by Lee Wardlow
I didn’t respond. I knew that if I did, I would only make it worse. We didn’t talk the rest of the way home. I helped her carry groceries inside. Then I went upstairs and texted Cal. I told him what had happened. I thought maybe he shouldn’t come to dinner after all. There was a chill in the air at the Gardener house tonight and it was all my fault.
Don’t beat yourself up, Abby. Whatever you think is best, but I will miss you today.
I will miss you too.
Chapter 14
That chill hung around for a while. Mom was quiet and I hated that I had hurt her feelings. Things with Aiden at school had chilled for a while too mainly because I asked Cal to try to make peace with him. He was his lifelong friend and deserved a second chance.
Daniel Cooper’s orders were delayed. He invited me to attend Thanksgiving dinner at their house or at least to stop by. I got a hug from him every time I visited their house. He was another reason, I felt more and more at home with the Coopers.
I promised to do my best to make it for dessert, explaining that my grandma was coming to visit. I hadn’t seen her since leaving in June so, I was excited about seeing her again. Cal promised to come over at some point during the day. We were determined to see each other one way or another.
At noon Wednesday, school let out starting our Thanksgiving holiday. We weren’t going back to school until Tuesday the following week because teachers had a in service deal on Monday.
Not seeing each other until Friday or possibly Saturday seemed like a lifetime to Cal and me when we were at school everyday week after week, constantly together. Christmas break was going to suck. By then, his Dad was going to be gone and I knew Cal wasn’t looking forward to him leaving again.
Mom was letting Cal drive us home from school now. It made her life easier, so why not? We had celebrated our sixteenth birthday rather quietly which also disappointed Mom. She wanted a grand party. She couldn’t understand I wasn’t the social butterfly that she wanted me to be.
Cal and I spent the evening at my house watching television with my parents while Tyson spent it in the basement with just a few friends including Johnny and Luke who had started to come around about me and Cal.
This afternoon, Mom was picking up Grandma at the airport when we arrived home. Cal came inside with Ty and me. My brother grabbed a snack and headed upstairs to do homework. Cal and I went downstairs to the basement. It wasn’t often that we got to be alone in the massive basement that had more privacy than anywhere else in our house. This room also had the greatest television.
Cal found a movie to watch while I grabbed sodas out of the fridge behind the bar. I joined him on the plush, leather sofa that was expensive, propping my feet in his lap. He slipped my vans off and dropped them in the floor.
Cal rubbed my feet making me giggle. My feet were ticklish, but he knew that. He smiled at me, showing his dimples through the scruff on his cheeks.
He squeezed my calves. Then he tugged me flat to my back and slid across me. “Hi,” he said. His voice was deep and low having that sexy quality that I loved.
"Hi," I replied smiling up at him. He wiggled himself until he was nestled between my thighs.
Cal rested his weight on his forearms, but I still felt all of him so close to me. He lowered his head and kissed my lips so gently that I was willing to surrender almost anything to Cal at that moment.
I groaned against his lips. The kiss became more urgent. Then he stopped just as quickly and sat up.
“Did I do something wrong?” I sat up in the corner of the sofa and pulled my knees to my chest.
Cal leaned over and grabbed my face between his palms. “Abby, you didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t you know I had to stop, or I wouldn’t want to. I don’t want your Mom to walk in on us doing anything that would get you into trouble, no matter how innocent it is.”
“We were just kissing,” I said, “and I want to do it again,” I teased him.
Cal leaned across the space between us. HIs lips brushed across mine as his hands gripped my face. “Me too babe,” he said. “But not when you’re Mom and Grandma will be home at any minute.”
I had so many confusing thoughts going through my head. When we were intimate like this, Cal’s body close to mine, I wanted to take that next step. I even thought about going on birth control but then I would have to tell Mom. That I didn’t want to do.
“Cal, if we have sex…” I was playing with the buttons on his shirt. “Can we use condoms? I mean Mom offered to put me on birth control, but I don’t really want to tell her.”
“Abby, whatever you want.” His thumb caressed my cheek. “Whenever you’re ready.” His lips brushed across mine. “I’m not trying to rush you into anything you aren’t ready for.”
“I’m confused,” I told him.
“What are you confused about Abby?” His eyes on me were making it hard to think let alone speak.
“I’m not sure I’m ready until we are this close. Then I can’t think of anything else,” I explained.
Cal’s lips caressed mine. Soothing my fears away. His hands slid down my neck. His fingers so feather light they made me shiver. He chuckled then his lips traveled the path that his fingers had, and I moaned.
“Cal,” I whimpered.
“I’m right here, baby,” he responded. His breath warm against my skin. He cupped my breast and squeezed gently then he moaned. I groaned. I wanted to feel his hand against my bare skin.
“Abby, Grandma and I are home,” Mom shouted down the stairs.
“Shit,” I breathed through gritted teeth.
“Give me a moment and I’d like to meet your Grandma,” he told me.
He got up and I watched him go to the bathroom. The door shut behind him.
“Abby, did you hear me?”
“Yeah Mom. Cal and I will be right up as soon as he comes out of the bathroom.”
“Hi honey,” Grandma shouted down the stairs. “I’m looking forward to meeting your boyfriend.”
I almost laughed out loud at the way she said my boyfriend.
When he came out, he was smiling. “Ready?” He asked.
I didn’t know how he turned it on and off like he did. My mind was racing with thoughts of what had happened earlier between us. What I wanted. What he wanted. Was I even ready?
I took Cal’s hand and led him up the stairs to the kitchen where my mother was making coffee for my grandmother who sat at the island in her blue jeans and cable knit sweater.
Her blonde hair like my mother’s was pulled up in a high ponytail that made her look younger than she was. Her pale blue eyes were always happy even after Granddad passed. She said he wouldn’t want her to be sad because he had died. He wouldn’t want her light to go out even if her heart was breaking so she carried on because that is the way she was. Grandma was strong. I wanted to be like her.
I went to her outstretched arms. “Grandma, I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” she said patting my back while I held her tight.
When we released each other, Grandma peeked over my shoulder at Cal. “Let me meet this young man of yours that your Mom has been telling me about,” she declared.
I kept my arm around her slender shoulders and introduced grandma to Cal. “My grandma, Heather Brown. My boyfriend, Cal Cooper.”
“It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Brown.” He was so polite and charming when he stuck his hand out to my grandma. She shook it with both her hands wrapped around his while she checked him out.
I knew my grandmother. Her wise eyes saw beneath the layers and saw the things that most people didn’t want you to see. Then she released him.
“I have to head home now. We are having company today too. My Dad’s parents are coming in from Florida for a visit while Dad is home,” Cal informed Mom and Gram.
She winked at me and I knew that Gram liked Cal.
“Goodbye, Mrs. Brown. Kat.”
I walked with Cal to the drive. He leaned against his car and I leaned into
him. His arms went around me. His hands clasped at the curve of my spine. I turned my head up for his kiss. When it ended, he said, “If you can’t make it tomorrow do you think maybe I could pick you up tonight?”
“Gram just got here,” I said.
He looked up at the sky. His hands slipped lower on my butt squeezing it hard, drawing me closer to him. Cal sighed. “I’m going to miss you.”
I laid my head against his chest and closed my eyes, lost in thought. We didn’t hear the door open. We didn’t hear the thunder of Ty’s shoes on the grass until he shouted at Cal. “Man, do you have to grope her in broad daylight. In front of the neighbors.”
“Ty, we weren’t doing anything.”
Tyson glared at me as I stepped back from Cal putting space between us. He glanced down at me.
“His hands were all over your ass, Abby. I looked out the window and saw him.”
“Just go back inside.”
“If this is what he’s doing in public what are you letting him do in private,” my brother snapped.
Cal pulled himself away from the car. “That’s enough,” he snapped.
“You’re damn right it is. Would you want a guy treating your sister this way?” Tyson asked.
I had about enough of Tyson. I stepped around Cal, but he moved me behind him.
“I have respected your sister Tyson.”
“I saw that from the living room window Calvert.”
I could see this situation was getting out of hand. Both were angry. Tyson shoved Cal.
“Ty that is enough,” I snapped. I moved in front of Cal and laid my hand on his chest. “Don’t,” I said. His eyes met mine for a moment then he looked over my shoulder at my brother. “I’ll call you later.” He kissed my nose. “I love you Abby.”
He had never said it out loud in front of anyone. I waited for Tyson to respond to that declaration. He didn’t. “I love you too,” I told him.
Cal got in his car and backed out of the drive while I stood there watching. Then, I turned on Tyson. “You had no right.”
“I had every right. I’m supposed to protect you.”
I shook my head at him. “I don’t need protection from Cal,” I informed him then I stormed off leaving Tyson standing in the drive.
**
Gram came to my room after dinner. She was wearing her favorite, red and blue flannel pajamas. Her face freshly scrubbed and glowing. Her blonde hair no longer tied back in a ponytail.
I was in my window seat texting with Cal staring out the window still angry at Tyson. I let him know she had come into the room. I laid my phone beside me as she slipped onto the cushion at the other end.
“So, Tyson is concerned about you.”
I rolled my eyes at Gram. “He rushed outside and accused Cal of groping me because he had his hands on my butt. Did he tell Mom or Dad?”
She shrugged. “I know that he thought I could talk some sense into you. I personally like the young man.”
“Thank you,” I responded.
“Are you having sex with him Abby? It’s perfectly normal to have strong feelings for him at this age. I was only seventeen when I fell hard and fast for Grandpa.”
I smile at her then I crossed my legs and leaned on my knees. “I have feelings,” I began. “Strong feelings.” I was having trouble explaining to her what I was feeling.
“Go on,” she said kindly.
“I’m so confused Gram. I have these mixed up crazy feelings in me. I love how he makes me feel but I’m scared.”
“Then don’t do anything until you aren’t scared anymore Abby. You’re young. You just turned sixteen. There is no rush, Abby.”
“But sometimes everything is so overwhelming,” I groaned.
“Does Cal rush you or pressure you?” She asked frowning just a little at me.
“Never Gram. He’ll wait for as long as I want to wait. He loves me Gram.”
She smiled at me. “I kind of picked up on the love vibes in the room this afternoon. He kept looking at you with a fierceness just like Grandpa used to look at me.”
“I love him too,” I told her.
She grinned. “I didn’t think otherwise.”
“Dad doesn’t like me being so serious. Neither does Tyson.”
She laughed. “Fathers have a hard time with their little girls growing up.” She proceeded to tell me stories about Mom dating at sixteen which reminded me of my father. “I guess brothers have the same problem?” I asked Gram.
My door opened and Mom walked in the room. Gram couldn’t answer the question I had asked. “Can I join you two?”
We had been so distant since that day in the parking lot at the grocery store. Gram and I pulled our feet back and Mom sat in the middle.
“Mom, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me,” I begged.
She turned her head towards me, and she smiled. “Abby, there is nothing to forgive. You have a right to your feelings. I got my nose out of joint but I’m fine now.” She sighed. “In some ways, you are right. We do keep up pretenses for your Dad. He has an image he has to project.” Her eyes looked tired when they looked at me. “I do understand. I had my father all the time. He wasn’t like your Dad’s parents. We were close.”
Gram chuckled. “It took Tyson a long time to get used to me hugging him whenever I saw him. I just had to explain that my son-in-law got a hug when they visited whether he liked it or not.”
“I don’t think he’s used it to yet, Gram,” I said.
Mom looked at her then at me. “I agree Abby. I think he just tolerates it because he loves us and her but he’s not quite sure what to do with himself when she does it.”
Gram snorted. “How did you ever get pregnant, Kat?”
My mother rolled her eyes at Gram. “He has no problem with passion mother.” I did not need to hear this coming from my mother about my father. “It’s intimacy that he has a problem with.” I groaned which made my mother laugh.
“So, what are you two always talking about that I’m left out of?” My mother asked.
I wasn’t sure what she was asking.
Gram cleared her throat.
“I know Abby,” Mom said. She eyed me that way a mother does when she knows. “You talk to Gram about things you won’t talk to me about. The same things that Tyson will tell me you won’t. I don’t understand why.”
“Mom I don’t think Ty talks to you about everything.”
She scoffed at me. “I do happen to know that he has had sex. He just doesn’t want his father to know.”
I was surprised. “He used protection,” she added. “I knew at the end of the school year, after the party when it happened. He needed someone he could talk to about it.”
He hadn’t told me until recently. He was closer to my mother than I thought.
“So, why do you feel that you can’t come to me like Tyson does?”
I didn’t have an answer for her. There wasn’t a thing that I couldn’t tell my grandmother, but my parents were another thing.
“He’s worried about you and Cal,” she added.
I rolled my eyes to the ceiling at that statement. That was an understatement.
Gram cleared her throat again. I peeked around Mom at her and she was encouraging me to talk to Mom with her eyes. Making that sideways motion with her eyes that said, talk to her.
“Tyson saw us in the driveway this afternoon,” I said feeling more than uncomfortable.
“And,” Mom said her tone was not judging but gentle. She wanted me to keep telling her about this incident although I had a feeling that Ty had secretly told her.
“Cal’s hands were on my butt holding me. Ty completely overreacted. Shouting about him groping me in broad daylight so what was I letting him do to me at other times. That made Cal angry.”
Mom nodded like she understood. “Abby it isn’t easy when Ty’s been your protector your whole life to suddenly let go of that role. I did tell him that he needs to respect your ability to say no to a boy and he needs to
respect your relationship with Cal.”
“So, he did tell you?” I was irritated at them both.
“He did.” She chuckled. “He’s been complaining for weeks that he’s always got his hands on you. Kissing you. That he wants to break Cal’s hands. I recommended that he not hurt Cal, so he didn’t make you angry at him.”
I glanced at Mom with my mouth open. “Cal is bigger than him.”
“I know that. I didn’t want to hurt your brother’s pride too much by telling him he might get his ass beat, Abby. While your brother isn’t small, Cal is much larger.”
She smiled at me. “I remember my first love.” She caressed my cheek.
“It wasn’t Dad.” I gasped at her, mouth open. Mom had surprised me with that admission.
She dropped her hand to her side. “No, it wasn’t. It was a boy in high school. We dated from the time I was sixteen until we graduated and went to separate colleges. We even tried that first year of college…” She let her voice trail off for a moment.
Then she looked at Grandma who patted her leg, comforting her. I realized then how hurt my mother was over this loss. “Abby, I wanted it to work so badly. He was my first. He meant everything to me.”
Mom sounded so sad that I reached out to her and took her hand holding it in mine. She smiled at me again.
“His name is Will Larson.”
I knew that name. He had married my Mom’s first cousin Nina. “Nina’s husband?” I covered my mouth with my hand trying to hide my reaction.
She nodded. “Nina and Will went to the same college. Nina and I were best friends until then. I don’t go to any family events that she and Will go to. I was crushed until I met your dad.”
“But a part of you still thinks about him at least,” I said without thinking.
Mom leaned her head back against the pane of glass. Her eyes closed. Our hands were still clasped, and our fingers laced together.
I stared at our hands wound tightly together and wondered what we would have been, me and Tyson if not for that break-up. “I don’t know that I still think of him or even what they did to me.”
She stopped talking like she was thinking about that time. I wanted to ask what they did. Mom opened her eyes and glanced at me. It was like she could read the question running through my head.
