by Steena Marie
Ryan looked between the two adults, confusion and pre-teen attitude all over his face. “You’re both crazy.”
That only made her laugh harder.
“Well,” Parker said when he was able to pull himself together. “Who thinks we should go out for dinner?”
It was late by the time they got back from the restaurant and got Ryan to bed. He was wired after too much soda, a rare treat, and the addition of a piece of chocolate cake. It’s not that Nikki was strict with him about sweets, but because she never baked, there just wasn’t the selection of fresh goodies that other kids had. Unless he was at Becky and Matt’s house. Becky could bake. She was amazing with her food blog and constant stream of new recipes. Nikki felt a pang of guilt as she thought of her friend. She probably should have called her to make sure everything was okay and she was feeling better. It wasn’t like Becky to feel so bad that she canceled a date with Ryan. She loved Nikki’s son as if he was her own. Nikki glanced at the clock. It was probably too late to call and check in on her now. Besides…
Her gaze drifted to the kitchen, where Parker was opening a bottle of wine for them to share. She’d been looking forward to their time alone together all night. Oh, who was she kidding, all day and even longer than that. She was more than ready to focus on Parker for a little while.
“Hey, I thought I told you to relax while I got some wine.” He chastised her, but it was all good-natured.
“I am relaxing.” She took the wine with a smile and sat on the couch. “If I’m not at my desk working, that’s relaxing in my book. Thank you for this.” She raised her glass in a toast.
“To us.”
“And a night alone.” She laughed ruefully. “Sort of.”
They clinked glasses and each took a small sip. “You know I’m okay with this, right?” Parker was suddenly serious, the teasing gone from his voice.
She dismissed him with a wave. “Oh, of course. Every single, eligible man in town wants to be spending their Friday nights cleaning up burnt pizza and listening to stories about how much ten- and eleven-year-old boys like to fart.” She shook her head as she remembered their dinner conversation. “I’m really sorry.” She took another sip of wine because it was easier than meeting his gaze.
She liked Parker. Really liked him. But she also knew it wasn’t fair to assume he’d be okay with jumping into life with a single mom. It was a lot. And as much as she wanted to throw herself over to him blindly and put her heart out there, she also had to be practical.
“Seriously, Nikki. I…would you look at me please?” His voice was gentle but firm and she did as she was asked, putting her glass down before she looked up into his kind eyes.
“I really am okay with all this. I actually kind of like it.”
“Okay, now I know you’re full of it. What man prefers a night of this,” she waved her arm around, taking it all in, “in favor of a romantic night complete with lingerie?”
“There was lingerie?” He raised his eyebrow and Nikki swatted his arm.
“I guess you’ll never know now.”
“There’s always later.” Parker put his own glass down and scooted over on the couch so there was no longer a gap between them. He took her hands in his and pulled her close, giving her a kiss that left more than enough room for promises of later.
But it would also lead to promises that she couldn’t keep. At least not with Ryan in the next room. Reluctantly, she pulled back and picked up her wine glass again as a defense.
“Tell me about your day.” It was a lame segue, but she genuinely did care. Resigning himself to the fact that sitting next to each other on the couch was as close as they were going to get, Parker settled in and regaled her with tales of high school students that made her laugh in memory of the way they used to behave not that long ago in that very same school. Sometimes it seemed like forever ago that Nikki had been seventeen and carefree, and other times it felt like just yesterday.
“I’ve talked long enough. Tell me about your day? Anything exciting happen in the world of web designing?”
“You joke, but it’s actually a very exciting business. I tried out three new fonts today, and discovered a new site for background images.”
“Big day.” He grinned.
“I also did some work for Melissa and the Herald.”
“Melissa?”
Nikki nodded. “Yup, she threw me a few jobs. Nothing too major. But just enough to help her out, I guess.”
“Why don’t you seem so sure?”
“I just don’t think it will lead to much is all.”
“Why not? You do great work.”
“Maybe. But Melissa…” Nikki bit her bottom lip, not sure how much she should say.
“What’s up? What aren’t you telling me?”
“I just don’t think Melissa likes me is all. She’s…well…”
“What? That’s crazy. Why wouldn’t she like you?”
“Because she has a thing for you.” Nikki spit out her secret worry before she could stop herself.
She half expected Parker to be surprised, or maybe even upset. But instead, he laughed. Laughed.
“What is so funny?” She smacked him on the arm with a pillow. “It’s not funny.”
“It is,” he said when he finally was able to contain his laughter. “It’s hysterical. She’s married to my brother, Nikki. She does not have a thing for me, I assure you.”
“Was.”
“What?”
“Was married to your brother,” she corrected him.
Parker waved his hand, dismissing her concerns. “She doesn’t have a thing for me.”
No.” Nikki crossed her arms. Now that she’d voiced her concern, she was not going to let Parker dismiss it so quickly. “She does. Think about it, Parker. How long has it been since Wade left? Years. It’s not unusual for her to want to look for other companionship. And you’ve been so good with Abby and helping her out around the house.”
Parker’s face shifted. He was no longer laughing. In fact, his face held no trace of humor at all.
“That’s not it, Nikki. You’re way off base.”
“I don’t think I am.” She hated that she sounded like a jealous girlfriend, which was exactly what she was. But now that she’d said it aloud, the worry seemed to take on a life of its own.
“Nikki, you have to listen to me on this. Please.”
She shook her head. He was too defensive. Something was going on between them. She knew it. Hadn’t she deep down known that whatever was going on between them was too good to be true? He reached for her but she pulled away and jumped up off the couch.
“You need to stop, Nikki.” He stood in front of her. So close she could feel the heat coming off him. “You have to trust me on this. It’s not the way you think.”
“Then how is it?”
He opened his mouth to say something and for a moment, she thought she might get the truth of whatever he was worried about. But then he shook his head. “You just have to trust me,” he repeated. “Please.”
She thought about it for a minute. Trust him. She should. She had no reason not to. But she also knew what she saw with Melissa. The woman had feelings for Parker, that much she knew for sure. How could she ignore all that and just blindly trust whatever he was saying?
“No.” She couldn’t. She would not open her heart up to that kind of hurt. And never mind her heart. She would not do that to Ryan. She had to protect Ryan. “I don’t think I can do this, Parker. Not if there’s someone else’s feelings at stake. It’s too messy. And I can’t do messy.”
“It’s not messy.” But she saw the doubt in his eyes. It was messy. And if it wasn’t already, it would be.
“Okay. It’s a little messy,” he admitted. “But not in the way you think.” He took a deep breath and exhaled hard.
Something in his voice made Nikki question whether she really wanted to know or not. Suddenly, she wasn’t so sure anymore.
Parker took her hands and gent
ly led her back to the couch so they sat and faced each other. “I want this to work, Nikki. And I know I need to be one hundred percent honest with you if that’s going to happen.”
She nodded and waited for him to drop the bomb that would implode their relationship.
“Things with Melissa and Abby are complicated. I’ve always felt a certain responsibility towards them because they’re family.”
Nikki looked up sharply.
“Not because there’s anything romantic going on with Melissa,” he added quickly. “There never has and there never will. She loves my brother.”
“But he left her,” Nikki protested. “How could she still be clinging to that after all these years?”
Parker shook his head. “No. He didn’t leave her. Well, not by choice anyway. About nine years ago, Wade was driving a truck in Oregon. It was late; he’d been pushing his schedule and he probably should have pulled over to get a bit of sleep. But he didn’t. He doesn’t remember everything that happened, but he must have shut his eyes for a moment because the next thing you know, his truck went over the center line and hit a minivan.”
Nikki’s hand flew to her mouth and her lips moved silently in an effort to ask the question she already knew the answer to.
Parker nodded as if she’d spoken. “He hit a family. A little girl wasn’t wearing her seat belt,” he added before she could ask.
“Was she…did she…”
“By chance, one of the first on the scene was Nyah Henderson. She was a paramedic and was actually on her way back to Halfway from visiting her mom in Oregon. Do you remember her?” Nikki shook her head although she did have a vague recollection of the woman, but they’d never been friends. “Ironically, Nyah was Melissa’s best friend growing up and she did everything she could.” Parker refocused on the story. “But the little girl didn’t make it. She died on the way to the hospital. Wade was charged with vehicular homicide. Sentenced out-of-state for ten years in prison.”
Nikki sucked in a breath. “But I don’t understand. Why would Melissa tell everyone he left her? What about Abby?”
“Abby was the reason. In Melissa’s eyes it was better to have her daughter and everyone else think that he left her than for Abby to know her father had killed someone.”
“But it was an accident.”
Parker shrugged. “It wasn’t my call to make.”
7
Melissa
After tossing and turning half the night, Melissa dragged her exhausted body out of bed, wrapped herself in her thick housecoat and made her way downstairs, careful to avoid the squeaky sections of the stairs so not to wake Abby. She had a few bottles left of her favorite wine, a piesporter from Germany, and even though she’d tried to save them until her next trip into the city, she decided to open one up. The wine would accomplish one of two things: actually help her to get to sleep or calm her down.
The calm would be nice.
She’d gone to bed seething thanks to Parker standing her up, again. She’d tried hard not to—she knew where he was, after all—but it took everything inside her to not send him a text or call his cell before she went to bed. He’d picked Nikki over her, and she got it. She really did. He deserved to find someone who made him laugh and smile and think about a future…if anyone deserved that, it was Parker.
But what about her? She knew that made her out to be a whiny crybaby but still…who did he think he was, calling and saying he needed to talk to her about Wade and then standing her up? Not only stand her up after making a dinner date with her daughter…but afterwards, too.
She’d tried to take Abby’s mind off the disappointment and they’d had a long talk before bed about how life was going to change for them all now that Nikki was in Parker’s life…but this stuff was for adults to figure out, not kids.
Melissa curled up in her favorite two-person chair, wrapped herself in a blanket she’d knitted for herself last winter and sipped at her wine.
What she needed to do was stop thinking about Parker. Stop relying on Parker. Stop expecting…what? To not put them first in his life? Not to be there, helping them like he’d promised Wade? She wasn’t being fair, and she knew that. But to be honest, she didn’t want to be fair. That was allowed, right? Tonight she gave herself permission to be completely self-centered, to only be focused on herself and no one else. Just for the night.
Tomorrow she’d put her big-girl panties on, pretend life was normal and move on with her life.
Except, how could she move on when the clock was ticking? Wade had a year left of his sentence. A year left in prison where he could be seriously injured or worse—killed. A year of separation and loss…loss of love, of life, of being a family.
She had a year to figure out what to tell her daughter. She’d made her bed, years ago, when she concocted the lie in order to protect their daughter…and now she needed to figure out how to fix things.
Abby was going to hate her. She knew it. And she didn’t blame her. Nothing she said, no matter how many ways she tried to explain herself…her daughter would never forgive her for forcing her to live a lie and for keeping her father away from her.
“I’ve screwed up big time,” she whispered into the quiet room.
She’d brought down the journal where she wrote letters to Wade. She’d tell him things in there, share what her day was like, keep him in the loop of what was happening in town. This was her ninth journal—one for every year. Originally she’d thought to save them and give them to Wade when he came home, but then decided to share them with him every year. At first, he’d welcomed the journals: he’d pore over them and ask her to clarify events or details whenever she visited him. Then, after a few years, she saw the look in his eye, read the desperation there and realized reading the journals probably hurt too much. She offered to stop bringing them and even though she could see that he wanted her to, he didn’t. It was his only link to her and Abby, he’d told her.
Her heart ached when she thought of Wade. She hated the life they’d been handed. Hated how things had worked out. Hated that the guilt of his actions ate at him so much that he refused to try to get an early release. Hated that by staying in the prison, it made things harder for her, financially. He could never go back to being a truck driver, but he could work on trucks as a mechanic, something he’d been handy with before prison. He’d even taken on training while in prison to be a mechanic, so when he was finally released, hopefully he could get a job.
Not having to worry about the finances all the time would be nice. So would having him home.
Sitting here, alone, made her admit something she tried to always stuff deep down inside.
As much as she loved Wade, sometimes she even hated him.
Melissa reached for her iPad and opened up her social media tabs. It was too early, or too late, depending on how you looked at it, for most of her friends to be online so she just scrolled and liked various posts she saw on news about babies and cute puppy photos and so was surprised when she caught Becky’s message to her.
Can’t sleep? Becky asked.
Melissa took a photo of her wine glass and posted it. This might help, she said.
Why are you up? Becky wasn’t one to have issues sleeping. In fact, all through high school, Becky would often be the first girl to fall asleep at any of their slumber parties.
Not feeling that great, restless, and don’t want to keep Matt up.
Everything okay? She really prayed that everything was fine.
I…well… If I ask you something, do you promise to keep it between us?
Now that piqued Melissa’s curiosity. Of course. You know that. She thought about her friendship with Becky and how she’d been the one person always there for her, especially in the beginning after Wade…left. In all these years, she’d leaned on Parker as her support, but maybe she’d been wrong. Maybe she could have leaned on Becky.
Actually, there were no maybes about that sentence. She could have and she knew it. Becky would have been th
e voice of reason for her, helped her think things through properly and would have been there as a support.
That first year, when everything had happened, it all remained a blur. A blur she liked to forget.
Mel? You okay?
Absolutely. I’m here for you and I promise. Whatever you ask is between us, Melissa reiterated.
I thought morning sickness was only in the morning.
Melissa gave a little squeal of happiness. Was Becky pregnant? Of course she was; otherwise, she wouldn’t be asking.
Are you…? She wanted to play it cool, not make too big of a deal until Becky did.
Yes. But shh, okay? Keep it between us for now.
Ok. Wow. Didn’t you have morning sickness with any of your other pregnancies? From what Melissa knew, Becky had been pregnant a few times but always lost the baby early on. She knew she and Matt really wanted a child of their own. The last time they’d had coffee, they’d talked about Ryan and how he filled a hole in their lives and heart and made them realize they wanted more children.
Not like this. I feel like I’m going to die. When does it end?
I’ve heard the more sick you are, the better the pregnancy. Fingers crossed? She remembered being told that when she was first pregnant.
That’s what Dr. Richards said too.
Melissa could almost hear the agony through her friend’s words. She’d been sicker than a dog with Abby—in fact, her morning sickness lasted all forty weeks—but she wasn’t about to tell Becky that.
It’ll get easier. Can you keep anything down? Maybe she could put together a care package and drop it off tomorrow.
Matt says we should buy stock in a cracker company.
Ouch. If she were to read between the lines, that didn’t sound so good.
It’ll get easier. Promise. Just have Matt rub your feet, massage your back and keep the house clean for you. How about I bring some homemade chicken soup to you tomorrow? It’s good—promise. It’s the only soup I can make. Despite all her soup cookbooks and attempts to make the best homemade soup she could, they never tasted good. Other than her chicken soup.
