by Dana R. Lynn
Had they had a good marriage? At least he knew why she had seemed so familiar to him even though he was missing a huge chunk of his memories.
“To get back to your question about our son—” he didn’t miss the emphasis on the word our “—he’s four. I had just found out I was pregnant when they told me you were dead. I was devastated.” Her lovely brown eyes glistened with tears. “The baby was all I had left. LJ is my whole world.”
“LJ?”
“Luke Junior.” She shook her head. “I was told you were killed in an explosion at the plant you worked at. I buried an empty casket because there was no body. If only I had known you were still alive!”
She huffed and hugged her arms across her stomach. For a scant second, anger blazed out of her eyes. Then her lovely face changed, became sad.
He felt that sadness all the way to his bones. “I had no idea who I was. I woke up in a ditch, my leg injured and clothes in tatters. In fact, I thought I was still seventeen.”
Her eyes grew huge and her mouth dropped open.
He nodded in understanding. “When I returned home to Mamm and Daed, they told me that I was twenty-two and had been gone for several years. I couldn’t recall any of it.”
“Until today?”
His heart broke at the hope in her voice. He shook his head, shattering that hope. “Nee, I still have no memory. Not really. When I saw that news report, I knew that man was no gut. In my mind, I could see your face, but I had no idea why.”
She sighed.
“Jennie, can you tell me about Steve Curtis? When I saw his picture, all I could think was that you were in danger. I didn’t remember who you were, but I did know that you were important.”
For the briefest moment, her eyes softened. It was gone so fast he might have imagined it.
“I hate talking about him.”
Luke waited. He couldn’t force her to tell him, but he hoped she would.
She sighed. “Fine. I’ve already told the police everything. I guess it won’t hurt to repeat it one more time.” Slapping her hands down on her knees, she pushed herself to a stand. Then she removed her hair from the band that was holding it loosely at the back of her neck. He was momentarily distracted by the wealth of shining brown hair streaming down her back before she caught it up again in a tighter ponytail.
“When I was a kid, my mother married Steve. My brother, Aiden, and I didn’t know at first how terrible he was. But soon we found out. While Mom was at work, Steve was at home, drunk and angry. He attacked me when I was eleven.”
Luke froze, horrified.
“My brother went after him and knocked him down, then locked us in my bedroom. The police arrested Steve and he stood trial. I had to testify. It was awful. His defense attorney tore me apart. Somehow, it was my fault. I was a kid. The jury didn’t buy it, and he was sentenced to four years in prison. Four years!” She snorted.
Luke couldn’t speak. He clenched his fists to hold in the anger rushing through him.
She wasn’t done. “My brother and I thought we were free, but we weren’t. We were taken away from my mom and placed in foster care. In separate homes. My mom had had enough and gave us up. I blamed Aiden for years for not protecting me. For leaving me. But he was only fifteen. When he aged out of the foster care system, he came to find me, but I wanted nothing to do with him. We didn’t actually reconcile until almost five years ago.”
“What about your mom?”
She shrugged. “I never saw her again.”
“Steve, he was released four years later?”
“Yeah.” Her voice crackled, as if her throat were suddenly dry. She cleared it. “Actually, it was less than four years. And he came after me, to pay me back for costing him everything. I was fifteen. You were on your rumspringa. I was walking back to my current foster home after school, and suddenly he was there with a knife.” She rubbed her shoulder. “You heard me scream and rushed to my rescue. He assaulted me, but you were in time to save my life.”
She’d had to be strong to survive the blows life had dealt her and still be able to love and nurture a child. And apparently, she’d once loved Luke, too. Now he understood the strength he’d sensed about her.
He swallowed. He could clearly see the scene in his mind, the stabbing knife, the blood on her shoulder. And he knew the knife wound hadn’t been the worst part of the attack. His heart ached for her.
“When I was released from the hospital,” she went on, “my foster parents decided that it was too dangerous to bring me back into their home.”
He blinked. “You hadn’t done anything wrong.”
“I had someone coming after me. Even though Steve would go to jail, they didn’t want me. I ended up in a new foster home, close to your uncle’s house.”
“You worked on housing projects with us, building homes, didn’t you?”
She smiled, just the smallest lift of the corners of her mouth. He found himself wanting to see a full smile from her. “I did. I was relegated to do the painting. Your uncle said I was hopeless with a hammer. Kept dropping all the nails.”
Luke wanted to find out more. There were still so many questions that weren’t answered.
“Do you—” She stopped.
He waited, frustrated when she didn’t continue. “Do I what?”
She grabbed a hank of hair lying over her right shoulder and began to twist it around her fingers. He remembered that gesture. It meant she was unsure of herself. He wanted to tell her she could ask him anything, but held his tongue, not wanting to make her more flustered than she already was.
“I was just wondering... Well, I know you lost some of your memories.”
More like five years’ worth of memories. His gaze zeroed in on the pictures on the wall. Pictures of LJ as a baby until now. His son’s entire life. He nodded for her to continue.
“Well, do you, you know, still have nightmares about fires?”
His mouth dropped open. He closed it. His teeth clicked. Swiping his hand across his top lip, he wiped away the sweat that had formed at the mere thought of being trapped inside a blazing building. “Jah, I do. Did I tell you about the fire?”
She nodded. “Not everything—you were kinda closemouthed about it. But I know that you were in a fire when you were fourteen and one of your cousins died.”
His cousin had died because Luke had failed to pull him out of the inferno. It wasn’t something he was willing to talk about. Maybe one day, but not yet. Especially not with a woman who was a virtual stranger to him, no matter how they might have been connected.
Raymond exited the kitchen with LJ. LJ’s face had a smear of jelly in the corner of his mouth. “He said he was hungry, so I made him a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich.”
“That’s fine,” Jennie said.
“I know you guys have a lot to talk about, but are you going to the police station soon?”
“I should go now.”
“I’m coming with you,” Luke blurted out. When they both stared at him, he grew irritated. “What?”
“What do I tell the driver?” Raymond demanded. “Or what do I tell Mamm and Daed?”
Luke stared at his brother. Why was any of that important? He had just found out he had a wife and child. It seemed obvious that everything else would be a lower priority right now. He cut his eyes to Jennie. She hadn’t responded. He tilted his head to the side and lifted his eyebrows at her, a silent question.
“Nothing,” Jennie mumbled.
He was disappointed. Her voice gave no indication of how she felt about him now. Not that he had any idea what his own feelings were. They were a jumbled mess. However, the truth was that he had a wife and a son, even if he didn’t know them. He wasn’t leaving her alone again.
“Mama,” LJ said, tugging at Jennie’s jeans.
“Yes, pumpkin?”
“Who is that?” LJ pointed a timid finger at Luke.
There was a pause. “That, LJ, is your daddy.”
“I have a daddy?” LJ beamed a wide grin across the room at Luke.
Luke blinked as his vision blurred.
Nee, he was not leaving. Not now.
THREE
“This is not a gut idea,” Raymond hissed at Luke the moment Jennie had taken LJ into the bathroom to help the child wash his face and brush his teeth. “You should come home with me.”
“I can’t leave yet. You know I can’t. Not when I know I have a wife and son.”
“A wife who is not Plain.”
Luke rubbed his chest against the ache that was already forming there. Jennie was a stranger to him, true. But she was his wife. Even if they could never be together, either because they were strangers, or because he was now part of the Amish church. It was an impossible situation. “Jah, I know she is not Plain.”
“Then why—”
Luke rounded on his brother. “Would you have me abandon her, abandon my son, when they are in danger?” His voice had dropped to a growl. He knew his brother meant well, but he was not leaving Jennie to deal with this crisis on her own. “What if you were in my position and discovered you and Mary Ellen were married and had a child? Would you abandon her? Could you?”
Raymond struggled with it for a moment longer before finally giving in. “I wouldn’t. You’re right. How will you get home?”
Luke understood the underlying question. Raymond wanted his assurance that he would return home. He wasn’t ready to give that. Not yet. Finding he had a family had unsettled him. He couldn’t abandon them, even if Jennie was unwilling to trust him. He couldn’t blame her for being that way, but still, he was determined to stay close. He would protect them as well as he could.
“I’ll manage when it’s time.”
That was no answer. But it was the best he could do.
Jennie and LJ walked out of the bathroom. The boy was chattering happily to his mother about how cool the troopers had been. He’d obviously gotten over the fact that someone had been inside the apartment.
Luke could hardly force his eyes away from the boy. A surge of emotion swept over him, closing his throat. He’d missed four years of this boy’s life. If he and Raymond hadn’t shown up today, both Jennie and LJ might now be dead.
He shook off the morose thought. He couldn’t allow himself to dwell on it.
“I’m heading back home, Jennie.” Raymond shoved his hat back on his head and shrugged back into his winter coat.
Jennie raised her eyebrows at him.
“I’m staying.” Luke caught the look she cast his way. Jennie was not one to tolerate someone telling her what to do. “If that’s okay? Please?”
She looked like she wanted to argue.
LJ latched onto his hand. “Yay! Daddy’s going to stay, Mama!”
He fought back the rush of emotion that threatened to overwhelm him. His son wanted him to stay. He’d never missed having his memory more than he did at this bittersweet moment. If he’d remembered who he was, maybe he wouldn’t have missed his son’s first four years. He lifted his gaze to Jennie, silently begging her to allow him this time.
Her mouth tightened. But she just gave a weary nod. “Fine.”
The tension left his shoulders. He followed her out to her car so they could go to the police station. She fastened LJ into his booster chair in the back while Luke settled himself in the passenger seat. At one point, he must have known how to drive a car, he mused. He’d probably done it on a daily basis. He had no recollection of it and wasn’t even sure he’d be able to figure it out without embarrassing himself. It didn’t matter. He was content to ride along.
Raymond climbed up into the van beside Sam. The brothers shared one last glance. Raymond’s gaze warned him to take care. Luke kept his face blank. Finally, Raymond and Sam pulled out and drove away.
Jennie got into the driver’s side and fastened her seat belt.
“Thanks for letting me stay.” Luke kept his voice low, hyperaware of the child a few feet away from him.
Jennie didn’t answer at first, focusing on backing out of her space. “I still can’t believe you’re alive.” Her voice was thick with too many emotions for him to decipher them all.
“I’m sure it’s a shock. I wish I’d remembered sooner.” That was putting it mildly.
She bit her lip. She flipped on the radio, probably to mask their voices. “Luke, I don’t know what we’re supposed to do in this situation. I was told you were dead. I went through the pregnancy alone, always feeling like I was in a bad dream, but that one day you’d walk through the door. But after LJ was born, I had to accept that you were gone. I had him to focus on, and it helped. But raising a child on my own wasn’t easy.”
He was sure it wasn’t. And now that LJ was four, she no doubt didn’t appreciate Luke’s reappearance, complicating her life. Even if he had just saved it.
“I remembered this apartment,” he commented, waving his hand toward the building as they drove away from it. “I don’t know how, but when we were driving here, I was able to lead the driver straight here.” He paused a moment. “I would have thought you’d have moved.”
After she heard he’d died, but he didn’t add that part. She seemed to understand.
“I told the landlord that I wouldn’t be renewing my lease in February. My brother and his wife, Sophie, have a place near Pittsburgh. Sophie’s sister is deaf and attends the residential school there as a day student. I decided to move closer to them.”
He never would have found them if she had already moved. He forced his mind away from that thought. It wasn’t productive to think of what might have happened.
“Are you upset to find that I’m alive?” he asked instead.
“Oh!” Her eyes flared open wide at his question. “Of course not! It’s good that you survived the explosion. Of course it is. It’s just...”
He waited, his heart pounding. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what she was trying to say.
“Just what?” he prompted when she looked as if she wasn’t going to continue.
She was pulling into the police station. She shifted in her seat and met his gaze head-on. “I don’t know you anymore. Which must sound selfish of me. I’m sorry, truly I am. I know that you’ve lost your memories. I can’t even imagine how that must feel.”
“It’s disconcerting, that’s for sure. There’s a gap in my mind, a large chunk of experiences that I don’t recall. Things that I might have learned how to do that I can’t do anymore.” Should he say it? “It’s also painful to know that I’ve been a father for four years and have missed it.”
“I understand that.” Her voice was soft. He had to strain to catch her words. “I’m just not certain how to proceed. You’re a stranger to me. And my life has finally gotten to a point where I feel like I’m moving forward. Or it was.”
What had changed that more, knowing he was alive or knowing that Steve was out to get her? Steve. What were they doing sitting in a car when that man was still out there, waiting for the opportunity to attack again?
“We need to get inside. We’re vulnerable here.” He wished they had more time, but the situation was urgent.
She opened her door, and he followed her example. They gathered up LJ and headed into the station. Would she open up to him again? The frustration was gnawing at him. If only he could remember.
“We need to talk more.” He broke the silence that had settled between them.
“I know. But not now.”
LJ was trotting along beside his mother, his hand in hers, when he reached out and grabbed Luke’s left hand in his free hand. Luke smiled down at his son, still in awe that he had a child.
Jennie signed in at the reception desk. The clerk who was behind a glass window buzzed them into t
he station.
Luke was aware of eyes following them as they walked into the room. It probably wasn’t every day that an Amish man showed up in their station with an Englisch woman.
They didn’t have to wait long before they were met by one of the troopers that had been out to the apartment earlier. Carter, his badge said. He led them back into a separate room, away from everyone else. Luke was glad to be away from the curious stares.
“Okay, Jennie. Luke. There’s no rush. Take your time and look through the images. I’ll stay here. Let me know if you recognize anyone.”
Within a few minutes, Jennie and Luke were seated at a console, looking at images of possible suspects. It was chilling to realize how many images they would need to look through. Luke felt hemmed in behind the console. He wasn’t used to being surrounded by so much technology.
Or maybe it was the fact that he was sitting in an Englisch police station that made him feel like ants were crawling under his skin.
A woman walked in and tried to convince LJ to go with her, but the child pressed against his mother and refused to budge.
“Not going.” He turned his face into Jennie’s side.
“I’d like him to stay with me,” Jennie said, hugging her son.
“It’s okay, Anne. He can stay with us,” Trooper Carter told her.
Luke was relieved when the woman gave in. He didn’t want to let the boy out of his sight, either, although he was probably safe at the police station.
“Hey, Mama!” LJ yelled out five minutes later, pointing at the screen. “I seen that man before.”
Carter moved quickly. He eyed the man on the screen, then turned his sharp gaze to LJ. “Are you sure, son? You’ve seen this man?”
LJ nodded. “He stands outside the playground taking pictures of me and my friends.”
Jennie’s hands froze as the blood drained from her face. Luke wanted to bolt out the door and find the man immediately. He forced himself to remain still. Someone was watching his son. Was Steve behind this, or were more people out to destroy his family?
* * *
