugh.
‘Come on everybody. Sing along!’ he bellows.
Kelci looks at him, horrified. But he tries to get her swaying in time with him.
‘Oh come on,’ he says. ‘Don’t you ever let your hairs go free?’
She wrinkles up her nose.
‘I think you mean… let my hair down. Don’t I ever let my hair down.’
‘It is much better to let your hairs go free, Kelci.’
I giggle and glance towards Alisdair whose head is turned towards the window. The people, the flashing signs, the shops that sell everything you could ever need, the food stalls, the hot dog stalls, the endless stream of yellow taxis. A whir of movement. Avenues stretching on for miles, buildings reaching up, up, up. I want to know what he thinks of it all. Has he ever been somewhere like this before? How does a Snow Leopard feel, surrounded by this many people? The streets become more familiar as we get closer to home – we pass the dog park with the big dogs running up and down in one part, and the little dogs tottering about in the other. We’re nearly there and I feel a ripple of nerves when I think of seeing my parents again. I feel another ripple, which turns into more of a lurch, when I think of seeing Mason. Finally we arrive in front of the house and jump out. Alisdair and Ben look up and down the palatial street.
‘Wow,’ says Ben.
I turn to the rooftop where I last saw Terence. It looks completely different now with the walls painted white and bunches of white and purple flowers overflowing the rim of the garden. The bags are gathered and the five of us position ourselves on the top step in front of the door. Home sweet home… at last. It feels weird to be knocking on my own front door. Kelci and I hold our breaths. The door opens and there stand Mum and Dad, with looks of love and relief on their faces. They open up their arms and hug us so tightly we can’t move.
______
For the last 24 hours, Mum and Dad have barely left our sides. All four of us Gregorys have been sort of clinging together like one of us might be ripped away at any moment, with Ben and Alisdair hovering at the sides. Mum and Dad keep staring at me, inspecting my eyes and my face, unable to get over the fact that I am now an Anitar. It calms me to see them begin to look more like their old selves again, the dark circles falling away, their mouths upturning. They tell us how they can eat again, breathe again – the relief at not searching, searching, searching every moment of every day. They broach the subject of my manifesting as though walking on eggshells – presumably because they think I may explode when they ask me about it, as I always used to.
Yet when I tell them about manifesting as an Eagle they can hardly stop themselves from bursting. Mum goes on and on about the House of Eagles and how ‘in her day’ it was the most incredible school (second to the Tigers of course) and how she used to go and watch them practice just for the sheer beauty of it. We haven’t discussed the dark side yet, the realities of where Kelci has been all this time, the nitty-gritty of how we got her out of there. For this first day it seems ok for us to simply be here.
Ben and Alisdair have been welcomed into the fold with open arms. My parents already knew that ‘these two boys’ were part of the mission that recovered Kelci and that automatically makes them heroes. Mum keeps looking at them with great interest and mouthing to Kelci and I how gorgeous they are, which is deeply mortifying. She brings them tea and biscuits at every opportunity and neither of them are impolite enough to say no so they constantly sit there holding onto various types of biscuits and sipping from steaming mugs. Mum looks long and hard at us sometimes, as though she is working it all out in her head. She looks at Alisdair too.
‘A real Snow Leopard if ever I saw one,’ she says, at one point.
This makes me almost melt into the carpet with humiliation and all I can do is pray he didn’t hear. She is sensitive enough to give him the bedroom right at the top of the house, away from everyone else, where he can stay undisturbed. He has already disappeared up there quite a few times. Right now, we are in the games room, which is on the first floor of the house. It’s just the four of us for the first time – Kelci, Ben, Alisdair and me. I decorated this room a couple of years ago and it has a distinctly feminine air about it. We sit in plush little armchairs, covered in flowery pink material, but they are too small for Ben and Alisdair. I insist we play Cleudo, my personal favourite. I keep winning which I can tell silently maddens Alisdair. We play and laugh. As we chat, Kelci nudges me.
‘What?’ I say.
She clears her throat.
‘Mason is here,’ she says. ‘I can hear him. He’s chatting to Dad in the kitchen.’
Everyone turns to look at me.
‘Who’s Mason?’ says Ben, innocently.
I cross my hands on my lap and sit up.
‘Mason… Mason is my… he’s my… my… friend.’
‘He’s Nina’s boyfriend,’ says Kelci, offhand.
She doesn’t seem to have noticed my obvious discomfort. Eyebrows shoot up, including Alisdair’s, ever so slightly.
‘Oh,’ says Ben. ‘I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.’
‘Yes,’ I say. ‘He’s very nice. I had better go and say hello.’
Very nice? He’s very nice? I jump out of my seat, dash towards the door and dive out of the room.
30. In My Heart
Gregory Residence, New York
I approach the door to the kitchen. I can hear him. The sound of his voice reminds me of warm honey sinking into hot buttered toast – familiar and exciting, all at the same time. But to hear it again, after all that has happened, makes me nervous. He thinks I’ve spent the last few weeks by my sick aunt’s bedside. The fact that I lied to him makes my stomach churn. Mason has always been sweet to me, he looked out for me in my dark days, he didn’t judge me, he understood. I will never forget that.
I take a deep breath and walk through the door, into the kitchen. Mason and Dad turn to me and a moment of silence descends. Dad raises his eye
brows, takes a last sip from his BEST DAD EVER mug, then gets up from his stool. Mason sits on a stool too, with a hand on an expensive looking box on the table next to him. He turns to look at me, beaming. I forgot how bright his eyes are. His hair is slightly longer, and even more swished over to the side. He flicks it back then jumps up from his stool, whilst Dad shifts his eyes between the two of us.
‘I’ll just be in my study,’ Dad says, moving towards the door.
He gives me a kiss on the forehead as he goes.
‘Baby girl,’ says Mason, reaching his hand towards my chin tenderly. ‘You’re home.’
The touch of his hand is soft and light and it sends a shiver along my neck.
‘Hi, Mason.’
His smile is warm, open, like sunlight streaming through the window on a bright morning. He sidles up to me and slips his hand around my waist, then leans in towards me. I want to kiss him, to melt against his soft lips, to let myself be held in his arms. Wouldn’t that be a sweet reward after everything that has happened? To let myself forget it all for a second? But as his hand slips along the back of my neck, underneath my hair, I step back, before he has a chance to plant the kiss on my lips. He scrunches his eyes and peers into my face.
‘Wow,’ he says. ‘You look different.’
He moves back as if to get a better look.
‘I am,’ I reply, quietly. ‘Different, I mean.’
He looks me up and down.
‘I can’t put my finger on it…’
I can only hope my eyes aren’t flashing; I still can’t control that fully.
‘Your hair,’ he says. ‘Did you colour it? And your eyes? Are you wearing contacts?’
He comes in close, so close I feel his breath on my face.
‘Damn, honestly, you look hot. What have they been feeding you in London?’
I give a self-conscious smile.
‘The food was not that great, actually,’ I say, thinking of the Trainee canteen.
‘Don’t worry, I’ll take you for some real New York food soon. There’s this amazing new sushi bar on East 77th. Oh, and I found you a great new tea place too. You’ll love it.’
He’s like a puppy that just wants to play.
‘Sounds good,’ I say.
He pushes the box towards me.
‘Hey, I took a trip to the shop where we got those peach shoes for you. Did you wear them whilst you were away?’
I clear my throat.
‘Yes,’ I say. ‘I wore them.’
Until they got covered in mud and thrown into the bottom of my bag. I unwrap the hot pink bow on the box and it feels seductively smooth underneath my fingers. I open the lid and inside lies a dress, which I pull out and hold up in front of me. It’s silky, dusty pink, floating like magic in the air. I place it down on the table, and thank him.
‘Do you like it?’ he says.
‘It’s gorgeous.’
‘You can wear it, when we go for sushi…’
Once upon a time, this is all I ever wanted: a silk dress, a beautiful boy and a promise of sushi. But now I can’t even begin to comprehend how I feel. Everything has changed. I can’t tell him the truth, or at least I don’t think I can. Lucy said that her mother wasn’t an Anitar and her Dad was so maybe it can be done… Perhaps I could have both worlds, somehow. But then there’s Muldoon… My new friends… A pang of guilt rises. Suddenly the vague sound of laughter travels into the kitchen. Mason tilts his head, with an inquisitive smile.
‘Who’s that?’ he says.
My cheeks begin to colour.
‘That’s Kelci,’ I say, too quickly.
‘Sounds like a guy to me,’ he says. ‘Or a few guys even?’
‘Oh yes, guys?’ I say. ‘Kelci’s friends.’
‘Kelci has friends?’ he says, raising his eyebrows. ‘I have to see this. Kelci has guy friends?’
He starts pulling me by the arm.
‘Come on,’ he says. ‘You have to introduce me.’
I feel panicked at the prospect of Mason going up there.
‘Oh no, we should leave them alone. You know Kelci. She’s touchy about that kind of thing.’
‘That’s exactly why we should say hi, it’ll be fun,’ he says, ‘maybe I know them.’ He tugs my arm and leads me out of the kitchen.
‘You definitely don’t know these guys,’ I say, reluctantly following him upstairs.
He drags me along to the games room, following the laughter. We walk in together and immediately the laughter stops. Ben and Alisdair are perched on the flowery chairs and Kelci sits cross-legged on the floor.
‘Hey, guys,’ I say, my face beet red by now. ‘This is… This is Mason.’
‘Hi,’ says Mason, looking at everyone.
‘This is Ben,’ I say.
Ben nods, smiles and introduces himself. For a minute I worry that he will stand up and show his full size but he stays sat down and puts his hair behind his ears instead. He’s wearing a red and blue knitted jumper covered in snowflake patterns and it does nothing to slim him down. Babs lounges on his knee, purring. Despite a lifetime of indifference, Babs adores him more than anyone ever, even Mum; she just can’t get enough of his Swedish baby talk.
‘And this is Alisdair,’ I say, my stomach in knots.
Alisdair doesn’t speak, he nods instead and looks at Mason through what appear to be mildly suspicious eyes.
‘Into Cluedo, huh?’ says Mason, nodding at the board game in front of Alisdair. ‘That’s cool. I like video games myself but you know, each man to his own.’
Alisdair frowns slightly. My mind scrambles for a reason to leave.
‘We’d better hit the road,’ I say, turning to Mason.
Ben looks puzzled and turns to Kelci.
‘Why would they hit a road?’
Kelci rolls her eyes and begins to explain, whilst I drag Mason back out of the door.
‘Bye!’ he says, on the way out.
I pull him through the hallway, down the stairs and out of the house. As far away as I can.
‘The blonde guy is massive and what, he’s Swedish? Where did she pick him up from? And the other guy… Damn, he’s frosty.’
I don’t even know where to walk, so long as it’s away from the house. Mason drops into an easy stroll and puts his arm around my shoulders. I need time to think about it all. I can’t hurt him. I cannot hurt the guy that stuck up for me and bought me frozen yoghurt that Sunday in Charlotte’s. But every time I lie to him like this, I feel like I am hurting him already. Maybe I should just tell him the truth, then deal with whatever comes… It all spins around in my mind and I barely even notice where we end up.
_______
It’s nighttime now. Calm and dark. And I’m alone, thankfully. I sit on the ledge of the open window of the games room gazing out at New York in all her magnificence. Candles in the room, almost burnt out, continue to flicker. The TV keeps shining, the images of a soundless movie. Kelci announced to us, after I came home, that we were going to have one of our lounge nights. I wasn’t really in any mood for this particular tradition of ours, which has taken place since we were old enough to set up the games room with mountains of cushions and blankets. But I went along with it, because Kelci hasn’t insisted on a lounge night in a long time.
Alisdair sat there, wedged in between two enormous pink cushions and Ben munched on marshmallows, gazing at the screen. It was kind of fun but I couldn’t shake off a growing sense of unease. When I look at Kelci’s face, I see it in her too, and it’s definitely there in Alisdair and Ben. It lurks in the background in all of us like a shadow, a reminder of what we went through. We all saw what is going on. And now as I sit here in the darkness whilst everyone sleeps, I can’t help wonder what will become of us. What will become of the captured Anitars? The thought of them tugs at my heart. What will happen when Ben and Alisdair leave New York the day after tomorrow? What is going on at Muldoon right now? I look back out the window – back out at New York. The wind caresses my face. I sen
se the drop below and know that there’s nothing left to do but rise up and stand on the windowsill. I’ve wanted to do this since I came home. It’s time to fly.
It doesn’t take long to get up here, above everything, the whole of Manhattan below me. It’s a cloudless, moonless night – nothing like the mountain-lined, star-filled nights of Muldoon Island – the darkness I soar through has a yellow glow from the ocean of lights below. The wind rushes along my bare arms, against my stomach, my hair flies free and my lungs fill with air so fast it makes me gasp. I head first to Central Park swooping far above it, making out the trees like dots and the winding paths and rows of skyscrapers all around. It’s all mine: every twinkling window, every road, every building. I fly down over Midtown, right along Park Avenue, until I reach the Empire State Building, glistening like a candle-filled birthday cake, allowing the energy of the city to flow right through me.
I get to the bottom of Manhattan and see her there – standing majestically, holding her torch high with that noble look on her face. The Statue of Liberty. I keep on flying, right across the water and I don’t stop until I get right up and land like a fly on her crown. I sit down, dangling my legs over the side. I really am like a fly resting on her, but somehow, I’m comfortable. I settle into the quiet and gaze out at the great bundle of skyscrapers that is Manhattan sitting across the water.
The thought of the Lotus Corporation people, their belief that they’re actually doing something good gnaws away at me. I may not know how my future will play out right now – where I will train, if I will train, or who with - but the one thing I do know is that I need to fight them. I just can’t live with myself if I don’t do something. As I stare out at the scene I long to see my friends again and I wonder what Lucy is doing right this second, what colour combination she has going on, what she would think of New York. I think of Lady Muldoon swooping about the Academy. I think of Shadow, and of Artemiz. James, Heather… I really don’t know what my future holds but I know that the shape of it has changed.
