by C. S. Moore
“That’s why they locked Shiphra up instead of killing her, you know. I’m sure they would have given all of the Healer’s lives to put her down, but it doesn’t work that way. It takes an Ancient to take out an Ancient,” he said, looking back over his shoulder.
“Why is that?” she asked.
“It just takes so much energy to kill an Ancient, probably would have taken more than most to put her down too.” He chuckled.
“Seems like it would have been easy. Five against one.” “Sure they outnumbered her, so they could have, but it wouldn’t have been easy. I wouldn’t want to be on the other end of a fight with Shiphra. She understands and controls magic and energy like no one else. In the end, they just wouldn’t risk their own lives.” He laughed, shaking the excess water from his hands as he stood up. “My name is Armaan, by the way. If you’re done interrogating me, we can go now,” he said, looking into the darkening forest.
She followed his gaze and thought that they probably should head back. “I’m Amanda, but I’m sure you already know that,” she said. “I need to head back to Cole and Madgie; you can come with me. Just stay behind me in case we’re attacked.”
She moved her eyes from the forest back to Armaan. The right corner of his mouth was turned up in a half smile. How many darn smiles can one person have? She was immediately annoyed at herself for even noticing.
“You want me,” he said, gesturing to his large frame. Blood rose to her cheeks, and she was about to argue when he continued. “To stand behind you.” His hand rested on the top of her head, which was a good foot lower than his. “In case we’re attacked?” He finished with an eyebrow cocked skeptically.
“Yes, you idiot, and get your hand off my head.” She swatted away his big palm.
“Wow, calm down. I just had to make sure I had it right.”
He moved behind her and crouched down. “Onward bodyguard!” Armaan whispered.
Amanda growled. “Have I called you an idiot yet?” she asked moving forward.
“Yes, yes, you have,” he said, following in her footsteps. “I think I found the one thing you and Nell have in common.”“And what’s that?” She let go of a branch early and sent it smacking into Armaan’s face.
“Ouch!” he said, rubbing his cheek. “I was going to say bravery. But now I see you volunteered to lead the way out of sheer jealousy.”
“Jealousy?”
“It’s okay. I’m not mad. I’ve dealt with this kind of thing my whole life. You’re jealous of my chiseled face and want to see its destruction,” he said in an overly dramatic voice.
She tried to stop her laughter, but was unsuccessful. “Well, I do believe people have been smacking you in the face your whole life,” she said.
It was silent as they walked, and they had just reached the densest part of the forest when he put a hand on her shoulder. She stopped, waiting for him to say something funny.
“What is it now?” Did he not understand that she needed to get back to Madgie? He didn’t say anything, so she turned around.
He had his head down, but being so tall, she could still see his face. It looked torn, searching even. His brow was furrowed, and most of the light had gone from his eyes. He had his lips pursed together, as if he were trying to prevent himself from speaking, but when he met her gaze he wasn’t able to stop himself.
“Why are you so angry with me?” he asked in a breath.
His question took her so off guard she took a turn hiding her face. He looks so miserable, she thought guiltily.
“I know that’s probably a stupid question with all that’s going on. It’s just… I’ve heard about you for so long. I mean, you were even a topic of discussion in the Guard before all of this. You leaving the way you did. Most Healers who run just disappear without a trace, hoping everyone will forget them or assume the worst had happened to them in a Scar. But you, you stick a note to the message board.” He paused.
She was glad to see the light had returned to his eyes. He seemed so full of life. She wondered how he could exude such excitement. When she reached her energy out to his, she felt only darkness and death. Yet he was standing before her, eyes gleaming brighter than a child’s on Christmas morning. How could he do that? How could he be all darkness and a bright beacon of light at the same time? “Your note is the reason I left the Hovel. You saved my life,” he said.
Her throat tightened, and she almost choked on her tongue. “How is that possible?” she asked through a cough.
“I woke up early the morning you ran. No one else was up, but I was usually the first person wandering the halls. The nightmares were so strong back then…” He raised his hand to his head and began to rub his temple as if to massage out whatever bad memory had worked its way into his mind.
What did they do to those boys? She didn’t want to know the answer.
He opened his eyes after a moment and smiled apologetically before continuing. “I was looking for Cole. He was in the Guard with me, and I always felt saner when he was around. He wasn’t in his normal hideouts, so I went to grab breakfast early. I was in the dining hall before all of the shouting and hysterics. When I showed up, there was only one person standing in front of the message board. Cole.”
The ground seemed to shift below her feet, and she thought she might fall.
“We never cared about what happened around there. So, I didn’t understand why he stood there, still as a statue, mesmerized by a lone piece of paper. But when I got to him, I understood. The words on them affected me like nothing ever had, and there were so few of them, just five small words. ‘I’m leaving because I can.’ I left two weeks later. You inspired me.”
The way he said her words, annunciating everything precisely, made it clear the scrawled-out sentence was of the utmost importance to him. She didn’t want to shoot the wind out of his sails, but she had to.
“I’m sorry to tell you this, but that isn’t what I wanted to say,” she said honestly.
Amanda was glad for a moment when he looked so surprised, and then she reminded herself he was a good person. Not like Frey. He wasn’t her enemy. They just looked so like one another.
“What do you mean, ‘that isn’t what you wanted to say’? You started a movement with those words, Amanda. You’re the face of freedom and bravery to so many Healers,” he said almost hysterically.
“Bravery? Heck, I was too much of a coward even to finish my own sentence. I was going to say, ‘I’m leaving because I can’t take this anymore,’ Or something along those lines. It’s been awhile,” she said with a shrug.
His eyes drilled into her. “You inspired me and started an underground rebel movement with an unfinished sentence?” he asked.
“Well, this is the first I’m hearing about an underground movement, but yeah, I guess I did.”
She was worried he might be angry, sad, or disappointed in her, but that wasn’t even close to his reaction. He chuckled.
Then his chuckle turned into a deep belly laugh. Laughing? How could he be laughing when she’d just told him that his inspiration in life was meaningless?
“Are you okay?”
He wiped a tear from his eye and shook his head. “Wow, you are even more amazing than I guessed!” he said, patting her shoulder.
“I see you’re a fan of sarcasm,” she said through her teeth.
“No, no.” He coughed, clearing his throat, and straightened. “I’m being perfectly sincere. You’re probably the only person in the history of the world who could ever positively affect an entire people with a sentence fragment.”
He laughed, and she joined him. It felt amazing to laugh with him. She’d been tight as piano wire for so long her body had started to ache.
“Sorry if I wasn’t nice to you. I’m sort of new to having enemies. Well, real I-want-to-kill-you type enemies. I’ve had the I-think-you‘re-scum types for a while, and you kind of remind me of one of them, and not just because you’re both on the Guard. From what you told me, you’re a far bette
r person than I am. I guess I just can’t trust my instincts anymore, probably getting too paranoid,” she said apologetically.
The relaxed atmosphere she’d been enjoying disappeared, as did the Armaan she knew. A blank-faced monster stood before her. His light seemed to have drained from him, and he grew darker by the second.
“Armaan?” she said, touching his unmoving shoulder.
“Armaan, I’m sorry if I said anything to upset you. I didn’t mean to. I’m no good with words.”
Darkness rolled from him and began to blot out the little sun light they had left.
“Stop this, Armaan, you’re freaking me out!” she said.
Ignoring the hammering of her fear-driven heart, she moved closer to him. Amanda wasn’t frightened of him, just the darkness that had been instilled in him. Putting her hands out on either side of him, she rubbed his arms, trying to get him out of whatever state he’d fallen into.
“Armaan?” she said, seeing the light come back into his eyes.
He shook her hands off him gently and took a few steps away from her. She moved forward, but he stopped her.
“Please, just stay there for a second,” he begged, putting his head between his knees.
She wanted to console him somehow but didn’t know what to say to someone struggling through such inner turmoil. How did a person stay good and true to themselves with so much darkness thrust upon them? Who would Cole be had he not gotten out? The thought sent a cold shiver down her spine.
“I’m sorry if I set you off. Are you okay?” she asked.
He straightened and took a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m real sorry you had to see that. I get that way sometimes when people mention my brother,” he whispered.
“What do you mean?” she asked, perplexed. “I don’t even know who—”
“I wouldn’t stop trusting your judgment if I were you.” He looked up and met her gaze with dark eyes. “You took one look at me and saw him.”
No.
“Saw my brother, saw your enemy.”
Please no!
“Saw Frey.” He choked over his brother’s name, like it made him sick to say it.
She wanted to scream. How could Shiphra send the brother of the person whose face she saw when picturing the enemy? If she thought she might have trusted him less after such a revelation, she was wrong. She couldn‘t bring herself to look at him any differently. He looked so ashamed. Why should he feel ashamed for the thing that his brother was. It wasn’t his fault, and it wasn’t even Frey’s.
“It isn’t your fault you’re related to him,” she almost shouted. “Worry about the things you can control, like getting us safely to New Hovel.”
She turned to move forward, but he held her back.
“You don’t care that he’s my brother?” he asked in a rush.
“Well, Shiphra doesn’t seem to care, so why should I?” she said as lightly as she could manage, trying to assure him it didn’t matter at all. “And it isn’t his fault he’s the way he is, it’s the—” She was going to tell him that his brother wouldn’t be like this had the Ancients not made him that way, but he interrupted her.
“No, it is his fault. There’s a choice in everything. Even when you’re forced into something you never wanted, you can fight it. You can hate it. He didn’t. He chose to enjoy what he called ‘freedom’.”
“Let’s just get you back. I don’t want to talk about this.”
He started walking then stopped and spoke over his shoulder. “Thanks for saying it doesn’t matter. I can’t tell if you mean it, but it’s a nice thing for you to say.”
They walked together side by side. She didn’t feel the need to stay in front of him. Although she could tell he felt the need to be shielding her, he had gradually lengthened his stride until she had to take three steps to match one of his. It didn’t tire her out as it should have, it just annoyed her slightly. Was every guy she met going to treat her like a wounded baby bird?
“Can you stop trying to outrun me. You don’t even know where we’re going,” she said, trying to keep her annoyance out of her voice.
“Sure, sorry. I tend to walk fast when I’m nervous,” he said, slowing his pace.
“Why are you nervous?” she asked, not understanding what he had to be worried about.
“I uh… don’t know how Cole is going to react when he sees me,” he said, running a hand through his hair anxiously. “He doesn’t know who I really am and the person he thinks I am is definitely not going to be welcome around him or you. He hates me.” He put a hand on her shoulder.
“Don’t worry. Cole trusts me. Even if he doesn’t trust you, he’ll listen to me,” she assured him.
“I wouldn’t sound so sure about that if I were you,” he said quietly.
She was going to ask him why he thought Cole wouldn’t want him near them, but Armaan had already started walking.
He didn’t know what he was talking about. Cole couldn’t hate anyone. Especially not Armaan, he was so easy to like. Once you got around his resemblance to his brother.
They were near the opening, and she was surprised that Armaan had led them to the correct spot. She had been so involved in her thoughts she forgot to tell him where to go. She realized he knew where they were going the whole time. Of course, he knew where they were staying, he’d known where to find her, after all.
She turned to him. He didn’t seem to notice her studying him, too lost in worrisome thoughts. His jaw was clenched tightly. The flexed muscles partnered with the evening light cast haunting shadows across his boyish face, making him appear older and sharper than he was. Or maybe it was his nerves that made him look this way. She guessed this might be the way a soldier looks before going into battle. She broke through the trees entering the clearing before Armaan. He had fallen back without her noticing. She wasn’t paying any attention to him, having caught sight of the cave and the familiar person running toward her screaming.
IT TOOK HER LONGER THAN it should have to process the words Cole was shouting at her. Both because it was a shock to see him running at her screaming and because her worrisome mind automatically assumed something had happened with Madgie. Once she understood his words and the reason behind them, she relaxed.
“Run! Amanda, get away from him, run!” he said.
She looked around to try to find Armaan, but he was still somewhere in the brush. Cole had reached where she was and put himself between her and the dark forest.
“Get yourself into the cave. I’ll cover you,” he said over his shoulder, his dark eyes never leaving the shadowy wall of trees. “It’s okay, Cole. Shiphra sent him. He’s here to help us. Come out Armaan!” she shouted around Cole who tensed as soon as the name passed her lips.
“You think Shiphra sent him, Amanda? Have you learned nothing over the past few days? You can’t trust a member of the Guard. They’ve been–” His body lurched forward, but he straightened himself quickly as one of the shadows stepped into the clearing.
“I can get that fixed for you,” Armaan said, putting a hand to his throat and making a choking gesture. “Shiphra lifted my gag, I’m sure she can do the same for you,” he offered with a wave of his large hand.
As Armaan stepped out into the little light left of the day, Cole flinched slightly as if the mere sight of him was a blow.
“Go to the cave please; I don’t want you to see this,” Cole whispered to her. “Leave now and I won’t hurt you,” he said to Armaan.
His words sent a wave of shock rolling through her, and her mouth fell open, but Armaan seemed unfazed.
“What?” she asked in bewilderment. “Did you not hear what I just said? He’s here to help us! Cole, listen,” she pleaded as he readied his stance.
“Will you be leaving or not?” he asked again firmly.
Armaan scratched the side of his head in false contemplation. “Um… no,” Armaan said with a smile.
Amanda threw her hands up. Why did he have to try to get under Cole’s skin? He was mak
ing her want to attack him.
“She’s telling the truth you know. Shiphra sent me here to guide you to her, and I don’t often fail my duty.”
“No, you don’t often fail your masters. I do believe that to be true. Amanda is just confused as to who is pulling your strings,” Cole said.
“Don’t tell me that I’m confused! You’re the only one confused here. I’m telling you he’s here to help us. Can’t you trust me?”
“You know I trust you, just not with this. He has a silver tongue and can spin a tale. That’s why girls listen to him, girls like you, and every one of the pretty little things who follows him around turns up missing. Do you want to know why?” he asked through his teeth. he felt Cole’s anger become more and more concentrated, turning into something resembling hatred.
“Because Guard members like to have fun with women and the women end up…” Cole swayed a little so she steadied him with her hand.
“It isn’t what you think. He hasn’t been working for the Ancients. He has never been a Guard member. All of those girls you’re talking about ended up in New Hovel, the city that Shiphra protects. Nell is there now waiting for us,” she explained, hoping he’d listen. Amanda could feel Cole’s doubt, but she knew Armaan wasn’t lying to her. She didn’t know how she knew, but she did.
“You don’t understand the things I’ve seen him do, the terrible stories I’ve heard him tell,” Cole said in a haunting voice.
“It was all part of the act. I had to pretend to be somebody that made me sick for the greater good. I wish I could have had your life, Cole. You were free to be yourself, free to think the worst of me. You could choose to have attachments.” Armaan’s eyes flickered toward Amanda for a longing moment. “I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not this terrible person you think I turned out to be. You remember who I am. We were practically brothers, Cole.”
“That was before you became just like your blood brother. You are nothing to me now,” Cole said.
Her heart fell as Armaan’s despair reached her, and she could no longer stay behind Cole’s protective arms. She darted in between the two men and stared into Cole’s dark eyes. “How could you say that? Can’t you feel how badly you’re hurting him? He’s coming with us whether you like it or not, and I’m not about to let you go running off on your own—”
