by Gina LaManna
“What do you mean?” I asked, my voice hushed and low. The man wasn’t like other criminals – even murderers – that I’d come in contact with previously. His words struck fear with a cold finality and a harsh truth to them, and I knew he meant to deliver on his promises. Or at least try to.
“I won’t be killing you today,” he said. “No, when I end you it will be with Carlos watching. You’re safe for now...chickadee. Your job today is to warn Carlos for me.”
“Warn him of what?” I swallowed hard, trying not to glimpse at Meg in the rearview mirror. I wished I’d never dragged her into this mess. What had started out as an innocent trip to a candy store and a sauce stand had turned into a treat not so sweet.
“Me,” he said.
I turned off the highway and trundled down the wide, tree-lined side streets towards the mansion. We were encroaching upon the 7 p.m. deadline rapidly, and I hoped that most of the staff and civilians would be cleared out and at the barbecue by the time we arrived, assuming they’d all been updated with the time as well. Which, they probably had, since it seemed like I was the only person no longer in the loop with any of the Family plans.
I briefly wondered if Nora had reserved the usual park for the barbecue, despite the date change. Then, I reminded myself that Carlos was King of the Cities, and he could get any dang park he pleased at the drop of a hat. Of course the park was reserved.
“Where are you going?” Meg asked.
“Carlos’s,” I said, gritting my teeth. “The boss here instructed me to drive where I was heading – which was the estate.”
“I wouldn’t do that,” Meg said. “I wouldn’t go there. That’s not where you were headed. We were going to the park.”
“I know all about the yearly barbecue at the park,” the man said, his eyes glittering. “And I also know about the date change. Yes, don’t look so surprised, I timed it this way on purpose. Never forget, I’m always watching,” he said.
I looked up in shock.
“Lacey, you’re taking me to the mansion because you expect it will be almost empty at the moment. You think that’ll be less dangerous for everyone, am I right?” he asked.
Meg’s eyes burned holes in the back of my head.
“And your assistant here, she wants us to go to the most highly populated place in hopes that the guards will be there. Then they can shoot me down and save the day – am I right?” The man sighed. “Two very good ideas. You ladies make a great team.”
“Do you have business at the mansion?” I asked.
He shook his head and gave a light, almost timid laugh. “I want to get under Carlos’s skin,” he answered without hesitation. “I plan to march in there with you by my side and deliver a warning. Show him how easy it is to get ahold of someone he loves. How easy it’d be to hurt you...”
His hand came back up to my face, but this time his thumb and his middle finger squeezed my cheeks – lightly at first, and then so harshly my eyes squinted together and my mouth was sore. Tears pricked my eyes from the pain, and I almost swerved off the road.
“Let her go,” Meg growled. “She’s driving.”
The man dropped his arm, and I could see and feel the welts on my sore face.
I was driving, but I was also angry. I didn’t like when people messed with my Family. Even if I had a bone to pick with Carlos and Anthony at the moment, nobody else could. That’s how family worked – capital F or not.
Returning to his formerly calm, collected self, he stared straight ahead. “We’re almost here.”
“Yes,” I muttered, still fuming.
“Good,” he said. “Pull into the driveway.”
“Why us?” I asked as Carlos’s estate loomed into view. “You can still escape now. We’ll let you go. But if I pull into that driveway, you probably won’t leave Carlos’s alive today.”
“I will,” he said with certainty. “And I didn’t choose this for your family. They chose me.” He whipped his jeweled blue eyes on me, and the icy glare coated my skin in a layer of goose bumpies. “A bad choice, on their part.”
“You really don’t want to go up that driveway,” Meg said, her leg twitching nervously.
I glared at her in the rearview mirror. What was she talking about? The entire reason I’d come to the mansion instead of heading towards the park was to go to the place with the least amount of civilians and the most amount of guards. Everyone would be out at the barbecue by this time, except for a few staff left behind to guard the estate. It was the best possible condition for our current situation.
“Trust me,” Meg said. “I know what I’m talking about.”
“What are you talking ab—” I started.
“Listen,” the man said. “You’ll both do exactly as I say. Lacey, I don’t plan to hurt you or anyone else today. But one wrong move and I just might change my mind. I’m a bit finicky when it comes to others’ health.”
“Apparently,” Meg said. “Or you would’ve been gentler manhandling me before Lacey got to the car. You aggravated my butt-scratch.”
“Roll down your window,” the man instructed.
We had run out of time for small talk. The gates loomed ahead, and I carefully pressed the automatic window button as we reached the first guard tower.
“You’ll tell the guard that we’re a few friends you’re bringing to the barbecue. You and your guests are just stopping by the estate for a moment,” the man instructed. “And be calm or someone will die.”
Please, Carlos, I thought, gulping as the window rolled down. We need help, Anthony!
I hoped with all my heart Anthony wasn’t at the barbecue yet. With most public events, he kept close to Carlos’s side. If Carlos hadn’t left home yet, the chances were high that both of the men were still here.
Rolling down my window, I smiled at the guard. “Hi there, just here for—”
“I know why you’re here,” the guard said, breaking out into a grin. “Welcome.”
I rolled my window back up as the guard clicked the gates open. I pulled forward slowly, still scratching my head. The guards were notoriously hard to get past; they asked for my identification nine times out of ten, even though I was Carlos’s granddaughter and a frequent visitor at the estate.
“Uh, Lacey, I have something to tell you,” Meg said, shifting in her seat uneasily.
“Does it have anything to do with the guard smiling at me?” I shook my head. “I’ve been frisked, groped, and asked for identification – but a smile, that’s a new one.”
“Uh,” Meg said. “Well, there’s one thing—”
“Keep driving,” the man said. “Do not slow down.”
The Lumina clunked through the first half of the driveway quite quickly, but when I rounded the corner...
“What the hell is this?” the man asked, raising the gun so it pointed at my head instead of Meg’s. His finger twitched on the trigger.
“What the...” my eyes widened, and it took my brain quite a long time to process the scene before us.
“Surprise!” Meg said weakly from the backseat.
“Stop the car,” the man said, his voice laced with alertness. Fully attentive, he’d lost his easy smile and twinkling gaze. Now, his eyes were razor sharp and his voice clipped and full of action. “What is this?” he asked again, this time turning to Meg.
“Isn’t it obvious?” she retorted. “The whole moving-the-time thing was due to a very special surprise party. Which, now that I think about it, isn’t so special or surprising anymore, thanks to you. Read the signs.”
Happy Birthday, Lacey!
29 Years Old!
Celebrate!
SURPRISE!
“It’s a surprise party,” Meg offered, after a moment of silence. The mansion sat before us at the edge of the long, winding driveway. A few partygoers had noticed the arrival of my car, and were hurriedly attempting to jump out of bushes and blow those lame paper whistles. But we were half an hour earlier than expected, and it was clear the troops hadn’t yet assemble
d into “surprise” position.
Banners waved timidly in the breeze, confetti exploded from random poppers, and shouts of Hurry! She’s here! Surprise! trickled into the car as people noticed our arrival.
My jaw dropped open. “My birthday,” I said. “I thought nobody remembered.”
“Well, we did,” Meg said. “But you insisted you didn’t want a party. So I combined your party with another one – the Fourth of July Barbecue – so you’d feel special, but not too special.”
“Oh my gosh,” I murmured. “That’s so sweet.”
“It wasn’t that people forgot your birthday,” Meg said. “Just so you know, I, uh, I didn’t realize you’d be so sad. I felt so terrible when you were depressed because you thought people forgot. Felt absolutely shitty.”
“Why did you feel bad?” I asked.
“Well, nobody forgot,” Meg said. “Everyone loves you. But I sent a lot of – um, very threatening messages to everyone invited to the party. It went something along the lines of: if anyone wished you a happy birthday, they just might come to an ill-fated end. But I only threatened them because I wanted you to be completely surprised.”
“Mission accomplished,” I said, my mind still working through the details.
I watched as more and more bystanders trickled from the house, blowing horns and popping confetti as they recognized my car. My eyes misted a bit with tears, and I was touched by Meg’s loyal friendship. Anyone who threatened others to not wish me a happy birthday in order to preserve the element of surprise was going above and beyond the call of best-friend-duty in my book.
“That’s why you didn’t want us to come here,” I said. “You knew everyone would be here.”
“That is correct,” Meg said, glancing out the window. “And now here we are, trapped in a car surrounded by your birthday party. Not quite the surprise I was going for, chickadee.”
“It’s the thought that counts,” I said. “I can’t believe you’d go through all this effort Meg, really.”
“You’re not mad about the party?” she asked with hesitation. “You were pretty adamant—”
“I can’t believe you’d go through the effort of getting all my friends and family here together, in one place.” I scanned the crowd, seeing Vivian and Joey kissing like mad on the front steps, and Julio from Meg’s bar trying to pick up a new date. Horatio stood over by a table laden with drinks and goodies, while Clay and Nora, Marissa and Clarissa, Nicky and Vinny all wandered about with smiles on their faces. “This is incredible.”
“Nobody seems to realize anything’s wrong,” Meg said. “But it’s only a matter of time. We can sit here for only so long before things get weird.”
Oleg and Meg remained squished together in the backseat while the man with the gun scanned the crowd.
“Where is Carlos?” he asked.
“Probably inside,” Meg offered. “We weren’t supposed to be here for thirty more minutes.”
“Who all knew about this?” I asked. If we were going to sit out here all day, I wanted to get a few things straight. One of them was why the sign said 29. Everyone knew I was turning thirty.
“Everyone,” Meg said. “I called Carlos myself and asked for his help. We even got Dr. Gambino in on it. He approved you to have an extra few drinks since it’s your birthday.”
“Carlos answered your phone calls?” I asked.
“He did when I got him a message that it was about you,” she said. “This is the first birthday your family has been able to celebrate with you in thirty years.”
“What did he say?” I asked.
“He said I wouldn’t be able to pull it off. That you’d never be surprised,” she said with a pout. But then her pout turned into a smile and her eyes twinkled. “I said, then he didn’t know me. And look who was right.”
“But—” I started.
“He offered to give you a false assignment,” Meg said. “A wild goose chase of sorts.”
“That’s mean,” I said. “Truly horrible. I spent my birthday stressing out about a bomb.”
“Yes,” Meg said uneasily. “That wasn’t supposed to happen. But think of it as a compliment.”
“A compliment?”
“Yes,” Meg said. “Carlos, when I had him on the phone – he told me you were too smart for a surprise party. That you’d notice something was up and everything would be ruined. He warned me that if you caught wind of a party in your favor, you’d never show up.” Meg shrugged. “Was he right?”
“Umm, probably,” I said.
I tried to process my feelings; part of me felt extremely grateful, part of me felt confused, and still another part of me was worried about the butt of the metal gun against my shoulder. “What was supposed to happen with the fake assignment?”
“Yeah...that didn’t go as planned,” Meg said. “It was a mistake, and I’m really sorry that you got so sad. We were going to tell you it was a ruse, and the—”
“Wait a minute,” I said, putting two and two together. The conversation at the bar hadn’t been about hiding a secret relationship. It’d been about explaining the false assignment to me. “So you and Clay are not a thing?”
“What?” Meg recoiled. “Of course not! I mean, he’s got a nice tush. I’d definitely give it a squeeze, but he’s not into me.”
“But the conversation at the bar the other night. You said I’d hate it. And I’d find out in a day. Clay said I was miserable and that you should tell me...oh,” I said, realization dawning on me. “You were talking about the party. Clay was in on it, too?”
Meg nodded. “I’m afraid so. He even made a website for that stupid food critic. Had to strong-arm one of them into calling you today and telling you the sauce didn’t exist anymore.”
Martim’s phone call now made sense.
Meg shook her head. “Jeesh, Lacey. You are relentless. When Clay and Carlos and I were planning this all out, we thought you’d just realize there was no sauce anymore and come back with a damn bottle of ketchup and forget about the whole thing. Nobody realized how much determination you had in them sugar-filled bones.”
“You got Clay and Carlos to work together?” I asked.
“Don’t be so surprised,” Meg said. “They don’t much like each other, but they adore you. Me too, for that matter. Well, most of the time. Except when you don’t tip me twenty percent.”
“What was the logic with the whole bomb thing?” I asked.
“Stop talking,” the man with the gun said. “This is no time for a conversation.”
“Shush up, you,” Meg said. “It’s this woman’s birthday. Give us a break for two seconds.”
“The bomb?” I asked, ignoring the man. I really didn’t think he’d shoot us; people were starting to gather in a circle around the driveway, and if the guards heard shots fired, it was almost a guarantee that he wouldn’t leave the estate of his own accord.
“Well Anthony was going to take you into the warehouse that night,” Meg said. “That was the plan. No fireworks or bombs ever existed. We felt a little bad worrying you, but it was never supposed to get this far. We had a plan.”
“You had a plan?” I asked.
“Me, Anthony, and Clay brought it up to Carlos,” Meg said with a sigh. “He didn’t think it was a good idea, but I pushed it hard. You ever have one of those ideas that sounds great in theory and then turns out to be a real turd in life?”
I gave a wry smile. “Plenty of times.”
“Well, this was one of them. What do you call ‘em? Oranges?” Meg said. “The thing that doesn’t work out how it should.”
“A lemon of an idea,” I said.
“Yeah. A real, juicy lemon,” Meg said. “The only reason Anthony agreed to the plan is because I told him it’d give you two some nice, cozy alone time in a car together. Alone. That was the whole point of the warehouse stakeout,” Meg said with a twinkle in her eye. “The way you two send gooey eyes at each other day in and day out – I thought forcing you to sit together and a
ctually talk would be the best birthday present I could give you.”
“You wanted to give me alone time with Anthony as a present?” I asked. “Wow. That’s...creative.”
“There’s no way you two wouldn’t have kissed,” she said. Fanning herself, she grinned. “Best. Birthday. Ever.”
I blushed.
“I’m right, aren’t I?” Meg squealed. “You did kiss. In that case, you’re welcome, sister. That kiss was from me. Well, from me via Anthony, technically. Regardless, you’re welcome.”
“But we ended up arguing,” I pointed out. “And I was stressed about the bomb until Clay led me to believe that Anthony had solved it without me. Which then hurt my feelings, too.”
Oleg rolled his eyes next to Meg, and I was tempted to add another sock to his mouth. I didn’t waste time, however, because I knew we had a limited number of minutes before the crowd became so large that Carlos couldn’t help but come outside. One by one, people were starting to point with curiosity in our direction. Even Viv and Joey had stopped kissing, his orange face blinking absently in our direction.
“That was the problem,” Meg said. “A true case came in. The one about the firearms. Anthony couldn’t explain why he prioritized it over the bomb.”
“Why didn’t he just tell me the whole truth?” I asked. “I would have understood.”
“Yeah,” Meg looked shiftily out the window. “I, uh...how to put this properly...”
“You threatened to blackmail him, didn’t you?” I asked.
“More or less,” Meg hedged. “I threw out the fact that I might just cut off an essential body part of his if he so much as breathed a word about the party or the fake fireworks case to you.” She shook her head. “I think I really scared him.”
“Apparently,” I said. “Because he didn’t back down. He didn’t say a word about it.”
“Yes and we should have told you at that point,” Meg said apologetically. “I’m sorry you argued. Let me explain what should have happened if the plan worked like we had hoped.”
“Please, explain,” I said. “I’m curious.”
“Well, the idea was that we give you a few hours yesterday to search for clues. Of course, these clues didn’t actually exist, but Anthony and Clay did a decent job of setting up fake ones.”
