by Roxie Rivera
But I have to try.
She had given him a precious gift tonight. She had trusted him with something she could give no other man. Forever and always, this experience was theirs and theirs alone. As he drifted off with Shay in his arms, he vowed then and there to never give her a reason to doubt that decision.
Sometime later, Alexei bolted awake to the sensation of movement. Confused, he lifted his head from his pillow and saw Shay sliding out of bed. He touched her hip, stopping her. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She glanced back at him and smiled sleepily. “I’m fine.” Leaning back toward him, she kissed his cheek. “Go back to sleep.”
When she got out of bed, she turned off the bedside lamp, plunging the bedroom into darkness before he could fully appreciate every sexy inch of her body. The bathroom door clicked when it closed and a faint sliver of light illuminated the strip of space beneath it. On the verge of dozing off again, he heard the shower start. She wasn’t in there very long, maybe two or three minutes, before it switched off.
A short time later, she left the bathroom and climbed back into bed with him. He reached for her in the darkness, and she cuddled into him. He smoothed his hand down the long strands of her hair. The ends were wet so he swept her hair away from her back and onto the pillow behind her. He had his suspicions about her shower, but he didn’t want to pry or make her uncomfortable. Still—he worried she might be in pain after the way he had taken her not once but twice in such a short time.
“Shay?”
“Yes?”
“Is everything all right?”
She didn’t answer immediately. “I woke up, and I was all sticky.”
There was no mistaking the embarrassment in her voice. “Oh.” Smiling, he kissed her temple and gave her bottom a little pat. “Sorry.”
She drew shapes on his shoulder. “It’s all right. I’ll…I’ll be better prepared next time.”
Next time? Shit, he started to get hard just thinking about fucking her again. No, not fucking, he silently admonished. It wasn’t fucking. Not with Shay. It was something more. Something better.
Feeling her shiver from the chill in the room, he reached down and grabbed the covers. She burrowed into him when he dragged the sheet and duvet over their naked bodies. Almost shyly, she tucked her leg over his in a search for the most comfortable position. He placed his hand on her thigh in a reassuring gesture, wordlessly letting her know that this was all right.
It didn’t take him long to fall asleep again. Like Shay, he was exhausted from the last two nights. Unfortunately, he was programmed to wake early. He lingered in bed with Shay for half an hour before carefully extricating himself. Wanting her to get some much-needed rest, he tucked the covers around her and gently kissed her cheek before backing away from the bed.
He took a shower in the guest bathroom and changed into the clean set of workout clothes in his gym bag. While he waited for his coffee to brew, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he had forgotten something important. Halfway through his first cup, it suddenly hit him.
No condom.
Twice.
What were the odds that a woman who wasn’t sexually active would be on birth control? Not very high. Thinking about everything he had packed for Shay, he didn’t remember seeing any pills in her bathroom or bedroom. She didn’t have any in her purse either.
It would figure that innocent, virginal Shay would conceive a child on her first night of lovemaking. That was the way these things usually worked. Worried that she would wake up and regret what they had done, Alexei decided he would do the one thing he could to make this right. He found his phone and texted Stas who answered back mere seconds later that he was already in the parking garage downstairs.
A few minutes later, Stas was at the front door, a fast food bag in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. He headed straight for the kitchen, dropped his bag on the counter and retrieved Shay’s phone from his pocket. “I was up early so I went by the friend’s house to get Shay’s phone. There weren’t any missed calls.”
“Did you hear anything last night?” Alexei finished his coffee and put the cup in the sink. He pocketed Shay’s phone for now.
Stas shook his head. “I went straight home.”
“And this morning?”
Stas shrugged out of his jacket. “People have noticed Lalo is missing. I’ve heard a few different theories. Some people think Shannon and Ruben killed him and ran. Others think Lalo killed Shannon and Ruben and is laying low. The one that I heard more than the others is that Hector Salas came to town to clean up Lalo’s mess and whacked Lalo, Shannon and Ruben. Everyone knew that Lalo was skating on thin fucking ice with Hector. After that bust for the dog fighting? The books were opened on how long Lalo would last.”
“And Shay? Her friend? The motel?”
“Shay and Kylee were never there. You were never there. I was never there. Besian and his crew weren’t either. Last night didn’t happen.”
“Let’s hope it stays that way,” Alexei grumbled. “I’m going out for a little while. I won’t be long.”
“We’ll be fine.” Stas dumped the contents of the bag onto the counter, sending Egg McMuffins and hash browns rolling across the granite.
“Don’t let her eat any of that horrible, greasy shit if she wakes up before I’m back,” Alexei warned. “I’ll make her a proper breakfast.”
“Whatever.” Stas stuffed a greasy hashbrown in his mouth.
Annoyed by the sound of the guard’s chewing, he pointed toward the closed bedroom door. “Don’t bother her. She needs to get some rest. The last few days have been difficult for her.”
Stas swallowed his mouthful of food and reached for his coffee. After a quick sip, he said, “I’ll be quiet.”
“See that you are,” Alexei replied, his mouth settling into a frustrated line. “And no more of your bullshit, Stas. I don’t know what you said to her yesterday—and I don’t want to know—but if I come home again and you’ve upset her, I’m bouncing you back to Nikolai.”
Stas wiped his mouth with a paper napkin and balled it up in his big fist. “I didn’t say anything to hurt her purposely. I just—I wanted her to understand what she’d done.”
“That’s not your job. She’s mine. If she needs a lesson in the way the world works, I’ll be the one who gives it to her. You keep your mouth shut and stop filling her head with stories that scare her. Shay and I? We have our own way of doing things.”
Stas eventually nodded. “You’re the boss.”
Fucking right I am, Alexei thought crossly. “Don’t let anyone inside the penthouse while I’m gone.”
“I’ll keep her locked up tight for you.”
Alexei shot Stas a warning glance before gathering up his phone, wallet and keys and leaving the apartment. He waited in the hallway until he heard the deadbolt engage. On his way out of the building, he questioned whether Stas was the right fit long-term. He seemed to be a man who was used to getting his hands dirty, not following a nice woman around town and keeping her safe.
Maybe it was time to look for a permanent solution to the issue of Shay’s security. This thing with Lalo and Shannon would blow over soon enough. Of that, he was sure. Nikolai and the other bosses wanted last night’s secret to stay buried. Only a complete idiot with a death wish would say anything. He just had to get Shay through the tension of the next week, and everything would be all right.
But he did have enemies. He would never fully escape the underworld or the awful shit he’d done in that past life. Some grudges never faded. Now that he finally had someone that he loved in his life, she would be a target. He needed to know that she was safe.
As he drove home, he considered calling Dimitri. His security company had survived its bumpy start and was now among the most highly regarded in Texas, but hiring a team from Dimitri might be overkill. He could just imagine the look on Shay’s face if he hired a pair like the two that Yuri had following his beloved Lena everywhere.
<
br /> Shay seemed willing to let him coddle her to an extent, but he had no doubt she would push back if tried to attach retired SAS or SEALs to her. She didn’t need hardcore security guards with special ops backgrounds. She needed one or two men he trusted to keep her safe, to drive and escort her around town.
Alone in his house, he changed into a pair of jeans and a shirt and slipped into a comfortable pair of boots. Standing in his master bathroom, he eyed the empty second closet that was part of the suite. He walked over to it and opened the door. It had been designed for a woman with plenty of rack space, built-in shelving for shoes and even a marble topped island for storing lingerie.
He had no trouble imaging Shay in here every morning, picking through her clothing and slipping into all the sexy, tiny, lacy things he intended to buy her. She would need more handbag space though. That was one habit he would support without complaint.
Feeling strangely excited by the prospect of Shay moving into his home, Alexei backed out of the bathroom. He cast a glance at his bed and decided that he would have her in it tonight. This business with keeping her in the penthouse was done. Nikolai was right. She didn’t belong there. It was seedy and beneath her. She belonged here. In his home. Sharing his life.
After locking up, he left the house and drove to the nearest twenty-four hour drug store. He headed straight inside and right to the contraceptives aisle. He wasn’t quite sure how these morning after pills worked. He’d never needed them until now. He studied the options on the rack and finally chose the one that seemed easiest for her to take. He also grabbed the biggest box of condoms he could find.
At the pharmacy counter, he stared right back at the pharmacist who leveled a judgmental look his way. It wasn’t that old prick’s business why he needed the medication. Seeing the pharmacist’s reaction convinced him that coming here was the right thing to do. The last thing Shay needed was someone treating her like a whore after their night together.
Bag in hand, he left the drug store and stopped at the closest bakery. He had been planning to buy some nice pastries or muffins until he saw the stack of freshly made challah. The accompanying recipe cards for French toast seemed simple enough to handle. He chose a bottle of organic maple syrup from the nearby display before heading to the cashier.
Breakfast and medication purchased, Alexei returned to the penthouse. He sat in his SUV for a few minutes after parking and held the plastic bag and the pill it contained. His desire to protect Shay from the unintended consequence of their night together was strong, but he would be a fucking liar if he said that he was happy about buying this for her.
Some primal instinct within him decried the idea of Shay taking this and preventing a pregnancy that might be hours away from taking hold. Knowing he was the only man she had ever been with was powerful stuff. He didn’t like admitting that. He had always been a man who didn’t care about those kinds of things. The number of notches on a woman’s bedpost meant nothing to him.
But he couldn’t stomach the thought of another man knowing the sounds Shay made when she climaxed or the feel of her naked body rocking against his. He wasn’t proud of that. He wasn’t proud of these unexpected and very old school feelings creeping over him.
It’s because she’s the first woman who has ever been only mine.
It’s because she trusted me.
It’s because she chose me.
Alexei exhaled roughly. He wouldn’t break her trust by putting her in a situation she wasn’t ready for or wanted. Shay was just getting started in life. She was on the cusp of success in her career, and she was also facing the very real prospect she might never see her sister again. The last thing he needed was an unexpected pregnancy complicating her life.
Even so, he couldn’t shake the image of Shay holding a baby and smiling at him. It was a powerful image, one that made his chest ache with desire and need. Someday, he promised himself as he stepped into the elevator. Someday, when she’s ready…
Chapter Fifteen
Waking up alone was a jarring sensation, especially after being wrapped up in Alexei’s arms all night. I sat up slowly and glanced around the bedroom. It was late, probably nine or ten in the morning. I ran my hand over the spot where Alexei had slept, but the sheets were cool to the touch. He had been awake awhile.
A sadness I didn’t understand engulfed me. It was silly to feel so slighted about something like this, but I had envisioned something different. I had expected to wake up curled next to him, breathing in his scent, feeling his heat, maybe even sneaking a kiss or two.
Stop being ridiculous. You’re a grown ass woman, and it was just sex.
Except it wasn’t just sex. As I showered and pulled on some leggings and an oversized sweater, I tried to sort out my jumbled feelings. Not much about my first time had gone as I’d envisioned. No mood lighting. No wine. No music. Last night hadn’t gone according to any plan. It had just…happened.
But I was glad it had happened. I had loved every moment of making love to Alexei, even the sort of painful parts. Maybe the first time hadn’t been romance novel worthy, but the second time had been amazing. Frankly, I couldn’t wait to try it again.
While I blasted my hair with a blow dryer, I debated how much to tell Kylee. She had always been incredibly open with me about her experiences. It was only fair that I shared my news and all the juicy details with her. I could just imagine the smug look on her face when she heard the story I had to tell. She had called this months ago and was going to make sure I remembered it.
Winding up the cord on the blow dryer, I stopped suddenly. Thinking of all the details I would share with her, I remembered one very important thing.
Oh no. Oh no no no no no.
We hadn’t used protection. At all. Either time.
Kylee was going to flip when I told her that detail. We had always promised each other that we would be safe. I had gotten so wrapped up in the lust and excitement that I hadn’t even stopped to think about the risks.
Calm down.
Think.
Count.
For once in my life, I rejoiced at my clockwork period. For years now, I had run on a perfect schedule of thirty-three days. I quickly did the math and breathed a sigh of relief. Aunt Flo was due in less than a week. Unless my body was up to some seriously weird things, I had already ovulated and was in the clear.
Combing my fingers through my hair, I stared at my reflection and shook my head. What were you thinking? You need to slow down and act responsibly. You are not ready to be a mother!
My fingers drifted over the bruises on my throat and cheek. They were starting to turn a deep shade of plum. It would be another week or two before they faded completely. I rarely wore more than a little BB cream, but I would definitely have to find a way to work some concealer into my usual routine until they were gone.
Today, though, I didn’t see the need to spackle on the heavy duty stuff. I dabbed on some lip balm before leaving the safety of the bedroom. The scent of vanilla wafted through the penthouse, and I discovered Alexei making French toast for me. In all the time I had known him, this was the first time I had ever seen him in jeans. He looked so sexy in them. Those rolled up sleeves of his shirt highlighted his corded forearms and the swath of tattoos swirling from his fingers along his wrists and right up to his elbows.
Sensing my presence, Alexei turned toward me and grinned. He turned back to the range just long enough to switch off the gas. With powerful, confident strides, he closed the distance between us and slid an arm around my waist. Cupping my face, he tipped back my head and teased his mouth across mine. It was a tender, seeking kiss that stoked the lingering flames from last night.
When he pulled back, he brushed his knuckles along my cheek. “Good morning.”
I smiled shyly up at him. “Hi.”
He pressed his lips to my forehead and then dotted kisses along my temple and right up to the crown of my head. He inhaled deeply. “You always smell so fucking good.”
I rubbed my hand over his chest. “You were up early.”
“Old habits.” He brushed his fingers through my hair. “I hope you’re hungry. I managed to time breakfast just right.”
“Oh?”
“I heard the shower and started following the recipe.” He gestured to a recipe card propped up against the backsplash. “I hope you like French toast.”
“I love it.”
“Come eat while it’s still hot.” He guided me to the nearest barstool and helped me settle onto it. I sipped the orange juice he’d already placed at my spot while he dished up our breakfast. I liked watching him at these domestic chores. Even with something as simple as French toast, he was so careful in plating the dish. He added blueberries and strawberries to each serving along with a healthy dollop of butter and swirl of expensive maple syrup.
“Thank you.” I smiled at him when he slid my plate in front of me.
“You’re welcome.” Alexei leaned down and kissed me. His newfound ease of displaying affection seemed so natural this morning.
Glancing back toward the living room, I asked, “What about Stas?”
“I sent him on some errands. He’ll meet up with us later.” He gestured with his fork toward my plate. “Eat.”
Side by side, we devoured our fluffy stacks of French toast and berries. We talked quietly, mostly about the best breakfasts we had ever eaten. I noticed the way he seemed to be going out of his way not to mention the motel or Lalo or Shannon. Eventually, we would have to talk about it, but it was such a lovely Sunday morning. I didn’t want to spoil it with something so ugly either.
When we were finished eating, he pushed my plate out of the way and leaned closer. He brushed a few strands of my hair behind my ear and traced the shell of it with his fingertip. “We need to talk about last night.”
Something in my chest clenched painfully. Was this it? Was he going to tell me it was a mistake? That I was a nice girl but I wasn’t exactly mistress material? Or that he’d finally decided that all my baggage was too much to handle? Stomach churning, I said softly, “Okay…?”
