“Because ‘everyone’—” she made air quotes around the word “—wasn’t desperate enough to rise to his bait. And everyone wasn’t so freakishly eager to be married that they missed every sign that he’s a horrible person.”
“None of us knew the real Tate Greer.”
“Yeah, but none of you liked him, either. Only, I refused to see it or even acknowledge it. That’s all on me. Every time one of you tried to tell me that there was something off about him, I ignored it. And instead, I kept pushing forward, thinking how lucky I was and how in love I was. That I finally blossomed from that nerdy little kid who shoved her nose in books and had long stringy hair and now here I was, finally getting my man. My hot man who loved me. How wrong I was.”
Tripp and Ashanti chose that moment to return to the living room. If either of them noticed the heated conversation, they were polite enough to ignore it. Sadie was grateful for that, but she couldn’t deny her sense of social equilibrium had been badly blown off course.
Falling back on a polite excuse—she refused to use the word lie—Sadie stood, effectively ending the conversation with her brother. “I’m sorry to do this, but I think I’m going to wrap up for the night. I’m still a little tired.”
“We should probably get going,” Riley said, standing, as well. “But before I leave, let me give you your new cell phone.”
Sadie made all the polite niceties, oohing and aahing over the phone her brother had procured for her, but all she really wanted was the quiet of her own room. She nearly had it, too.
She made it through an extra-long hug at the door with her brother, along with his promise to bring Charlize over to visit later in the week, and then he and his tech expert were off.
That left her and Tripp awkwardly standing together in the foyer as if they’d just waved off their guests, which they had just done. Only, there was no “they,” nor were the two of them a couple, jointly entertaining visitors.
Seeking to break the awkward silence, Sadie returned to their earlier conversation. “What do you think about the plan to draw Matthews out?”
“I was skeptical when Riley first said CI was working on something, but it sounds like they’re on to a plan that has a shot at working.”
“There aren’t many who are as good as Ashanti.”
“The same can be said for your brother. He runs a good shop.”
“That’s high praise, coming from a cop.”
“I mean it.”
Sadie backed up a few steps, fumbling for something to say. “Riley said we’re supposed to get snow tonight.”
“News is calling for about six inches overnight.”
Since she was dangerously close to fumbling her way through a conversation about the weather, Sadie opted to cut bait. “Okay…well then, I’m going to go up.”
“Sure. Let me know if you need anything.”
She nodded before heading up the stairs.
It didn’t take a genius to know that she needed something. But she’d be damned if she was going to ask for it.
* * *
Tate stood out past the edge of Tripp McKellar’s property and watched the headlights as the car pulled out of the driveway then vanished down the street.
Interesting.
What was Riley Colton doing visiting the good lieutenant?
Since running from the hospital the night before, Tate had spent his time trying to figure out where they’d moved Sadie. He knew hospital security would be looking for him if he showed his face there, but that hadn’t stopped him from calling the main switchboard to talk to her, playing like he was a concerned friend.
The volunteer who’d answered the phone had seemed confused when he’d continued to insist that Sadie was a patient there. He’d used that confusion to his advantage. The woman finally gave in after he’d pressed and prevaricated, becoming more and more frantic when Sadie couldn’t be found. The ploy had worked and the woman had finally told him that Sadie had been checked out.
That information had affirmed his belief that the GRPD was once again looking out for her.
He hadn’t bothered going back to the safe house. Between the destruction he and his men had wrought as well as the fact the site had been compromised, there was no way they would take her back there. So he’d spent the rest of the day casing out Coltons, which hadn’t produced Sadie, either.
It was only when he’d replayed the battle with McKellar over again in his mind, and all that had gone wrong in the hospital room, that it struck him.
The cop was watching out for Sadie.
Police officers might not normally list their personal information in the local telephone directory, but he had ways to find the information he needed. And getting an address hadn’t been that hard.
Imagine his surprise at seeing his sweet little ex giving big, wide-eyed glances to the cop as they merrily cooked up dinner on the back porch.
Tate had no lingering feelings for her, but he sure as hell couldn’t believe the little bitch had moved on so quickly. She’d barely known how to act on a date when he’d first started hitting on her. She’d been so nervous and awkward. She’d learned—quickly, too—but it wasn’t like she was the soul of experience.
And here she was already with someone else?
Tate shook his head at the irony, laughing to himself before he muttered, “Once you get a taste for it, sweetheart, you just can’t help yourself.”
He’d done that.
Given her the taste for a real life and a real relationship, while giving her a taste for sex, too.
Sadie was cute enough—she’d even tried to be sexy and playful once she was comfortable with him—but in the end, none of it had been about her anyway. She’d been a sweet diversion while he’d gleaned the information he’d needed, and now he was done with her.
The practical part of him knew he’d be better off just taking her out. He knew her whereabouts and he really needed to just take his shot.
But something held him back.
His goals hadn’t changed. He still wanted her to pay for the sheer trouble she’d caused him. But watching her tonight, out on the back patio with McKellar, he realized he wanted something else, too.
There was still something wholesome and honest about Sadie Colton and he had the strongest need to crush it. To obliterate it so that she didn’t just die, but that she ended so badly no one would ever be able to talk of anything else.
She could have avoided it. If she’d only played along and done his bidding, she wouldn’t be in this situation. But in the end, she’d been weak, listening to that damn meddlesome family of hers. And there was no way he’d let that insolence and disobedience pass without punishment.
Sadie had to pay.
And after she did, the rest of the Coltons would, too.
Every one of them would know, every single day for the rest of their lives, that their precious sister died because of them. It was the only way he’d walk away from Capital X a winner. And Tate Greer always won.
Always.
* * *
Tripp stared at his laptop, but the names blurred together on the screen.
He hated this. Hated thinking there was something going on with someone in his department. But there was no way around it. Someone had given Tate Greer the information to the safe house and Tripp was determined to find out who had put Sadie—hell, all of them—at risk.
“Are you still working on that?” Sadie padded into the kitchen, thick, fluffy socks on her feet. Her hair was pulled up on top of her head in a messy bun and Tripp admitted to himself that she had never looked more beautiful.
“What are you doing up? I thought you were going to sleep.”
“I tried.”
Tripp understood the ways a person’s body could betray them under stress. “It’s a difficult time. Even when you’re exhausted, sl
eep doesn’t always come easily.”
“I suppose.” A small smile drifted across her face. “Even setting up my new phone didn’t tire me out enough.”
“Technology. The great distractor.”
She shrugged. “Not this time. Anyway, I’m just going to get some water. Do you want anything?”
“I’m good.”
Tripp tried to focus on his screen, but his gaze kept drifting to where she puttered around the kitchen. An oversize GRPD sweatshirt covered her to mid-thigh and underneath it she wore yoga pants. She looked like the girl next door.
Although he never considered himself someone with a type—and his limited dating life since Lila’s death had been more about quietly seeking a mutually willing partner for an evening of comfort and sexual release—he had to admit the look worked for him.
That meant he needed to focus on his computer and off Sadie. He didn’t need to be attracted to her. He needed to protect her.
Even if he was still curious about what she and Riley had talked about earlier, it hadn’t escaped his notice that the conversation had been intense. Sadie had looked on the verge of tears. That, based on the stress she had experienced over the past month, and particularly the last few days, wasn’t necessarily a surprise.
But still he wondered.
Sadie came over to the table and took a seat. “Are you finding anything?”
“No, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”
“It would be a really tough blow to think that someone in the department had given up the safe house address.”
“Especially coming on the heels of Joe McRath.”
Tripp knew he couldn’t take McRath’s betrayal solely on himself. He had a captain and an entire team of people to work with. But it was difficult to know that a man he had respected had been dirty.
“After it happened, Pippa said Emmanuel was struggling with it, too.”
“It’s hard enough knowing a cop you worked with and trusted wasn’t who you thought he was. But the stakes are life and death in our business. McRath traded on the wrong side of that.”
That same anger that had accompanied him for the past few months—ever since Emmanuel and Pippa had brought the situation with McRath to light—flared high and bright. It was like a hot coal he’d held on to for endless weeks now. He’d gotten used to the steady pain, but every once in a while something forced him to really think about it again.
To acknowledge the reality of what they’d dealt with as a department.
“You doing okay with it?” Sadie asked.
“I have to be.”
“That wasn’t my question.”
“No, I’m not fine with it. Not at all. I hate looking at my fellow officers with questions. I hate thinking that one of them could have fallen on hard times and is even now making a bad decision. Just like Joe McRath.”
“Don’t forget good, old-fashioned greed. Sometimes a person doesn’t need hard times as an incentive.”
Based on when Sadie started as a rookie, Tripp had always pegged her about five or six years younger than his own thirty-three. But in her comment, he heard all the pain and suffering that had narrowed that gap far faster than the standard passage of years ever could.
“You’re right.” On a hard sigh, Tripp pointed to his computer. “This little exercise doesn’t help. I need to trust the people I work with, and combing through names, considering each of them, doesn’t instill one iota of belief or conviction.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. And you know as well as I do that the world isn’t black and white.”
“No,” she sighed. “It isn’t.”
Maybe it was because the world wasn’t black and white. Or maybe it was just because he wanted to know…
“It looked like you and your brother were having a pretty serious conversation earlier.”
It was curious that she didn’t immediately stiffen or turn defensive. Though Tripp did hate that his question seemed to make her sad.
“It was pretty serious. I know he’s worried about me, and I appreciate that. I worry about him, too. I worry for all my siblings. We look out for each other, because we’re family. But none of us can walk the other’s path. We can’t take away the realities and the pain of living.”
“I’m sure Riley understands that.”
Sadie snorted. “Understanding and practice are two different things.”
Tripp knew it wasn’t his business. At all. Yet still, he nudged. “Is that all?”
Sadie stared down at her glass of water before that pretty green gaze settled squarely on him. “For someone who doesn’t answer a lot of questions, you sure do ask quite a few of them.”
“I can stop.”
“I’m not asking you to stop. But I want to make sure you’re ready and able to accept the answers.”
He sensed he was standing on the edge of a very shallow ledge. But that didn’t stop him from pushing for an answer.
“Try me.”
* * *
Sadie knew this was her shot. On some level, she’d been waiting for it since her first day as a rookie at the GRPD. Even then, she’d been captivated and awed, and yes, attracted, to the impressive leader that was Tripp McKellar. As the years had passed, after she’d transferred out of the squad room and into CSI, she’d watched him.
And always, she’d harbored that little flame of attraction.
She’d believed herself unable to act on it. The nerdy kid image of herself that she’d carried into adulthood often did a number on her self-confidence. Add that they were both in their place of work and Tripp appeared to keep his personal life deeply private, and she’d never felt she even had a shot at a relationship with him.
So she’d kept her feelings to herself.
She’d waited, year after year, until Tate Greer had found her, alone and vulnerable and the perfect foil for his dirty deeds.
Tracing a finger along the rim of her glass, Sadie shared some of what was racing around in her mind. “The past month has given me a lot of time to think. To dig deep into who I am, what I want out of life, and how I see myself.”
“You were dealt a tough blow with Greer’s deception. I see what we’re dealing with as a department, and it’s not nearly as personal as what happened with your relationship.”
“Maybe not,” Sadie said, considering. “But just like you said, it’s discouraging to think of our fellow officers as potentially not being who we think they are. It makes us question ourselves.” She briefly hesitated, but knew it was up to her to finish. “Imagine how much deeper that goes when the subject is personal.”
Sadie wasn’t sure why she had started down this path, yet somehow, she knew it was the right one. Whatever these feelings were that she had for Tripp, she also trusted him. Saw him as a friend. More, saw him as a confidant.
“It’s the things in our personal lives that have the power to cut us down at the knees. And when you have spent much of your life feeling awkward and unlovable, I can tell you, it cuts you off at the waist.”
Whatever Sadie expected, Tripp’s immediate protest wasn’t it. “Unlovable? Sadie, that’s not true. Not even close.”
“It’s completely true. I did have those feelings and I had them for a long time. I felt that way about myself and Tate was able to use that.”
“But you’re a beautiful, confident woman,” he argued. “I don’t see how this connects.”
He had no idea how much those words meant, but Sadie refused to be diverted from her point. “While that’s nice to hear, it doesn’t change the way we see ourselves inside. I was the proverbial nerdy kid, with my nose always buried in a book. I wasn’t athletic and, outside my family, I didn’t have a lot of friends. You carry that with you, Tripp. It doesn’t go away just because you pass a certain age.”
“
But you just said it, you were a kid. You’re not one anymore. I’ve watched you since you were a rookie. You’re one of the hardest working people I know. You’re competent—highly competent—in your job. And you go after what you want. I’m not dismissing how you feel, but I’m also telling you what I see now. Here. Today.”
Although her family, particularly her sisters, had tried to tell her the same, the words did have more impact coming from Tripp. But should they?
Yes, it was wonderful to have affirmation from a man. Particularly one she was attracted to. But hadn’t that been what had happened with Tate? He had showed her a bit of positive reinforcement and she had mistaken it for love.
Tripp was different. She held on to that, even as she searched for the real lesson beneath all the heartache.
Because whatever emotional lessons she was supposed to take out of this experience, she knew for a fact that one of them was not comparing Tripp McKellar to Tate Greer.
Still, the thought had taken hold. It was wonderful to be told that she was competent. Confident. And beautiful. Especially by a man that she cared about. But she had to believe those words. She had to find those feelings within and believe them for herself. Not because they were said to her by someone else.
But because she really, truly believed them.
CHAPTER 10
Tripp was still thinking about Sadie’s late-night confession the next morning as he put coffee on. She’d headed back up to bed shortly after their discussion, leaving him to his endlessly roiling thoughts once she was gone.
While that’s nice to hear, it doesn’t change the way we see ourselves inside… You carry that with you… It doesn’t go away just because you pass a certain age.
He was well acquainted with emotional baggage. Admittedly, he’d never imaged Sadie Colton as having any. That was monumentally unfair, but true all the same.
Yet wasn’t he the same? He still carried myriad feelings about Lila and their baby. But even before that, he’d had conflicted mindsets on his family and his upbringing. He’d been loved—he never questioned that—but they’d lived a quiet life. His parents had only been able to have him. Many families thrived with only one child, but he’d always felt his mother harbored a low-burning resentment she hadn’t been able to have more kids. By the time he was old enough to understand it or to even ask her about it, she was gone.
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