by S.A. Tadej
“Now who’s the big baby?” Gina teased. “Come on, it’s just across the street a ways. We can bring flashlights.”
“Yeah, all right,” I reluctantly agreed. “Let me put a leash on Nevaeh and we’ll bring her with.”
“What for?”
“For protection.” I laughed even though I felt there was some truth in what I had just said.
“There, you’ve seen it. Can we go now?” I asked impatiently.
“Wow! That is so cool,” Gina said. “Wonder where it came from.” She was holding her flashlight directly on what was clearly a burnt patch of field in the shape of a cross. “Was there really an arc and a rainbow in the sky?”
“Yep.”
“Wow! Wish I could’ve seen that. It sounds awesome. You should’ve taken a picture.”
“I ran out of the house after Nevaeh, Gina. I didn’t think to bring a camera,” I said sarcastically, then laughed.
She half-laughed. “Yeah, I guess.”
I couldn’t get the image out of my mind of the man I thought I saw the night before.
Gina turned around to look in the direction I was staring in. She looked at me questioningly. “What are you looking at?”
My eyes met hers and I shrugged. “Nothing.”
“Well it’s getting chilly. Lets walk back,” Gina suggested.
I looked back several times as we walked back to my house. I couldn’t see anything, but I had the feeling I was being watched again. When we got back to my house, I waved goodbye to Gina as she got in her car and left. Then I walked into the kitchen, made myself a cup of tea, and headed upstairs to my room. I took a quick bath, changed into my nightgown, then sat on my bed and turned on the TV.
There was a soft knock on my door. “Come in,” I said.
The door slowly swung open and Tommy appeared. “Can we talk for a minute?” he asked.
“Of course,” I replied as I patted the spot next to me on the bed.
Tommy sat down and looked at me with a troubling expression. It ripped at my heart. “Tommy, what’s wrong?”
“Something’s been bothering me for awhile now, but I didn’t know how to approach the subject with you.”
“Go on,” I urged. “You can tell me anything, you know that.”
My cell phone began ringing. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Devin. I didn’t feel like talking to him at the moment, so I hit the reject button.
Tommy drew in a deep breath and then exhaled slowly through his mouth. His eyes came up again and he pinned me with his haunted bleary gaze. “It’s just, well... well, remember that night in the field? The night of your accident?”
“Yes, what about it?”
“Well, you had run from me and I couldn’t understand why.”
My cell phone started ringing again. Annoyed, I reached over, hit the reject button again, and turned the ringer off.
“Oh, Tommy,” I said as I reached over and patted his hand.
“It’s not just that, Nicole. When you came back from the hospital, you looked at me like...” his voice broke off. He was silent for a few moments before he continued. “Like I was some kind of monster.”
“Oh, Tommy, I’m so sorry. Of course I don’t think you’re a monster. I love you very much. I was just under a lot of stress with all that had been going on,” I tried to explain.
“That still doesn’t explain why you ran from me and why you were looking at me with such... with such hatred and fear!”
I took a deep breath and debated what to tell him. Finally I decided on the truth.
“You thought I had something to do with Jim’s disappearance!” Tommy shrilled.
“I’m sorry. I know it was stupid of me to think that way.”
Tommy was silent for a long time. “What’s going on in your head right now?” I dared to ask.
Tommy looked over at me and wiped at the tears that were threatening to spill down his cheek. “It’s because I didn’t protect you, isn’t it?” he asked.
“What are you talking about?”
“I didn’t protect you when we were little and I didn’t protect you from Jim,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Tommy, we were kids. Jesus, I was five and you were seven. You tried to protect me and mom both.”
“Yeah, but I failed. I froze up when dad grabbed the bat from me.”
“Tommy, you were scared. You were just a little boy. At least you tried to... to save mom and me. I just hid out in your room all the time. At least you had the courage to stand up to him.”
Tommy sniffled. “You were the one that was brave. After he got the bat away from me, you were the one that ran out of the room like a banshee and started punching him with your little fists.”
“And then he knocked me unconscious,” I reminded him.
“Yeah, and it was my fault. I should have done something – anything. I just stood there frozen. I told myself I would never let you get hurt again. Then I failed you again with Jim.”
“Tommy, there was nothing you could’ve done to prevent Jim from hitting me. Jesus Christ, you weren’t even there when he did it. There’s no way you could’ve known. And look at me. I’m fine – no permanent damage was done.”
“It doesn’t matter. I failed you,” Tommy said as a tear streamed down his face. “Just like I failed Heather.”
Tears stung my own eyes as I got up on my knees and leaned over, pulling my brother into a hug. We held each other tight and cried on each other’s shoulders. We cried for a long time. Deep down it was as if we felt that if we only cried enough, all the fears and bad memories of our childhood would just wash away.
I hadn’t known how much Tommy felt he’d failed me until I saw the memories of what had happened through his eyes.
As I sat there and held my brother, I couldn’t help but to think of how Tommy and I had both lost our first loves to death. It really disturbed me.
I didn't sleep well that night, even after I was finished crying. It was storming again. I mostly lie awake listening to the sound of raindrops the size of quarters angrily pounding my bedroom window.
Each time I nodded off, I was awakened by the same nightmare, the same images. Each time I woke up stuffing the same shrill, deafening scream back into my throat, as I tried desperately to make the images go away - as I willed myself to stop seeing things I didn’t want to see.
I was haunted, but damaged more than anything was my spirit. I was overcome with grief and despair. I could see that my family desperately wanted to help me, but there was nothing they could do. Nobody could take away the pain in my chest. Nobody could mend my tender bruised heart. They couldn’t rewrite my dreams, nor could they take away my nightmares. And they sure as hell couldn’t take away my hurt or repair my broken heart.
Chapter 9
I forced myself up the next morning and faked an energy I didn’t have. I pretended that I was okay and I hoped that everyone believed my performance. But deep down inside I felt like a piece of me was lost and I didn’t know how or if I would ever get it back. That scared me the most.
As I stood in the checkout line at the grocery store with my mother, one of the newspaper headlines caught my eye. I picked a copy up to read it.
MISSING PERSONS TOLL RISES - The number of missing persons reported in Southern Illinois has risen to an astonishing 9, tripling last week’s number of 3. Most of the people reported missing are between the ages of 16-30. Authorities are asking people to stay indoors after dark and to use the buddy system if possible.
I put the newspaper down and felt sick. Just what was going on? First a bunch of people were murdered and now a bunch of people were missing? How many of them would also be found dead?
“So what time do you get off work tonight?” my mother asked as she loaded groceries onto the conveyor belt.
“I’m closing, so probably not til after 11:00.”
�
�Well be careful, honey. There have been a lot of people reported missing.”
“I know,” I said as I bit my lower lip.
I helped my mother load the rest of the groceries and then put them in the trunk after she had paid. We rode home in silence. Well, I should say that I was silent. I think she might have spoken a few times on the trip home, but I was lost in my own thoughts and wasn’t paying attention.
When we got home, it was almost time for me to leave for work. I had a quick bite to eat, then ran upstairs to take a shower. I changed into my uniform and tied my hair up into a tight ponytail. I grabbed my cell phone off the nightstand and noticed I had three missed calls. Two were from Devin and one was from Gina. I had only talked to Devin once since the incident with Nevaeh. He had laughed and chalked it up to the dog being able to sense his fear. He told me he had been bit by a big dog when he was little and had been afraid of them ever since.
I speed dialed Devin’s number. Why am I doing this? I need to stay away from him. He answered on the third ring.
“Hey, Devin. It’s me, Nicole. I saw you tried calling me. What’s up?”
“Just wanted to see if you wanted to hook up tonight.”
‘Hook up’ – I always hated that term.
“Well, I gotta work tonight. I’m getting ready to leave now.”
“I see. Well, how about after?”
“What did you have in mind?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“Well you’ve certainly peaked my interest,” I teased.
“So is that a yes?”
“I can’t stay out long.”
“That’s fine. I’ll meet you at the diner.”
“It’s a date,” I agreed.
I hung up the phone and ran back upstairs to pack an extra outfit to change into after work. Then I grabbed my purse and headed down the stairs. My mother and my brother were both in the living room watching TV. I said a quick goodbye and went out the door.
I was so busy at work that the time just seemed to fly by. When it finally quieted down a bit, my attention turned to the small TV above the counter. Steve had it tuned in to the local news station. I listened as the reporter announced that three more people had been reported missing. I sat down on one of the stools for a few moments as she continued to talk about missing persons. Then she reported that the names of the victims had been released from the remains found in Ozark County.
I finished my closing outs and punched out. I went into the bathroom and took out my ponytail and changed into the jean skirt, white lace top, and sandals I had brought with. Then I stopped by the back office to say goodnight to Steve. As I pushed through the doors, I saw that true to his word, Devin was waiting for me. Aside from my car and his truck, Steve’s little Honda was the only other vehicle in the lot. Devin stood leaning against his truck, which was parked in the back row, smiling at me.
I felt as if I was under some sort of spell when I was with him. It was strange because when I was alone, I felt overwhelmed with depression, but when I was with him it was as if I didn’t have a care in the world. I smiled back and began walking toward him. “So what’s this surprise?” I asked, trying my best to appear excited.
“If I tell you then it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?” Devin asked.
“No, I suppose not,” I agreed as I half-laughed.
“Get in, I’m driving.”
I looked back at my car parked near the front of the diner. Devin’s eyes followed my gaze.
“How long are we gonna be gone for?” I asked, worrying about leaving my car.
“Not too long. Maybe an hour or two,” Devin answered.
“Okay,” I said as I smiled up at him.
Devin smiled back at me and lightly grabbed my elbow, walking me to the passenger side of his truck. He opened the door and I climbed up into the passenger seat. He closed the door once I was inside. I watched as he walked over to the driver’s side and got in.
He started the truck and then took off out of the parking lot and down a series of back roads. Finally he stopped in a small gravel parking lot near the woods. Goosebumps rose up on my arms. I hated the woods at night. He cut the engine and looked over at me.
“This is my surprise? The woods at night!”
Devin was silent as he smiled at me and climbed out of the truck. He walked around and opened my door. I stared at him. He reached for my hand and held it. “Come on,” he whispered.
I looked into his eyes and let him help me down from my seat. Hand in hand, we walked deep into the woods. His cold hand made me shiver. This man was always cold. Did he have any blood circulation whatsoever?
Finally he stopped near a brook. I drew in my breath with a short, quick gasp of delight. There was a clearing above the trees and the moon shone brightly on us. Even in the darkness, I could see the beautiful flowers in all the colors of the rainbow around the brook. A wooden bench faced it. Devin led me to it and sat down, still holding my hand. I looked around in amazement. The way the moonlight shined down on it all gave it a breathtaking beauty. I noticed Devin watching me with keen enjoyment.
“So what do you think?” Devin asked.
“It’s amazing,” I answered, still taking it all in. I looked over at him and noticed how his complexion looked even whiter in the moonlight and wondered if mine looked the same.
Devin dropped my hand and put his arm around my shoulder. I shivered from the coldness. He shifted slightly and his free hand lightly grasped my face, turning it toward him. He kissed me softly on my lips and I closed my eyes. He gently kissed each of my eyelids. I felt his cool breath on my ear. “Do you trust me,” he whispered.
I thought about it for a minute. Although strange things had happened since I met him, the way he was making me feel at this moment, I felt like I could trust him. “I guess,” I answered softly.
He brought my chin up so that our eyes met again. “No guessing, I need to know,” he said sweetly.
“Okay, I do,” I relented.
“You do what?” he pressed.
“I do trust you.”
“Good.” He smiled over at me and then rose from the bench. He bent over me, dropped a kiss lightly on my forehead and then disappeared from my sight. I turned my head to see where he had gone. I sat there watching him, not sure what to do. He turned around and looked at me. “Aren’t you coming?” he asked as he held his hand out.
I slowly nodded my head and got up. I caught up to him and accepted his hand. We walked through the thick foliage, Devin a step ahead of me at all times, holding back branches to clear the way for me. Soon we emerged from the woods and stood silent and motionless before the beautiful scene that lie in front of us. A large area of grass was before us with a big hill in the center. But it was unlike most grass I had seen. Every single blade of grass was the brightest most perfect shade of green and it was dotted with thick fragrant flowers. The moonlight shined down in luminous rays upon the flowers, giving them an otherworldly glow. It had a magical air to it.
I followed Devin as we climbed the hill, him stopping to pick flowers along the way. When we reached the top of the hill, Devin released his grip on my hand and turned to face me. An amused twinkle came into his eyes as he handed me the bunch of flowers he had picked. I blushed and thanked him as he smiled and sat down. He patted the ground next to him. I sat down, noting how soft the grass felt underneath me.
He sat gazing at me a few moments before he laid back. I did the same. I looked over at him and followed his gaze up to the sky. There must’ve been millions of tiny bright stars out. We lay there in silence staring up at the sky for what seemed like an eternity. But it was a comfortable silence.
He turned over on his side and I felt his eyes on me. I turned over on my side to face him. He reached out and softly caressed my cheek. “Nicole, I think I’m falling in love with you,” he whispered.
Was I hearing him cor
rectly? Did he just say he was falling in love with me? How could he love me when we only just met?
Devin looked away then, giving his words some time and distance. Finally he looked at me again and as if reading my thoughts, he continued. “I know we just met and this probably sounds silly to you, but I feel a special connection to you. You’re so different from any other girl I’ve met. You’re special. I felt it the moment I laid my eyes on you. I feel like we were meant to be together.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I just stared at him stupidly. I felt something for him too, but I wasn’t sure what it was.
“I know this is sudden,” Devin continued. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to say anything. I think I know how you feel. I can sense it. You’re falling in love with me too, aren’t you? But you’re afraid to admit it, even to yourself, because you just lost your first love.”
“Devin, I…” I didn’t finish what I had started to say. I wasn’t even sure how to portray what was on my mind. How do you tell someone that you have strong feelings for them too that you can’t quite understand; yet those feelings are shadowed by nightmares of blood-dripping fangs?
A single silent tear slid down my cheek as I thought of Jim and of all the nightmares that came after his death. Devin brushed it away with his fingertips. “You’re afraid to love me because you think that if you do you’ll lose me too,” he said as he ran his fingers through my hair. “Just because you lost Jim, it doesn’t mean that you’ll lose me too.”
No, that wasn’t it. Okay, well maybe that was partly true. But mostly I was afraid because of the nightmares I had about Devin and the way my dog acted around him. And I was confused because despite my fears and nightmares, I still couldn’t stay away from him.
Then before I knew it, he rolled halfway over on me, his weight pinning me down. “Please,” I whispered as I closed my eyes.
“Open your eyes, Nicole,” he whispered. “Look at me.”
I did as he desired and met his gentle dark eyes in an intense gaze. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he said. Then his lips were on mine, softly at first, then more urgent. I opened my mouth and gave in to the kiss, losing myself in it.
When we finally broke apart, I sat up and looked up at the sky again. It had grown much darker. I turned to Devin. “I really need to get back. My mother will be worried about me.”
