by Lee Wardlow
“You’re a mess.”
“Thanks Dad.” I rolled my eyes at him.
My backpack rested on the backseat. I wanted a book in it to hide inside of, where I didn’t feel it necessary to talk to Dad. Where he didn’t feel it necessary to talk to me.
“How did this happen?”
“I stepped on my shoestring,” I replied staring out the passenger window.
“I’m surprised I didn’t see Ty with you,” he said. “Who was that boy?”
I snorted. Apparently, Dad hadn’t gotten the memo that Ty no longer had a sister. At least, he pretended he didn’t have one.
“His name is Cal. He’s in my first period English class, second period History and obviously last period gym class. He carried me to the nurse’s office.”
“Really?” Dad sounded interested and I didn’t know why. He wasn’t getting any other information from me.
“I couldn’t put weight on my ankle,” I explained feeling the heat of embarrassment rise to my cheeks.
All our lives they had tried to keep Ty and I from having too many classes together. They wanted us to have separate identities. Although we looked nothing alike, we were still the Gardener twins. The school always tried to accommodate my parent’s wishes.
“Have any classes with Ty?” Dad asked.
I glanced over at him and nodded.
He sighed at me. I knew what dad was thinking. Getting information out of me was like a criminal interrogation. He had to pry it out of me with a spotlight in my face and/or water torture.
“Well which ones?”
I knew he felt like this was never easy with me. “Gym.”
Dad blinked a few times. He frowned at me. Then he dropped it, for a while he just drove us to the hospital. I really hoped that I didn’t need stitches.
He parked at the entrance to the ER and got out. He came around to my side of the car and opened the door for me. I hopped out of the car holding onto the frame for stability, still unable to bear weight on that foot.
“That isn’t going to work,” Dad told me.
He lifted me with a grunt and a groan. Cal hadn’t made any noises. I looked at him with concern. He smiled at me. “Cal is much younger than me,” he teased me.
I frowned. “Or I’m really heavy,” I said.
“Hardly,” my father replied. He parked me in a wheelchair and said to me, “I’ll be right back. I just need to park the car.”
I nodded. He jogged around the car and got in while I watched him drive away. Dang the tears that formed in my eyes when I realized that Dad by himself without Mom and Ty was a pretty, nice guy. I got all his attention when it was just us. I wanted more of this. I needed more of this.
Soon, he returned and wheeled me around making funny noises like a car and he was my driver. “Beep, beep,” he said to another couple coming outside. I rolled my eyes at them because he was embarrassing me. They just smiled at me.
“Lord what happened to you, honey?” the lady behind the desk asked.
“Gym class,” I responded. “A wayward shoestring tripped me up.”
“Happens to the best of us. Dad do you have insurance information for our graceful girl?”
My father checked me in, and a nurse took me behind the desk and did my vitals. She examined my chin and let me know that indeed I would need stitches.
A wayward tear rolled down my cheek. “Honey, it won’t hurt,” she reassured me.
“I know,” I sobbed. “I just started a new school. My first day I splattered all over the gym floor busted my chin open and now I’m going to be walking around with stitches in my chin. Looking nerdier than ever. Why can’t I be more like my brother?” I asked her not expecting an answer.
She patted my shoulder and smiled at me. Then my Dad cleared his throat. The pretty nurse looked over my head. “Dad if you would wheel her back to the waiting room, we’ll call her when we’re ready for her.”
“Thank you.” Dad gripped the handles on the wheelchair and guided me to the waiting area away from several other people. He sat beside me and took out his phone. “Calling Mom again to let her know where we are,” he informed me.
“Voicemail?” I asked when he frowned and pocketed his phone.
“Yes.” Dad took my hand and squeezed it. “Abby what was Tyson doing when you hurt yourself? Why didn’t I see him in the office with you instead of Cal?”
I looked away from my father. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does to me.” The tone of my father’s voice drew my attention to him.
Why hadn’t he seen the riff between me and my brother? We lived in the same house, day in and day out but no one saw the distance between me and Ty that had been occurring over the last two years?
“He kept running laps,” I informed my father. Not that I wanted Dad to be angry at Ty. I just wanted him to see that Ty and I had become strangers.
Dad rubbed his hand over his face and looked away from me even though he continued to hold onto my hand. I loved the feel of his warmth and his strength. I tried to remember the last time he had taken my hand in his like this. The last time, I felt like his little girl.
“Abby Gardener,” the nurse called my name.
Dad released my hand and pushed me towards the nurse. “Dad we’re doing x-rays first so I’m leaving you in a room where I will bring her back.”
Dad nodded and stepped into the room where he was directed while the nurse wheeled me down the hall. “My name is Belinda,” she said.
She knew my name. What was I supposed to say? “Nice to meet you.” The logical choice but I wasn’t up for small talk.
I looked at the hallway ahead, typical gray fake marble flooring. The painted walls covered in pictures of doctors who worked there. I laid my head in the palm of my hand. My chin and ankle throbbed painfully.
“You okay?” Belinda asked.
“My chin and ankle hurt,” I replied.
She patted my shoulder quickly then resumed pushing me down the hall towards x-ray. “We’ll get you fixed up quickly.”
**
An hour later, I was returned to not only my dad but Mom and Ty sitting in the room waiting on me. Mom tilted my head up and looked at my chin.
“You’re a mess,” she declared. Ty snorted. I looked around her at him. “I hope that doesn’t scar and ruin your pretty face.”
What prettiness? I wondered. I saw myself as plain. Plain dark hair, not the silver blonde hair that my brother had. Freckles on my nose. Not the perfect, tanned skin Ty had like Mom. My eyes were probably my best feature, but I was blind as a bat. I wore glasses because I couldn’t stand to stick anything in my eye including the contact lenses that we had purchased this year. I sighed. Plain Abs, that was me. I had been called far worse.
“Let’s get you on the bed,” Belinda said guiding me out of the wheelchair and onto the uncomfortable gurney with a hard mattress she called a bed. Then she covered me and brushed my hair back from my face. “The doc will be in soon to talk about the x-rays and stitch up that chin.”
She turned and left me with my parents and my brother. Alone and awkward. Mom sat by Ty and Dad squeezed into a small chair by me. He took my hand again and smiled at me.
Daddy’s girl, that’s what he used to call me when I was seven maybe eight. Not since I was ten. Tears gathered in my eyes when I thought about that time. I wanted to be Daddy’s girl again.
I turned away because I didn’t want to cry. Not in front of everyone. “Tyson, I was surprised I didn’t see you in the office when I picked up your sister,” Dad said.
I glanced at him, horrified that he might reveal what I had told him. Ty grunted at him.
Mom looked at Ty and then at Dad, but Dad was looking at me. “Ty, where were you?” Mom asked. “I got Dad’s voicemail after my tennis lesson and picked you up after football practice. You didn’t say anything about not being with Abby when she hurt herself.”
“I was in the gym. Cal had it under control,” he said without
looking away from his phone.
“Put your phone away,” Dad told him with a sternness that indicated he was not happy.
I was getting uncomfortable. Things weren’t good between me and Ty. I didn’t need for them to make it worse. My brother sighed and slipped his phone into his jeans pocket. He stretched out his long legs and crossed his arms over his chest. He refused to look at anyone.
“Ty, I asked you a question.” Mom was looking at him too.
“I was in class,” he replied.
Mom gazed at dad. She knew something was up. “Same class,” Dad replied. Her head turned slowly.
“Who is Cal?” Mom asked.
“A guy in our gym class,” he replied.
Mom turned back to me and tucked a perfect blonde curl behind her ear. She crossed one long, tanned leg over the other. She didn’t look forty-two. She looked about thirty-two. She prided herself on taking care of her face and body. Her bathroom counter contained expensive creams and oils for keeping her looking young.
“Who is Cal?” She asked me, not satisfied with Tyson’s response.
My head pounded from the pain in my chin. I really didn’t want to explain anything right now. “He plays football.” I saw her eyes light up. I knew that would make her happy. Cal wasn’t part of any book or chess club. No debate clubs for Cal. “He’s in my English, History and last period gym. We were running side by side when I tripped on my shoestring.”
Ty snorted at that.
Mom elbowed him in the ribs.
He grunted but remained mute.
Tears began to roll down my cheeks because all I could see in my head was Tyson’s feet as he ran by me time after time as I bled on the gym floor.
“Ty, why?” I asked.
His eyes slowly turned to me. He was frowning. He wasn’t moved by my tears as he once would have been. He looked away. “Why what?” He sounded frustrated, almost aggravated with me or annoyed that I was bringing this up now.
“Why did you just run by me like you didn’t know me or you didn’t care?” I asked. Then, I hated myself because his eyes turned to Mom. We both could see the look of horror that had crossed her face.
“Tyson Andrew Gardener, is that what you did?” She asked. I don’t think Ty had ever disappointed our mother until that moment. She didn’t realize that she had disappointed me over and over too.
He got out of his chair and walked to the door. “So, what if I did,” Ty responded. “I’ll be in the waiting area.”
My brother walked out the door leaving me with our parents and my tears. Dad stood and leaned over the bed. He kissed my forehead. Honestly, I don’t know when Dad had kissed me last either. Not like this. A tender moment shared between father and daughter. How had we lost our connection?
Was it my fault?
Was it all theirs?
“When did this happen?” Mom asked voicing the same thoughts that were going through my head.
“I don’t know but we need to fix it,” Dad declared.
Nothing else was said because the doctor walked through the door looking at an iPad while reading my chart.
“Abby Gardener. Your chin has a hairline fracture and needs stitches and your ankle is sprained and bruised. We’ll put you in a boot for a few weeks to stabilize it.”
“Shit,” I said without thinking.
He chuckled at me. Mom scolded me for cursing. Dad just squeezed my hand.
**
I went home two hours later starving like a rabid dog. A white gauze bandage covering the eight stitches on my chin. I rode with Mom because she asked me to, so Tyson rode with Dad. Not that he couldn’t have ridden with us.
Dad and Ty were picking up dinner on the way home. Mom helped me up the stairs to my room. She laid my backpack on the bed and sat down. I thought she might leave but she didn’t. I grabbed some pajamas out of the drawer and went to my closet to get changed.
Then, I walked out of the closet. Mom was still there. Contemplating. I knew that face. I knew she was thinking about something. I sat on the bed beside her. The boot heavy on my foot. I propped it out in front of me and let it flop, back and forth waiting on her to say something.
“I’m sorry,” Mom finally said. I glanced at her and she picked up the end of my ponytail and tugged on it. Then she smiled at me sadly. “Has Tyson been treating you badly?” She asked.
I shrugged.
“Abby, talk to me.”
“Not badly.” I sniffed. “Just not treating me at all if that makes sense.”
“What do you mean?”
I shrugged. I wanted to tell her that we finished seventh grade, and something happened to him. It was like I no longer existed to him. “I don’t know. I don’t really want to talk about it.”
Mom put her arm around my shoulders. “Abby, please talk to me,” she pled with me.
I sniffed again. She was interested. Her voice soft and cajoling me like when I was a little girl and needed her. Did I need her now or was it too late?
Three years this had been going on. For those years, she and my dad had been wrapped up in the All-American, Tyson Gardener. Great things are going to happen to Tyson. He was going places while I stayed in the shadows needing something but unsure of how to voice what I needed.
“What do you want me to say?”
Mom sighed at me. “Abby, I’m sorry I missed this thing between you and Tyson. I got caught up in his success in sports and forgot you needed me too. You’re so quiet.” She kissed my temple.
I wanted to snap at her, of course I needed you too. I didn’t though. I did what I usually did which is why they didn’t see it. I closed myself off. I stayed quiet. I stared at the carpet on my floor and let Mom make herself feel better by holding me.
“We’re back,” Dad yelled from the bottom of the stairs.
Mom got up and started for the door. She realized I wasn’t following. She looked back at me. “Aren’t you coming?”
Suddenly, I wasn’t so hungry. The pains in my stomach were replaced by the pain in my chin, my foot and my heart.
“I think I’ll just rest.”
“Okay,” Mom replied. “Dad or I will bring you up something later.”
“Thanks Mom.”
She went to the door and opened it, before she stepped into the hallway Mom turned around and looked at me. “Abby, I love you and I’m just as proud of you. You just didn’t seem to need us as much reassurance as Tyson did. You’re more confident than him.”
I hesitated at that statement. I wasn’t confident at all. Did my own mother even know me?
I’m fifteen, I wanted to say to her. Of course, I needed you, but she was right. Tyson always needed that pat on the back. The words of encouragement that I didn’t seem to project needing but I did. I was quiet. I liked being by myself. I was introverted preferring life inside my books. I was content with myself but still needed them and Tyson.
“I love you too Mom.” That’s all she wanted to hear. She stepped out of my room and closed the door.
I climbed into bed with the dreaded weight of the heavy boot. The white patch on my chin at school tomorrow would stand out like a sore thumb. I wasn’t looking forward to it. Maybe Mom would let me stay home. On the second day of school? I didn’t have much hope that would happen.
I opened my backpack and started doing my homework. I kept staring off into space not focusing at all which wasn’t like me. My thoughts were on the day. Ty and Cal. I didn’t know what to think of him. He might just be teasing me. Playing me? I wasn’t sure.
I wasn’t good with boys. I didn’t have a lot of experience because I was shy. I didn’t know what to say to them. I didn’t know how to flirt.
Focusing on my schoolwork I tried to finish my math. Algebra, not my easiest subject but necessary to get into college one day. I had goals for my future.
When I finished Algebra, I grabbed my history book just as the door opened. I glanced up expecting it to be my dad or mom, but it was Ty who came into my room carryi
ng a plate of food for me.
He stopped by the bed and handed it to me. I glanced up at him then laid my history book beside me so I could take it. Ty stood there for a moment looking uncomfortable. Then he sat on the edge, leaning on his knees. Tyson stared at the floor of my room for a moment then he started to talk.
“It was hard walking in your shadow,” he said. I laughed at Tyson. His head popped up and he glared at me. “It isn’t funny Abigail.”
I shoved him with my foot. “Don’t call me that.”
“Then don’t laugh at me.”
“Then don’t say stupid things,” I informed him.
Tyson ran his fingers through his perfect blonde hair. Then he turned and looked at me. “All my life, I heard from our teachers you can do better Tyson. I know you can do better than B’s and C’s. Just look at what Abby does. You’re just as smart as her.” He was mimicking our teachers, I knew.
“I didn’t know. I am truly sorry Ty.” I knew what he was going through because I had gone through it too only in relation to how well he was doing in sports.
“I know you are, and I know you didn’t do anything, but I don’t want to be your twin anymore.”
Those words slapped me in the face hurting me more than anything he could have said to me.
“Abs don’t you understand I just want to be me? I don’t want to be compared to you anymore. Don’t you feel that way too?” He asked me. His eyes were seeking my acceptance. He wanted me to understand how he felt being my twin.
“You didn’t have to give up on me and treat me like I didn’t exist,” I said. I sat the plate on the nightstand and waited. Ty needed to understand how he had made me feel. We were close until seventh grade. “You turned your back on me. Today, you ran by me several times and pretended like I didn’t exist.” He didn’t say anything, so I slugged him in the arm.
Tyson rubbed the spot where I had hit him. “I couldn’t stop. You were bleeding. I was freaked out.” He got up and walked around the bed and slid in beside me. Then he leaned back against the headboard with his shoulder touching mine. I laid my head against his like I used to do when we were in the seventh grade before it all changed.
