by Ryan Casey
She looked up into Jack’s eyes and for the first time in this exchange, her steely resolve faded, just for a second. “I just want everything to be okay,” she said.
He pulled the rifle away. Stood up. Blew out the match.
“I’ll have some water delivered to you,” Jack said. “Some food, too. Try to get some rest. We’re going to talk again tomorrow.”
“You can’t win every battle,” Candice said. “Not now. With me tied up like a prisoner, you’ve already lost.”
Jack turned around and stared into the darkness. “We’ll see.”
He opened the door and stopped.
Wayne was standing there.
Staring past Jack.
He tried to push past him.
“I need to see her.”
Jack lifted a hand. “No.”
“I need to—”
“No!”
And then Jack realised something.
The most awful thing of all.
His rifle was raised.
Wayne saw it.
And judging by the way Candice puffed her lips, she saw it too.
Wayne shook his head. He stumbled back. “This is what you are,” he said. “This is… this is what you really are.”
Jack lowered the rifle. “No, Wayne—”
“Piss off,” he said. “Just… just piss off.”
He walked off across the farm, over towards the barns.
Jack heard a sigh from over his shoulder.
He looked around. Saw Candice staring at him, illuminated by the dying light.
“Still convinced you’re the good guy?” she said.
He looked away.
Closed the door.
Locked it shut.
But he’d never get what just happened out of his head, even if he hadn’t intended it.
Holding that rifle.
Pointing it at his own son.
The look of fear in his son’s eyes.
Everyone is someone else’s villain.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Logan made sure Emma was well out of sight when he finally got round to speaking to the woman called Bella.
It was late. He’d been trying to shake off Emma all day, as cautious as he was about letting her get too far out of his sight.
They’d walked a long way through the woods and reached a small village just north. It was abandoned. Upon entering, Logan heard the dogs barking. Some of them chased one another through the streets. Pets were feral now. They’d broken the chains of their masters and they were going about life in their own way. It’d be much better if they could avoid those animals.
The street was chilling to look at. It was a ghost town. It looked like everything was waiting for people to just return. A milk bottle by the side of a door. A post van perched on a pavement, a bag of letters leaning by its side. A lawnmower part way through a garden, long grass growing all around it.
It was like life itself had been put on pause.
In a way, Logan figured it had.
He looked over his shoulder. Saw Emma standing there. He wanted to make sure she was close by. If there were any signs of people, he wanted her to signal him immediately.
But he wanted to speak with Bella.
He lifted the blindfold from her eyes and looked right at her.
She squinted. Looked around, tried to figure out where she was. Her breathing was shaky. He could tell she was afraid.
He thought of what Emma said about going easy on her. But then her people had shot Jean dead—and now they had Candice.
She was a prisoner.
He had to detach himself from any sentimentality.
He handed some cooked squirrel towards her. “Eat.”
She looked at it. Turned her nose up.
“I’m not messing around,” Logan said. “You’re bound to be hungry. Eat.”
She took a few seconds to look at Logan, to figure out what his game was.
And then she chewed at the squirrel.
She was obviously hungry because she ravaged it. The juices ran down her chin. When she was done, Logan made sure she got a sip of water—a sip which turned into a few gulps, something he had to stop right away.
And then the niceties were over. Just like that, it was time to get to business.
Logan knew it.
And surely Bella knew it too.
“Your people,” Logan said. “They have one of ours. I have good reason to believe she’s in danger.”
Bella shook her head. “Jack… Jack won’t hurt her. Wayne won’t let him.”
Logan nodded. He suspected as much, especially knowing Candice and Wayne’s history. “Your friend killed one of ours.”
Bella nodded. “He did. But it was an accident.”
“He shot her. We were walking towards your farm and he gunned her down in cold blood. I don’t care whether you say it’s an accident. He knew exactly what he was doing. He had time to think.”
“He’s just afraid,” Bella said.
Logan was surprised how matter of fact this girl seemed. “Afraid?”
“He has everything he cares about there. Even if… even if they don’t care for him like he cares for them. He’s scared that now he has them back, he’s going to lose them. He’s going to lose it all.”
Logan tilted his head. He looked around at Emma, checked she was okay. She looked back at him worriedly.
“I know what happened was awful,” Bella said. “And—and I’m so sorry for your loss. Really. But we can’t go on like this. What happened to your friend was a horrible mistake. But Jack isn’t… he isn’t a bad person. He can see the truth. There can be a peaceful end to this. It doesn’t have to end in bloodshed. No more bloodshed. Please.”
Logan thought about Bella’s words. He thought about her promise that Jack could change. Her claims that there didn’t have to be any more death or bloodshed.
And he agreed with her. He didn’t want any more death; any more bloodshed. Who would? Maybe they could strike a deal. Maybe they could work through this. Figure it out.
But then he couldn’t shake that image of Jean lying there, blood trickling from her lips.
“I agree with you,” Logan said, not looking at Bella, more through her. “I don’t want bloodshed. Nobody would.”
He saw her eyes light up.
“But I want the man who killed Jean to pay for what he did.”
“Logan,” Bella said. “Please.”
“You’re going home, don’t worry. One way or another, you’re going home. I just can’t make any promises you’ll be going back to Jack.”
“Please,” she said.
He stood up. Threw the blindfold back over her eyes, tightened the gag over her mouth.
And then he dragged her through the street, back towards Emma, who stared at him disapprovingly.
“Come on,” he said. “We’d better get some rest. We’ve got a long few days ahead.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Emma stared at Logan as they sat in the darkness and wondered how the man she’d grown to trust had slipped down such a dark path so quickly.
It was cool. Made a refreshing change from the day. Most days were warm now, and the nights weren’t much better. She usually went to bed hungry and woke up thirsty. Whenever she woke up, she usually forgot about the new world she was living in. For just a few nice moments before she came to her senses, she could convince herself she was just waking up on a camping holiday. Waking up in a normal world. A world where she didn’t have to be afraid.
But it was strange, the things she was growing afraid of were different now.
She thought of Mum and Dad a lot. Sometimes she cried about them. But less so, the more time passed.
It was like they were in an old life. Another life she’d lived a long time ago.
Maybe she’d see them again one day.
But maybe she wouldn’t.
She had to be okay with both.
She climbed out of her makeshift bed of leaves and moss and wal
ked over to Logan.
He was sitting upright. Staring over through the trees, towards the farm. Bella was near him, tied to a tree, blindfolded, gagged.
“Mind if I join you?” Emma asked.
Logan glanced at her. “Do I have a choice?”
She sat by his side, stared into the darkness with him. “What you looking at?”
“Not all that much,” Logan said.
“Thinking about things?”
“Always.”
“What kind of things?”
He raised his eyebrows. “You got me there.”
He looked away. For a moment, Emma thought he wasn’t going to say anything.
Then he sighed. “I don’t want to cause any more pain than I have to,” Logan said. “That’s… that’s not who I am. I’ve only once wanted to cause pain. I’ve only once wanted to truly carried it out, and that was on David Hayson.”
Emma felt her skin crawl. She knew this was the man whose family Logan was accused of killing.
“I’ve tried to tell myself things didn’t work out the way people said they did. I’ve tried living in denial for so, so long. But… but the truth is, there’s more to the past than what you think.”
Emma scratched her arms and shook her head. “You’re not a monster. You’ve told me that. You’ve shown me that.”
Logan’s eyes clouded. “But what if I am?”
She didn’t like how he said those words. She didn’t like the way he looked at her when he said them. She felt like something was coming.
Something she didn’t want to hear.
“You’ve done so much to look out for me. You—you told me you didn’t kill David’s family. It didn’t happen like the news said it did. Like the people think it did. Like—”
“What if I lied?” Logan said.
Emma froze. She didn’t know what to say, just for a moment. Her words were caught in her throat. “What?”
She saw something then.
Something she didn’t think she’d seen before.
Logan was crying.
“Logan?” she said.
“What if I’ve not been entirely honest with you? What if… what if I’ve not been entirely honest with myself? What if I’ve—I’ve been fighting the truth for so, so long? What does that make me?”
Emma felt shivers on the back of her neck. “Logan, what are you talking about?”
He looked her right in the eyes, lips quivering, and he said it.
“I killed them.”
Those three words. So much weight. So much power.
And so much confusion from Emma.
“What?”
“I told you I went in there to get revenge against David Hayson for what he did to my family,” Logan said, his voice shaky and cracking. “I told you I found him with his wife and her daughter. Holding a gun. I told you I didn’t do a thing to them. I didn’t touch them. But what if… what if I did?”
A chill engulfed her. She shook her head. “You didn’t.”
“I’ve tried to tell myself I didn’t,” Logan said. “I’ve tried to tell myself I wasn’t capable of it. but—”
“No. No you told me—”
“I told myself the same thing. So many times. Tried to convince myself I was good. Tried to convince myself that revenge couldn’t turn me into that monster. That it wasn’t stronger than me. But it was. It was. And… and something like that, it doesn’t just go away. It doesn’t ever go away.”
Emma couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She wanted this to be a nightmare. She wanted to believe that Logan had been wrongly convicted. That he was the good guy who’d been caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.
She wanted to believe he wasn’t capable of the things people said he was.
But he was.
He was.
“I’ve tried to fight it,” Logan said. “I’ve tried to deny it. I’ve—I’ve tried to reinvent myself. To be someone else. To be someone better. But I’m not sure I can be that person. I’m not sure I can.
“But there’s something else, too. Something I can promise you. And that’s that I’ll keep you safe. I’ll look out for you. Because you believed in me. You saw me for what I was trying so badly to be and you… you accepted me. You gave me a second chance. I didn’t deserve it, but you gave it anyway.”
He leaned over. Put a hand on her arm.
She didn’t feel comforted anymore.
She felt her skin crawl.
She moved it away.
Sickness built inside as he perched there and stared at her, tears in his eyes.
“I’m sorry I can’t be the hero you want me to be,” Logan said. “But I can promise you one thing. The same thing I’ve always promised you.”
Emma’s jaw twitched. She wanted to throw up.
Because he was the monster people said he was.
He was capable of the things people said he was.
“I’m going to protect you,” he said. “I’m going to win us that farm and put a roof over our head, no matter what it takes. And I’m going to get Candice back. No matter what it takes.”
He smiled at her.
She forced a smile back.
It was all she could do, as she sat there, a tied up and gagged Bella just metres away.
Emma’s whole world was crashing around her once again.
Her whole sense of what she thought she knew tumbling down right before her eyes.
“Now get some sleep,” Logan said.
She walked away.
Lay under her mossy blanket.
Tightened her eyes shut.
But sleep wouldn’t come.
Not now she knew the truth.
And not now she knew what she’d stood by, all this time.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Emma woke a number of times in the night.
But it was the eighth time she woke, the sky still dark, that she knew exactly what she had to do.
The only way to break the deadlock.
All of it on her shoulders.
She thought about what Logan had told her. The truth about his revenge against David Hayson and his family. The way he had been responsible for those awful crimes after all.
And as much as she hadn’t wanted to believe him, as much as she wanted to deny what was quite clearly true now Logan had admitted it, she had to accept the truth.
Even if it made her wonder just how far Logan would go for those he cared about.
He swore he would protect her, no matter what. She’d given him a chance, made him feel like a normal person, so he wanted to look out for her for that.
She thought back to the time she’d met. She knew who he was right from the start. And she accepted him in spite of his crimes, before he lied to her, before he told her he was different to the person she’d believed he was.
So she was back to square one.
She’d let him be that new person even when she thought he’d done those awful things.
So who was to say he didn’t deserve a second chance?
Who was to say he couldn’t be good?
Maybe they could move forward, eventually. She knew the truth. She knew that even if Logan was capable of horrible crimes, he was trying to be better. That had to count for something. Right?
He cared about those closest to him.
Or was she just kidding herself?
Was she just trying to convince herself when the reality of his cruelty was right in front of her?
She just didn’t know anymore.
She looked at him as he lay there, breathing steadily.
And she knew it was time for someone else to start making the important decisions right now.
The decisions that might save lives.
She stood up, slowly. Made her way over towards Bella. She tried not to think too much about what she was doing. Tried not to think about what could happen, or the problems it might cause.
She thought only of the fact that right now, it was the only way she could see a
ny resolution.
Because Logan was dead set on this farm.
But perhaps there was another way.
Perhaps there was a chance to do things differently.
She crept over to Bella’s side. Crouched right opposite her.
She could hear her breathing heavily through her snotty nose as she sat upright against a tree. Her mouth was gagged, and she was blindfolded. She clearly wasn’t sleeping, at least not well.
Emma reached over and put a hand on her shoulder.
Bella flinched.
“Ssh,” Emma whispered. She looked over her shoulder. Logan was still asleep.
She looked back at Bella. “It’s me. It’s Emma. I… I want you to be quiet. Don’t say a word. Okay? Nod. Nod if that’s okay.”
Bella didn’t react right away. Emma wondered if she had woken her from sleep after all, and she was just disoriented.
But she kept that hand on her shoulder.
And in time, Bella nodded.
“Good,” Emma said. “I’m going to get these ties from your wrists. I’m going to get this blindfold and gag off. Okay?”
Bella nodded again.
Butterflies fluttered around Emma’s tummy. She looked over her shoulder again, over at Logan.
No movement.
Nothing but the wind brushing against the trees.
“Okay,” she said. “Let’s get you out of this.”
She took the blindfold off first, tighter than she expected. Then she grabbed the duct tape gag on her mouth. She tried to pull at it but it was welded to her skin. And whenever Emma went to pull it, Bella let out a little cry.
“It’s okay,” Emma said. “I’m going to get this over with. Okay? You’re going to be okay.”
She tried to pull it again, just a little.
But again, it was too tightly stuck to her skin, like when Emma got superglue on her fingers and had to go to the doctors.
She knew she was going to have to try another way.
She didn’t want to tell Bella what her plan was.
She had to surprise her.
“It’s okay. I’m going to remove this. Just count down from ten and I’ll do it, okay?”
Bella shook her head.
“Just down from ten, okay? Ten. Nine. Eight.”
She pulled the tape away in one swift movement.
