Sean shrugs once. “Who knows?” He goes silent and shoves his hands through his hair, stretching his back as he does so. “Look, Ky. I know I haven’t said this yet, and it’s not because I’m resentful or ungrateful. I’ve just been caught up in my thoughts about this whole thing. But…” He bumps the side of my thigh with his fists. “Thanks for what you did for me. I know what you risked.”
“Don’t thank me.” Luke was right in saying we shouldn’t have saved him and killed him instead, and we are putting a lot of trust in the two of them, hoping they don’t rat us out. It may be appropriate for me to thank him. “Thank you.” I give him a shy smile. “For what you’re continuing to do for us.”
“We’re even. What you did was greater than what we are doing.”
I appreciate that.
Luke comes in and leans against the door panel. “What’s that?” He points to the screen. “Whatever it is, it looks boring, and Fein sleeping proves it.”
I yawn. “I’m right behind her.” I leave them for Marc’s room.
“Not with me, Ky?” Luke asks.
“Nope,” I answer, running up the stairs. I knock on Marc’s door and wait for him to answer. I wait for a while.
Eventually, Marc tugs the door open and leans against the door frame, blocking the entry. “When did you start knocking and waiting for an answer?”
“You can close the door, and I’ll try that again.”
He works me over with a lazy gaze. “You aren’t working very hard on leaving me alone.”
“I’ll try harder tomorrow.”
He pushes the door open further, and I duck under his arm, entering his dark room. He doesn’t get a sliver of moonlight in here. “You aren’t sleeping in here, Kylie,” he says after closing the door, eliminating the slice of light that split his bedroom in two.
I stretch and sit on his bed. “But I’m so tired and already here.” I pat my mouth to forgo my fake yawn.
He moves from the door. “You make it easy and hard to be upset with you.”
“Then don’t be upset with me and let me be mad at you for kissing Collins.”
Standing in front of me, he takes a haughty stance, frame broadening as he crosses his arms. “I thought I could do whatever I wanted with whoever I wanted.”
“You can, but I want to be your only whoever.”
“We are nothing more than hugs and kisses, Ky.”
That is a lie. “We are so much more than a hug or a kiss. You, me, and everyone else knows it. We just can’t go anywhere with it.”
He lies down behind me and reels me to him, saying, “You can stay in here until Luke goes to sleep, and you will sleep with him.”
I lie across him. “Can we talk?”
“Yes.”
“Does Sean hate me?”
He shrugs. “Maybe, but he hasn’t said anything. Why do you ask?”
“If I had known about Luke’s girlfriend before he killed her, I think I would have hated her.”
“Why did he kill her?”
I play with a loose string at the hem of his shirt. “I don’t want to say.”
Marc combs his fingers through my hair, massaging my head with every stroke. “Say,” he encourages.
I can’t. I don’t want to give him any ideas and tomorrow end up dead. “Because,” is all I’ll say.
“He probably started caring more about her than you.” He pauses, then sighs before saying, “I thought about killing you, when we were standing on the side of the training room that one day. It would have been easy, just beyond the cameras’ view…”
I jolt up. “You wanted to kill me?”
“I didn’t kill you, I thought about it. It is clear I didn’t want to, or you would be dead.”
I look away from his eyes to a scar on his chin, where his beard doesn’t grow. Though I feel small, in a firm tone, I ask, “Was it because you were mad at me for what you saw, or to remove me as a distraction?”
He presses his lips together and shrugs. “To remove you as a distraction.”
My stomach turns uneasily. I’d feel better if he said he wants to kill me because he thinks I’m a traitor, because he thinks I’ve led him on, and I can’t be trusted. But to kill me because he might care about me more than he cares about his brother, that makes this worse. It also makes me hate Separation and Creations, and I finally understand what he once said… To be born as an only child and not of Separation so I can have my own wants.
I clear my throat. “I’m going. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He pulls me to him, hugs me tight, and then kisses my cheek before saying, “Okay. Goodnight.”
I leave his room and head into Luke’s, where I lay on his bed. He comes in shortly behind me. “I thought you weren’t sleeping in here?”
“Marc made me uncomfortable.”
He sits on the bed, expression reflecting concern. “How?”
“He wants to kill me but won’t.”
He gets up, worry washing away with a blink. “I can relate. But you’re right, he won’t kill you.” He hangs his vest and stuffs his other clothes in a drawer.
I pull the blanket up to my neck and close my eyes. “I know.”
Luke lies down on his stomach, and I press my head to his shoulder. “Why when I lie with Marc, it doesn’t matter how I lie, he can take away my nightmares. But when I sleep next to you, I have to be like this for you to take them away?”
His shoulder shrugs. “Beats me, Ky. We’ve tried everything to help you out, and I don’t know why he’s the only answer.”
Me neither…
I wait a while before I ask, “How did you know you loved that girl?”
Luke clears his throat. “Because.”
“A little bit more,” I probe.
“I can’t explain.” He brushes me off like I’m irritating him, but says, “She seemed to make me feel…euphoric. My heart swelled when I was around her. The world was peaceful. It felt good to live. What I was didn’t matter. What I stood for wasn’t so important. The fact that my body was property of the America wasn’t an issue. It’s a weird feeling, one that feels wrong, so wrong it hurts…but on the other hand, she settled the discomfort and replaced it with the one thing we’d never have as Creations, humans, Vojin, a rebellious host…peace. I didn’t need anything else in the world. As long as I had her…” he breathes deep, grumbling. “I don’t know, Ky.”
“But you can confirm it. You can confirm that feeling, love. You can say that’s what it was.”
“She loved me first, and my feelings somehow copied hers, accommodated hers. We mirrored each other. It had to be.”
“How do you feel now?” He takes so long to respond that I have to say again, “Luke?”
“I. I feel…broken,” he says slowly, and then clears his throat. “Empty.”
I shift uneasily. “Do you, um, regret?”
“No. You are more important than she was. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Go to sleep.”
I relax onto the mattress and withhold my sigh. We never mention our rebellion, the one thing about us that separates us from other Creations, or even Normals, who are Vojin hosts.
We’re subject to death by the hands of the government should they discover we’re associated with the Vojin. But should the Vojin find out we’ve reestablished control over our bodies, that we’re no longer hosts and under their control, they’ll use us to set an example where we’d prefer death instead of their torture.
It won’t matter that the Vojin entities are still part of our DNA, altering our molecular structure. The fact that we’ve had our implant slain is all that will matter. Our mother took care of it not long before she was murdered. This is what makes us so different, and why we’re in the most dangerous situation should someone gain suspicions of us. An ounce of our blood could give us away, but thankfully, they haven’t needed that. I think the Vojin and maybe whoever put that note on my bed may be on to us. Someone around here knows our secrets.
�
�Ky?” Luke brings me back to wakefulness.
“Hmm?”
“Don’t pick Marc over me,” he states, wrapping my head in his arm.
“Are you worried I will?”
“Do you love him?”
I clear my throat. “I can’t say for sure. I can’t confirm a feeling I am unfamiliar with.”
“Then yes, I’m worried you will.”
I couldn’t pick Marc over Luke. If Luke goes, I’ll be in even bigger jeopardy of getting hurt or killed when we do fight in the wars or against the Vojin. “I couldn’t pick him over you. I’ve been convinced for so long that we weren’t supposed to have these types of feelings. Specifically, us, beyond the Vojin im―”
“Don’t talk about that, Ky,” he says, though he just mentioned the worst of it all minutes ago.
“Fine.”
The silence soon fills with Luke’s snores, and I doze off with death heavy on my mind.
Chapter Seven
I get up before Luke and before the loud horns sound. For Marc and Sean and Luke and me, I’ll try harder to make this not work. Remembering the tone of Sean’s voice and the look on his face last night, I accept he’s not happy about Marc and me. I can’t blame him. What twin would want to be in competition with a girl or boy who has feelings for their sibling? I wouldn’t. Had I known about Luke’s girlfriend, and known he was more accepting of her than me, I would have tried to kill her myself. It’s likely something Luke has been contemplating about Marc, though he won’t admit it. That type of affection lives with you even after one of the people dies. Is death even the best answer?
Love: an intense feeling of deep affection.
Love is dangerous. It makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do, feel ways you aren’t familiar with, and turn on people who would save your life.
Luke is strong. He had a battle with love and won. He conquered love.
Or did he…?
He was hurting last night. I heard it in his voice. Maybe he lost the war to love because he’s broken.
There must not be a winner in love and war. If you give in to love, you forfeit, you lose. If you defeat love, by offing the person you fell in love with…you still lose.
I don’t lose. I’m not a failure.
Leaving Luke’s room, I try to reprogram myself. Marc and I need to end, and I need to revert my attention to the threat, Separation, the bettering of my team, the Vojin, my mixed identity, finding out the others who are mixed, and that letter. I need to find out how my parents played a part in this and are somehow continuing to play a part. I need to be the Kylie I was before I met Marc. Strong, assertive, unable to be weakened or to shed a tear. I must be undistracted by the softness in his eyes when he only looks at me, the smile that wrinkles his cheeks, and the way his touch lightens when he caresses me. He can’t deter me from my mission.
And there’s one more thing I want to make sure I change. The Vojin, who betrayed us by killing our parents and setting forth a plan to end this planet, will never bring me to my knees again.
I tug on my suit and sit on my bed, waiting for the horn to sound. I need my own distraction to distract me from Marc. If I kill him, he would no longer be an issue.
The horn is loud, jarring me from my thoughts.
There’s a knock on the door.
As I open it, I hear Luke ask, “When did you leave?”
I step into the hall with him and pull the door closed behind me. “Just a little bit ago. I couldn’t sleep.”
“There is going to be a sweep tonight. Six of us will go.” We head downstairs and out the front door. “You and me, Marc and Sean, and Collins and Cecilia.”
I kick my boot against the dirt, causing gravel to scatter across the road. “Can’t we go without him?”
Luke’s ice-blue eyes pin on me. “Thought you’d be happy.”
“No Luke, I’m not happy about that. Are you coming with me to breakfast or do you have something to do?”
“I’m coming to breakfast. But I’ll be out for the day with the general and Colonel Harold.”
I stretch my arms over my head. “Who is Harold?”
“Remember the man who went with us to the hole? That’s him.”
We make it to the mess hall, and I hold the door open for Luke to enter behind me. “Oh! I’ve wondered what his name was. Where are you all going?”
“Back to the underground labs that they took us to before. They are going to dissect some Zombies and see how they are infused or infected. These are Zombies that just showed up, not that were changed. It’s like they fell from the sky. Then they want to test another vaccination on willing Creations to make sure our Creations here can’t be changed if they are bitten.”
“You’ll be back before dinner?” We nod to a few Normals who wave as we walk to the food counter.
“Yes,” Luke says. He looks me over. “You seem unhappy today.”
I stretch before grabbing a plate. “I’m thinking. Trying to figure out how I can remove this distraction without killing it. Or falling further. And then there are the other things you and I have to figure out.”
“Don’t worry about him. Stay back. I’ll get them to trade us out of the sweep tonight so you won’t have to be around him.” Luke always comes through when I need him. Even when I’ve upset him, he looks out for me. Nobody else is going to do that.
“Thanks.” I finish packing my plate, and we sit at a table with Fein and Floyd. “Hey everyone.”
“Hi,” they chime.
“Hey, no groups today. What do you want to do?” Fein asks me.
We don’t have that many options. We can train for fun in the simulators, lie around the houses, sit around the rec hall, socializing, or sleep. It’s so hot outside. If I were back home, today would be a day that I’d go to the diner and drink a white shake with a basket of chicken fries.
Being here gets boring sometimes. They require order at all times, so we are constantly being watched unless we are in our homes. This is the longest we’ve ever been in Separation. They usually train us for a maximum of three months, then we’re off to manage or control. For war, I’ve heard they train for five months to prep the Normals. Now that there are some Normals forced to be here, I suppose they need extensive training. But I’m getting bored with the same old routine. Wake up, shower, train, lunch, train, dinner, shower, sleep, and repeat.
The Guidance has got to need us to do something in the America. Get me out of Desert Hills so I can see something else other than red dirt hills and heat waves.
“I don’t know,” I tell Fein. “Probably go talk to Danny and Seas. It’s too hot to be outside with these suits on.” The heat has kicked out the cool breeze, just when we were getting used to it.
“She’s right.” Collins sits next to Luke. “It’s too hot to be outside. We should go to the theater auditorium. Watch a movie on the big projector or something. Maybe start up the simulator and have our own war.”
“Outstanding idea,” Floyd chimes in. “And the air is on, so we’ll remain cool.”
“What are we planning?” Sean asks from beside me.
“Go to the hall, watch something, then set up the simulator to have our own war,” I tell him.
He nods, and Marc sits on the other side of the table between Floyd and Collins’s sister Cecilia.
Argh. I can’t sit here with him. I’ll stare, then he’ll stare. He’ll narrow his eyes as he bores through mine, silently requesting I stop staring. Then I’ll give him a tight smirk that tells him he’s equally staring, and when he looks away, I will. He’ll look away then back quickly to see if I’m still staring, and all the time…I am. Then I’ll look away and realize how unlawful our actions are and beat myself up about it until I see him later.
“Hey Fein,” I say, standing. “Come with me to the group’s rec hall. I’m going to get Fire, Danny, Jesail, and Amber.” I look around the table. “If that’s okay with everyone?”
“Yes,” most reply. “I’ll get a couple from m
y group too,” Fein agrees.
“Hey, Ky, get Sally and Marlin for me?” Cecilia asks.
“Okay, anybody else?” I ask the group.
“No.”
Luke grabs my attention saying, “I’m heading out. See you all when I get back.”
I give him a nod, and Fein and I leave the mess hall into the scorch. We nod to the General sitting on his stoop as we pass his office. He returns the gesture and goes back to his tablet.
Fein snatches her black scarf from her vest pocket and dabs it across her forehead. “These suits are only to help boil us, you know that, right?”
Chuckling, I say, “Well, we still have a mile to walk to their mess hall, so we will definitely be well-done by the time we make it.”
Fein grumbles, and I chuckle at her frowning face. They’ve parked five Humvees on this side of the base today, which are usually on the far end, near the entrance. They may plan a further sweep or trip to the city. Or, as I watch eight privates run over with towels and buckets, they just may be getting washed.
“Sometimes, it pays to be better than the sludge,” Fein says, gripping the collar of her vest. She strolls with her shoulders back, gloating.
“Queen of the world over there, Fein.” I laugh at her cocky sway.
She chortles, straightening. “I’m not serious. I wouldn’t mind washing a couple of windows.”
I’ve always known of Fein. She was an all-star statistician who fought with her mind by calculating every avenue of a win before landing the first punch. I’ve really grown fond of her since we’ve been here. I shove her shoulder. “You’re pretty cool, Fein.”
Salient Invaders: A Young Adult Post-Apocalyptic Dystopian Series (The Separation Trilogy Book 2) Page 6
